Welcoming Mary-Grace Part 3

If you haven't read part 1 and 2 of Mary-Grace's birth story you can find them here and here.

We were driving back to the hospital for the third time.  Fortunately it was only about 5am so the roads were pretty bare.  Morning rush hour hadn't yet begun which could have easily made our 45 minute drive turn into a 2 hour drive.  K was exhausted and told me later that he was really concerned about driving.  He was very worried that he might fall asleep (he hadn't slept since Friday night either).  This time around the contractions did not slow for the drive.  I was having them every 1.5 to 2 minutes like clockwork.  I was now having trouble relaxing through them.  My moaning was getting louder and louder and would at times turn into a high pitched scream.  At this point I had lost all control. K would try to talk be down from each contraction but I wasn't nearly as receptive.  In between each contraction I would sob.  To be honest, it wasn't the pain.  I really could handle the pain.  It was the exhaustion.  Being awake for 3 days really starts to do funny things to a person.

We pulled into the hospital parking lot.  K helped me out of the car and I prayed a quick prayer that God would help me know what to do if there were decisions to be made.  The reality that it was very possible that this labor was not going to go as planned as far as being un-medicated became very real to me.  I also prayed that I would have peace about whatever was to happen.  At this point my only goal was to actually have this baby and for both of us to be healthy.  Deep down inside though I really still wanted to do this on my own.

We walked back into the lobby and the security guard from the first trip was back at his desk.  He remembered me and was shocked to see me.  He said he figured I had already had my baby at this point.  I didn't have the energy to respond.  I took my post leaning on his desk and waited for the nurse to come get me.

I heard the doors open and when I turned around my angel Nancy came walking towards me.  I tried hard to force a smile but instead I burst into tears.  She told me not to worry that she didn't care how much I had progressed, if I wanted to be she would be sure that I was admitted.  She said she's never seen anything like what was happening to me.  We walked to triage together stopping and swaying for contractions.  All the while tears are streaming down my face.  To be honest, I'm not sure what the tears were about. I wasn't sad.  I think it was shear frustration and exhaustion.

I was once again given a room where I undressed, hopped up on the bed (my enemy), was strapped to monitors and finally checked.  I closed my eyes again as she checked and tried to get a Hail Mary in.  When I opened my eyes she had a smile on her face.  I asked her what to verdict was and she said I was a stretchy 3.  I tried my hardest to be happy but all I could think was 3 days!  Three days of labor and I had only progressed to 3 centimeters.  Not just 3 days of labor, 3 days of hard labor.

I looked over at the monitor and saw that my contractions were still measuring off the charts.  Not that I really needed that thing to tell me.  I then asked the nurse between contractions how Mary-Grace was doing.  "Perfect!" She said.  "You're little one is handling one of the longest hardest labors I've ever seen remarkably well!"  I smiled and the tears began to flow again. Then she asked me what I wanted to do.  She said if I wanted she would call the doctor from my office that was on call and get him to admit me or I could go home again.  I didn't even think about it.  I told her to get me admitted.  There was just no way we could safely make it home again.

As she left the room I thought to myself that I really should get up to deal with the contractions, but I just couldn't.  I was getting dizzy and didn't feel like I had the strength.  After what seemed like an eternity she came back in with a nurse from labor and delivery Stephanie, who would be my nurse.  Stephanie helped me up to escort me to my new room.  Sweet Nancy gave me a hug and said she would come visit me when she came back on at 7pm and prayed that I would have my baby in my arms by then.

Once in my room I was hooked up again.  Stephanie (who had already read my birth plan prior to coming to get me) asked me about my pain scale.  I was honest with her and told her it was an 8 (we were told in Brad.ley to never say above a 5).  She said that she wouldn't bug me about it but just to let her know if I wanted something to relieve the pain.  I took a deep breath, asked for wisdom and peace and told her I was done.  I told her that I was ready for the epidural.  She asked if I was absolutely positive and I assured her I was.  She told me she would contact my doctor to get the ok and be back shortly.

I then looked over at K and started sobbing and apologizing.  He came over to hug me and promised he wasn't upset.  He kept telling me what a great job I had done and was still doing.  He said there is no way he would have lasted as long as I did and that I had nothing to be ashamed of.  He also told me that he had been praying about it and was hoping I would agree to some assistance.  He was beginning to fear that due to exhaustion I would not be able to push if I did progress on my own.  Our new goal became to have this baby without having a c-section.

Within about 10 minutes the nurse came back to tell me that anesthesia would be in shortly.  Not 5 minutes later the anesthesia nurse came in.  She took my vitals and asked me about 100 questions.  I then took the opportunity to ask her some while we waited for the anesthesiologist.  She knew that I really really did not want an epidural.  Even if she hadn't been informed about my birth plan the fact that I felt like I was defeated and giving up was written all over my face.  I don't hide emotions well.  After asking her all the risks, what to expect, play by play of the procedure, I told her that I didn't want to be totally numb.  She kind of looked at me strange and then I told her that the only reason I was getting this thing was to enable me to get some rest.  I told her that I actually wanted to experience labor and that I didn't mind the pain.  She said that she rarely hears that, even from women who had intended on going naturally.  She said she was especially surprised to hear this from a woman who was now on her third day of labor.  She then said ok but told me to let them know if I needed more.

