3rd Trimester and a Change

Today marks the first day of my third trimester with sweet Hannah.  I cannot believe I'm 28 weeks already.  I feel like it took me forever to get this far with Mary-Grace.  It's strange, but I often forget that I'm pregnant...until I try to bend over to pick something up.  I feel like this pregnancy has been so much smoother than it was last time around.  I wasn't anywhere near as sick in the beginning.  We haven't had any scares like we did last time.  I decided to forgo PIO injections even though my levels were slightly low.  I'm more exhausted this time around, but I also don't have the luxury of napping whenever I want like I did last time.  I haven't gained much weight,  as of a month ago I had gained 9 lbs.  I'm not sure what I'm up to now.  I was supposed to have an appointment today but I rescheduled for next week.  It's just so crazy busy here with an insane amount of family drama on both sides that I decided it would just be so much easier.  K is also off all next week so he won't have to take time to go with me.  Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like I'm not paying as much attention to Hannah like I did with Mary-Grace (does that make sense?).  I'm just so busy chasing this increasingly mobile, 9 month old (tomorrow) around the house that I don't have time to think about it.  I used to talk to MG all the time, rub my belly, and pay attention to every move she made.  Now I'm sitting here wondering if I've felt her move in the past 24 hours.  I'm drinking some juice to wake her up so I can be sure she's doing ok in there.

I have moments of panic from time to time.  Before I know it Hannah will be here and we will be a family of 4.  I feel like we just became a family of 3 (probably because we did).  Ten years of just the two of us (5 of those married) and suddenly we have doubled.  It's mind blowing.  I can't wait to meet her but I'm also not ready.  I look around my house and think there is no way we are ready for another baby around here.  I haven't begun cooking and freezing meals.  I haven't cleaned the carpet, organized the closets, or gotten MG a big girl carseat so that Hannah can have her infant one.  The calendar says I only have 12 weeks to go.  But my gut says I have less.  MG was born 1 week early (well 6 days, but whatever).  My OBs said that typically the moms they see that have babies less than a year apart tend to go even earlier.  It's like their bodies are already so well prepped that it just kicks right into gear the second time around.  Hannah is due March 13th.  My plan is to have everything I need to do done by February 13th.  Then if she's early I'm ready and if not, great!  I can attempt to rest.

We still haven't made our final decision on a homebirth yet.  I've got to make a few phone calls later today and set up some appointments for next week when K is off.  Hopefully after some consultations with some midwives we'll be able to make our decision.  Surprisingly K is 100% for the homebirth, I'm the one with some reservations.  What's funny is that unlike last time around where my reservations were safety, this time I'm just worried that I won't be able to handle it.  I'm terrified of the pain this go around.  I'm thinking it's because of my experience with a 3 day labor that's making me a little uneasy.  I don't know if I can do that again.

We still haven't totally decided on Hannah's middle name.  We were wanting Therese but now I'm really wanting Elizabeth.  K is still stuck on Therese.  Any opinions to sway me one way or the other is appreciated.

Now onto the change.  I've been trying to figure out why blogging has taken such a back seat.  Obviously I'm a bit busier now but I know that's not it.  The truth is that when I sit down to write nothing comes out.  I started this blog while searching for support from other women who were experiencing the same things that I was.  The whole premise of my writing centered around IF.  Obviously I can't really consider myself IF anymore.  When I sit down to write all I can think of is writing about my experiences with motherhood, homemaking, life as a new Catholic etc. etc.  But obviously IF isn't really there anymore.  I want to keep writing.  I actually do have a lot of things I would like to talk about but I feel like I can't do it here.  It's a weird feeling I can't really explain.  So I'm thinking about doing a change.  I'm thinking about changing my name (I never really liked it anyway), changing the look, and changing the focus.  It will take some time but I think it needs it.  Like the name, I've just never been 100% happy with my little space.  Maybe a change will help.  We'll see what happens. :)

In the mean time I hope all of you have a Merry Christmas if I don't get a chance to blog before then.  You are all in my prayers (especially you prayer buddy) as always!