My Plan

I had a horrible weekend (and Monday).  HORRIBLE!  My anxiety was at an all time high and I had a panic attack that I thought for sure was going to land me in a psychiatric ward.  It was bad, really, really, bad.  I wrote about it but for the time being have decided not to post it.  I feel like for right now I need to try to move forward and think about what I need to do to fix this.  I do not want to live like this.  I cannot continue to live like this.  It's not an option.

First of all K and I are desperately searching for a therapist.  I found a website that helps you to find Catholic ones, however there were only 2 listed for the state of Florida.  One was about 6 hours North of me, the other 6 hours South.  That certainly won't work.  So how the heck to I pick a person to bare the depths of my soul to?  I can pull our insurance provider list up.  But how does that help me pick someone I'm compatible with?  Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.  I do believe that this PPD is hormonal in nature, but I also believe that some of it is some deep routed issues from my past (specifically involving my mother).  I need to talk this out with a professional.

Next, exercise.  I used to be an athlete.  I played softball from the time I was 6 until 18.  I played competitively on a travel team as well as a regular league.  I also ran track in high school.  I loved it and remember it being a great way to blow off steam.  An injury sidelined me and I just never got back into any of it once I recovered.  I've gotten terribly out of shape since and it's caused my self-esteem to tank.  K is a runner so I decided what the heck, why don't I get back into running.  Last week I started C25K and we have a love/hate relationship.  I like that it's getting my heart pumping but I really despise running.  I loath it.  But I'm determined to stick with it.

I was at a baby shower about 2 weeks ago and this woman started telling me about this thing called Stro.ller Sr.rides.  It's a way of exercising with your babies in a stroller.  It sounded interesting but when I looked it up it was a bit expensive, especially if I paid for it and didn't like it.  Well I just saw it as a Livi.ngSoc.ial deal at over 50% off.  I decided it was a sign and bought it.  I'll be starting that next week.

So the plan?
Monday, Wednesday, Friday - Sro.ller St.rides
Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday - C25K
Sunday - Rest

I'm hoping the exercise helps burn off some steam and lessens my anxiety.  If anything, it should at least help me to get into shape and boost my self-esteem.

I'm also working on cleaning and organizing my house.  I've never been a super neat person and I am bad about clutter.  It never used to bother me but it definitely does now.  In fact, clutter and mess is what caused one of my anxiety attacks this past weekend.  So, I'm working on a list of every area of the house that needs to be decluttered and deep cleaned.  I plan to make them small areas that will take me no more than 30 minutes to clean.  I want to work on one area each night after Mary-Grace goes to bed.

I think meal planning is a huge piece of organization.  I've been doing it weekly but I think I'm going to switch to monthly.  I also want to include int his menu snacks, breakfast (mostly for MG) and lunch (again, mostly for MG).  I also want to work in one day a month where I make a few freezer meals for those days when nothing seems to be going right and we need something easy.

I'm also working on a housekeeping schedule.  Of course certain things have to be done daily (dishes, counters, etc).  But I want a weekly schedule for things like vacuuming, mopping, laundry (the girls, mine and K's, sheets/towels, and diapers), bathrooms, dusting, grocery shopping, etc.  I'm hoping that some sort of schedule will help things not get away from me so I won't get so overwhelmed.

Not to mention prayer.  My prayer life has slipped terribly since Hannah's birth.  I just don't find the time and I need to.  I've decided to buy a prayer journal.  I do better when I write so why not write my prayers?  I learned about prayer journals when I took a prayer seminar thing while I was pregnant with Mary-Grace.  It was amazing and I need to get back to the things I learned.  I'm going to go buy myself a nice, pretty journal that I love and a nice pen so it will encourage me to use it.  I know that may sound silly, but I've always had a thing for stationary and office supplies.

Any other suggestions?  I'm open to everything and willing to try almost anything.