What you shouldn't do with someone elses child...

When we attend Mass on Sunday evening (which is majority of the time), there are so many people who love our girls.  Our parish is large but feels small.  These people remember when I was pregnant with both girls.  They have seen them since they were only days old.  The comment on how big they're getting, bring them small gifts at Christmas and birthdays.  They love our girls and our girls love the attention.  Since we began working with the teens, we have gotten to know so many people.  Other's who work with us, parents of our teens, etc.  It's wonderful and makes attending Mass feel like we're going to see family.

 

There is a Phillipino woman who usually sits in the same row we do with her son (he's in his early 20's).  She obviously loves our girls.  She is always trying to talk to them and get them to hug her.  She tells me how blessed I am to have two girls, that she always wanted a girl.  She talks about how they grow so fast.  I feel bad because she speaks very broken English and I spend most of the time smiling and nodding my head, but have no clue what she is saying.  I am terrible with accents.

 

Last night the girls were in rare form.  Usually they do pretty well.  Yesterday was awful!  Hannah was tired because she refused to nap for more than 30 minutes.  And Mary-Grace.  I'm not even sure what to say about her behavior.  Let's just say she spent a lot of time outside in time out.  Towards the end of Mass, Mary-Grace walked over to this woman.  No biggie, she was only two seats away from me.  She held her hand through the last song and I was happy that she wasn't pitching a fit. I noticed that she was whispering something to Mary grace, but again, I didn't worry.  I turned to pick up Hannah who had tried to escape down an isle and when I turned back around this woman was holding Mary-Grace's hand and walking down the center isle towards the door.  I grabbed Kevin's arm to get his attention while I continued to try to wrangle Hannah.  The look on his face told me he too thought this wasn't right.  I told him to go after her while I grabbed Hannah and our bag.  When I got to the narthex, just steppes behind Kevin, She was standing there near the exit with Mary-Grace.  She (MG) had such a look of confusion on her face.  Kevin grabbed her hand and we quickly said goodbye and left.

 

By the time we got to the car my heart was racing and I could tell Kevin was not happy.  When he put Mary-Grace into the car I heard him say to her "Mary-Grace, we never, ever go with someone other than Momma or Daddy.  Don't walk away from Momma and Daddy with anyone."

 

Now, I realize that this woman meant no harm.  However, the truth is, I don't know her from Adam.  Just because I see her for an hour every week does not mean I know her.  Heck, I don't even know her name.  For all I know she is crazy and snatches babies.  Far fetched?  Yes.  But it could be true.  And even if I did know her, you don't just walk away with someone's child.  Mary-Grace was obviously confused.  That isn't right.  I know she was just trying to be funny.  But for me, it wasn't funny.  I feel like my worst fear flashed before my eyes.  I feel like I need to teach Mary-Grace about stranger danger.  I don't even know how to begin teaching a 2 year old that.

 

Maybe I'm overreacting.  But since Kevin was very upset as well, I'm guessing not.  He's usually so calm and level headed.  He was fuming.

 

Any good resources for teaching 2 year olds not to walk away from their parents?  I don't want to scare her, but that just can't happen again.

Quick Takes

1.  I still don't believe I'm pregnant.  Well, I do believe it.  I did see the 3 tests that confirmed it.  But I can't "believe" it.  Three children!  Me...with 3 children.  That is just insane.

 

2.  I just realized that other than some crummy iphone pictures I haven't taken hardly any pictures of the girls lately.  That needs to change.  My goal for this next week is to bust out the camera.

 

3.  At a little more than 5 weeks my first wave of the pregnancy icky-ness hit me today.  Seriously?  At 5 weeks?  With the girls I made it to 8 and 9.  Must be a boy.

 

4.  K and I were supposed to go on a date Saturday afternoon but I totally forgot it's my niece's birthday party.  Yay for my adorable 2 year old niece.  Boo for date cancelations. We desperately need one.  Maybe we can get the inlaws to watch the girls Sunday afternoon.

 

5.  I am in a total dinner rut.  I feel like I keep cooking the same things over and over and over.  I used to love cooking but it's such a chore lately.  Any good, easy, quick, somewhat healthy recipes to share with me?

