CD1?

Seriously?  Already?  But my baby was just born 7 weeks ago...and I'm breastfeeding.  I know not everyone gets the joy of no periods the entire time they bf but I thought for sure I'd get a little time.  I just finally stopped all the bleeding from her birth like a week and a half ago.  I'm not ready for this yet!

I should have known something was up yesterday.  I was feeling pretty crampy but didn't think much of it.  CD1 was so far from my mind that it never crossed my mind that that is what could possibly be going on.  But nope, there it was this morning and the cramps today are on par with how they were before Mary-Grace.  I was secretly hoping that that things would be different after she was born,  Like somehow pregnancy magically cured me.  Haha!  Riiiiight!  Because that's how it works.

I'm tempted to take one of the per.cocet I have left over from her birth.  My abdomen, back, hips, legs, are killing me.  Just like before.  It still boggles my mind that this effects my legs.  That's just crazy.

I know I need surgery.  I know this.  I just don't want to do it.  Can you have surgery while bfing?

And you know what?  I really don't want to chart again.  I'm just too lazy.  I get sick of checking all day and remembering to have K write it down at night.  Part of me was thinking why bother?  I mean, if I did happen to get pregnant again it's not like we would be upset.  It took us so long for MG.  I can't imagine that it would happen right away again.  My body wasn't fixed when I got pregnant, she was truly a miracle.  My body is still broken.  But if God blessed with another one right away we would be more than ok with that.  But at the same time, the control freak in me needs to know exactly what is going on with my body at all times.  I need to know where I am in my cycle.  I don't like surprises.  Except surprise pregnancies.  That would be fun.

I think I'm going to give my cycles a few months (maybe 3-6) and if things as far as pain don't get better I'm calling my doctors.  I would love to have Dr. H do my surgery but that's just out of the question.  I can't afford to go to Omaha and my insurance won't cover him at all.  I was thinking about going to place in Atlanta that Sew went to but my insurance won't cover them either.  There is just no way we can pay for that with me not working.  But the good thing is that my doctors are really good at this sort of thing.  As much as I complained about them during my pregnancy they really are great doctors.  I learned that during MG's birth.  And they have an amazing reputation in Florida.  A friend of mine from church was a labor and delivery nurse for 25 years and worked with them often.  She now works with them in their new surgery center (They have their own surgery center at the hospital).  She was telling me about all the new techniques they use.  She told me that if I chose to have surgery with them I would be in good hands.  I believe her. 

I'm just done with this pain.  DONE!  I've been dealing with this nightmare since I was 9 years old.  So almost 20 years.  That is just insane.  Absolutely insane.  I can't hardly move right now.  Fortunately MG is still young enough that parking my butt on the couch or in bed all day is still ok.  As long as I hold her she is ok.  But it won't be long and that won't work so well.  I don't want this to affect her.  Something needs to be done.

On a completely different note.  I'm finally teaching myself to sew.  K bought me a sewing machine almost 5 years ago because I just had to have it.  Unfortunately I never got around to learning.  I'm starting off my making a simple pillowcase dress for MG.  It's really just sewing a bunch of straight lines.  I can do that!  If it turns out well I'll post pictures when I'm done.  If not, well we'll just pretend I didn't tell you about this. OK? :)  This conversation never happened. :)