About that time the anesthesiologist walked in.  He asked me a few more questions and then had me lay on my side.  He had Kevin get in front of me and sit down (They don't make husbands leave the room but they also don't let them watch. One to many dads have passed out).  Kevin took his position and help my hand as they prepped me.  Again I began to sob and apologize.  Once again, he assured me that he was not upset and there was nothing to apologize for.  By that time they were ready and waited for my contraction to stop.  He walked me through everything he was doing and it honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  The first shot stung and then everything from that point on was just pressure.  It was over before I knew it.  A few minutes later I noticed that although I could still feel my contractions they were more manageable.

I tried to get some rest but at this point I was so anxious and for the first time getting really excited.  I knew that one way or the other this was going to be Mary-Grace's birthday.  K and I talked for awhile when my doula showed up.  I was happy she was there but felt terrible that we had been bothering her for 3 days and now she was there and I had an epidural.  She kept telling me she didn't care and that this was my birth and it didn't matter.  She also said had it been her she would have done the same thing.  Seeing as how she was 20 weeks pregnant with her 5th, 3 of which were done un-medicated (the 4th passed away at 21 weeks) that meant a lot.

She and I convinced K to sleep and I tried to rest.  After awhile I noticed I wasn't feeling the contractions at all anymore.  At first I thought maybe I was getting too much of the epidural and thought about calling the nurse in to have it turned down.  But then I looked over at the monitor and noticed that my contractions had stopped.  Not slowed down, completely stopped.  I felt my heart sink into my stomach.  Exactly what I had feared, and what is one of the risks of an epidural was happening.  I had hopped and prayed this wouldn't happen.  I knew now that there would more than likely be a snowball of interventions that I had wanted to avoid.  Again I prayed for peace.

At about 9am the doctor from my practice who was on call came in.  He checked me and of course I hadn't progressed at all since I came in.  He said he wanted to start Pitocin and break my water.  I tried to remain calm, I  knew this conversation would be coming.  I asked if he could give me a few minutes to discuss things with my husband and he agreed although it was obvious he thought I was nuts.  He stepped out of the room and told us to call for the nurse when we made our decisions.  K, our doula and I discussed the risks and benefits to both options.  In the end we decided that we would not agree to have my water broken just yet as that would put me on a time clock.  We decided to agree to the pitocin but only at the lowest drip and with the agreement from the doctor that once my contractions picked up we would attempt to turn it off and see if my body would take over on its own.  But first we wanted to try nipple stimulation to see if we could possibly start contractions naturally.  Our doula left to give us some privacy.  I'm not sure how long we tried but it did nothing.  We got a few small contractions on the screen but nothing that would be considered productive.  We called for the doctor, told him our plan and he agreed.  Reluctantly, but he agreed.

The nurse hooked up the Pitocin and I tried not to cry.  At this point there was not a lot I could do.  Mary-Grace was doing so well I just prayed things would continue that way.  We watched the monitor and prayed my contractions would pick up.  After what seemed like an eternity and the nurse turning up the Pitocin once the contractions finally began again.  Unfortunately they weren't strong, nowhere near as strong as the contractions I was producing on my own for 3 days.  As strange as it sounds I was thankful.  I wanted the contractions but I didn't want the "pitocin" contractions I had heard about that are long and really strong.  I feared that after 3 days of this craziness it would cause Mary-Grace distress.

A few hours later Dr. H went off and Dr. R came on.  At about 2:45 she came in to check me.  I prayed and prayed that I had progressed.  After she checked she looked at me very concerned and told me that I was still 3 centimeters.  "You have got to be kidding me I said!  Please tell me that was a joke!"  Unfortunately it wasn't.  She then brought up breaking my water.  I asked her if she minded giving K and I a minute to discuss.  She stood up from my bed with an obviously irritated look on her face and said "Fine.  But you need to understand that you have been in labor for a really long time, longer than we would usually allow people to be in labor.  None of us are trying to do things we don't think we need to do.  We are trying everything we can to avoid a c-section.  I really don't want to have to do that."  I started sobbing harder than I had yet.  I told her I was sorry, that I wasn't trying to be difficult.  I said that it had been a long 3 days and that I was exhausted and that nothing was going as planned.  She said she was sorry (I could tell it was sincere) and just to call her when we were ready.  She left and I looked at K with this "please help me" look.  We prayed and then talked about what we needed to do.  Abut that time I looked at the clock.  Ten hours.  It had been ten hours since I came in.  Ten hours with no progression at all.

We decided to call Dr. R back in to ask some questions about breaking my water knowing that this was probably the route we would end up taking.  She assured me that there was no specific "time clock."  She said that as long as both baby and mom are doing well and there were no signs of infection there was no clock.  She also assured me that Mary-Grace's head was at a +2 station so the risk of cord prolapse was almost nill.  We agreed and before I knew it there was a huge gush.  Within 5 minutes my contractions started up again.  Alleluia!!!  Within 10 minutes they were crazy strong again and I was in a ton of pain.  I never in my life thought I would be so happy to feel pain but it was glorious!  I was very thankful for actually being able to feel the pain and also having a weak enough epidural to move around in the bed so that I could get comfortable during each contraction.