 

6.  My biggest disappointment with the birth of both girls is that I don't have any good pictures of labor and birth.  I think we've decided this time around to forgo the doula and put that money towards a birth photographer.  I've been looking a websites of photographers in our area...BEAUTIFUL!  I love birth!  LOVE IT!

 

7.  I have no desire to eat anything today other than oreos.  Fortunately there isn't any in the house.  Five weeks people!  What the heck?  Things happen fast the 3rd time around.  I'm thinking I'll be busting the maternity clothes out in a few weeks.  When I lay on my stomach I can already feel a hard lump.  Sheesh.  I'm going to be huge. :)

Value in Suffering

When I was on the road to becoming Catholic, one of the things I remember learning that really struck me, was that there is value in suffering.  Growing up with a really rough childhood, it was comforting to know that all of that suffering wasn't for nothing.  That the difficult times I was going through with infertility, wasn't for nothing.  As a protestant, I never learned that there was any value whatsoever in suffering.  In fact, I was taught that bad things that happened to us, trials we went through, suffering, was because were weren't right with God.  For the longest time I thought I was doing things very wrong.  I had to be since God was allowing me to suffer at the hands of my mentally ill mother and alcoholic father.

 

I've tried to change my perspective on suffering (it's not always something I'm doing wrong to "deserve it"), but old habits are hard to break.  It wasn't until Mary-Grace was born that I started to see that value.  Holding my sweet baby that we tried so long for, that we prayed so long for, I could see the worth.  It didn't take long for me to really understand why we had to suffer with infertility.  I know this isn't true for every infertile, but for me (and K too), I could see it so clearly.  We needed that time to realize the true value in life.  To truly see the gift in our children.  To see the beauty of being completely open to life.

This thyroid insanity has been a lot of suffering. Sometimes I suffer well.  Sometimes, not so well.  Sometimes I suck it up because I may feel awful, but I have a family to take care of.  Sometimes I don't do well and it's all I can do to hold it together throughout the day without snapping at my kids and my husband.

I keep thinking about this doctor in another state who has been highly recommended to me.  I'm fairly certain he could help me.  While my doctor was willing to give me one of the medications I need yesterday, he is not extremely knowledgeable on the subject, so I will be on my own a bit to do the tweaking.  And then there is the other medication I need.  I have yet to get that one from him.  The problem with this other doctor?  He is many, many states away.  Plane tickets aren't cheap.  I have two small children.  And I have a husband who doesn't get much vacation time at all. The logistics of making it work are hard.  Coming up with the money to go seems damn near impossible right now.

I've talked to K about it numerous times.  He, more than anyone, probably even more than me, wants me to feel better, to be healthy.  We have gone over ways to make it work.  But we always come up short.  Something always happens.  We still have medical bills from Mary-Grace's hospital stay that we need to pay.  With this new baby, we are now going to have to pay our $6000 deductible to our midwife for his/her birth next year.  We get to make payments on this, but they are several hundred dollars a month.  And now we have no choice but to get me a new (to me) car.  Well, minivan.  There is absolutely no way to put 3 carseats in the back of my car.  Then there's the little things, I got into an accident a month ago, $500 deductible.  Our garage door broke the other day and I was trapped, couldn't even open the thing manually.  There goes another $250.  We are already very much month to month.  We're house poor.  We made a very bad decision and purchased our house right before the recession.  We were given a loan that we certainly couldn't afford and received some extremely bad advice.  But it is what it is.  We are thankful for a roof over our head.

For a long time I was complaining...a lot.  Then last night we discussed it again.  I could see the pain on my husbands face.  I could see that by constantly bringing it up, despite knowing our current financial situation, was hurting him.  He was feeling like a failure.  Like he couldn't provide enough for his family.  That hurt.  He works so incredibly hard.  He is gone for 12 hours a day, 5 days a week working to support his family.  He gets home every night just in time to have dinner with us and put the girls to bed. Then he helps me where I fall short during the day.  He sacrifices so that the girls and I have what we want and need.  But this one thing is just a bit out of his reach at this moment.

