Randomness

I'm feeling pretty good today.  I'm hoping to take advantage of it today but not overdo it.  I'm definitely nauseous but everything is staying down.  Woohoo for progress!

I made Pionee.r Wom.an's Pot Roast last night for the second time.  It's funny, with the amount of time I've spent hugging the commode I certainly haven't lost my appetite.  It was delish!

I had the most ridiculous thing said to me yesterday.  I was talking with a neighbor who I see quite a bit.  She found out I was pregnant.  Her reaction..."I guess K didn't wrap it up."  Um are you serious?  What is with people?  You would not believe the things that people have said to us.  I realize that not everyone knows of our infertility journey.  I realize that not everyone is open to life the way we are.  However, I cannot understand the amount of people who are not only not as open to life as we are but are not open to life at all for anyone.  You know, maybe if we had just gotten married or something I would not be as irritated.  I realize that a lot of folks believe that you should be married for a while before starting your family.  Heck, I used to be one of those people.  But dh and I have been married for almost 4 years.  Four years people!  I know in the grand scheme of life that isn't long but to be having our first child...what's wrong with that?  I have even had some family members (who shall remain nameless) act like this is a tragedy.  It just baffles my mind the criteria that people have that make it ok to have children.  The same family members (who are Catholic by the way) think that it is irresponsible to have children if you don't have thousands upon thousands of dollars in savings.  They think it is irresponsible to have children if you don't already have enough money saved for each child's college tuition before they are even born.  They think it is irresponsible for us to have children because of my lack of maternity insurance.  The list could go on and on.  Let me tell you something people.  You don't have to have ridiculous amounts of money to have children.  I grew up dirt poor.  Though dh and I do struggle we are way ahead of where I ever was growing up.  And you know what?  I had no clue I was dirt poor until I was in high school.  I don't believe in handing kids everything.  Just because they want it doesn't mean they should have it.  If I wanted something I had to work for it.  And you know what?  I respected my things way more than my friends who were handed everything.  I think children and teens feel way to entitled to things these days.  They feel that they are entitled to a cell phone, the latest video game system, the best clothes and shoes, a car, etc. etc.  It's sad if you ask me.

Ok...I'll step off the soapbox now. :)

I think I'm going to head out to Ross today.  Do y'all have Ross where you live?  It's like a TJ Max.  My sister saw some great deals on some really cute maternity clothes yesterday.  I know 10 weeks is a bit early but my clothes are getting tight.  I hate getting dressed right now.  I've always struggled with self-esteem and right now it's getting really tough.  It's just that inbetween phase.  When I actually look pregnant I think I will be ok but right now I just look like I need to lay off the doughnuts.  :)  Besides, I can't pass up a good deal.  I'll fit into them eventually. :)

Thank you all so much for all of your advice, sweet words, and prayers lately.  It means so much and is really helping to lift my spirits. :)

Anyone know what this means?

I just got off the phone with Kathy at PPVI (I love her by the way).  She was calling with my progesterone results.  Here is what they have been since my first test...

P+17 - 14. something (I forgot)
Two weeks Later - 15.2
Last Wednesday - 18.9

They aren't great numbers but she said they are about mid-zone 2.  I'm not going to complain too much.

Here's the thing I can't figure out.  At that second blood draw they also tested my CRP levels (c-reactive protein).  I didn't know they would check this but apparently they do because later in pregnancy elevated levels of this can cause preterm labor.  She told me normal levels are from 0.00-2.5.  Well my first level was at 19.5 and last week it was at 24.5.  Way way too high!  She asked me several questions regarding cramping, discharge and such.  She also asked if I have been sick with a cold or something similar.  All to which I answered no.  She said she is going to get with Dr. Hildgers today and see what he thinks.  Hopefully she will be able to call me back today.

Just when I was starting to relax and not worry so much.  I have no clue what to think all of this is.  I'm trying not to read too much into it but Dr. Google is making me crazy.  Has anyone had any experience with this?

