Doctors Appointment

My doctors appointment was less than enjoyable yesterday. I don't know what the deal is wit doctors thinking I'm nuts but it seems to be a trend. Maybe I am nuts.

I told him about the constant vomitting. He was like well you are obviously keeping something down because you gained a pound. Oh wow! I've gained a whole pound in 13 weeks! Seriously doc...that means I'm making it up? He said if I'm really that sick the next step is hospitalization. Oh boy that sounds like fun. He gave me another script for more Phenergn. That didn't work the first time.

I also talked to him about the migraines. He gave me a script for Fiorucet. I've taken that before except it was the kind that had codeine in it. It doesn't help much but I'm limited on what I can take so I guess I will deal. He said if they continue to get worse he wants me to see a neurologist. I'm not sure what that's going to do though. I though MRIs and CT scans were out of the question while pregnant.

He then brought up my progesterone supplementation. He asked if I was still on it. I told him I just got switched to orals. He said he wanted me to stop them. Um what? I told him my last level was only 23.8! He said that there is no evidence that progesterone after the first tri does anything. Uh...yeah there is! He tried to tell me it could harm the baby. Riiiiight! I told him I want comfortable with that. He said he wants to talk to this Dr. Bolsters guy. Wow doc! That's mighty pompous of you. He wanted me to sign some form so he can get all of my reccords from PPVI. I forgot to sign it. Oops!

He also basically told me he didn't think there was a such rung as a leuteal phase defect. He's the second doctor at this practice to tell me that. What is with these people?

I did make my next appointment though. It's October 13th. I'll be 17 weeks. We are having our 3d gender check ultrasound. Woohoo! One of the ultrasound techs was walking by so I asked if they really can see the gender that early. She said with the 3d they rarely don't. She said to eat a small amount of sugar before I come it. It wakes the little ones up and they move a bit more. I can't wait! Only 3 weeks! I think once we find out I'll make the big Face.book announcement. Because you know, nothing's official until it's on Face.book. :)

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good...

So yesterday I was kneeling at Mass. I had my hands on my belly and I was praying for Gods protection for this little gift inside me. I was asking him to help Dh and I to be good, loving and faithful parents. I was asking for His blessings to be on our little family. And then I felt it! I felt a lite tickle right under my bellybutton. I thought, there is no way that could have been sweet pea. No way! So I just knelt there very still and asked God to help me feel it again if it really was him. Sure enough, there it was. It was like tiny little bubbles or little flutters. It was the coolest feeling ever! I still can not believe God has blessed me with this little life. It is so amazing and I feel so unworthy.

The Bad...
I'm apparently allergic to something in the PIO. I've always had tons of allergies, and I've been known to develop new ones from time to time. Well I guess this was no exception. A out a month ago I noticed the welts from the shots were getting bigger and lasting longer. Hen they started to get really itchy. Each time we did them it got worse and worse. Last time the welt was about double the size of a quarter. You can still see it a d it still itches more than a week later. Last week I finally talked to a nurse at PPVI and she spoke with Dr. H. He said to stop them immediately! He was getting worried that I may go into shock ( I was also developing a rash down my legs). Unfortunately my progesterone from 11 weeks was only at 23.8 so I need to still have some sort of supplementation. I haven't gotten my 13 week results back yet but I can't imagine that it's gone up much. The nurse gave me the option of the vaginal suppositories or the oral ones. Um...is that even really a choice? I'll take the oral ones thankhouverymuch! She said I still need the compounded ones because they seem to work better and my levels are pretty low. $90 for a months supply from Kubats! Sheesh! Hopefully they work!

The Ugly...
I'll be 14 weeks on Wednesday, Friday if you ask my doctor. I thought this puking business was supposed to be getting better, nit worse! A few weeks ago I thought I was getting better. I guess I spoke too soon. Lately I have felt worse than I have felt this whole pregnancy. I haven't kept a thing down in over a week. I'm even waking up in the middle of the night having to throw up. Seriously? It waking me from my sleep? That's insane! I've tried everything Unser the sun and even the prescription my doctor gave me isn't working. It's exhausting! Dh and I tried to go out for the day on Saturday but ended up turning around because he was having to pull over every few minutes. I'm praying I get some relief from this soon! I feel guilty because I feel like without keeping food down I'm not giving baby the nutrition s/he needs. I have an appointment today. I'm going to talk to the doctor about it. Hopefully this doctor has an idea none of the others have thought about.

