Prayer Buddy Reveal

This Advent I had the honor of praying for Mathching Moonheads!  I have been reading her blog for quite some time (although I don't comment nearly as much as I should) and have always loved her!  A, I prayed for you, your precious miracle, and your husband whenever you popped into my head during the day.  I also prayed for you at Mass and Adoration.  I tried to offer up lots of things for you, especially the week Mary-Grace and I both had the flu.  I hope that your felt my prayers and please know that I will continue to pray for you.  I cannot wait to "meet" that sweet baby of yours when s/he arrives! :)

I also want to thank All You Who Hope for praying for me.  You were the very first blog I found (I found you the week you adopted your sweet Clara) when I was searching for answers and support.  You gave me hope when I was feeling hopeless.  Thank you so much for your prayers, it means more than I can tell you.

3rd Trimester and a Change

Today marks the first day of my third trimester with sweet Hannah.  I cannot believe I'm 28 weeks already.  I feel like it took me forever to get this far with Mary-Grace.  It's strange, but I often forget that I'm pregnant...until I try to bend over to pick something up.  I feel like this pregnancy has been so much smoother than it was last time around.  I wasn't anywhere near as sick in the beginning.  We haven't had any scares like we did last time.  I decided to forgo PIO injections even though my levels were slightly low.  I'm more exhausted this time around, but I also don't have the luxury of napping whenever I want like I did last time.  I haven't gained much weight,  as of a month ago I had gained 9 lbs.  I'm not sure what I'm up to now.  I was supposed to have an appointment today but I rescheduled for next week.  It's just so crazy busy here with an insane amount of family drama on both sides that I decided it would just be so much easier.  K is also off all next week so he won't have to take time to go with me.  Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like I'm not paying as much attention to Hannah like I did with Mary-Grace (does that make sense?).  I'm just so busy chasing this increasingly mobile, 9 month old (tomorrow) around the house that I don't have time to think about it.  I used to talk to MG all the time, rub my belly, and pay attention to every move she made.  Now I'm sitting here wondering if I've felt her move in the past 24 hours.  I'm drinking some juice to wake her up so I can be sure she's doing ok in there.

I have moments of panic from time to time.  Before I know it Hannah will be here and we will be a family of 4.  I feel like we just became a family of 3 (probably because we did).  Ten years of just the two of us (5 of those married) and suddenly we have doubled.  It's mind blowing.  I can't wait to meet her but I'm also not ready.  I look around my house and think there is no way we are ready for another baby around here.  I haven't begun cooking and freezing meals.  I haven't cleaned the carpet, organized the closets, or gotten MG a big girl carseat so that Hannah can have her infant one.  The calendar says I only have 12 weeks to go.  But my gut says I have less.  MG was born 1 week early (well 6 days, but whatever).  My OBs said that typically the moms they see that have babies less than a year apart tend to go even earlier.  It's like their bodies are already so well prepped that it just kicks right into gear the second time around.  Hannah is due March 13th.  My plan is to have everything I need to do done by February 13th.  Then if she's early I'm ready and if not, great!  I can attempt to rest.

We still haven't made our final decision on a homebirth yet.  I've got to make a few phone calls later today and set up some appointments for next week when K is off.  Hopefully after some consultations with some midwives we'll be able to make our decision.  Surprisingly K is 100% for the homebirth, I'm the one with some reservations.  What's funny is that unlike last time around where my reservations were safety, this time I'm just worried that I won't be able to handle it.  I'm terrified of the pain this go around.  I'm thinking it's because of my experience with a 3 day labor that's making me a little uneasy.  I don't know if I can do that again.

We still haven't totally decided on Hannah's middle name.  We were wanting Therese but now I'm really wanting Elizabeth.  K is still stuck on Therese.  Any opinions to sway me one way or the other is appreciated.

Now onto the change.  I've been trying to figure out why blogging has taken such a back seat.  Obviously I'm a bit busier now but I know that's not it.  The truth is that when I sit down to write nothing comes out.  I started this blog while searching for support from other women who were experiencing the same things that I was.  The whole premise of my writing centered around IF.  Obviously I can't really consider myself IF anymore.  When I sit down to write all I can think of is writing about my experiences with motherhood, homemaking, life as a new Catholic etc. etc.  But obviously IF isn't really there anymore.  I want to keep writing.  I actually do have a lot of things I would like to talk about but I feel like I can't do it here.  It's a weird feeling I can't really explain.  So I'm thinking about doing a change.  I'm thinking about changing my name (I never really liked it anyway), changing the look, and changing the focus.  It will take some time but I think it needs it.  Like the name, I've just never been 100% happy with my little space.  Maybe a change will help.  We'll see what happens. :)

In the mean time I hope all of you have a Merry Christmas if I don't get a chance to blog before then.  You are all in my prayers (especially you prayer buddy) as always!

Good morning...

Couldn't ask for a better way to wake up on my birthday. :)

And yes that says A-Mommy.  Have I ever told you that from day one we created a "voice" for Mary-Grace?  Well we did.  She sounds sort of French and she also likes to put "a" in front of words (short a sound like uh).  I'm not sure how this all came about but we think it's pretty cute. :)  I've been wondering what sort of "voice" Hannah will have. :)

This little boy needs our prayers!

I stumbled across a blog today, clicking from blog to blog. Please, please, pray for this little baby boy as well as his momma.

Just a warning, it's hard to read, I'm still sobbing. I cannot even imagine.

http://ourordinarylifeextraordinary.blogspot.com/2011/12/tragedy.html


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

Prayer Buddy

Prayer Buddy (and anyone else who would like to say a prayer or two), I have a request.

I was planning on delivering Hannah with the same doctors and hospital as I did with Mary-Grace. Although it didn't not end up being unmediated as originally planned I did not have a bad experience at all. However, for the past few weeks home birth has really been on my heart. The main thing that deterred me with MG was that the closest hospital (with maternity ward) was 45 minutes away. I worried that if there was an emergency, it would be a really long trip to the hospital even via ambulance. Well, halfway through my pregnancy the newer hospital that is about 15-20 minutes away opened up their maternity center. However, at the time I didn't want to switch to a midwife. This time around I'm second guessing my choice to go with the same doctors and hospital.

Here are my concerns:

1. I want to try to go natural again. Although my experience wasn't bad last time it may be different this time if I don't actually get the epidural. My doctors and the hospital aren't exactly known for being natural birth friendly.

2. I don't want to leave MG. I know this sounds strange but it's an honest fear of mine. I have never left her. The longest she has been away from me is for a quick trip to the grocery store down the street with K. I have so much anxiety about leaving her already. I'm afraid that my fears may stall labor. I think I would be most comfortable knowing that she was being taken care of in the next room by my doula or K or possibly my sister.

3. I fear an unforeseen emergency.

4. I fear being transferred to the hospital and having to see an on call doctor and nurses who might not respect my wishes.

I'm already 27 weeks so of we are going to make this switch we have to do it very soon. I'm going to call around to set up interviews with midwives tomorrow.

If you could say a little prayer for peace of mind and clarity I would so appreciate it! Thank you! Thank you!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

Christmas Cards!!!

