One Year

It was this day one year ago that my family gathered around my Nana as we watched pass on to be with Jesus. Leading up to 2011 I felt so much excitement and anticipation. 2011 was the year I would finally meet my daughter. It was to be the year that all of my dreams would come true. But on the very first day of that new year my world came to a screeching stop when I received that phone call telling me that Nana had had a stroke but was refusing to go to the hospital. I wasn't surprised at her refusal. She hadn't been well in years. She was ready to go and I knew the last place she wanted to be was a hospital. I rushed to be with her. I was surprised at how she looked. I expected much worse. She was asleep but as some point had heard that I was there and asked for me. I sat next to her and held her had. I prayed like I have never prayed before. I begged God to heal her. Begged Him! The next day I returned to be by her side. I lay down in bed with her and prayed. She opened her eyes for a brief moment and asked where Mary-Grace was. I told her she was still in my tummy so she was right here with us. She reached over and placed her hand on my belly and fell back asleep. I placed my hand on top of hers and began to sob. I knew at that moment that this was it. I knew she wouldn't make it through this and that she would never meet my baby girl. layer that day I returned to sit with her. She opened her eyes for a second so I told her I loved her. She mumbled that she loved me too. That was the last I heard her speak. I spent the next few days by her side, only going home o sleep. On Thursday night, January 6th, about an hour after I got home, my aunt called to tell me that Nana was passing. K and I jumped in our car and raced to her house. my family and I all sat by her side in her final moments. We cried, we talked to her, we told her it was ok to go. We told her to go on to Heaven and have her reunion with her momma and her brothers. She always talked about having a big family reunion at the gates of Heaven. I remember praying that God would take her quickly in to Heaven. And then she took her last breath - and then I took my prayer back and told God I changed my mind, I wanted her here. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my Nana. Many days there are still tears. I still grieve for her daily. I spoke with a good friend of mine today who lost her father on this same day 2 years ago. She told me that it does eventually begin to get easier. And by easier, she said you just learn to find a new normal. That's what I'm searching for...a new normal. There are many days that I wake up and think that I should go visit Nana today - and then I remember. It's unbearably painful, but I know it will get better. Nana, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I miss your hugs, I miss our talks and I miss your advice. I miss sitting at your dining room table for hours just talking about anything and everything. You would love Mary-Grace so much! She reminds me so much of you. She has your sass and attitude. :) please watch over your family. And save me a place at that reunion! I hope you are having fun! If any of you have a few prayers you could spare for my family I know we would all appreciate it. We are all still grieving so much. Also, if you could pray for my youngest sister. She just got married back in November and got pregnant right away. Today she found out she lost her baby. She is understandably having a very hard time. We have decided that January 6th needs to be removed from the calendar. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.