Migraines and Painted Toes

I've suffered from migraines for as long as I can remember.  I found out the hard way that I am allergic to Trip.tan drugs (Imet.rex).  I took one and it landed me in the hospital with heart attack symptoms.  After I got married I just couldn't take it anymore.  They had gotten worse than ever.  I was having 3-5 per week with some that lasted longer than a week.  Some of my worst ones landed me in the ER because the symptoms so closely resembled a stroke.  The first year and a half of my marriage we sadly some of the worst of my life.  I lived in constant agony.  I felt terrible for my husband.  I was a terrible wife.  He confided in me recently that during some of the worst ones he would go in a room alone and just cry begging God to take the pain away from me.  I tried every preventative under the sun.  While some of them worked for a little while none of them had staying power.

Then one day they just seemed to start spacing apart.  Going of the terrible bcp helped tremendously but I know that was not the only cause of them.  Again, I've had these migraines since I was a very young child.  Truthfully, I don't remember a time when I didn't get them.

So, for the last couple of years they have spaced apart a bit.  I would get about 2-3 per month.  While some people thing this is a lot it is nothing compared to what I went through.  I was always nervous about getting pregnant.  Every neurologist I had told me one of two things can happen.  Either they would go away as they do very often with women who get migraines, or they would intensify again.  I prayed for the first option.

The first nine weeks of my pregnancy I had not one single migraine.  Sure i had some pretty wicked headaches.  But anyone who suffers from migraines knows there is a huge difference between a migraine and even your worst headache.  I was elated!  I was sure I was going to luck out and skip the migraines for nine months.  Sweet relief I thought.  I can't remember a time in my life where I went that long without one.

Unfortunately that luck seemed to have run out.  Three weeks ago my migraines have come back...and they have come back strong.  Out of the last 21 days I have had a migraine for 15 of those.  Some of them I have been able to push through.  Something you learn to do when you have been doing it for your entire life.  However some have been absolutely unbearable!

That has been how the last few days have been.  Tuesday night I knew it was coming on.  It starts with an ache in the left side of my neck (my migraines are always on the left). I also get an aura.  It's little dark spotty flashes in my eyes.  In the past I would start popping pills immediately trying to lessen the inevitable.  That isn't exactly an option now.  Within an hour I was in excruciating pain.  I have spent the last couple of days in a pitch black room with 4 ice packs going from my forehead, my left eye, down the back of my head and the left side of my neck.  I tried taking tylenol a few times but as anyone who has migraines will tell you, Tylenol doesn't do squat.  I almost had dh come home today to take me to the ER.  I was in so much pain I thought for sure I was going to have a stoke or something.  It felt like something was going to explode in the side of my head.  I was afraid thought that the doctors would pump me full of something before dh could research the safety of it.  I've learned that doctors sometimes give pregnant women stuff that isn't exactly safe.  But then again having a stroke wouldn't be safe either.  Finally around noon today it started to go away.  Now I just have migraine hangover.  Not fun but much more tolerable.

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday anyway.  I'm going to talk to them about it but I'm not sure they can do much about it.  I did some research and found that some doctors will prescribe pregnant women hydro.codone.  Have you read the risks to that?  Holy crap!  There is no way I'm taking that!

It's rough but I'm trying to be hopeful that this isn't how it's going to be for the whole pregnancy.  I may go completely batty if it is.  I've been praying a lot and practically begging God.  It's kinda funny because there are many times during these migraines that I become sort of semi-aware of things.  There are many times that I don't remember things.  Apparently while I was in that state last night dh came to check on me.  He said it was obvious that I was awake but not with it.  He said I was saying Hail Mary's faster than he could keep up.  So he joined me.  Such a sweetheart.  I have no memory of this at all.


For now I'm feeling alright.  Hungover feeling but alright.  My dh keeps reminding me to offer it up.  It's hard though because during an attack I can't think clearly enough to offer anything up.  It's hard to describe the feeling.  Can you offer things up after the fact?  I'm new at this. :)  I'm still learning the ropes.