I have seriously dreamed of sending out Christmas cards with a little one on it for years!  Of course when I finally got around to being able to do it I totally slacked.  I'm going to blame it on being insanely sick last week (hence not getting up the post I told you I would).  Anyhoo...because I slacked I missed the awesome discount and had to pay out the nose for shipping to insure that I get them in time to get them mailed.  Whatever!  I'm just happy I finally ordered them!  I ordered way more than I needed because rather than counting households on or family list I counted people. :o/  Oh well...so now that I have way too many y'all are welcome to one if you want it. :)  Hopefully I'll have enough for whoever wants one.  I think I have quite a few extra.  So if you would like one email me your address to ktmathewson at gmail dot com.

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Finally...A Blog Post!!!

I am a bad bad blogger.  Everyday I say to myself I need to write a post.  Then I either forget or get one half written and something happens and I can't finish.  I have more half written posts in my drafts folder than I know what to do with.  And guess what guys?  Most of them actually have some thought behind them and aren't me just complaining.  Go figure. :)

So, before I get to the posts with actual thought I figured I'd give y'all a sort of update.  Then I promise I'll get one of two posts up that I've been wanting to do for a long long time.  I haven't decided which one will go up first...depends on which one I'm in the mood to finish.

Let's start with Hannah.  I'm a just over 25 weeks along now.  This is just mind boggling to me.  This time around it is going so much faster than it did with Mary-Grace.  I swear I never thought I'd make it to this point with her.  But with Hannah, I feel like I blinked and here I am.  I find that to be bittersweet.  I don't know how to put this so if it comes out like I'm ungrateful or complaining please know that I'm not.  I feel like the faster this pregnancy goes by the faster Mary-Grace's first birthday will be here.  I'm not ready for that.  I can't believe how fast it is sneaking up on me.  Before I know it Hannah will be here.  Don't get me wrong, I cannot wait to meet her, however, I feel like my baby is getting big so fast.  I miss my little newborn peanut.  I've got a weird case of mommy guilt.  I know that giving MG a sibling is such a blessing, both to her and to me, but I feel bad because she didn't get much time here on her own (I realize this is ridiculous because only the first child gets alone time at all).  I know that my heart has plenty of room to love multiple children (and I do already love Hannah, it's just different) but I can't imagine loving anyone more that I love Mary-Grace.  I don't know how to put my love for her into words.  I feel like my heart could just explode.  How can I possibly love someone else that much at the same time.  It hurts my brain trying to wrap my mind around it.

Other than that Hannah seems to be doing great!  She's growing and moving more and more everyday.  I'm assuming that I passed my glucose test last week since no one has called (wahoo!).  I've gained 9 pounds but it feels like 50.  I can't sleep to save my life and have to pee every 20 minutes.   Sounds about right.

Now for Mary-Grace...

She is doing wonderful!  She is 8 1/2 months old.  She still has no teeth but has two on the bottom that are trying their hardest to push through making her miserable.  She is doing a combination of army crawling and rolling to get around and has just begun to get herself onto her hands and knees and rock.  I'm sure crawling is right around the corner.  I have mixed feeling about that.  She sits up beautifully but if she falls over she can't, or won't, sit herself up.  Is this strange?   I feel more like she just won't not that she can't.  She's extremely stubborn.  And the most glorious news of all...SHE IS SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!  She goes down any time between 7pm and 9pm (it's usually at 7:30 but does vary from time to time) and sleeps until anywhere from 6am-7am.  Well, this morning she got up at 5am but whatever.  Lately she's been waking up briefly around midnight of so and fussing for 30 seconds or so and then falling back asleep.  I think this is teething related though.  Naps still leave something to be desired though.  She is typically ready for a morning nap sometime before 9am but how long she sleeps is up in the air.  It can be anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours but is usually closer to 30-45 minutes.  Afternoon naps are hit or miss.  But hey, I'll take what I can get.  This is such an improvement from a few months ago.

Breastfeeding is still going.  My milk supply is definitely dwindling as I get further along.  We are now having to supplement with about 6-10 ounces of formula a day.  It seriously broke my heart at first and was compounding the depression issues I was having but my wonderful husband has been so supportive and helped me to feel much much better about it.  He reminded me that feeding my baby formula does not make me a bad mom, starving my child would.  She was hungry and obviously not getting enough from me.  How could I deny her more food?  I've talked to many women who have been there as well as several lactation consultants and I've come to realize that I'm very lucky to still be breastfeeding her as much as I am at this point in my pregnancy.  A lot of women totally dry up by this point or their babies wean themselves to to the change in taste.  The LC reminded me that often when you hear of women bfing all the way through their pregnancies are women who get pregnant when their nursing baby is much older than MG was so they aren't needing as much milk as she does.  I was fortunate enough that a wonderful fellow blogger sent me some of her extra frozen milk.  Now that that is gone I would love to find more donor milk but the only bank anywhere near me is 2 hours away and the cost is $5 per ounce.  I just cannot afford that.  I will supplement as necessary and refuse to feel guilty for it.  I will also breastfeed her as much as possible, even if that means she only get an ounce from me a day.  I love the time we spend together and I figure the comfort she receives from it is just as important as the nutrition.

Yikes!  This is getting long!  I had more to share but I'll hold off for now.  I'll end with this:

Thanks Brenda over at Life As We Know It was so sweet to honor me with the Liebster Award for up and coming blogs.  I don't know that I would call myself "up and coming" seeing as how I'm lucky to pump out one post a month...but I was honored non the less. :)

The Liebster Award spotlights up and coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers. In return for the award, the recipient bestows the award on five of their favorite bloggers.

I'm sure I'm going to name ladies who have already received the award but my blogging world is a bit small.  :)

1.Isaiah 55:8-9 - She was my prayer buddy during Lent and I love her blog.  I don't comment over there as often as I should but she is wonderful!

2.Angela at Mary Grace Holmes - I found her awhile ago and I just love her!  I ready her blog from the very beginning and fell in love with her faith through such tragedy.  Her beautiful daughter Isabel and son Ian are pretty darn awesome too!

3.Lauren at Magnify the LORD with me - Oh my, how I love Lauren!  She adopted a beautiful daughter last year and was just blessed with the adoption of another sweet baby girl a few weeks ago.  I was so fortunate to be able to visit her a few months ago for my first blogger meet up.  She is an amazing hostess and has an amazing husband.  And that sweet little Abigail of hers is even cuter in person.

4. Sew at Sew Hormonal - Can I even nominate her?  Isn't she the queen of these blogs?  Haha!  I seriously love Sew!  We often joke that she and I must be twins.  Our crazy hormonal antics often mirror each other.  I feel blessed to have found her.  She is the first person I've ever talked to about my hormonal hell that actually gets it because she experiences the same things.

5. Awaiting at Awaiting a Child of God - She was also able to join us for the blogger meet up at Lauren's and I fell in love with her instantly.  She is such a sweet southern girl with the most adorable accent.  She is due any day now with a sweet little baby that I just cannot wait to meet!


Thanks again Brenda!  And you made me chuckle...we definitely share the same sense of humor. ;)

Quick Takes Fall Pictures Edition!

