The State of Things

I haven't decided on a new doctor yet. I've had two people recommend two different doctors to me to I'm researching both. One is looking somewhat promising. I ended up digging a little deeper on the doctor I went to last week, apparently he used to be good but he has had a lot of bad reviews in the last few years. Lots and lots of complaints about how you see him for your first appointment and then you only see a PA after that. I have no issues with PAs, in fact with my primary doctor I prefer the PA. However, when it comes to a specialist (who I am paying a lot more money to) I want to see the doctor. People were saying that they would specifically ask to see the doctor and they were told no. I also wasn't surprised to see all of the complaints about how rude the office staff is. I experienced that one first hand.

The truth is, it doesn't matter if he is great or not. I have nowhere to leave MG during the day. Things where K works are not going well so I don't want him taking off every time I have an appointment. We can't afford for him to lose his job. MG is also still breastfed and pumping isn't really an option for us. I've tried pumping. I tried daily, multiple times a day, for weeks. My body hates that pump an I can't get any milk. I know there's milk in there but it won't come out. I've talked to lactation consultants and tried everything we can think of (different size attachments, hand pumps, electric pumps, manual expression) and I get nothing. It's crazy. I can't leave her and risk not being back before she's hungry again. Especially when she eats every two hours and the drive alone to the doctor is 45 minutes one way.

I picked up my ultrasound report and images yesterday. I figured I should have them for whenever I find a doctor. Probably not the best thing to do. Of course I'm flipping out and trying to analyze what I read. Dr. Google isn't helping. I'm pretty sure that when I find a doctor a biopsy is going to be in order. I have 6 large hypoechoic nodules (my thrips itself also seems to be rather large). I have no desire for a biopsy. I hate needles! And I hate that biopsy means they are checking for cancer. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. What the heck can they do for me if I have cancer. I'm terrified!

Sleep...
Sleep is nonexistent in this house. For me anyway. MG is up at least 5 times a night and I can't get her to nap to save my life. It really didn't bother me until the past several weeks. Pregnancy exhaustion is making me crave sleep. I used to love our cuddle time at night. Now I'm just so tired and foggy that I pray she falls back to sleep quickly. Sweet MG has decided to use my nipple for teething. Ouch is all I can say. I'm already quite sore without her chomping down on me. I've been having flash backs to that first week of breastfeeding. I've had to dig out my cream again. I'm going to be honest here, I loved breastfeeding, loved it, until recently. It's becoming so painful again and MG fights me so much now that it's becoming a chore. I hate admitting to that. I find myself praying through it and begging for mercy. It hurts that bad.

On a positive note. Although MG isn't quite 6 months old we have started solids. She was so ready and she lives it! We have only tried pears, sweet potatoes, and bananas so far. We're going to try avocado today. The first bite or two we get funny looks but then she gets excited and tries to shove the spoon in her mouth. K and I can't seem to feed her fast enough. If she wants more before we give it to her she opens her mouth and tries to lunge at us grabbing for the bowl. It's hilarious! It's been so much fun!















I didn't actually let her eat a banana like that. I was eating one and she kept grabbing for it. I figures since she had already tasted banana I'd let her gum it for a second. She LOVED it!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!