On a completely unrelated note...I had a thought the other day.  I was painting my toes, something I do very regularly.  You see, I kinda have this thing with my toes being painted.  I cannot tell you the last time I didn't have polished toenails.  The though of it grosses me out.  I don't think dh has ever seen them not painted and we've been together for almost 10 years (I should have included that in my 10 things).  Anyhoo...so I had this thought.  What the heck am I going to do when I can no longer reach my toes?  I could get pedicures but they're pricey.  I just told dh that he may have to do it for me.  He gave me a pretty strange look.  I'll definitely get a picture if I convince him. :)

10 Surprising Things About Me

I'm FINALLY getting around to doing this.  I have so enjoyed reading all of your posts!  I for the life of me can't remember who tagged me so I'm just going to say Leila since she sort of tagged everyone at the end of hers. :)

Here we go...

1.  I am so unbelievably afraid that I am going to burn my house down.  I think it stemmed from two things.  When I was in 5th grade my dad accidentally left the oven on with chicken in it and went to bed.  At around 3 am I woke up to the fire alarm and a house filled with smoke.  Scared me half to death!  Fortunately the fire was contained to the oven.  Then, when I was in high school my step-sister left her flat iron on while sitting on a chair in her room.  It caught on fire of course.  My dad smelled the smoke but couldn't get into her room because she apparently locked it from the inside.  He had to bust it down and got in just in time to see flames shooting up to the ceiling.  Ever since we got our own house when we got married I have been more than a little paranoid.  I check all the plugs before I leave to make sure my flat iron, cell charger, air purifier, toaster, etc. are un-plugged.  I also check the stove and oven (even if I haven't used them).  I do this several times before I leave.  Sometimes I can't remember if I checked or not and have driven all the way home to make sure.  It's really crazy!  I probably need professional help. :)

2.  I love love love country music.  It's pretty much the only thing I listen to.  I've even got dh into it.  Shhhh!  Don't tell anyone. :)

3.  I'm dyslexic.  Fortunately it isn't severe enough to affect my reading.  However, numbers and I don't really get along.  I'm always reversing them.  I also can't spell to save my life!  Spell check is my friend.  I try to proof read things but usually I can't see the mistake either.

4.  I hate to drive!  Absolutely hate it!  I try to avoid it whenever possible.  It's not easy to avoid though.  When dh and I go anywhere together I try to make him drive.  It usually works.  Last May when we went to a wedding in North Carolina I had to drive a bit.  Not fun!  I just don't do well with all the crazies out there.

5.  I have night blindness.  That definitely increases my issue with driving!  I was prescribed glasses but they didn't help at all.  My great grandmother also had the same issue.  My doctor said there is sometimes no reason for it except possibly genetics.  I definitely don't drive anywhere far or unfamiliar in the dark.

6.  I used to be a super picky eater.  I lived off of chicken fingers, french fries, corn, black-eyed peas, and pasta for most of my life.  I was surprisingly super skinny too.  After I met dh my taste buds slowly started to change.  Now I eat just about anything.  Except most fish.  I never got into seafood.  It taste like dirt to me.

7.  I am super frugal.  I very rarely buy anything unless it's on sale or I have a coupon...or preferably both.  I grew up this way and got out of the habit when I first got married.  DH grew up a little more "well off" than I did and thought this was strange.  Some time back when we started all my treatments and were trying to save for an impending surgery I was working on getting with Doctor Hildgers I got back into my old habits, only better.  (Kaitlin, I will have the post of how I cut my grocery bill in half up by the end of the week.  Promise!  It's almost done.)

8.  I can't sleep without the room being totally pitch black and with our air purifier on.  I started the white noise thing when I was really really young and my parents would argue at night.  It helped to drown out the noise.  Now I like it because we have a new construction house so it still makes settling noises that creep me out.