1.  My little peanut was an angel for Halloween.  I had every intention of making her a lady bug...I actually decided on that last year long before she was born.  However, I was searching around on etsy and found some adorable baby angel wings and decided that I just had to go with it.  She can be a ladybug next year. :)

This is MG with her little cousin Olivia.  I say little a bit sarcastically.  O is 2.5 months younger than MG, was born at only 7lbs and has already pasted MG in weight by over 2lbs.  She's a little chunk and I love it!  And look...they are holding hands. :)

2.  We took MG to a pumpkin patch last Saturday.  We had planned on taking her to this little farm that has one that is about an hour or so away but it was a dreary, rainy morning so we decided to stick around a bit more locally.  Can I just tell you how I have dreamed of pumpkin patch pictures for years.  I was so unbelievably excited!

Momma, I want this one!

She absolutely refused to look at the camera.  But she sure does have a cute smile in this one. :)

She was way more interested in eating the leaves and the hay.

Nope...still won't look...

Not with daddy either. :/

3.  Of course since we went to the pumpkin patch we had to get a pumpkin to carve.  I don't think there has ever been a Halloween that I haven't carved a pumpkin.  But K, until he met me he had never carved one.  NEVER.  I've never heard something so strange.  Poor deprived child. :o)  Rest assured though, my children will not know what that's like. ;)

Mmmm...pumpkin guts!

 

4.  I told y'all we took a quick little getaway to Orlando a few weeks ago to celebrate our 5th anniversary.  We had a blast!  We decided at the last minute not to go to Epcot for the Food and Wine Festival.  Instead we just hung out around Downtown Disney and our Resort.  It was just what I needed.  I was great to just relax and not worry about anything that needed to be done.  When we got back I felt very recharged.

First stay in a hotel.

Momma, I think I want a Harley.

What?  Why can't I have a motorcycle?  All the other babies have one.

Sitting with daddy's favorite character.

She loved the water spouts!

Well hello there!

5.  So, this isn't quite fall but I wanted to share some of my 6 month pictures of MG.  I know, I know, she's 7 months old now.  But I thought these were cute.  And since I have been seriously slacking in my monthly posts to her I figured this will do.

And just for comparison.  Here is MG at about 2 weeks old...

What happened to my little peanut?  This makes me all teary. :(

7.  Now for the non picture, non fall related take.  I'm looking for a new homemade spaghetti sauce recipe.  I've never gotten around to perfecting one of my own and I just don't have the energy.  So...I want yours.  If you would kindly leave me a comment with your recipe or you can email me.  I would be so, so grateful!  I'm hoping to make a bunch to freeze for when Hannah gets here.  I'm almost 22 weeks by the way.  When the heck did that happen?

I don't talk about politics on here much...or at all. I have strong opinions but I'm not a good debater so I figure I'll leave that to those who are. Anyway, that being said, I thought this video was hilarious!

This is a clip of CEO Pe.t.er Sc.hi.ff asking a question of those that are a part of Oc.cu.py W.a.ll St.re.et.

Here's the link:
http://www.970wfla.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=104668&article=9313957#.TqtbMlRXTF0.mailto




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

I'm Going to Disney World!

Not that that's too crazy or out of the ordinary or anything seeing as how I've gone at least once nearly every year of my life and only live about an hour and a half away. But still! I'm like a 5 year old. I LOVE Disney! LOVE IT!

K came home and surprised me with the news that we'd be taking a little getaway (with MG) of course this weekend. An early anniversary trip I assume. :) He's never surprised me with a trip before. So much fun! I love surprises!

Apparently K has been squirreling away a little money here and there. We also had a recent turn in our financial situation that is helping make this possible.

Oh my gosh! Can I tell you how excited I am?!?! K and I love vacations and we especially love all things Disney. We're going to stay at one of the Disney resorts Friday and Saturday. Then on Saturday we're heading to Epcot for the Food and Wine Festival. It's wonderful. Last year was the first time in a about 8 years that we haven't gone. I guess partaking in all the wine and beer is out of the question but I can eat. They have such delicious food at this event. K reminded me that a little wine while pregnant is fine (yes I have the occasional wine while pregnant. Don't judge. :) ) but I'm not comfortable with it in public. I don't need someone calling CPS on me.

I can't wait to show MG one of our favorite places. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures! :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Sleep! Glorious Sleep!

So I'm not going to tell you (because when you tell people it makes things change) that this girl...

This girl right here...






Yes, the one giving me the side eye. Slept from about 9:30 last night until 4:00 this morning. I'm also not going to tell you that after she ate she went back to sleep and slept until 8:15...in her own room...in her crib! But I'm not going to tell you all of that. ;)

Updated to add that I'm not going to mention that she just woke up from a 2 hour nap. Nope, not going to mention it. ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Thank you and an update.

Thank you all so, so much for your kind words, prayers, emails, and FB messages. I was really struggling bad last week. Really bad. This week things are looking much much better.

Over the weekend I had K get up with MG every other time she woke. I was still up often but it not being every hour was glorious! I don't need a ton of sleep, but I do need to sleep in longer than 30 minute increments. It's amazing what sleep depravation can do to you. Not just physically, but mentally too.

At my OB appointment yesterday, other than finding out that we're having another girl (squee! I'm so excited!) we also discussed a few other things. One, my weight. Ive been steadily loosing since I got pregnant. If I was sick the way I was with MG they wouldn't have batted an eye at it. But I'm not so they are slightly concerned. I have my 20 week ultrasound in 3 weeks. Hopefully Hannah is measuring on target, if not I'm sure they aren't going to be happy. In the mean time I'm supposed to be increasing my food intake.

I think there may be a few reasons to the weight loss. For one thing, I'm still bf'ing MG. I'm also still dealing with being hyperthyroid. One of the symptoms of that is unexplained weight loss. Then of course there is just being busy. Keeping up with MG all day and being so exhausted sometimes causes me to forget to eat. I'm trying to be much more diligent about stopping to eat every few hours. Even if it's just a little bit of cheese or a glass of milk. I've got to get the calories in somehow. Too bad I can't have this hyperthyroid when I'm not pregnant. I wouldn't mind unexplained weight loss so much then.

I also showed my OB some medication the endocrinologist prescribed me for my thyroid. I didn't start taking it because it had some pretty scary warnings on it regarding liver failure and death in pregnant women. The OB assured me though that these were very very rare side effects an that were almost always associated with women who already had liver problems. He also pointed out that I was given a much smaller dose than what is customary. He said that the medication was actually the one for hyperthyroidism that is given to pregnant women. The other one is not recommended at all. He agreed to monitor my liver enzymes monthly just to be sure. He also said that as my thyroid levels get back to a bit more normal we'll stop the medication and just continue to monitor. He also explained that hyperthyroidism in pregnancy in itself can be dangerous to Hannah. Apparently it can cause all sorts of issues. I'm pretty comfortable with the plan for now. And to be honest, I've already noticed feeling a little less foggy since I began taking it. I'm by totally clear headed, but I'm more clear than I have been in years. I'll take it.