When the nurse came back in at about 3.45pm (45 minutes after my water was broken) she decided to go ahead and check me again.  She said my contractions were so strong and so frequent, and I was so uncomfortable she thought something had to be happening.  Praise God she was right!  In 45 minutes I went from 3 centimeters to a stretchy 6.  After 3 days of very little progression I was finally moving along.  She stepped out and told me to let her know if I felt intense pressure.  She said she thought things might move quickly now.

Almost immediately I began feeling pressure.  I told K and my doula but also said that I wanted to wait to say anything.  My doula agreed.  She said that if I could stand the pressure I should wait as long as possible that way Mary-Grace could move down on her own and that would mean less pushing for me.  At this point I still hadn't slept and we really didn't want me to have to push too long and get so exhausted that I needed assistance getting her out (forceps etc.).  I held tight and then the insanity began.  I started having one contraction on top of another.  There was no break at all.  I held on for about 10 minutes when the nurse happened to walk in because one of my monitors moved and they didn't have Mary-Grace's heartbeat.  She took one look at me and said "Um, you're in transition!"  She waited with me until I got a break in contractions and then checked me.  She got this huge smile on her face and said you are 9 1/2!  There's only a tiny lip left.  She had me lay on my right side to get the lip to go away.  She also said that if I could handle it I should wait to start pushing.  She had the same thoughts my doula did.  :)

At this point it was about 4:15pm.  In just over an hour I went from 3 to 10 centimeters and was just waiting until I couldn't take the pressure any longer.  I was elated!  K, our doula and I chatted between contractions, rest was not an option at this point, I was too excited.  At about 5:15 the nurse came back and said that she was going to set up for delivery and that I could try some practice pushes if I wanted.  After all was ready she had me try to push and immediately called the doctor in.

At 5:45 I began pushing for real.  Between contractions we all joked around and talked.  We had my music playing and even my doctor commented on how this was one of the most relaxing, fun deliveries she had ever done.  After a few pushes my doctor had me reach down to feel Mary-Grace's head.  I don't know what I thought it would feel like but it was way different!  Very mushy and gooey...but I loved it.  A few minutes later her little head was out.  K looked at her and then looked at me and said "She's beautiful!  Her eyes are already open!"  I smiled and the next thing I knew the doctor got a shocked look on her face as Mary-Grace came flying out!"  At 6:15pm, Mary-Grace Eloise entered this world and I will forever be grateful!

Reflections on birth coming next. :)  Because I have a lot of thoughts! ;)

Welcoming Mary-Grace Part 2

If you missed part one of Mary-Grace's birth story you can find it here.

I got up frustrated and put my clothes back on.  Then K and I set out to walk the halls of the hospital.  I was very frustrated but determined.  I was having such awesome contractions that I figured a little walking was all I needed to get this show on the road.

Surprisingly there wasn't a lot of places that we could walk.  The women's part of the hospital where labor and delivery is, is across the street from the main hospital.  Labor and delivery is on the first floor and that's basically the only floor we were allowed on.  We found a long hallway and just walked back and forth.  There was a handrail down the whole length of the hall so if I didn't hand off of K to sway during a contraction, I would hold onto the handrail and fall into a squat.  I was surprised how many nurses stopped me to see if I needed a wheelchair.  Um, no, I'm trying to dilate here.  It was pretty amazing how these nurses acted.  You would think they had never seen a woman in labor before.

After about an hour and a half of walking I just couldn't take it anymore.  I was exhausted!  We decided to head back to triage to get checked out again.  The whole walk there I prayed and prayed that I had progressed.

I undressed again and hopped up onto the bed and waited for the nurse.  It wasn't long before she came in but it felt like an eternity.  Did I mention that a bed is the absolute worst place to labor?  Instead of my angel nurse Nancy coming in, another nurse named Karen came to check me.  I just knew I would like her. :)  I began to have another contraction right as she was about to check me and she kindly waited until it was over.  I closed my eyes and prayed while she checked me.  When she was done I opened my eyes and the look on her face said it all.  She then told me that I was still 1cm.  My heat sank.  How could that be?  She looked at the strip of my contractions and said that there really was no reason I wasn't dilating.  She said I was having very strong, regular contractions and thought that when I did finally start to progress it would probably go very quickly.  She predicted that I would be back before 7pm when her shift would be over.  I hoped she was right.  She said that exhaustion was probably playing a huge role in what was happening and suggested I take an amb.ien so that I could get some rest.  She said it wouldn't take away the pain but would make it so that I could sleep through it.  I thought about it for a few minutes and talked to K about it.  We really didn't want any interventions but I really believed she was right.  Exhaustion was making this so much harder and I felt like if I could just get some sleep things would be much better.

So K and I packed up our things, disappointed but still hopeful.  Karen, the nurse, came back with my Ambi.en and a little water.  I took the pill and we left.  The drive home was horrible.  Not only was I extremely groggy from the Am.bien, I was feeling every single contraction.  It was the worst feeling every.  It was like I had no control over my body whatsoever.  I was quickly beginning to regret my decision but was hopeful that when I got home and could actually lie down things would be better.  Unfortunately that was not the case.  I got into bed and tried to get into the side-lying position we learned in Bradly.  K massaged my shoulders between contraction and then applied counter pressure to my lower back during them and I tried to sleep.