I realized that I need to learn to be happy where we're at.  I need to stop complaining about how much I hate our house.  About how badly I want to get wood floors because our carpet is disgusting.  About how the tile is cracked everywhere.  About how I need new clothes, etc. etc.  I know that we can't afford this other doctor at this moment.  So I need to stop bringing it up.  I need to research and learn as much as I can about my conditions and be my own best advocate.  My doctor even told me that patients can become experts on their own conditions and know far more than a doctor.  I need to get to that point.  I need to be confident in tweaking my meds and demanding what I need to help me.

I couldn't sleep last night.  I was up thinking about what to do.  I felt horrible for once again bringing something up that I knew the answer to and making my husband fell guilty.  I just laid there in bed, staring at the ceiling and I prayed.  I prayed a lot.  I kept hearing the words wait and trust.  My husband never worries.  He always trusts that God will provide.  The only time it gets to him is when I bring things up over and over.  So I'm done.  He knows what we need.  God knows what we need.  So I will wait and trust.  And while I'm waiting for it to all work out.  I need to remember there is value in suffering.  Even if I don't see it in this life, I pray I will see it in the next.

Update *Updated*

Thank you all for all of your prayers!  Sorry for the delay in the update, it's been a bit of a crazy weekend.  We have good news and not so good news.

 

The good news.  The biopsy came back benign with no signs of cancer.  Wahoo!

 

The not so good news (depending on how you look at it).  The biopsy did show that I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.  In a way, this isn't so good because, well, who wants an autoimmune disease that pretty much isn't curable?  But, (and I'm choosing to just be happy about this part for now) I FINALLY have a diagnosis!  FINALLY!!!!!  I can't even tell you how happy that makes me.  I've been dealing with this crap for years.  I'm over it!  I'm over feeling awful all the time.  To the general public (and most people other than my husband), I'm a fabulous faker.  Fabulous I tell you.  But I'm dying.  I have been for years.  At least the past 10, probably longer.  I have absolutely zero energy, total brain fog, a keep gaining weight despite exercise and pretty awesome diet, my hair is dry, my skin is itchy, I have debilitating anxiety, etc. etc.  Miserable.  This finally puts a name on it and helps me to realize that I'm not crazy.  Because let me tell you, I was beginning to wonder.

 

And while the endocrinologist that I have been seeing is very nice, I won't be continuing my care with her.  I guess this part is also part of the not so good news.  The problem is that she is only willing to treat me based on labs.  The issue with that is a few things...

1. I feel like crap ALL.THE.TIME.  Why should I have to continue to live like this if I don't have to just because my lab work looks pretty?
2. With Hashimoto's your thyroid levels can change from day to day.  So, just because they are pretty on the day that I have blood drawn, doesn't mean they will be pretty tomorrow.
3. She only treats with synthroid.  I've done my research, I'd prefer Armour. 
4. My body is destroying my thyroid.  Why not be proactive?  She is sort of a wait and see doctor and basically told me that my thyroid will eventually shut down (I don't doubt that) and there wasn't much we can do about it.  I do doubt that.  Again, I've researched, we can at least try to prolong it and make me feel better in the process.

So, I'm heading to my primary doctor in 2 hours.  He is a former OB who is now an Integrative Medicine doctor.  He's a little hippy dippy, but so far he has actually been listening to me.  The only reason he suggested the Endocrinologist in the first place is because my ultrasound indicated cancer.  As far as treating me for Hashimoto's, he can handle that.  At my last appointment, he told me he was open to trying Armour and that he was willing to treat based on symptoms.  I'm hoping he still feels that way today.  The thing that worries me slightly, is that I'm now pregnant.  Will he still be willing to treat?  I'm not sure.  I pray he will.  I looked up the safety of Armour in pregnancy, sounds pretty dang safe.  Rated class A.  I'm comfortable with that.

 

So, that's where we stand.  Seriously praying things go well today.  I've been asking St. Blaise all morning to help me out on this one.  I am so desperate to feel better.  I'm tired of being sick.  If any of you see this this morning and want to ask him with me, I would greatly appreciate it.  My appointment is at 11:30 eastern time.  I'll try to come back this evening and update.

 

Thanks again!