On to some not so fun news. I took MG in for her 6 month check up this morning. In 3 months she hasn't gained any weight and has only grown 1/4 inch. I feared this. I've been feeling for quite some time that my milk supply has been dropping. All the signs are there and I'm at that point in my pregnancy where it's common. My pediatrician. Was slightly concerned but really helpful. Our first plan of action is to increase solids. We had been moving slowly but we are now going to be feeding her 4 times per day. We are going to weigh in in one month and see how it's going. At that point we will decide if supplementing with formula is necessary. It breaks my heart to think that I font make enough for her. I feel all kinds of mommy guilt. But I absolutely cannot let her go hungry! I knew we would eventually have to supplement. It just sort of snuck up on me. As much as I don't want to give her formula the most important thing is to feed my baby. I have to remember that.

I also talked to him about her frequent waking at night. He thinks that unfortunately it could be because she is hungry. She's probably not getting enough during the day to keep her satisfied. We're going to see how she does with this solids increase and then revisit it again next month.

Thank you all again for everything! Your prayers have helped so much!

And just for fun, a picture of my little Peanut!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Mary-Grace is going to have a little...

SISTER!
Hannah Therese

We couldn't be happier. I was 99.9% sure it was a boy so we were both surprised. I think it is going to be wonderful having two little girls so close in age. A dream come true for sure!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

A New Day

Yesterday was a low, low day. Probably the lowest I've been in a very long time. Today already feels so much better. I know all of your prayers have a lot to do with it. Thank you, thank you! Thank you for your support and prayers. They mean the world to me.

Just so you all know, I do plan on talking to my OB on Monday at my appointment. I however will not consent to taking any medication at this time. I do not feel comfortable with that at this point. I don't like taking things while pregnant. However, if at any point I feel like it has become necessary we'll revisit the idea. I come from a long family history of mental illness. I'm not unfamiliar with depression, among other things. I do believe there are other ways to deal with depression rather than just meds that in most cases can be explored first. If that doesn't work then I'll look into it.

I got to thinking last night after I talked to a very wonderful lady (and fellow blogger). As women, I think it comes naturally to feel like we have to do it all. And then when we can't, for whatever reason, we are incredibly hard on ourselves.

I think this rings especially true for for those of is who have dealt with IF. I now have everything I prayed for. Shouldn't I be happy all the time?

When I noticed the feelings of sadness and stress creeping in guilt soon followed. I felt like I was throwing this beautiful gift that God had given me back in his face. I didn't want to admit my struggles to myself let alone anyone else. This left me feeling very alone and made everything worse.

I kept telling myself that these feelings were normal, that my non-sleeping child was normal. Then the questions start. Seemingly innocent questions from seemingly well meaning people made me feel like a complete and utter failure.

"Is your baby sleeping through the night?"

Ummmmmm...no...

"Oh, well my baby slept through the night a 6 weeks old."

"You need to let your baby CIO! You are spoiling her!"

And my favorite, said to me before I began solids.

"You aren't giving her solids yet? That's your problem. You are starving her. I gave my baby rice cereal when he was 6 weeks old."

I think all of these women (and there were more than just these 3) had well meaning intentions. But all I heard was that I'm failing. I was not comfortable with (and still am not) letting my baby CIO. I know it may work for others and I think that as a parent you have the right to choose it. It however, is not right for me. It would only make me feel worse about myself. I knew that I wasn't starving my child but I couldn't help but wonder if perhaps she was a little hungry. The seed was planted.

I know I'm not the only woman to feel this way. I hold myself to a very high standard. Often too high. I didn't even admit to K how bad it was until very recently. It's not that I was worried he'd think less of me. It's that by admitting it to him meant that I was admitting it to myself. That's hard. I come from a very a very long family history of some pretty severe mental illness. My mother is bi-polar and schizophrenic. Because of some of her illnesses she chose to leave her children. My whole life I've felt that if I admitted to having even the slightest bit of anxiety or depression that would mean that I'm crazy. I was terrified to be labeled and didn't want to be like my mom. I know deep down that I am nothing like her and that I could never do the things she did. But like I said before, the seed was planted.

For the past 2 months I've been getting sleep in 30 minute increments. I think that that sort of sleep deprivation is enough to make anyone feel crazy. The problem is that I let it go on too long before asking for help. I will say last night was better. This weekend we are going to work hard on teaching her to put herself back to sleep. I will however continue to feed her at night if I believe that she is hungry. we did read The No Cry Sleep Solution, and while I did not like some of it, I did like some of the tips and we are working on those with MG. I know that things will get better. I know they will.

And like I said, we have a pediatrician appointment next Wednesday to check for some food allergies and a few other things. I will feel much better about any type of sleep training we decide to try knowing that she isn't waking because something else is wrong.

Thank you again for your prayers. This little community has magic prayers. :) I feel much much better today.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

I'm done. That's the only thing I can think about now. Except I can't be done. It's nit possible.

I feel like this is all I talk about lately but it's consuming my life right now. I need sleep. It's not a matter of wanting it anymore it's a matter of need. I'm a mess. I can no longer function. I've struggled with depression in the past. I was dealing with PPD after Mary-Grace was born. Then I got pregnant and stupidly though I didn't need to worry about PPD anymore because pregnancy was going to magically cure it or something. I'm not sure if I'm still having PPD issues or if I'm slipping back into a depression. But I do know this feeling and I don't like it.

I don't feel like myself anymore. I can't stop crying. I pace the hall all night, Mary-Grace screaming, me crying. Every morning for the last two weeks I have sobbed as K left for work, begging him to stay home. I've called him sobbing begging for him to come home. Then I feel terrible. How can I do that to him and make him feel guilty for going to work. He is doing everything in his power to support us and I'm making him feel guilty for it.

I'm sleep deprived and feel like crap. Actually, I think crap is too nice of a word. I've begged and pleaded with God. Something as to give. She doesn't sleep at night. She's up every hour. By the time I get her back to sleep I'm getting only about 30 minutes of sleep at a time. She only cat naps during the day. When she's awake she must me held. I can put her in her jumpy thing for about 10 minutes but that's it. Don't get me wrong, I love snuggling my baby, but I can't hold her all night and then the 11 hours that K's at work. I need to pee, or eat, or do laundry, or just sit without a 16 pound attachment.

K has been trying so hard to help at night. But the fact is that he can't feed her so if she's hungry I have to get up anyway. Heck, even if she's not hungry, nursing her is usually the only way to get her back to sleep.

We have a pediatrician appointment next Wednesday. I'm going to talk to him about this. I'm doubt it will lead to anything helpful but we'll see.

On days like today I feel like a horrible mother. I try to tell myself that it will eventually get better. But then I remember that come Match there will be another little one in this house. More sleepless nights. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel so ridiculous. It's just sleep. But this lack of sleep is causing me to be in a place mentally, emotionally and spiritually that I do not want to be.

I would do just about anything for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. I miss my Nana. I know she would have loved to hold and play with MG while I got some rest.

If you could spare a prayer please do. Either that I get some sleep or that I get to a better place when it comes to handling it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Advice

Alright ladies, I need your advice. How do I get my little peanut to sleep better at night?