By this point I definitely regretted my decision to take the Am.bien.  There was definitely no sleeping.  The pill just made me so groggy and out of it that I could barely move and certainly couldn't communicate but I felt every single contraction.  It was the worst feeling I have ever felt.

Finally after several hours the Amb.ien began to ware off.  I decided to get up and try to move around more.  I would stop and squat and sway during each contraction.  They were still 2 minutes apart lasting for 1.5 minutes.  K encouraged me to eat but I had no desire to.  I would try to munch on trail mix when I could but I really had no appetite at this point.  K started bringing me Gator.ade and OJ rather than water figuring he could get some calories in me that way.  The contractions were feeling stronger and stronger so I decided to hop in the bath again to see if I could relax.  Just like the day before, the bath did not slow the contractions, it just made it a little easier to deal with.

After I got too hot I got out and tried to sit on my birthing ball again.  It was really uncomfortable but I tried to stick it out hoping that maybe it would help to progress me in some way.  For the next few hours I drank as much as possible and changed positions as often as I could.  I encouraged K to get some sleep but he refused to leave my side.  By 5:30pm on Sunday, March 20th, my contractions were feeling stronger and K said my attitude was changing once again.  I was even more serious than before and starting to feel a lot of doubt.  We learned in Bradley that doubt is a sign of transition so we thought maybe I had finally began to progress and reluctantly decided to head to the hospital again.

We decided not to call our doula this time until we knew what was going on.  I felt horrible that we had her come out to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning the night before only for her to have to go back home.

I prayed my same prayer on the way to the hospital and once again my contractions slowed for the drive.  Again I only had 3 contraction during the nearly 45 minute drive.  I was very thankful.

When we got to the hospital we checked in with security once again.  I asked the new guard if he minded if I lean on his counter.  He didn't, but just like the guard before, the second I had a contraction he asked if I wanted a wheelchair.  K mentioned later that you would think these people never actually see women in real labor which seems crazy seeing as how it's the maternity wing.

This time a different nurse came out to get me.  She wasn't as nice as Nancy.  She took me back to triage once again and I got undressed and hopped up on my enemy, the bed, once again.  Then, much to my delight, Karen came into my room.  I had completely forgot that she told me she thought I would be back before the end of her shift.  Again, I closed my eyes and said a little prayer as she checked me.  This time I didn't want to open my eyes when she was done.  I was afraid of what her face would tell me.

Finally, after what seemed like forever I opened my eyes and I was right, her face said it all.  I asked her how much I had progressed and she said I was barely 2 cm.  Barely.  I immediately burst into tears.  Over 12 hours since I had last been checked and I had only progressed one more centimeter.  I was beyond exhausted and told her that the Amb.ien did nothing to help, that I still had not slept.  By this point I had only had about 3 hours of sleep in 2 days.  She said that if I wanted I could get a small mor.phine shot and that would numb the pain for a few hours.  Again, I really didn't want and interventions but I was getting desperate.  I felt like my body had gone into survival mode and I knew sleep was absolutely necessary so I agreed.  I figured I had had mor.phine in the past and knew it worked.  It had to help!  Had to!  All I needed was a few hours of sleep and I knew I could do it.

So once again I got dressed and Karen came back with my shot.  As we were leaving I saw my favorite nurse Nancy.  I could tell she felt terrible that I was having to leave once again.  She said it would take about a half hour for the mor.phine to kick in but it should really help.  She had the same thoughts I did.  If I could just get some rest things should move along very quickly.  I told her goodbye and said that hopefully the next time I saw her she would be admitting me.  She said she was sure she would.

The drive home was horrific.  I began to have contractions one on top of the other.  There was literally no break between them.  A contraction would begin, then peak, and as it was coming down another would start.  I kept wondering when this darn mor.phine would kick in.  It never did.  Unfortunately, just as the Amb.ien did, the morph.ine did nothing but make me groggy.  I still felt every  single contraction.

Once home, I got into bed and tried to get comfortable.  I was determined to get some rest.  I convinced K to lie down too.  I told him he absolutely had to rest.  I needed him well rested.  He got into bed right next to me and tried to dose off.  I would moan through each contraction and he would wake up to try to help me.  I was delirious at this point and would cry between each contraction and would start apologizing to him and ask if he wanted me to go into another room so he could sleep.  He looked at me like I was crazy and assured me that he wasn't leaving my side.  After awhile I got up again and tried to move around stopping and squatting for contractions.  I took a shower, which didn't help at all but felt much needed.  I tried everything I could to relax through each contraction but as time went on it was becoming harder and harder.