*UPDATE*

It took a little convincing but I got Armour.  Only one refill, but that's because he wants to make sure it's working well for me and to be sure I come back for follow up blood work etc.  I did not however get Cortef for my adrenals.  He wasn't totally comfortable with giving it to me pregnant since it's a steroid.  We are going to revisit the idea when I come back for my follow up in 8 weeks.  In the mean time a fellow blogger friend who may have called me the most difficult patient she's ever had as well as a pain in the a** told me about some over the counter adrenal support I'm going to try.

To say that I am happy is an understatement.  I may have cried.  I still don't have everything I need, but this is such a huge leap in the right direction.  I feel like 10+ years of feeling like absolute crap are finally coming to an end.  Well, maybe not an end, Hashimoto's isn't going to just magically go away, but at least I am finally getting treatment from a doctor who is at least open to me making suggestions.

And I'm also continuing on iron and vitamin d since my levels were abysmal at best.  Annnnnnd, I'm going gluten free...again.  For real this time.  Hashimoto's and Celiac's go hand in hand.  Time to stop fooling myself.

Thanks again for all of your prayers.  Hopefully this hormonal-hell freight train is coming to a stop.

Oh, and just because it's exciting to me.  I talked to my midwife today and have my first appointment set for July 10th.  Wahoo!!!  I'll be 8.5 weeks.  FUN!

Long time, no blog...

Have I really not posted in 3 months?  Sheesh!  It has been busy, busy, busy.  And I've actually been working on a new blog, but obviously it isn't up and running yet.  This place just doesn't feel like home to me anymore.  I've been wanting a change for awhile.  Who knew it would take so dang long?!?!  I'm guessing the one and two year old living in my house have something to do with that. :)

 

When I started this blog, it was a place to vent and find other women like me who were dealing with infertility/subfertility.  I was so happy to find this community of women who were using Napro.  No one I knew in real life knew what it was.  No one in real life knew we were struggling to have a baby.  Then finally, after several years, we welcomed our sweet Mary-Grace.  We were elated.  We knew she was a miracle, and wondered if she'd be our only.  We were ok with whatever God blessed us with, but hoped that my fertility was healed.

 

Then 4 short months later we got a major shock (probably even more shocking than finding out about Mary-Grace) when we found out that we were expecting baby #2.  How could this be?  We were shocked and amazed.  And although we were nervous at the thought of having 2 not even a year apart, we were excited.

 

Then after Hannah was born something very unexpected set in.  PPD.  Not fun.  Not fun at all!  Of course my cycles returned immediately.  They did after Mary-Grace as well, despite breastfeeding.  We decided, along with the advice of our Napro doc, to avoid for awhile.   I obviously needed to get my emotional wellbeing back in check.  My body needed a rest.  And I was on antidepressants.  Yes, they are the ones considered safe while pregnant when the benefit outweighs the risk, and I was on the minimum dose, but not taking meds while pregnant is always better than taking them if they can be avoided.

 

My hope was to wean off the meds right around Hannah's first birthday so we could begin trying again.  And I did try.  But it didn't go well at all.  It was horrible in fact.  So I decided to wait, and ttc would be put on hold.  Then after talking so some friends who have been there, I realized I came down too fast on my dose.  I decided to go much much slower.  Currently I am down to 1/4 of the dose I was taking before.  That's a very good thing!

 

We started talking about trying again soon.  A quarter is really not much at all.  But then another health concern popped up that changed things.  Well, not really popped up.  It has been hear for years, I just couldn't get a doctor to listen.  After a decent doc, lots of bloodwork, and a thyroid ultrasound, I went in last Friday for a thyroid biopsy.  Apparently, some of the nodules I've had for awhile have changed on there is calcification in one of them.  The procedure really wasn't that bad.  Weird, but not bad.  Tomorrow I find out the results.  I'm nervous.  But happy to finally, hopefully, get some answers.

 

Before the procedure the nurse offered me some Ativan.  She said it would help me relax.  Of course prior to this they made me take a pregnancy test.  K was sitting next to me and I saw the grin on his face.  He was really hoping it would come back positive.   We weren't "trying" but we didn't exactly avoid so well either.  The test came back negative (I knew no matter what it would because I knew I wasn't far enough post peak).  I saw the disappointment on his face.  He has wanted another baby for quite some time now.