The past 1 1/2 - 2 months have been miserable. MG is waking up ever 45 minutes to an hour. I'm exhausted and beginning to feel extremely crazy. She was a wonderful sleeper in the beginning. After about 6 weeks she started waking up more frequently but it wasn't too bad. She would wake to nurse then fall right back to sleep. But now, oh my, let's just say it's been a challenge.

We've developed a pretty good nighttime routine using cues from MG. He gets a bath given by daddy at 7:30. Then she snuggled with me and I nurse her. Then depending on her mood, either K or I rock her to sleep (I really don't mind rocking her because I enjoy the time and I know that she isn't going to allow me to do it forever). Then we put her in her pack n play in our room. This usually happens by about 8:30.

Then the fun begins. At least every hour she wakes up crying. I nurse her, she fights me (she even drew blood scratching my nipple the other day), she gives up and falls asleep. I put her back down and there's a 50/50 chance she stays asleep. If she does, great, but we'll be back at it in another hour. If she wakes up she screams bloody murder. This goes on all.night.long! I am EXHAUSTED! I NEED sleep.

K and I have talked. I'm thinking moving her into her crib in her room may help. I'm certain she can sense that I'm in the room with her. But other than that I'm out of ideas. I don't mind waiting a few minutes to see if she's just fussing rather than really awake. So far the fussing always turns into screams. I've tried patting her butt and putting her paci back in her mouth with no luck. I'm bit sure what else to do.

There has to be a way to teach her how to sleep. I absolutely do not mind waking up with her if she needs to nurse. In fact, I don't expect her to sleep through the night. But, I think for my sanity and her happiness ( she's quite grumpy lately and it's obvious she is over tired) something has to give.

She is finally learning to take naps during the day. I put her down at two shelled times during the day and she has finally figured out that she is going to nap regardless of if she really wants to or not. The amount of time she sleeps is still hit or miss (anywhere from 5 min - 2 hours). But I am extremely happy with our progress seeing as how just a month ago naps were totally non-existent.

So, if anyone has any advice I'm all ears. I'm desperate. I need sleep like I need water lately.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Running in Circles

Before I get to the point of this post let's start with some fun things...

First off, today is my sweet little Oscar Dog's 4th birthday. I begged and pleaded for a puppy beginning the day after K and I got married. It took me a whole year to persuade him but I finally did. We love our crazy little pup! So does MG...




Second, today is my little Peanut's half birthday. Six months already! I can't believe how fast the time is going. It feels like just yesterday I was entering my 3rd day of labor. ;) Only 6 more months and we'll be celebrating her birthday. I cannot imagine. Makes me so happy and breaks my hear at the same time. Peanut Butter, your daddy and I love you more than we could ever say. Thank you so much for making me a momma!



Ok, now onto the not so fun stuff. My neighbor recommended me to an endocrinologist that she knows. She works at USF (which has a huge medical college) and this doctor is on her floor. Her assistant told her that he was great and she's been seeing him for years. Bonus, I spoke with her yesterday and she was able to pull some strings and get me in this morning. Awesome! So I go in with my ultrasound results. They contacted my OB to get my blood results but they hadn't gotten there yet. When the nurse called me back unasked if there were forms that I needed to fill out (medical history and such) she said "Oh no, not with this doctor." Um, ok. That seemed strange to me. I finally sit down with the doctor. He looks at my thyroid films. Explains what he sees and tells me that based on just the ultrasound the doesn't anything too unusual. I have 6 nodules/cysts and my thyroid is slightly enlarged, but only slightly. The nodules all measure under 1cm so they aren't large. He recommended that I have another ultrasound in 6 months to a year. Ok fine, whatever. Then he asked me a few questions while we waited for my blood work. He asked me about leg cramps (nope), weight gain (big yes!), heart issues (nope), GI issues (yup), headaches/migraines (yes! yes! yes!), and a few other things I can't remember. I then told him about my constant debilitating exhaustion and brain fog and a few other things. He then accused me of purposely giving him textbook thyroid symptoms. Excuse me? Are you calling me a liar? I may be a lot of things, but I am not a liar and I'm not a hypochondriac. How rude! I told him I was just telling him how I have been feeling for the past several years. He then says well, the problem is that you are giving me symptoms of both and over and under active thyroid. Ok? Again, just telling him how I'm feeling. I don't know why I have symptoms to both. He's the doctor! Isn't he supposed to figure this out?

In the mean time my blood work finally shows up. He the looks at me rather sheepish and says " Huh! The results here really surprise me." I could tell he was eating his words. He then decided to have me go in to get a few more tests run and tells me to call him Friday morning and he'll go over the results with me. He then tells me that he is looking into possible Grave's Disease but made sure to tell me that it's a stretch and he doesn't think anything is really wrong with me. Thanks doc...

I bad already lost my faith in most doctors...this guy just reminded me why. Why is it so hard to find someone who is going to listen to me? I don't care if it's my thyroid or something else. I just want to feel better.

Oh, and the kicker, he asked if my cycles were regular. I said yes. He then said he didn't understand why I had fertility issues if I have regular cycles. I explained to him my diagnosis and he told me that fertility issues are caused by irregular cycles so it doesn't make sense. Are you kidding me? I though he has to be joking but apparently. He then said that IF is when you have PCOS. Riiiiight... Yes doc, that would be ONE of the causes of IF. Sheesh! Where do I find these people?

I don't think I'm going to get anywhere with this guy. I'm back at square one I'm guessing. I think I'm just done. I feel like I'm just stuck feeling like crap for the rest of my life. I don't have time or money to go through anymore doctors. Especially when I get nowhere. I'm just tired if doing it. I can't fight anymore.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

Quick Takes

1. MG will be 6 months old on Wednesday. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little sad. Six months just sound so old to me. I can't believe it's already been that long. I'm enjoying each stage with her (except this "sleep is for losers" stage) but I do miss my itty bitty little peanut.

2. I'll be 15 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Yikes! I thought my pregnancy with MG flew by. This one is going by at lightning speed. We are trying to decide if we're going to do the 4D ultrasound again this time around. We did it with MG and it was so much fun! However insurance doesn't cover it so it would be out of pocket. Money's tight but part of me would feel guilty that we did it with MG but not with Bean. I know it sounds silly but getting it means we also get a video. In the video we can see baby moving all around. I would love to see something like that of me when I was in my mothers womb. I don't know. I told K I can't decide so it's up to him.

3. If we do the 4D they do the first one at 17 weeks. So in just 2 short weeks we can find out the sex. Crazy! If I had to guess I'd say boy. I don't know why but I'm just feeling boy. We have a definite girls name but are clueless when it comes to a boy. We're pretty sure we want David for a middle name (that's K's middle name). First names we are thinking maybe Luke or Jude. My favorite boys name is Matthew. But of you know our last name you'll understand why we can't go with that one. I'm up for suggestions if y'all have some ideas.

4. I had a small amount if breast milk in the freezer that I worked super hard to pump. It would take me a whole day to get an ounce or two. I have something coming up where I'm going to have to be away from MG for awhile. The other day I came home after being gone all day to find the freezer door partially open and all of my milk partially defrosted. All of that milk I worked so hard for wasted. I just sobbed. I cannot tell you how hard it is for me to pump. There is no way I'll be able to store up enough milk to be gone from her again. It took me almost 3 months to come up with the milk I had. I'm at a loss and so frustrated at this point. I don't know what to do.

