Have I really not posted in 3 months? Sheesh! It has been busy, busy, busy. And I've actually been working on a new blog, but obviously it isn't up and running yet. This place just doesn't feel like home to me anymore. I've been wanting a change for awhile. Who knew it would take so dang long?!?! I'm guessing the one and two year old living in my house have something to do with that. :)
When I started this blog, it was a place to vent and find other women like me who were dealing with infertility/subfertility. I was so happy to find this community of women who were using Napro. No one I knew in real life knew what it was. No one in real life knew we were struggling to have a baby. Then finally, after several years, we welcomed our sweet Mary-Grace. We were elated. We knew she was a miracle, and wondered if she'd be our only. We were ok with whatever God blessed us with, but hoped that my fertility was healed.
Then 4 short months later we got a major shock (probably even more shocking than finding out about Mary-Grace) when we found out that we were expecting baby #2. How could this be? We were shocked and amazed. And although we were nervous at the thought of having 2 not even a year apart, we were excited.
Then after Hannah was born something very unexpected set in. PPD. Not fun. Not fun at all! Of course my cycles returned immediately. They did after Mary-Grace as well, despite breastfeeding. We decided, along with the advice of our Napro doc, to avoid for awhile. I obviously needed to get my emotional wellbeing back in check. My body needed a rest. And I was on antidepressants. Yes, they are the ones considered safe while pregnant when the benefit outweighs the risk, and I was on the minimum dose, but not taking meds while pregnant is always better than taking them if they can be avoided.
My hope was to wean off the meds right around Hannah's first birthday so we could begin trying again. And I did try. But it didn't go well at all. It was horrible in fact. So I decided to wait, and ttc would be put on hold. Then after talking so some friends who have been there, I realized I came down too fast on my dose. I decided to go much much slower. Currently I am down to 1/4 of the dose I was taking before. That's a very good thing!
We started talking about trying again soon. A quarter is really not much at all. But then another health concern popped up that changed things. Well, not really popped up. It has been hear for years, I just couldn't get a doctor to listen. After a decent doc, lots of bloodwork, and a thyroid ultrasound, I went in last Friday for a thyroid biopsy. Apparently, some of the nodules I've had for awhile have changed on there is calcification in one of them. The procedure really wasn't that bad. Weird, but not bad. Tomorrow I find out the results. I'm nervous. But happy to finally, hopefully, get some answers.
Before the procedure the nurse offered me some Ativan. She said it would help me relax. Of course prior to this they made me take a pregnancy test. K was sitting next to me and I saw the grin on his face. He was really hoping it would come back positive. We weren't "trying" but we didn't exactly avoid so well either. The test came back negative (I knew no matter what it would because I knew I wasn't far enough post peak). I saw the disappointment on his face. He has wanted another baby for quite some time now.
Fast forward to this past Monday. I was updating my chart since K had been slacking for several days. I counted how many days post peak I was... 12. That's strange, I never go past 11, and that's with progesterone. I counted again. And again. Then I counted the past several cycles. Eleven, each and every time. Weird. So I texted a friend. She pushed and pushed and pushed...so I bought a test. Actually I bought 3. I took the test, set it on the counter and anxiously watched. There was no way I was pg. I mean, we only didn't "avoid" once. And I used to be infertile. What are the odds?
Apparently pretty high because it came back POSITIVE!
To say I was shocked is an understatement. Of course K was at work. I didn't want to tell him over the phone so I put Hannah in one of Mary-Grace's "Big Sister" shirts and was going to wait to see how long it took him to notice. But I'm impatient. So not 5 minutes after he got home I couldn't stand that he didn't notice, so I just told him to read Hannah's shirt. It took what felt like FOREVER for him to figure it out. In fact, I think he's still processing. Since he had been slacking on my chart he assumed since the pregnancy test 3 days prior came back negative it wasn't possible.
It's a cruddy iphone pic, but it's the only one I took.
We are beyond excited! But can't help but be a little nervous too. I still have to get my biopsy results tomorrow. This obviously throws a little wrench in things. My fear is that I have cancer. And while thyroid cancer isn't typically life threatening, being pregnant certainly will make things a bit more interesting. I'm not sure if they would want to do surgery anyway. I'm not sure I'm willing to do that. I just don't know. I'm trying desperately not to worry. To let go and let God. But it's hard. I'm a worrier. I have an anxiety. This is anxiety inducing. So if you can, I'd LOVE some prayers regarding my appointment tomorrow morning. :) And a HUGE thank you in advance.
And obviously, we haven't announced this to everyone yet...so please no Facebook mentions please. :)