By now it was early Monday morning, March 21st.  I had been up for well over 48 hours.  I was deliriously tired and was beginning to see no end in sight.  I tried one more time to lie down to rest.  While in bed K laid down next to me and decided to pray a Rosary.  I tried hard to pay attention but I honestly could hardly focus.  I was done and felt like I could not go on anymore.  I had been in labor for nearly 3 days.  For most of that time I was having extremely strong contractions every two minutes.  I felt like my body had given up.  I looked at K and said, "I'm serious now.  I can't do this anymore.  We have to go back to the hospital."  He asked if I was sure and I assured him I was.  I was more exhausted than I had ever been in my life and was worried about my health and the health of Mary-Grace.  When I got up I felt a drop and a lot of pressure on my cervix.  I also noticed my contractions suddenly get stronger and even closer.  They were now about 1 1/2 minutes apart.  I thought for a second that maybe I had finally progressed and maybe this was transition.  It's a 45 minute drive to the hospital and thought that if I was indeed in transition that it was possible we wouldn't make it.  Earlier in labor I feared this.  I remember leaving the hospital the first time and thinking that I had gone to the hospital at the time that I was taught to go.  I was serious, having contractions 2 minutes apart, and they were lasting more than a minute.  This was the guidelines and yet I wasn't progressing.  I wondered how I would know to come back.  But, at this time, I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to worry.  So I got back into the car, too tired to pray my prayer this time, and once again we headed back to the hospital.

Part 3 (the final part) coming soon.  For real this time...it will probably be up Thursday. :)

Prayer Buddy, Baptism, and a few other things

*I'm going to try to link back to other blogs but I'm doing this on my phone (laptop is on the fritz) so I'm not 100% sure I know how. :(

First of all, thank you Misfit (http://justbeinginfertile.blogspot.com/) for all of your prayers this Lent! It's been a tough start to the year and I appreciate it more than you could know! I'll be adding you to my prayer list.

This time around I had the pleasure of praying for Isaiah 55:8-9 (http://isaiahfiftyfive.blogspot.com/). I had not met her prior to this season's prayer buddies so that made it extra fun! I love meeting new bloggers. I prayed for her at Mass and during daily prayers as well as offering up labor and the pain of recovery afterwards. Go check out her blog...she's new to the blogging community. Isaiah, you'll continue to be in my prayers! Thank you for the opportunity to pray for you!

Mary-Grace's baptism date is set! FINALLY! She'll be baptized on June 5th! I would have preferred to have it sooner but things just haven't been working out. There was so much going on at our parish during April that it was out of the question and in May we have a graduation in our family every weekend. I'm just so happy to have the date set! I can't wait!!! Now for the gown shopping! :) I have a mild obsession with baptism gowns! If you know of any websites for gowns I'm all ears. :)

When K and I were looking for a statue of Mary to take to the hospital with us we were hoping to find one where she was holding a baby Jesus. We had no luck and settled on one of just her. Yesterday while at K's parent's house, his uncle told us he had a bunch of statues, pictures, plates, etc. In is truck from a woman at his parish. She was an elderly woman that he drove to Mass every week for 4 years. She passed away a few weeks ago. Her was decorated with enough statues etc. To open her own Catholic gift store. B said every room was done up beautifully. Well, he ended up with a lot of it and wanted to know if we wanted anything. I sent K out to look at it since it was raining. The first thing he saw was this...





So awesome! I love, love, love it!!!

He also grabbed a stack of plates without looking at them because it was really starting to poor. In the stack was this one...





Pope Paul VI! I'm not a huge decorative plate fan but I think I'll make an exception for this one. ;)

I hope you all had a fabulous weekend! HE IS RISEN!

P.S. Welcoming Mary-Grace Part 2 coming tomorrow! FINALLY!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Welcoming Mary-Grace Part 1

This is the story of how we welcomed our beautiful little miracle Mary-Grace Eloise into the world.  It is an honest reflection on how I remember the three days of labor as I remember it.

On Friday night, March 18th, I went to bed disappointed.  Although my due date was still a few days away, I had truly thought our daughter would be here by this point.  I tried really hard in the weeks leading up to her birth not to put too much weight on the due date, they are only estimated after all.  But the previous week had been hard.  I had a false alarm earlier in the week that got me excited and then disappointed.  The date K and I hoped for her birth (how silly is that that we picked a date) came and went.  I was tired, uncomfortable, swollen, and anxious.  I wanted nothing more in this world than to hold my baby.  The baby I longed for for years.  The baby K and I prayed for.

K could tell I was getting anxious and frustrated.  He reassured me that God had a plan and that Mary-Grace would come when she was ready.  He then joked that maybe this weekend would be the weekend.  Not only was there a full moon, but it was also a "super moon" and was supposed to be closer to the Earth than it had been in 18 years.  I laughed at him and told him I changed my mind.  I could wait a little longer.  I didn't want to have my baby on a weekend that was bound to be a busy weekend for labor and delivery at the hospital.  We had been preparing for months for a natural, um-medicated child birth.  I was nervous about not having cooperative nurses and thought if they were really busy they were even less likely to cooperate.

We went to bed late that night.  Much later than I wanted but I just couldn't sleep.  The anxiety was keeping me up so we hung out together and watched some TV.  Once finally asleep I woke up several times as I had been most of the pregnancy.  I had been having contractions for weeks so the contractions I was having at this point didn't set off any alarms and I refused to time them.  I felt like I absolutely needed to do everything in my power to get some sleep.  I can't explain it but it was overwhelming.  The catch was that the overwhelming feeling of needing to get sleep actually kept me up.  If only I could have calmed those feelings.  I had no idea at the time how bad I needed that sleep.