5. I still haven't found a new Endocrinologist. I'm just praying all of these nodules on my thrips are benign in the mean time.

6. I'm craving Fall! it's still in the 90s and humid here.

7. We still can't get MG to nap. However, we had her at the Bulls football game Saturday night and she passed out...for an hour! It was so loud in there.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

The State of Things

I haven't decided on a new doctor yet. I've had two people recommend two different doctors to me to I'm researching both. One is looking somewhat promising. I ended up digging a little deeper on the doctor I went to last week, apparently he used to be good but he has had a lot of bad reviews in the last few years. Lots and lots of complaints about how you see him for your first appointment and then you only see a PA after that. I have no issues with PAs, in fact with my primary doctor I prefer the PA. However, when it comes to a specialist (who I am paying a lot more money to) I want to see the doctor. People were saying that they would specifically ask to see the doctor and they were told no. I also wasn't surprised to see all of the complaints about how rude the office staff is. I experienced that one first hand.

The truth is, it doesn't matter if he is great or not. I have nowhere to leave MG during the day. Things where K works are not going well so I don't want him taking off every time I have an appointment. We can't afford for him to lose his job. MG is also still breastfed and pumping isn't really an option for us. I've tried pumping. I tried daily, multiple times a day, for weeks. My body hates that pump an I can't get any milk. I know there's milk in there but it won't come out. I've talked to lactation consultants and tried everything we can think of (different size attachments, hand pumps, electric pumps, manual expression) and I get nothing. It's crazy. I can't leave her and risk not being back before she's hungry again. Especially when she eats every two hours and the drive alone to the doctor is 45 minutes one way.

I picked up my ultrasound report and images yesterday. I figured I should have them for whenever I find a doctor. Probably not the best thing to do. Of course I'm flipping out and trying to analyze what I read. Dr. Google isn't helping. I'm pretty sure that when I find a doctor a biopsy is going to be in order. I have 6 large hypoechoic nodules (my thrips itself also seems to be rather large). I have no desire for a biopsy. I hate needles! And I hate that biopsy means they are checking for cancer. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. What the heck can they do for me if I have cancer. I'm terrified!

Sleep...
Sleep is nonexistent in this house. For me anyway. MG is up at least 5 times a night and I can't get her to nap to save my life. It really didn't bother me until the past several weeks. Pregnancy exhaustion is making me crave sleep. I used to love our cuddle time at night. Now I'm just so tired and foggy that I pray she falls back to sleep quickly. Sweet MG has decided to use my nipple for teething. Ouch is all I can say. I'm already quite sore without her chomping down on me. I've been having flash backs to that first week of breastfeeding. I've had to dig out my cream again. I'm going to be honest here, I loved breastfeeding, loved it, until recently. It's becoming so painful again and MG fights me so much now that it's becoming a chore. I hate admitting to that. I find myself praying through it and begging for mercy. It hurts that bad.

On a positive note. Although MG isn't quite 6 months old we have started solids. She was so ready and she lives it! We have only tried pears, sweet potatoes, and bananas so far. We're going to try avocado today. The first bite or two we get funny looks but then she gets excited and tries to shove the spoon in her mouth. K and I can't seem to feed her fast enough. If she wants more before we give it to her she opens her mouth and tries to lunge at us grabbing for the bowl. It's hilarious! It's been so much fun!















I didn't actually let her eat a banana like that. I was eating one and she kept grabbing for it. I figures since she had already tasted banana I'd let her gum it for a second. She LOVED it!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

**UPDATED** I have never in my life been so angry!

Today I was supposed to have an appointment with an endocrinologist to deal with my thyroid issues. I had all of my bloodwork done and an ultrasound. I was actually really excited about my appointment because I've heard good things about this doctor. I'm so sick of feeling like crap and had high hopes that this doctor could help me.

So I show up early. Feed MG in the car just in case it's a long appointment. I didn't want her to get fussy. Put her in her stroller and head up. When I walk up to the desk to sign in I notice a huge sign that says,

"Absolutely no children in the exam room. If you must bring your child with you please bring someone with you who can sit in the waiting room with your child."

Wait, what? I knocked on the glass obviously irritating the woman at the desk. When she opened it I asked about the sign. I told her I wasn't aware of their policy and that I had my 5 1/2 month old with me. She then told me rather rudely that I would have to reschedule. I explained that I don't have anyone who can watch my daughter during the day. She them told me that that was not her problem. I said "Ma'am, she's a baby, she's in a stroller, I'm sure she won't be any trouble." She said no, she can't go back and said she would reschedule me. Um, did she not just listen to what I said? I don't have anyone to watch her! I told her no thank you I will just have to find a new doctor. And do you know what she said? "Fine." Fine? That's it?

By this point I'm boiling and I can feel tears welling up in my eyes so I turn around to get out of there asap before I start crying. There was a nice middle aged woman in the waiting room who held the door for me and kept saying very loudly how ridiculous this was. I hope she thought it was ridiculous enough to say something to the doctor.

In hindsight I should have asked for my blood and ultrasound results. I was just so upset that I had to get out of there. I understand that they are a private business and they can implement whatever policy they choose no matter how absurd it is. However, it would be nice if they told people this on the phone when they made their appointments. Had I known this I wouldn't have made the appointment and waisted an hour long drive.

So I guess I'm back at square one. I have to begin my search all over again and I'm not sure where to start. What frustrates me more than anything is that my results are in and yet I don't know what they say. I just want to know what's wrong with me.

Since when did children become the enemy? I just don't get it? What really boggles my mind is that I was there yet they couldn't just see me. My daughter is not even 6 months old. She was in a stroller. It's not like she could get into anything. Not that that matters. I don't really care to do business with anyone who feels this way about children. I just wanted my flippin' test results.

Am I crazy for being so angry? Do y'all take you babies with you to the doctor?

**UPDATE**

When I left the office I called K immediately. I was crying and fuming mad. My normally very calm husband was pretty ticked off and told me he wad going to call. He left a message for the office manager asking her to please call him back. He explained what happened and also told her that we needed my records sent to me ASAP because we needed to find me a new doctor. I figured she would t call back but she did. K said she was fairly polite but wasn't budging on their policy. He asked why we weren't informed and she said that it is in the new patient forms. Um, hello! New patient here! How an I supposed to know about your stupid policy before my appointment when you haven't given me the forms yet. He said he understood that sometimes toddlers can be unruly and make things difficult but our daughter is 6 months old and was sleeping in her stroller. She said it didn't matter. He also told her how rude the receptionist was and he said she somewhat apologized. But honestly, he got nowhere with her.

I was thinking about calling the actual doctor tomorrow but I'm not sure. Even if he did agree to allow me to bring MG I'm not sure I want to go to a doctor who obviously doesn't like children. I'm not sure I can trust him to treat me properly while I'm pregnant. I already have serious trust issues with doctors. I may write a strongly worded letter to him just letting him know how ridiculous this is but I'm not sure what that would accomplish. There are several doctor review sites out there though and I have every intention of reviewing him and letting people know about his absurd policy. I dot want another parent having the same experience I did.