 

Fast forward to this past Monday.  I was updating my chart since K had been slacking for several days.  I counted how many days post peak I was... 12.  That's strange, I never go past 11, and that's with progesterone.  I counted again. And again.  Then I counted the past several cycles.  Eleven, each and every time.  Weird.  So I texted a friend.  She pushed and pushed and pushed...so I bought a test.  Actually I bought 3.  I took the test, set it on the counter and anxiously watched.  There was no way I was pg.  I mean, we only didn't "avoid" once.  And I used to be infertile.  What are the odds?

 

Apparently pretty high because it came back POSITIVE!

 

To say I was shocked is an understatement.  Of course K was at work.  I didn't want to tell him over the phone so I put Hannah in one of Mary-Grace's "Big Sister" shirts and was going to wait to see how long it took him to notice.  But I'm impatient.  So not 5 minutes after he got home I couldn't stand that he didn't notice, so I just told him to read Hannah's shirt.  It took what felt like FOREVER for him to figure it out.  In fact, I think he's still processing.  Since he had been slacking on my chart he assumed since the pregnancy test 3 days prior came back negative it wasn't possible.

 

 

It's a cruddy iphone pic, but it's the only one I took.

 

 

We are beyond excited!  But can't help but be a little nervous too.  I still have to get my biopsy results tomorrow.  This obviously throws a little wrench in things.  My fear is that I have cancer.  And while thyroid cancer isn't typically life threatening, being pregnant certainly will make things a bit more interesting.  I'm not sure if they would want to do surgery anyway.  I'm not sure I'm willing to do that.  I just don't know.  I'm trying desperately not to worry.  To let go and let God.  But it's hard.  I'm a worrier.  I have an anxiety.  This is anxiety inducing.  So if you can, I'd LOVE some prayers regarding my appointment tomorrow morning. :)  And a HUGE thank you in advance.

 

 

And obviously, we haven't announced this to everyone yet...so please no Facebook mentions please. :)

 

Quick Takes

Yes, yes...I know it's Monday.  I guess I'm 3 days late...or 4 days early...depending on how you want to look at it.

 

 

1.  Mary-Grace came home after 5 days in the hospital.  When she left her right lung was still crackly.  However, it was such an improvement that the pediatrician thought we could manage it at home.  The following Tuesday we had a follow up with her doctor.  Again, her right lung was still crackly.  In addition to the 3x a day Albuterol breathing treatments, he prescribed a steroid that we do 2x a day (also with the machine)  So basically I have to get an almost 2 year old to sit still for 15 minutes 5x a day.  Um...yeah.  It's fun.

 

2.  Apparently kids who are hospitalized with RSV have a 40% increase in asthma risk.  That goes up with pneumonia (which she had).  And then goes up even higher with family history of asthma (K had terrible asthma as a child).  So, her pediatrician said rather than rent the breathing machine we should just look into buying it.  Odds are, she will have asthma.  The hope is that if we have the machine and medication on hand we can save ourselves an emergency room visit. 

 

3.  During our ordeal I witnessed so much that is wrong with our healthcare system.  Oh my gosh!  I don't want to get into to much detail right now because I'm still extremely annoyed and angry...but I want to touch on a few things.

 

*When we arrived at the ER that Tuesday evening MG's respiration was DOUBLE what it should have been.  Her heart rate was also far above normal.  She had a fever of 104.9 and she was have retractions with each breath (that is very, very bad).  We were told by triage that there were lots of other children in the waiting room but that MG was second in line to go back because they take people based on severity.  She said we might wait 30 minutes if that because 2 beds were vacant and just needed to be cleaned.  We waited 5 hours!  Now I know that 5 hours in an ER isn't that long (I once waited 12).  However, for a 23 month old who is has all of the above issues...it is a very long time.  Especially when I saw a child taken back for stitches in his forehead and another for a splinter in his heal.