At some point I finally dozed off and woke up at about 8:30 Saturday morning.  The minute I woke up I felt different.  There was this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something was happening but I tried really hard to squash it.  I was still having contractions which was a bit unusual.  With the exception of the day we had the false alarm I didn't have contractions in the morning.  I tried to note the time that one began but still refused to officially time them.  After awhile I noticed that there was definitely a pattern.  They were coming every 8-10 minutes and lasting about a minute.  I also began to notice that the contractions were different from the contractions I had been having in the previous weeks.  Rather than just being crampy and in the front they seemed to be wrapping around my abdomen from front to back.

I still didn't want to get too excited but decided to get some cleaning done in the house just in case.  I told K that I was feeling strange but didn't say that I thought this might be labor.  When I told him I could tell that he was thinking the same thing but didn't want to say it.  He decided to mow the grass and we kept going about our day.

We went to Lo.wes to pick up a few flowers for the front yard and to a Catholic Store not too far away.  We decided the week before that we wanted to get a statue of Mary to take to the hospital with us when we went.  We had been feeling such a strong connection to Mary in the months leading up to Mary-Grace's conception as well as throughout the pregnancy.  K thought that it would be great to ask for her intercession during labor and maybe a statue of her would be a great thing for me to focus on.  While at the gift shop I noticed that my contractions were definitely getting stronger and closer together although I still wasn't officially timing them.  We spent quite a bit of time picking out a statue of Mary and also decided on a statue of The Holy Family for our home.  I started getting really anxious while there and felt like we needed to pick what we wanted and get home.  The contractions were strong enough at this point that they were pretty uncomfortable.

On our way home K called his parents because they were supposed to be bringing us a chair they were giving us.  Of course we mentioned nothing of me possibly being in labor.  They invited us out to dinner with them and we decided to go ahead and go.  This was a decision I would later regret.

While waiting for his parents to arrive the contractions got stronger and stronger.  His parents finally arrived and I kept thinking to myself, "We really should stay home, this had got to be labor and I need to rest."  Of course I didn't listen to my instincts and decided to suck it up and go out to dinner.  I however, was determined not to let on that something was up (a decision I'm very glad we made).  We went to a great place and I decided to order a really good meal thinking I may need my energy and I was absolutely starving!  I had a great fillet, garlic mashed potatoes, and roasted asparagus.  We even ordered dessert...banana's foster.  It was delicious! 

By the time we were done with dessert I was done!  I noticed that the contractions were about 6 minutes apart and were becoming increasingly uncomfortable.  I was having trouble sitting and felt like we needed to get out of there quick.  Before we left I made a quick stop at the restroom where I definitely lost my mucous plug.  At least a big piece of it.  Let's just say it was pretty gross looking.  I almost took a picture to show K but decided that that was taking things a bit too far. :)

By this point I didn't need to tell K that I was in labor, he was very aware.  The look on my face said it all.  Instead of heading straight home we made a pit stop at target to get some things I knew I would need for labor or want for labor.  We picked up some orange juice, water, Gatorade  popsicles, trail mix, honey sticks, hard candy, and one more nursing tank top.  I had a real hard time getting through the store.  I was having to stop during contractions and could no longer talk during them.  I told K I was nervous that things were moving very quickly.  He suggested we get home and try to get some rest.

By the time we got home the contractions were ranging from 4-6 minutes apart and lasting anywhere from 1 to 1.5 minutes.  I tried to lay down but that was just not working for me.  At this point I could no longer remain silent and would moan through each contraction.  There was no way I could sleep so I decided to take a bath.  The bath was wonderful!  K sat next to me and rubbed my back during each contraction and timed them.  He would tell me when I was about half way through each one to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel.  He would tell me how good I was doing and that he loved me.  In between each contraction he encouraged me to drink water.  Although the bath didn't slow the contractions (which I guess is good) or even make them less painful, it made them easier to deal with.  The warm water made it possible for me to relax.

While I was taking a bath K decided to call our doula Kristen to let her know what was going on.  She offered to come over but K and I declined.  This is something we discussed with her at our meetings and she completely understood our position and even agreed with us.  K and I thought that we might possibly want to labor at home alone.  I'm a private person and pretty modest.  I was afraid that having someone in my house would stress me out at a time when stress was the last thing I needed.  This ended up being a wonderful decision.  The early parts of labor were so special to both of us.  It was in a way romantic and it paved the way for what would turn out to be the longest three days of our lives.  I learned very quickly to trust K and rely on him only.  I wouldn't change that decision for anything.

After awhile I got really hot and decided to get out of the bath.  I figured I should try again to lay down and get some rest.  Unfortunately this still wasn't possible.  K got my birthing ball and I tried to drape my body across that.  No such luck.  I then tried sitting on it, but again, no luck.  I tried position after position but nothing was comfortable.  Finally I settled on a half squatting position with my hands on the side of our bed while I swayed back and forth with K putting counter pressure on my lower back.  Every now and then he would put his forearms under my arms and I would drop into the same half squat and sway.  Within a very short amount of time my contractions got to every 2 minutes lasting 1 to 1.5 minutes.  This means I was only getting a 30 second to 1 minute break between each one.  I quickly became very serious.  At this point K tried to touch me during a contraction and I hit him in the arm.  It was the only way I could think to communicate with him to not touch me.  It was like something shifted in me and everything changed.  In between contractions I could no longer relax and I started feeling like I needed to get to the hospital asap!