So I guess the search continues...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Pictures - Because Kaitlin Asked :)

In my last post Kaitlin kindly asked for pictures. How could I say now? Unfortunately I think my computer finally bit the dust so y'all are going to have to settle for iPhone pictures.

So here it is. A quick picture post...Instagram style.




I couldn't resist these sunglasses. Too cute!




Mary-Grace loves her bath time every night with her daddy. As you can tell, K is a bit of a goof ball.




This is my child's hair in the morning. Notice the bald spot? It is actually a huge one that wraps from ear to ear. She's a mover in her sleep and her head shows it. The funny part is that the hair on top of her head is getting really long and wild (notice it standing straight up). K calls it the reverse mullet.




My sister came over the other day with her 2 youngest (her oldest was at school). Eli loved holding his sister Olivia and cousin Mary-Grace. Notice how chunky my niece is? This is the one that was in the nicu just 2 months ago. She is 3 months younger than Mary-Grace and has already passes her in weight. She's such a rollie pollie!




This one just makes me laugh. :)




She's learning to sit up!




We finally got one of those shopping buggy cover things. She LOVED it! Bonus, this one had harness things to hold her in. She tends to flop.




Ready to watch her first ever Bulls game. K and I are so happy college football is back and that we et to share it with our Peanut this year. Yesterday was the longest game ever!!! At halftime they had a rain delay that lasted over 2 hours and then with only 5 minutes left they had another delay that lasted about an hour. The game started at 3:30 and didn't end until after 9:30. Sheesh! But in the end the Bulls pulled it out and beat Notre Dame. Wahoo!

I hope y'all have a fabulous Labor Day! I've got my second OB appointment on Tuesday morning and then a thyroid ultrasound that afternoon. I'll be sure to update.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

An Update and a Question

Wow!  I've been MIA for a long time!  I'm not sure what my excuse is...other than pure exhaustion.  Between insomnia and MG still waking up a few times at night I feel like I'm going to fall over.

I'm 12 weeks along today.  I find that hard to believe.  I still haven't totally grasped the fact that I'm pregnant again.  This pregnancy is definitely a lot different.  For one thing I don't feel like I dwell on it as much as I did with MG.  I think that is mostly because I don't have time to think about it.  My days are filled with entertaining a demanding 5 month old who doesn't nap and doesn't like to be put down.  I'm also not nearly as sick as I was with Peanut.  With her I could barely stand up without having to run to the bathroom.  I got dehydrated and had to be put on zo.fr.an to help me keep food down.  This time around I have spurts of nausea but that's really it.  I think I've only thrown up twice and that was several weeks ago.  I am thanking God everyday for not being as sick as I was before.  That was a huge fear of mine when I found out I was pregnant.  How in the world was I going to take care of an infant being that sick.  Fortunately that has not been the case.

I had my first appointment back at the beginning of August (my next one is next Tuesday).  It went really really well.  I was nervous going in.  I was expecting some rude comments about this being too soon and that it's not healthy or something like that.  I got none of it.  I was fortunate to be able to see my favorite doctor Dr. F.  I love him.  He did chuckle seeing me.  He is the doctor I saw for my 6 week follow up.  He was super nice and very happy for K and I.  He loves MG and spent some extra time with our appointment playing with her.  We got to haven an ultrasound and saw our little bean on the screen.  Super cute if you ask me.  I was happy to have K and MG there with me.  We met with the Patient Care Coordinator.  She has two children who are a week over a year apart.  She said that she loves it.  She said the first 6 weeks were really hard but after that it got easier.  It was nice talking to someone with a similar experience.  I'm going to be honest here.  While I am so happy to have this opportunity again I am terrified.  The thought of having a baby who isn't quite 1 and an infant is very daunting.  I have moments of panic and moments of guilt.  Sometimes I feel like it's not fair to MG ( I realize that is a ridiculous feeling).  I think I'm just worried about how I'm going to handle it all.  I didn't mention this on here but after MG was born I began having trouble with PPD. I was just finally beginning to seek treatment when I found out I was pregnant again.  I'm scared of it being worse next time around.  I'm scared because I really don't have any help once K goes back to work.

So while this pregnancy is better in the sense that I'm not so sick it definitely hasn't been smooth sailing.  They checked my thyroid at my first appointment.  I appear to be hyper again.  This happened to me with MG.  I went to the specialist and since I was nearing the end he decided not to treat until after she was born.  Well I never went back and now I'm having issues again.  I'm working on getting back in to see him.  Its hard though toting a 5 month with you for long doctor appointments.  I need it fixed though.  I've been cloudier than ever and can't seem to think at all.  I also haven't gained any weight...actually I've lost.  I would expect that if I was sick but since I'm not I find that strange.  The same thing happened at the end of my pregnancy with MG.

I'm also starting to have milk supply issues.  While I still have enough to feed MG everyday it seems to be just enough.  She used to be satisfied after only eating on one side.  Now I definitely have to feed her on both.  I've been trying to pump but I don't get much with that.  It's not so much that there isn't any milk to pump but more because my body hates the pump.  This is definitely where my guilt comes in. I really wanted to feed MG breastmilk until she was at least a year.  I'm not sure I will be able to for another 6 1/2 months.  If it's already decreasing I can't imagine that it will last until her first birthday.  It makes me very sad.  I love nursing her.  I have never been one to think that formula is "evil."  It absolutely serves a purpose.  However, I would much rather not have to give MG any.  I don't like some of the ingredients, I hate the smell, and I can't stand how expensive it is.  Our budget is already tight enough without that added expense.  I've looked into a milk bank but that is way out of my price range.  I feel horrible putting a cost on things like this but we just can't afford it.  I'm not really sure what do do.  Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

So now for my question...

In a few weeks we'll be starting MG on solids.  We'll start her on things like sweet potatoes, avacado, bananas, etc.  We will do one food every 4 days to make sure there are no allergies.  I've been reading many many websites on the topic but I'm overwhelmed.  How often do I feed her solids and for how long?  When do I increase?  I see that a lot of people feed their little ones yogurt.  Is that ok?  I thought you weren't supposed to do dairy until a year.  Any information or direction any of you can provide would be wonderful.  I'm so lost! :)

If you made it through all of this mess you deserve a cookie.  :)  Have a wonderfully blessed day!

Prayers Please

My sister just called. She spoke with my dad today and he told her he is losing his house. It will be foreclosed on on August 16th. We knew he was struggling financially, he always has, but we didn't realize it had gotten this bad. The house is old and needs several repairs that are very expensive. It just got to be too much for him and he couldn't keep up. To make it worse his hours have been cut at work. There is a lot more going on with the situation than I will get into here but I know he could really use some prayers. It's been a tough year for my dad, it's been a tough year for my whole family. Thank you all! I really appreciate it!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Recipes

A few of you requested my crock pot recipes so here you go.