 

*We made the mistake of going to the closest hospital that has a pediatric unit but is not an actual children's hospital.  The people we dealt with were UNBELIEVABLE!  It's like they have never worked with a toddler in their lives.  The nurse we had was HORRIFIC!  The pediatrician asked her to get MG a popsicle since she hadn't eaten in 5 days at this point.  He wanted to see if we could get some calories in her because she was becoming quite lethargic.  She was obviously annoyed that she had to do this.  It took her 30 minutes to bring it.  Then she came back an hour later and noticed that MG hadn't eaten any.  She got mad!  She was like "the doctor says she has to eat it!"  I told her that he wanted her to try and we did try, but there was no way I could force her to do it.  Have you ever tried to force a 2 year old to do anything?  Yeah, not going to happen.  She then stormed off.  Um...ok.  Once they decided that she needed to be admitted they wanted to get an IV started to get some fluids in her and get some blookwork.  Now, I knew they were going to have to do something to hold her down.  I completely understand this.  The nurse came in with one of the guys who transports patients.  He basically swaddled her in a sheet super tight with the exception of the arm that needed to be out for the IV.  I asked the nurse to do it in her left hand since she favors her right.  She told me no because her table (that is small and on wheels) was already on the right side so that's where she was going to do it.  Then the tech held her down (again, totally get this) while the nurse began the IV.  At this point, MG started flipping out.  She was screaming.  It was gut wrenching.  She kept saying "I don't want it anymore!" which is what she says when she's super upset.  So what does the nurse keep saying to her?  "Well, that's not really your choice right now, is it?"  Seriously???  The poor girl is terrified and you can't even be the slightest big comforting?

 

*They told us we were being admitted at 1:00AM.  We didn't get up to pediatrics until 6:00AM.  The nurse in the ER kept saying they didn't have a bed available for her yet.  When we went up there I noticed empty room after empty room.  Then the nurse up there says to me "We've been waiting a long time for you guys."  I asked her what she meant and she said they had the room ready hours ago.  Apparently they had her bed ready 30 minutes after she was admitted and called down to the ER to send her up.  I don't even know what to say about that.

 

*The final straw that made me want to wring someone's neck was when I got a phone call on Friday from the financial person at the hospital wanting me to settle our bill right then, over the phone.  First of all, I never pay for anything over the phone, EVER!  Just not a good idea.  Second of all, I need to see an itemized bill.  I have had hospitals charge me for things I didn't receive numerous times.  And third of all, MY KID HASN'T EVEN BEEN DISCHARGED!  I'm sorry, that was so not my top priority at the moment.  I have every intention of paying our bill, but sheesh.

 

 

Ok, rant over.  I needed that vent!

 

4.  I talked to a friend of mine who is a nurse the other day about how Mary-Grace has been acting since we've been home.  This was obviously a huge ordeal for her and she seems to be pretty traumatized by it.  She is extremely clingy.  She throws up every time I have to give her medicine.  Flips out if I leave the room for two seconds.  And she is still babying the hand that had the IV and asking me to kiss it.  If you could spare a prayer or two for her, that would be so wonderful.

 

Alrighty...onto better, happier things.

 

5.  This past Saturday we had a birthday party for the girls.  It was so much fun!  I can't believe my first baby is going to be two on Thursday and my second baby one on Saturday.  Time flies so fast.  As soon as I (and by I, I mean Kevin) uploads the pictures to my computer, I'll post them.

 

6.  We have 2 beach trips planned!  And we don't have to pay or either one!  Free vacation!  Woohoo!  The first one is in mid April.  Kevin's brother and his new wife have a timeshare up in Destin.  It's a 3 bedroom condo on the beach and they invited us to go with them.  So basically we just have to pay for our food.  Awesome!  And since it's a condo we have a kitchen which is so nice when traveling with kiddos.  The second trip is to The Breakers in Ft. Lauderdale with Kevin's job.  We went a few years ago, pre kids.  It was amazing and such a beautiful place.  There is absolutely no way we could afford to stay at a place like this.  Because it's a business trip, it's all expenses paid...even for me and the girls.  K works for a small company so this is kind of a perk.  Unfortunately K will have to be in classes most of the time so he'll miss a lot of time on the beach.  But I know the girls and I will have a blast while we hang out with Kevin's cousin's wife (they work together) and their daughter.