K called our doula again and told her what was going on.  In the short few minutes they talked Kristen could hear me moaning in the background and agreed that I was definitely in the late stages of labor and needed to get to the hospital.  We had a 45 minute drive so we were a bit nervous to wait to long.  I stayed in my half squat position moaning through each contraction while K made sure that we had everything we needed in the car.

In trying to get me to the car I had to stop through a few contractions leaning on whatever I could find near by.  When I got into the car I said a quick prayer and asked for Mary's intercession.  I begged her to ask her Son to take away my contractions for the car ride.  Throughout the weeks leading up to labor the car ride was a huge fear of mine.  She really can through for me.  In the 45 minutes it took to get to the hospital I only had 3 contractions.

We arrived at labor and delivery at 1:30am on Sunday, March 20th.  It took us several minutes to get into the hospital as I was having to stop and breathe through each contraction.  The whole time K was right there, holding me up, encouraging me, and helping me to relax.

Upon signing in with security I noticed that the counter was the perfect height for me to lean on and asked the security guard if that would be ok.  He was fine with it but after me moaning through one contraction he apparently got nervous and called triage for the second time to come get me.  He then offered me a wheelchair which I quickly declined.  After another contraction, he offered again.  I couldn't seem to make him understand that sitting was the last thing I wanted to do and that I really was in to mood to talk to anyone.

Fortunately within minutes a triage nurse, Nancy, came through the double doors to get me.  I swear she was an angel.  I didn't know it at this point, but I would come to love this woman and be very thankful for her.  She told me she was going to take me back to triage to be checked and if I was indeed in labor she would have me admitted.  In just a short time I had another contraction, and then another, and then another.  She was very patient and stopped with me every time I had a contraction and told me to take my time that there was no rush.

Once back in a room I undressed and got into the bed which was excruciating.  Sitting or lying down is the absolute worse position to labor in.  It really is torture!  She hooked me up to the fetal monitor and the contraction monitor.  Mary-Grace was doing great with a nice strong heartbeat and my contractions were measuring every 2 minutes and off the charts.  Nancy said "Wow! Those are good contractions.  Let me get you checked and see what we've got going on here."  Now, I don't know what I was expecting, I think for some reason I had in my mind that I wanted to be at least 6cm but I remember thinking I want to at least be 4.  K told me later that he thought I was going to be 8.  He says I was showing signs of transition and figure I had to be pretty far along.

I was nowhere near prepared for what she was about to tell me.  1cm!  1 measly centimeter!  I could not believe it.  There was just no way!  I had been having contractions every 2 minutes for several hours at this point and they were measuring off the charts.  There was no way I had only progressed to 1cm!  I was also only 70% effaced.  I was 70% at my doctors appointment 4 days before.

Nancy suggested that we go walk for an hour or two and see what happens.  I was frustrated but determined.  So walking is exactly what we did.

Part two coming soon...

10 Years Ago Today...

...I met the man I now call my husband.

I was 18 and a Senior in high school.  He was 19 and in his second year of college.

My first thought about him was "He's hot!"  His first thought about me was "She had a nice butt!"

(Isn't that so sweet? :) )

I had sworn off boys for good.  He had sworn off girls.

We were both tired of the dating game and wanted nothing serious.

We never imagine that 10 years later we would be blissfully, happily married with an amazing 3 week old daughter.

But sometimes in life, our plans are not God's plans.

I'm glad God's plan won!

Prayer Buddy...

...YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!!!

Bfing is going much much better (knock on wood). We seemed to have figured out the issues and both of us are much happier!

Thank you! Thank you!

And just because I can, I leave you with a picture of my Peanut Brittle (or butter depending on the day).






She's just a tad milk drunk. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Few Questions

Prayer Buddy, I still need your prayers.  Mary-Grace's gagging and throwing up (I'm not calling it spitting up because it's much more than that) is getting worse.  It's getting to the point where nearly every time I feed her she is choking, gagging, and throwing up.  Sometimes it's immediate, sometimes it takes a little while.  It's really heartbreaking.  The thing that scares me is that when she chokes it's silent.  Today about 45 minutes after I fed her, I propped her up in her Boppy while she was napping.  I've been doing this during the day because I'm scared to lay her on her back when I'm not right next to her for fear that if she throws up she will choke and I won't hear it.  Anyway, I had her propped up and went to check on her.  When I did she was choking (silently) and her face was beet red.  I grabbed her and flipped her over and she threw up.  It terrified me.  So now I've got her propped in her boppy sitting on the couch with me and I'm scared to go anywhere where I can't see her.

I've tried all the tricks for women with a forceful letdown.  Holding her upright after a feeding for 30 minutes, feeding her less but more frequently, feeding her before she is starving, feeding her when she is calm, burping her often, feeding her with her head higher than the breast, etc.  Unfortunately nothing seems to be working.