Sweet & Sour Chicken

• 4 tablespoons butter, melted
• 3/4 c. ketchup
• 1/2 c. white vinegar
• 3/4 c. brown sugar
• 3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 2 cloves minced garlic
• salt and pepper to taste
• red pepper flakes to taste
• 1 1/2 c. chicken broth
• 6 boneless skinless chicken breasts (I use frozen chicken.  At my grocery store you can buy a bag of all natural (no hormone/antibiotic chicken).  I just use however many breasts are in the bag)
• 1 can pineapple chunks, drained (If the fresh pineapple looks good I prefer fresh but in the winter I get the canned)

Place Chicken in the crock pot (no need to defrost).  In a bowl mix melted butter, ketchup, vinegar, brown sugar, Worcestershire sauce, garlic, salt, pepper, red pepper, and chicken broth.  Pour over chicken.  Cook on low for about 8ish hours.  When the chicken is done I like to pull it out and shred it with a fork.  Place the shredded chicken back in the crock pot and add the pineapple.  Cook for an additional 20 minutes.  I then serve it over rice.

Crock Pot Mac & Cheese

I found this recipe on Pinterest.  I haven't tried this one yet but my sister has made a similar one (Pau.la De.an I believe).  The recipe suggests using skim milk, and fat free condensed milk...I don't believe in fat free dairy...it just doesn't make sense to me so I will be using whole.  And like I said in my previous post.  If I have some leftover ham from my soup tonight and sandwiches on Thursday I'll be adding that to the recipe.  I also tend to serve broccoli with mac&cheese.  It just goes together if you ask me. :)
http://whiskandaprayer.blogspot.com/2010/08/magazinecookbook-monday-slow-baked-mac.html

 Crock Pot Lasagna


I also found this one on Pinterest.
http://gottalittlespacetofill.blogspot.com/2010/05/crock-pot-lasagna.html

Lentil Soup

I know this isn't a crock pot recipe but it's really good and easy.

• 1 1lb package lentils
• 2 10oz cans chicken broth
• 1/2lb ham
• 1 10oz can stewed tomatoes, chopped
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 large onion
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 cloves fresh garlic, minced
• 2 c. water
• 1 tablespoon fresh chopped parsley (I often leave this out for some reason)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• black pepper to taste

Wash lentils and drain.  Coarsely chop ham and onions.  Heat olive oil in a large soup pot with lid and saute onion until golden.  Add all other ingredients and stir.  Cook covered on low heat for at least 1 hour (It's better if you go longer).

This makes quite a bit of soup.  Sometimes the leftovers thicken up a lot.  If they do you can add more broth or serve it over rice.

I can't find my Santa Fe Chicken recipe. :(  Hopefully I'll find it before I'm supposed to make it.)  But it goes something like this...

1 bag of frozen chicken
1 Can black beans drained and rinced (I actually usually do 2 cans because we really like black beans.)
1 bag frozen corn
1 can Rot.el
Salt & Pepper to taste
Red Pepper to taste
Chopped Greed Onions
Shredded Cheese

Throw chicken, beans, corn, rotel, and spices in the crock pot on low for 8ish hours.  Serve over rice topped with cheese and green onions.

Let me know if you try any of these.  I hope you like them. :)

Menu Planning

Despite the nausea setting in I have this major urge to simplify and get organized. I realize the I'm only 7 weeks along but my anxiety is in full force and the thought of 2 under 1 terrifies me. Heck, I still haven't figured out what I'm doing with Mary-Grace let alone with another one. I have to face the harsh reality that my willy nilly multiple trips each week to the grocery store is not going to be as doable. I'm not going to be able to just wing it each night when it comes to dinner so I need to start planning. I think it's definitely best for my sanity and my wallet.

Last night I sat down and planned a menu for dinner each night this week. Then I made a list of what I need to make each meal. K is going to make a spreadsheet for me with all of my recipes. Then I can sort of drag and drop onto a calendar. Eventually I plan on picking my weekly menu base on the sale adds but for now just planning and sticking to a list is my goal.

This morning I set out to shop and already spent less than I usually do. Wahoo! If I get good at it maybe I can make one for a whole month. I'd also like to work in weekend lunches. I usually make enough of whatever we eat for dinner for us to have for lunch the next day so I'm covered there.

So anyway, this is what I have for the week.

MONDAY: Spaghetti w/ ground beef and broccoli (I put the broccoli in the sauce.)

TUESDAY: Ham and Lentil Soup

WEDNESDAY: Crock Pot Santa Fe Chicken w/ Rice

THURSDAY: Ham Sandwiches on Sourdough with the leftover ham from Tuesday

FRIDAY: Crock Pot Mac & Cheese (If I still have leftover ham I'll throw that in there).

SATURDAY: Crock Pot Sweet & Sour Chicken

SUNDAY: Crock Pot Lasagna

I'm not sure what veggies we'll have each night. I'll decide that based on what looks good when I go to the new little farmers market down the street from my house. I know there's a lot of pasta on the menu but it sits well in my sensitive stomach and I seem to be craving it. I'm also taking advantage of my crock pot right now. I'm exhausted beyond exhausted and it just makes my life so much easier.

If you have some good make ahead or crock pot recipes that you love I'd love for you to share them. I love trying out new recipes!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

Quick Takes - But only 5 :)

1.  I still haven't posted Mary-Grace's 3 month post...she was 4 months yesterday.  One of these days I'll have enough braincells to get them done.  One day.

2.  I enjoyed my first ever blogger get together this week!  It was awesome!  I went to stay with Lauren for a few days and also got to hang out with Kaitlin and Awaiting.  We had a fabulous few days hanging out on the beach and eating Lauren's yummy food (she's a great cook!).  Here's a preview of our stay.  I'll post more about it later.

Mary-Grace, Abigail, and Hannah!

3.  This past Monday we celebrated 1 year since I became Catholic.  K made dinner and it was yummy!

4.  We also celebrated 1 year since we found out about our sweet Mary-Grace.  Do you remember?  We found out on the same day.  It was a bit crazy.  You can read about it here.

What a difference a year makes!

5.  We celebrated one more thing.  I have debated posting about this for fear of hurting someone.  But I've decided to go ahead with it.  I believe that things like this should always be celebrated, no matter what.  We are also celebrating the upcoming arrival of baby #2.  I found out a few weeks ago and am now about 6 weeks along.  To say that we were shocked is an understatement.  How can someone who has to work for years to get pregnant suddenly get pregnant again only 3 months postpartum?  I have no idea.  I do not pretend to know God's plan for me and for my family.  My heart is full of joy and my mind is very confused.  I believe I am due around March 11th but my chart was really wonky so I'm not 100% sure when I ovulated.  If you remember correctly Mary-Grace was born on March 21st...so that's pretty crazy.  Iri.sh tw.ins for the formerly infertile girl?  Who would have thunk it?  I have no clue how I'm going to take care of a newborn and a not quite one year old.  But I know that God in his infinite wisdom has a plan.  I will be doing a lot of praying in the next several months.  I want you ladies to know that I still pray for you daily.  I have been offering up the exhaustion for you and will now begin offering up the ick that set in this morning for you as well.  K and I are also praying for all of you every night.  I totally understand if you run screaming from my blog now.  I won't be upset with you.

To my family:  If you have somehow managed to find my blog please spill the beans.  We haven't told family yet for a reason.  We will be shortly though.  I promise.