 

7.  Tonight I'm picking up a half dose prescription of my Zoloft.  I'm going to take that for a week then break that in half for a week or so...then try to stop.  I can't believe it's already been 6 months of this.  I'm excited to finally be off (hopefully), but extremely nervous about side effects and possibly not being ready to stop taking it.  Right now I feel great!  I mean, I hosted a party on Saturday for about 50 people and didn't freak out once.  My daughter was in the hospital and I didn't panic once.  That is AMAZING for me.  A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!  I have way, way more good days than bad.  And when I do have a bad one, it's not terrible.  Everyone has bad days, right?  That's totally normal.  So again, if you have a prayer or two to spare for me over the next couple of weeks, I would be so appreciative.  And also, if you've ever weaned off of Zoloft or something similar and you would be willing to share your experience, that would be so wonderful.  :)

*UPDATE* Prayers For Mary-Grace

It's been a long, long week with Mary-Grace. I'll explain later...but for now we've been admitted to the hospital. She has RSV and the flu. She hasn't eaten in 6 days. Please pray for a quick recovery, that she will eat something, and that this migraine I have from now being up for 29 hours will go away. Oh, and that Hannah stays healthy.






*** I just spoke with the pediatrician at the hospital. Mary-Grace's X-rays came back showing early signs of viral pneumonia. We definitely aren't leaving today. Please keep praying!
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Help Me!

I have never been a very organized person.  When I was younger my room was always messy  a complete disaster.  The ironic part of this, is that clutter and disorganization drive me batty.  I seriously cannot think clearly when things are a mess.  But for some reason I just can't seem to figure out a system.  I try, I really do.  I bought little baskets for our "junk" drawer.  I organized it but it always gets super messy again.  I organize my pots and pans cabinets and two weeks later they are cluttered and it's dangerous to open them again.  And don't even get me started on the pantry, fridge, and my craft closet.

 

I need your help!  I know some of you are awesomely organized.  Help a sister out.

 

I'm thinking the first place I want to start is with a cleaning schedule.

 

Did anyone see this on FB?  This is me to a T!

So what's your schedule?  Or how did you come up with one?  Be specific!  Talk to me like a 5 year old.  I'm slow. :)

 

Also, meal planning.  I've tried it and yet I keep failing miserably.  How do you do it?  Do you have a system?  HELP!

 

Quick Takes

 

1. I made my first trip EVER to Hobby Lobby on Tuesday.  I didn't think we had any down here but I was wrong.  There is one about 30 minutes away.  I know that sounds far but I have to drive into the next town to go to Joann's or Michaels and that's also 30 minutes away.  Where I live you just get used to driving everywhere.  Anyway, it's the opposite direction of where I usually go - but whatever.  I was so worried that it wouldn't live up to what I built it up to in my mind.  Let me tell you, it did not disappoint!  I had to seriously restrain myself in there.  So much awesomeness in one place.  I'll be going back very, very soon!

2.  After spending a ridiculous amount of time in HL, Mary-Grace was telling me how hungry she was.  Well, telling me in toddler speak which involves signing more rapidly while saying "eat!" over and over again.  So I decided what the heck!  I took her to Chick- Fil-A and figured we'd just round out our day supporting Christian businesses.

3.  We also made a pit stop at Target where I successfully chased down my toddler who took her shoes off and ran while I simultaneously nursed Hannah in her ring sling.  This probably wouldn't have been so hard with an infant.  But an almost 18 pound, 29 inch, 9 month old...um not so simple.  I may have pulled a muscle.

4.  Well of course the above trip to HL resulted in some crafting (duh!).  I have been searching all over creation for burlap ribbon and I finally found it!  And to make it even better, it was 1/2 off!  So, that with a wire wreath form, some silk flowers, and an "M" I already had, I created this wreath for our front door. Please excuse the crappy iPhone pictures. :)

 

 

 

The only think that would make it better is cotton bols rather than the hydrangeas.  But maybe a certain blogger buddy who also happens to love cotton will stick a few in the mail for me.  Hint! Hint! ;)

I also did these...

I actually got the frames from Ikea for $2 a piece.  I got the paper and the "M" from HL and decided not to put the glass on the frames.  Right now they are on our TV stand, but once we finish painting they will be hanging on the wall.