Mover and Shaker

We have an active little one!  The second little Sweet Pea popped onto the screen s/he was movin all around.  It was by far the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life!!!  It made it so real.  There is this little life moving around inside me.  AWESOME!!!  I could see his tiny little arms and legs twitching and moving.  It kinda looked like he was dancing.  I loved it!

To make it even better dh got to be there with me.  At first he wasn't going to come.  The only reason I had the appointment was because of the bleeding I had 2 weeks ago.  Nothing has happened since then so I figure it would be a very uneventful appointment.  I didn't want him to have to miss work for that.  It turned out that my ultrasound was at 11:30 and then my actually appointment wasn't until 1:10 because the office closes  from 12:00-1:00 for lunch.  DH was going to meet me for lunch anyway so he figured he might as well show up for the ultrasound.  He was excited to get to see his little one. :)

Sorry that it's so grainy.  We don't have a scanner and it's a bit difficult to take a picture of a picture. :)

I talked with the doctor about the Phenergan she prescribed.  It's working ok I guess.  I'm still having issues but they are definitely less than before and more manageable.  The biggest issue it how dizzy it is making me.  She went ahead and gave me a script for Zofran (the one that I told you was $300).  I got excited when she told me that there is now a generic for it.  That excitement quickly disappeared when I got to the pharmacy and found out that the generic was $150 for 30 pills (and you are supposed to take 2 per day so that's not even a months supply).  I decided to go without and just stick with the Phenergan.  I'm 9 weeks and 6 days today.  Hopefully there will only be another 2 to 3 weeks of this stuff.  I think I can stick it out.

Updates and Such

I'm now 9 weeks!  Wow! Well, 9 weeks and 2 days if you ask me...8 weeks and 6 days if you ask my doctor...but whatever.  I'm not going to get all bent out of shape over a few days.  Although when the doctor first said this to me I tried to explain how far along I really was to which she replied, "Well, you know, there is no way to know when you ovulated so maybe you didn't ovulate when you think you did."  DH just winked at me and I smiled.  The doctors at my practice think charting is silly and doesn't work.  Funny, because I have many many charts and lots of coordinating blood work to prove them wrong.  Haha!  I love it! 

I'm still feeling pretty crummy but I think I'm handling it a bit better.  I guess I'm getting used to it.  I did talk to my doctor on Monday regarding how bad I was feeling.  I told her that I was very worried that I was getting dehydrated due to the amount of upchucking I was doing.  I wasn't able to keep anything down, not even water.  I told her that I was throwing up at least 10 times a day (sorry tmi).  She got a little miffed that I hadn't called sooner.  How was I supposed to know?  She prescribed me some Phenergan to see if that would help.  She said there is a better one (Zofran) but for someone who is self pay it's super expensive (like $300 for 30 pills).  The Phenergan is working ok.  I'm keeping food down a bit more now so I guess that is progress.  I still feel crappy but at least I'm not dehydrated.  It could be much worse!  My younger sister had a heck of a time with her first one.  She was sick the entire 9 months and had to be hospitalized several times for dehydration.  So I'm trying to look on the bright side.  Hopefully in a few weeks when I hit the second trimester I will pep up.

Speaking of the second tri...when does that start?  I've heard anything from 12-14 weeks.

I have another appointment on Monday that includes an ultrasound.  I'm a bit nervous about it but really excited.  The only reason I have this appointment is because of that scare I had two weeks ago.  The doctor told me he wanted to see me every two weeks but that if I didn't have anymore bleeding I could cancel if I wanted.  Well, I haven't had anymore bleeding but I don't want to cancel.  I think it will be reassuring to me to see little Sweet Pea again.  I already have regular appointment set up for September 9th...I'm going to add an ultrasound to that appointment as well.  If everything is fine with both of those I think I will stop the every two week thing.  Hopefully by then I will feel a bit more comfortable.

