It has been 6 months since you left to be with Jesus. Six months since your family gathered around you and I held your hand as you slipped from this life into the next. Six months since we all told you it was ok to go. Six month since I wished I could take that back. I think back to that day every day. I think about sitting there with you in that week leading up to January 6th. I'm so glad I could be with you in those days before Jesus called you home. I was in denial that this was actually it. They told me you would not get better but I didn't want to believe them. I wanted to believe that you would, just like all of those other times. I prayed they were wrong. I prayed for a miracle.
I think about you every day. Sometimes I smile and laugh. Many days there are tears. I miss you more than I could ever tell you. Every day I wish I could hug you. I think about sitting at your dining room table and just talking like we did so often. I miss your stories, your advice, and you voice.
Thank you for being there the day that Mary-Grace was born. I could feel you in the room. My beautiful girl reminds me so much of you. She has your nose and your smile. I can't look at her and not think of you. She is beautiful. I wish more than anything that you could hold her. I wanted so bad for you to meet my baby. No one was happier for me when I found out I was pregnant than you. I know how much you were looking forward to meeting her.
Things just haven't been the same since you left. You were the glue that held our family together. I haven't been to your house much in the last 6 months. Please let Granddad know that I'm sorry. I want to see him but it is so hard for me to be in your house. Every time I walk in I expect to see you sitting there at the table. I want so bad to go in, get us both a diet coke, and sit down for one of our chats. I miss those days so much.
Thank you for the red bird nest in my front yard. Every time I see those red birds come out of the tree I think of you. They are such a comfort. When I see them it reminds me that you are watching over me. Thank you for watching over our family. Please continue to do so. We need you so much.
I think about your reunion with your family in Heaven all the time. I hope it was everything you always imagined it would be. I found comfort in that January day remembering what you always said about Heaven. You never were scared to go. You knew that when you got there all of your family that went before you would be waiting for you to arrive with a big family reunion. I hope you got to hug GG, Billy, Johnny, Big Daddy, and all of the others just as you always dreamed of. Save a place for me. One day, when I get there, I'm giving you a big hug.
Please continue to watch over your family. Pray for us. Pray for me. Pray that one day I can think about you without the tears. On those hard days when I feel lonely, let me know you are here beside me. I know you are, I just need a little reminder.
I love you Nana.
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| At my bridal shower in Sept 2006 |