5.  Speaking of painting.  The color of the inside of my house was driving me nuts.  It was a very pale green and I was just sick of it.  I decided awhile back I wanted to paint (like before I was pregnant with Mary-Grace).  Well, I finally got Kevin on board with it.  It took FOREVER for me to pick a color.  We had sample paint spots all over our walls for the longest time.  A few weeks ago we finally made a decision and I have been very, very slowly working on getting this place painted.  Let me just say, painting your house when you have to very young babes is insanity at it's finest.  I'm not sure we're ever going to finish.

6.  The pictures from above are from a family photo session we got on groupon and had taken back in November.  It was our first professional pictures since our wedding.  We were so pleased with how they turned out!  Here's a sampling onslaught...

 

 

 

 

7.  That's all she wrote folks! I'll leave you with this picture of my baby girl acting like a big girl.

Why is she standing? Where is my baby? Waaaaa!

Why I Love My Husband

* I can't get the cute picture to load so just pretend it's right here.  And go visit Kaitlin for more "Why I Love My Husband!

 

 

 

 

He tells me I'm beautiful and that he thinks I'm sexy every.single.day.  I know this sounds like it's no big deal, but to me it really is.  I've always had self-esteem issues.  Even when I was scary small and very underweight.  Well, hormone issues and two babies in 12 months have not helped that at all.  I'm far above a weight I'm comfortable with and it's not coming off.  It doesn't seem to matter what I eat.  Super healthy?  Doesn't budge.  Not so healthy?  Doesn't budge.  I'm assuming breastfeeding has a bit to do with it.  Or so I keep reading.

 

He listens to me complain about it regularly and just reminds me that I am beautiful and that he thinks I'm sexy.  Sexier than I was when I was skinny.

 

And to make it sweeter, he told me to go get the gym membership I've been wanting.  I'm super excited to drop the girls off at the gym daycare for an hour a few days a week and get my heart pumping a bit.  Even if I don't lose a single pound, I know I'll be stronger and healthier.  Woot!

New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

 

 

Am I the only one happy to see 2012 go?  Don't get me wrong, they year wasn't all bad.  We did welcome our sweet Hannah.  But man, oh man, was it a tough year!  I'm praying 2013 goes a little smoother.

 

I'm not usually one to make resolutions.  I feel like no matter what, I break them a week into it.  Well this year I've decided to change that.  I'm making several resolutions because I've got some serious work to do here.

 

1. Keep my resolutions. :)

2. Get organized!  Our life needs some serious organization.  I'm working on filing important papers, cleaning out closets, rooms, the garage, etc.  It's much needed and it feels so good to de-clutter.

3. Revamp the budget and stick with it.

4. Get out of debt!  We were able to refinance our house at a much lower interest rate in December and K got a pretty dang good Christmas bonus (much to our surprise!) so we are going to pay off my car.  This will free up some much needed money.  We're going to try to beef up our savings as well as pay off that pesky credit card from when we were younger and not so smart.

5. Get in shape!  I've given up the goal of being as thin as I was when K and I met.  It's ridiculous to think that I could get back there.  Especially considering that I was underweight.  My new goal is to be healthy and just accept whatever size that may be.  I have a number in mind, but if I'm toned and healthy I'm flexible with that.

6.  Cook home cooked meals every day with the exception of twice a month.  We have fallen into the habit of eating out far too much.  It's not good for our wallets or our waistline.

7.  Go to confession once a month.

8.  Get dressed daily.  Staying at home makes it easy to be frumpy.  I want to purposefully make myself look presentable everyday.  This includes make up and hair.  He would never say anything, but I know my hubby can't possibly enjoy coming home to me still in my pj's.

9.  Write down in a journal a positive memory for each day.

10.  Blog at least once a week.  I'm actually working on a major revamp that may include a new name.  I need a change and hopefully this will help keep up with this goal.

 

As a family we are also going to work on a family rosary each evening (we're beginning with just a decade with the girls).

 

I really pray I can keep up with this!  I know I can do it.  Maybe one of my resolutions should have been to not be so lazy and to not procrastinate. :)