On Monday I am going to talk to my doctor (which ever of the 9 there I see) about our plan for the birth.  I know it seems early for that but I have a feeling they aren't going to like my ideas.  I want an intervention free/med free birth.  DH and I plan on taking Bradly Classes this Winter.  Unfortunately, I don't think my doctor's are going to like the idea.  There is one midwife at my practice but there is not guarantee I can have her for birth...I already asked.  I also researched the hospital the practice delivers at...they aren't natural friendly either.  And to top it off their c-section rate is almost 50%!  Seriously?  That is a lot!  There are three hospitals in Tampa and 1 of them seems to be the most natural friendly...although it isn't great.  I also found a practice that delivers there.  It's made up of 15 midwifes and two doctors.  DH and I have talked about switching to them.  The downside, that particular hospital is a little over an hour away.  We don't exactly live in Tampa (although I grew up there).  We live about 20 minutes north and this hospital is at the very south end.  I guess we'll decide after I talk to my doctors.

There is a pretty nasty upper respiratory thing going around here.  Unfortunately I think I've caught it.  My nose is nice and stuffy and my chest is tight.  I've been coughing like crazy and when I lay down I'm having difficulty breathing.  Kinda shallow.  I'm just taking it easy and trying to get a lot of fluids in for now.  My question though is who do I call if I need a doctor?  I know that seems silly but I'm really not sure.  Do I call my ob or do I call my regular doctor?  Hopefully I won't get to that point.  I'll mention it to by ob on Monday anyway when I go in but I was just curious.

Anyhoo.  I hope you all have a great weekend!  God Bless!

Prayer Buddy

Unfortunately this is going to be short because I'm having some major nausea and vomiting issues again today.  But I didn't want to forget to post about my prayer buddy. :)

I had the pleasure of praying for a lovely woman that I did not know prior to being matched to her.  Her blog is private so JBTC had to do some work to get me invited (Thanks JBTC!).  Once in I could tell by the adorable picture of her, her husband and two adopted little ones that she was a doll.  I was right.  I was praying for lowly.

I started at the beginning of her blog trying to learn as much as I could about her.  Unfortunately there wasn't  a whole lot of information.  It seems that she has had I think two blogs prior to the one she has now.  At first I felt discouraged.  How could I pray for her intentions if I didn't know what they were.  Then I got over it.  I figured God knew her intentions...He knew her heart.  So I asked God for help and began praying.  I prayed for her at Mass and at adoration.  I started offering up every bit of this all day sickness for her intentions.  I prayed for her during my evening prayers and any other time she popped into my mind.

Through my prayers and offerings I felt very connected to her and felt like I was getting to know her.  It was an honor to pray for such a lovely woman and lovely family.  I will continue to keep her and her family in my prayers.

Quick Takes

1.  I have no brain cells left.  NONE!  Pregnancy brain is for real and I've got a bad case of it.  I can't remember my name most days.  I've really been slacking on the posting and the commenting lately because I just can't seem to formulate any thoughts.  I'll be back in the saddles as soon as I can figure out what day it is. :)

2. I think I may have found the magic solution to nausea and vomiting!  Woohoo!  My doctor suggested taking a Unisom at night and a B6 in the morning.  After about 3 days of doing that I am finally feeling a bit better.  Not great yet but not as bad as I was.  I kept everything down yesterday...that is a HUGE improvement!  I mean huge!

3.  I'm an emotional wreck!  It's kinda funny actually.  I cry at the silliest things...happy and sad...and things that aren't really either.  Sometimes my ridiculous tears make me laugh because I know it's so ridiculous.  I cried yesterday watching on of the players from the local football team retire.  He was a great player and everything but there is no reason why I would cry.  I'm more of a college football fan rather than pro.  Either way stuff like that has never made me cry before.  I cried this morning watching the news when they were talking about back to school.  Again, I have no clue.  Why would that make me cry?  It's weird I tell you.