I'm beginning to think that there is something more to this than a forceful letdown.  I decided last night to give up dairy to see if maybe she has a dairy sensitivity.  I know that is pretty common.  I haven't had any dairy today (that is a huge feat for me :) ), but I'm sure it will take a day or two to get it all out of my system.  I'm hoping this make a difference.  If not I'm going to call the doctor.  I'm thinking reflux may be the issue.  I'm trying really hard not to be the paranoid new mom but this is hard.  I don't like seeing my baby uncomfortable.  It is making my anxiety level go through the roof.  I'm trying to manage the anxiety on my own but it is getting increasingly hard.  If any of you have any other suggestions of things to try I'm all ears!

I have another question.  I'm wanting to pump a little.  I don't need a huge supply of stored milk since I'm not working, but I would like a some.  My sister breastfed her 2nd baby but did not introduce a bottle (with breast milk) until he was 6 months old.  This turned out to be a huge mistake.  He wanted nothing to do with that bottle and absolutely refused.  The bad thing was that at the time she did it she had no choice.  Something came up where she absolutely had to be separated from him.  It was a nightmare and I don't want that.  There are somethings that are coming up in a few months where a bottle will be necessary.  I don't want to wait until then to try.  Anyhoo...my question is, when should I pump?  I only feed Mary-Grace on one side at each feeding.  So should I just pump the other side at the same time or right after?  Or do I pump at some point between feedings?  I googled but couldn't find much.

Oooh, one more question.  Pacifiers...
I was very against them at first.  However, someone told me that if I give her one while she is sleeping it may help with the gagging and choking.  Have any of you heard this?  I'm willing to try it out if it may help!

**UPDATE**

I forgot about one more question.  What brand ring sling do you have?  I have a Moby Wrap but want asling as well.

The positive in all of this...because I've got to look at the positive...is that I'm offering all of this up for you ladies.  Especially you prayer buddy and those of you still waiting.  I'm certainly keeping God busy. :)

Some Random Things

In case you missed it I introduced our beautiful daughter Mary-Grace and shamelessly posted pictures of her here. :)

I'm still working on her birth story but I've been having some random thoughts and thought I'd jot them down. I guess it's a sort of quick takes but I won't be numbering.

• Mary-Grace is only 11 days old and she has more nicknames than anyone could possibly need. She is known as Sweet Pea (that started before we knew we were having a girl). Pea Pod (b/c she loves her swaddle), Pumpkin, Pumpkin Butt, Mud-Pants (um...I'll let you figure that one out) and Baby (K likes to call things by what they are, he calls Oscar, our doxie, dog). I think there are more but my brain is malfunctioning at the moment.
• Recovery from labor would have been a piece of cake if it wasn't for the two tears I had. Yup, two! I had a 2nd degree tear as well as a tear that when upwards. I forget what they call it but thank goodness it missed the two important things that are up there!
• MG's head came out no problem and with no tearing. But, after her head came out while we were waiting my next urge to push the rest of her out, she decided to stick her arm out. Oops, she didn't get the memo that shoulders come before the arm.
• I still don't thinkI will believe that she is mine until she is like 12 years old.
• I have cried more in the last 11 days then I have in my entire life. Tears of joy, thanksgiving, excitement, amazement, and even some of sorrow. I feel like a walking basket case.
• I have the best husband in the world! Seriously! He has taken such good care of me. He just went back to work on Wednesday and up until that day I barely had to move. He did absolutely everything. He took what our Bradley instructor said seriously. During the postpartum period my only jobs are to eat, sleep, and feed the baby.
• I liked to think that K and I had no secrets. After all, we have been together for 10 years and married 4.5. But, I'm a lady and bodily functions are not something we discuss. :) I was under the assumption that he still figured I didn't have any of those sorts of things. Labor and recovery sure changed that! We have discussed the inner working of my digestive tract more over the last two weeks than I ever thought possible. I even made him come hold my hands the first time I went to the bathroom after MG's birth. I was so terrified and a nurse's hands just wouldn't do it. I needed my husband! I like that these things aren't taboo anymore. :)
• I just discussed my bathroom habits on the internet. Who am I???
• I seriously enjoyed praying for all of your intentions while in labor. I'll share how I did it in the birth story.
• I can't believe I'm a momma!
• K is the most awesome daddy! I didn't have to change one diaper when we were in the hospital.
• I have never understood how my mom walked away from her children. I really don't understand it now.
• I cannot believe how the weight is flying off! I have already lost 23lbs!
• I only gained 15!
• My belly feels and looks a bit like a marshmallow though. The weight seems to be coming off my butt and legs. I'm more than ok with that!
• I'm more attracted now to my husband than I ever have been.
• Maybe Irish Twins are in order.
• Haha! I can't believe I just said that less than two weeks after I gave birth.
• I'm just joking...maybe. :)
  
  I just remembered a few mire nicknames...Squeaker, squiggles, and Piglet!
  
  

Thank you all for the breastfeeding prayers. I won't say that things are getting better yet, however, I'm not as stressed about it. MG had a pedi appointment today and she has been gaining weight so at least I know she is getting plenty of food despite what she throws back up!