I finally heard back from Dr. G! I emailed her last Saturday to tell her how much better my last two cycles have been and hadn't heard back from her. They were pretty darn close to textbook. In her response she told me that dh and I need to pray about when we should start actually trying to achieve a pregnancy. She said that as long as my cycles are being consistently good and I'm feeling good she would leave ttc up to us.
So after yesterday's post you would think I would be jumping out of my chair with excitement that we have been given the green light. But...I'm not. I don't like that she left it up to us. I'm the kind of person who just needs someone to tell me what to do. I second guess myself a lot! It's really hard for me to make decisions like this. I think that the 11 months of avoiding have caused a lot of anticipation to build and now I am PETRIFIED!
I've been praying about when the right time would be for the last 11 months. I've been especially praying about it for the past 4 or so cycles. I have such mixed feelings. I have never felt like I truly hear what God is trying to tell me. I can't differentiate whether it's my own thoughts and desires or Gods. And no matter what I decide there is going to be that little piece of me who doubts.
There is a huge part of me that is totally and completely ready. A huge part of me says go for it! But then there's this little voice that says "what if." Ugh! I thought I would be excited but I'm so confused!
DH says we should go for it. He says that we are never going to know until we try. He reminded me that we spent a lot of time "trying" before we found out about Crei.ghton and then it was just truly winging it. Now we actually have the tools to know what we are doing and increase our chances. I trust his judgment and I know he has been praying about it. I know he wants this as badly as I do. I see the way he plays with our nephews...I see the way he looks at the little babies at church. I can tell it melts his heart. And seeing him melts mine.
So...let's say that we do go for it. I'm still pre-peak this cycle, should we start now? Or should we just finish out this cycle and wait for next? Decisions, decisions.
Now this question is going to see totally ridiculous but I have to ask. Is there a "right" way to try? Since DH and I have been charting our practitioner has only taught us how to avoid because it was very obvious that something was wrong. There has to be a method to this madness. I realize that peak type cm days are ideal. I just figure there is some kind of formula or something. Does that sound crazy? I don't know...I think it's my nerves getting to me. I just need someone to tell me what to do. It's easier that way. :)