4.I'm trying to be positive.  It's hard sometimes though.  One minute I'm feeling total joy and excitement about this little life inside me and the next second I'm freaking out, worried that something is going to happen.  It's funny because before my scare last weekend I really didn't think about miscarriage much.  I knew it was a possibility, and I knew I was at high risk for it according to the Napro folks but I really didn't think about it.  Deep down I just felt like everything was going to be fine.  Now I feel totally different.  It does consume my thoughts a lot of the time.  DH tries to reassure me.  He hates to see me stress about it.  He reminds me all the time that God is in control.  But I still struggle.  He tells me all the time like he just feels like God wants us to have this baby.  I pray he is right.

5.  I'm loving not going to work. It's so nice to be home.  I will admit though that I'm a little bored.  I know that will change once I'm feeling better.  It's just hard right now because I don't feel good enough to do much.  Heck, I haven't even been grocery shopping in like 4 weeks.  It's pretty ridiculous.  DH has just been stopping at the store on the way home from work.  I look around my house and see this disaster that I can't bring myself to clean.  I keep apologizing to DH because I feel bad.  He goes to work all day and then has to come home to a messy house and he is having to do the shopping.  He's doing everything around here.  He keeps saying he doesn't mind.  He says my only responsibility is to take care of Sweet Pea...he can handle the rest.  Have I mentioned how blessed I am?  Because I really am!

6.  I'm thinking about trying to teach myself how to sew.  I've always wanted to and I even have a sewing machine.  I would love to make things for our little one.  Any suggestions on books to help me learn?

7.  DH and I are going to a Rays baseball game tomorrow.  We aren't huge baseball fans (even though I played softball for 15 years) but I think we will have fun.  It will be nice to get out of the house.  We bought the tickets awhile back before I was pregnant.  We are going with our neighbors who we always go to USF Bulls football games with.  I guess it's USF night at the Trop so we got a huge discount on the tickets.  Should be fun...as long as there aren't any weird smells around to make me sick. 

Have a wonderful weekend ladies!

Sweet Pea Update

I wanted to update yesterday but I was feeling pretty crappy last night and could barely move.  I spent a lot of time trying to keep my dinner down...and I surely did not succeed. :(  It kept me up until about 3 am this morning so needless to say my exhaustion is even worse today.  I didn't know that was possible.

I had an ultrasound yesterday to check on little Sweet Pea.  S/he is doing well.  I heard a little hear beat that was music to my ears.  156 beats per minute!  My new favorite number.  It's funny because all weekend I convinced myself that everything was fine, which is actually very unusual for me.  I have a bad habit of always assuming the worst case.  I think it's my way of self preservation.  On Monday I even told dh not to worry about coming with me to the appointment...I regretted that when I got there.  I was so nervous.

The ultrasound tech told me everything looked fine and she couldn't even see a reason for the bleeding.  Then I met with the doctor.  He told me something totally different.  He said he could see bleeding around the pregnancy.  It's strange though because while he was telling me this I didn't get worried.  I explained the bleeding I had to him and looking back I really played it off like I didn't think it was a big deal.  I also mentioned that I had been having some mild cramping but played that off as well because I've had that from the beginning.

He quickly put me in my place though.  He said that he doesn't like to rest this early and I've still got another 5 weeks or so before we can sort of breathe.  Um...way to scare the pants off me doc!  He wants me to now come in every 2 weeks through out the first tri to get an ultrasound to make sure everything is ok.

I'm glad that he is wanting to be sort of proactive about it but at the same time I realize there is really nothing he can do.  If I am to miscarry there is nothing they can do to stop it this early on.  This is totally and completely in God's hands.  His will be done.  I am trying to remind myself of that everyday.

DH told me last night that he has been praying the rosary for me every morning.  He gets up much earlier than I do so I had no idea.  That made me feel wonderful.  I wish I could put into words for you ladies how amazing my husband is.  I truly am so blessed.  He's such a gift.

Thank you ladies for all of your prayers this weekend!  It feels so wonderful and reassuring to know that I've got people praying with me for our little miracle! 

I will leave you with two pictures of Sweet Pea taken at my first appointment last Thursday (I got two more yesterday but I can't find my camera and we don't have a scanner).

*Update* I Really Need Some Prayers!!!