9.  If I could pick any talent to have it would be singing!  I love to sing but I promise, you don't want to listen.

10.  I was almost kidnapped by a rapist a few years ago.  It was December 17th 2005 (the year before dh and I got married).  I was house sitting for a friend who was in Ireland.  I had to be at work at 6am.  I woke up too late to make coffee so I decided to stop at the 7-11 near work to get some.  This wasn't the best area of town but I had stopped at this particular store several times and began to feel comfortable there.  I went in and poured my coffee.  I had this horrible gut feeling that was making me sick so I decided to forgo the cream and sugar and just pay and get out of there.  Just as I stepped out of the door I was confronted by a man who was asking me for a ride.  I told him no that I had to get to work.  I tried to walk past him but he had me between him and the door.  He begged me and said that he just needed to go to the "Can't Remember the Name" Apartment Complex.  I lied and told him I was going to opposite direction but knew this was strange because the complex he was speaking of was not even a block away.  I could see it from the store.  He said he was really tired and had been walking for several hours.  Let me just point out that this wasn't a creepy looking guy that would ever raise flags just passing in the street.  He was a fairly good looking, well dressed, rather young man.  I said to him very firmly to please move so I could leave.  He then grabbed my arm and begged me saying he would give me $500 if I took him where he needed to go.  I looked back into the store hoping to get some help from the guy behind the counter only to have him quickly look away.  I then took my hot coffee and splashed it in his face.  Fortunately I forgot to lock my car so I quickly jumped in a sped off.  I got to work and was so shaken up that I collapsed the second I got into my office.  My boss tried to convince me to call the cops but I was young and stupid.  I regretted this decision two days later.  On my birthday I saw a picture of this same man on the news.  He had been arrested for raping several women in that same complex and the one next to it.  Fortunately they caught him quickly but it really made me wish I had called the cops.

11.  Number 10 brings up a number 11.  Since the above incident I do not go anywhere alone when it is dark or if it will be dark when I leave.  Call me paranoid but that call was just way too close!

Update

I'm 12 weeks.  I can't believe it!  It is all surreal to me.  I'm almost out of the first trimester.  It honestly baffles my mind.  I still don't believe I'm pregnant.  I'm not sure I will until I'm in labor.

The biggest plus so far as I near the end of first tri is that I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as my all day sickness.  I'm not 100% but I don't expect to be.  The nausea is slowly going away.  I have it from time to time but it doesn't last as long.  The vomiting is here and there.  Definitely not everyday which is very very nice!  I'm even beginning to feel like I've got a little more energy.  However, if I do too much I crash very very quickly.  Whatever!  I'll take it!

I have developed a few new symptoms however.  I have been super super dizzy!  Especially if I stand up too fast.  I got so dizzy at Mass on Sunday that I was sure I was going to faint.  Fortunately I didn't.  I called my ob and she wasn't concerned.  She seems to think it's from all the extra blood I'm pumping.  I've just got to work on moving slower.

I've also just now started having food aversions.  It's funny because even during the crazy icky feelings I had early on I never really had any aversions to one thing or another.  But now?  Oh boy!  It seems to be the only thing that makes me feel really icky.  Right now I can't pinpoint one thing in particular that makes me sick.  Maybe that's a good thing.  I have a feeling if I thought about it too much I'd feel ill.

I've started craving a few things.  It's really funny how I feel when I get one of these things in my head.  I can't rest until I eat it.  The strangest thing is peaches.  I never liked peaches before I got pregnant.  Now, I can't get enough of them!  I also have a thing for vegi soup and cheese (not together).  Mmmm!

Yesterday this hunger like I've never felt in my life took over me and it's back again today.  I think it may be here to stay for awhile.  I woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning starving.  I got up and ate a banana hoping it would help so I could go back to sleep.  Wrong!  After I was finished I was still starving.  So I ate another one with peanut butter on it thinking that would stick.  Nope!  So I drank some milk and tried to go back to sleep.  An hour later I was up starving again.  I ate some tomato soup (strange so early in the morning but it sounded really good to me at the time).  By 11 am I needed something else.  I ate two grilled cheeses with tomatoes (maybe I should add tomatoes to my cravings list?).  This went on all day.  It didn't seem to matter how much I ate I was still hungry.  Not just "not full," I was starving.  My stomach was growling loud enough dh could hear it.  I'm trying to keep lots of healthy food around.  At least if I'm going to be stuffing my face all day I could eat good things.  If they are hear I will eat them, other wise my willpower goes right out the window. :)

My next appointment is September 20th.  I don't get to have an ultrasound at that appointment but I'm super happy to hear the babies heartbeat again!  I could listen to that all day!

My next ultrasound will be at 16 weeks and they will do a gender check at that one!  Woohoo!  And it's in 4d too!  I can't wail!  Only 4 weeks away!  My doctor's office gives you a digital copy of all the pictures from the 4d as well as a video!  I'll be sure to post when I get it.  I have a feeling, and have since the beginning, that it's a girl.  I've read that mothers are right 70% of the time so we'll see.

I'm going to exit with a question...

I'm still on 200mg of PIO.  My progesterone is rising but very slowly.  The injections have always hurt but now I'm starting to have huge welts (bigger than a quarter) and a lot of itching at the injection sites.  It looks very similar to an allergic reaction.  I'm going to try to call PPVI but I was wondering if any of you had the same issue.  I've been known to develop allergies so I'm thinking I might have an allergy to the sesame oil or something.

Grateful

First of all...sorry for my lack of commenting lately.  My brain feels a bit fried.  I'm having trouble coming up with meaningful things to say.  Just know that you all are always in my prayers...ALWAYS! :)

I've been trying to work on my attitude.  I feel like I'm not handling things well.  I talked to dh about it and he was very supportive and kept telling me I'm not giving myself enough credit.  I know lately it doesn't seem like it but I'm not usually a complainer when it comes to not feeling well.  I can handle quite a bit of pain and ick.  Dh pointed out that if I'm complaining it's bad.  I usually suck it up but I just haven't been able to lately.  I'm working on it though.  I've decided to work on just being grateful for the blessings in my life rather than dwelling on the stress and the crummy feelings.  I've decided to document some of the things I find myself especially grateful for lately.  If anything I think typing it out will help remind me when I'm not feeling particularly grateful.

I'm grateful for this life inside me.  With pregnancy comes pains.  It's part of the territory.  But I am oh so blessed to have this little one.  DH and I honestly never believed this would happen.  We were not done working on some of my issues.  I shocked the heck out of my Napro Consultant when we found out.  She was (and still is) certain that I have endo.  We both realize that you need surgery to confirm but she said that if I don't have endo she would be shocked beyond belief.  I was working on planning my trip to Omaha to have surgery with Dr. H when out of nowhere we got those two beautiful pink lines.  The sickness blows...it really does...but it reminds me everyday that dh and I created life.

I am grateful for my husband.  He really is the best husband in the world. :)  I often feel like I hit the lottery when I look at him.  I'm still sleeping in the morning when he leaves for work.  He comes in every morning before he leaves and gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me.  I know he does this but I often don't really wake up.  The other morning I was a little more awake than usual and I noticed something.  After he gave me a kiss and told me he loved me he lifted up my shirt just a little, kissed my tummy and said "I love you too Sweet Pea."  I melted right there in bed.  I asked him when he started doing that and he said since day one.  I had no idea.  He's amazing!  I'm one heck of a blessed girl!

I am grateful for my new found Catholic faith!  I know I haven't talked about it much.  It seems like the news of Sweet Pea has taken over but I really am.  It's hard to explain the feelings I have.  Maybe that's why I haven't talked about it much.  The feelings and emotions I have are so hard to put into words.  Every time I go to Mass I feel like I'm home again.  It's so hard for me not to just cry through out the whole thing.  Happy tears of course.  God had been calling me home for so long.  I was just too stubborn to listen.  I'm so thankful that he found away to work in my heart.  I feel so blessed that we are given all that we are through our faith.  It is so unbelievably amazing.

I am grateful that God always provides.  I had a major freak out when I quit my job.  MAJOR!  I was so worried about finances.  DH kept telling me not to worry, that things always have a way of working things out.  As usual, he was right.  Everything we need has just been falling into place.  We are not hurting nearly as bad as I expected.  Sure, things are tight, but we are managing.  Things just seem to work out.  I'm also looking into subbing in our county for the public schools.  It's definitely part time but that's ok.  That's kinda what I want.  And it's super flexible!  It wouldn't bring in much but it would give me something to do and every little bit matters.  And a special thank you to a wonderful blogger (she knows who she is:)).  A few weeks ago I got a nice little package in the mail with some progesterone in it.  It has certainly helped to offset some of the unreal medical costs we have encountered lately.  Thank you thank you!

Speaking of bloggers.  I'm also grateful for each of you.  And I think dh is too. :)  It has been so wonderful getting to know you all.  It is nice to be able to spill my guts to all of you...women who really understand what I am going through.  It's amazing and I thank God for each of you every single day.  Thank you!

Also, thank you to my prayer buddy for the awesome rosary I got this week.  If I could find my camera I would take a picture of it for you all to see.  It's nice and small.  Perfect for my car ( I have always prayed a lot while driving).  There was also a book about praying the rosary and a little card that has all of the mysteries on the back.  Perfect for a newbie like me!