I had planned on writing a post today about how great my doctors appointment went on Thursday and showing you some pictures of sweet pea. The appointment did go well, and I do have pictures, but that all changed last night. My doctor told me when I left Thursday afternoon that my cervix was really sensitive which isn't uncommon. She said that because of the pap she did I may have some spotting and not to panic. Well I figured the spotting would come that afternoon or maybe Friday morning. Instead I started spotting last night. Then the spotting got a little heavier. I prayed like I've never prayed before. Then this morning at about 4am I passed a clot. It was small but it was definitely a clot. Then I cried. I woke dh up and he cried too. I just know something is terribly wrong. Right now I am waiting for the doctor to call me back and dh is praying the rosary. If you could spare some prayers for us and little sweet pea I would really appreciate it. I'm at a loss right now and don't know what to do.

UPDATE:
I spoke with one of the doctors at the practice I go do. I must say she was less than helpful. Anyhow, she agreed that the bleeding more than likely had nothing to do with the pap. She just told me to get some rest and stay off my feet this weekend. She said if it gets worse to call on Monday and make another appointment for an ultrasound. I guess I kinda expected more from her even though I know there is nothing she can do. This early in the game it is totally in God's hands. There is nothing they can do for me if I begin to miscarry.

Fortunately to spotting has seemed to stop and the only clot was the one at 4am. I'm praying that it does not return and that everything is ok. I usually do my poi injections at night and I'm due for one today. I had dh go ahead and give it to me this morning. I'm not sure that that will actually help anything but at least I felt like I was doing something. I forgot to call ppvi yesterday to get my progesterone results. I'm going to call on Monday and maybe ask if I need some more supplementation. Anything to keep sweet pea growing!

Thank you all so much for all of your prayers! It means so much to me and to little sweet pea. :) I will keep you updated if anything changes.

Mush, Ick, and Feeling Blah

My brain has turned to mush.  I have to admit that I thought pregnancy brain couldn't possible be that bad.  I was wrong.  I have no clue what's going on up there in my head.  I am having difficulty formulating a sentence or remembering my name let alone writing an entire post.  This post is sure to be all over the place and probably not too upbeat.  I apologize now.  If you don't like randomness I would just stop reading now.  Ok?  I warned you. :)

I'm 7 weeks today and the "ick," as I like to call it, has set in full force.  Oh my gosh I feel like poo!  I feel like I'm trapped in a vicious cycle.  I have to eat because of the unbelievable hunger that makes me want to vomit or climb walls.  But then when I eat I struggle to keep it down.  I often fail at the last task.  I found myself lying on the floor of the bathroom this morning.  I was too exhausted to keep running back and forth from my bed to the toilet so I made the floor my new home.  I know it sounds gross but it made perfect since at the time.  In the brief reprieves I have, I am thankful for the nausea because it reassures me that my body is doing it's job and there really is a baby in there. But in the moments that everything wants to come up I have to admit I am not so thankful.  It's hard to be thankful when your insides hurt from dry heaving all day.  I try hard as I might though to offer it up for my prayer buddy.

I'm exhausted.  I have never in my life been this tired.  Most days I barely make it off my couch.  I hate it!  This is the one thing I can't stand.  I feel so unbelievably lazy that it makes me sick.  I feel guilty too.  DH is at work all day everyday earning a living for me and little sweet pea and I'm at home sitting on my bum.  The house is a disaster and it's everything I have in me to pull some sort of meal together for dinner.  Often he even does the dishes at night.  I feel terrible.  I am constantly apologizing to him.  He is so amazing though.  He tells me not to worry that I am working hard growing our baby.  I love that man!  I am so blessed!

On a happier note.  I have my first prenatal appointment tomorrow.  I am so excited!!!  I have a sono at 10:15 and then I meet with one of the doctors after.  I'm so excited to get to see sweet pea and hear his/her heart beat.  I'm hoping that this will make it all more real.  I still cannot believe this is happening to me.  I am beside myself with amazement.