Getting Involved

DH and I have been talking about getting involved more with our parish for awhile now (yes we discussed this before I had actually converted).  He had always mentioned possibly getting into working with engaged couples.  We have a great program at our parish and Fr. R takes this very very seriously.  I thought this would be fun but felt like maybe we haven't been married long enough (almost 4 years).  DH said it didn't matter.  He said that we have a wonderful marriage (and we do!) and he thinks that we may have a lot to offer.  We have been through a lot in our first 4 years of marriage (not just IF related) and rather than allow the stress of all of the craziness pull us apart we have grown so much closer together.  I actually often think back to our wedding day and think about what a silly little girl I was.  Sure, I loved dh, sure I wanted to marry him, sure I was sure.  But I had no clue!  No clue how much more I would love him (and need him) in the coming years.  And I know our love will only continue to grow.  So anyway, I began to pray about it...a lot.  And I felt like I wasn't really getting anywhere.  I felt like something just wasn't right.  I really didn't think that marriage prep was the way to go but I knew we should do something.

Fast forward to last Sunday night after Mass.  DH and I usually one of the lasts to leave the sanctuary (we actually stay for the last song to be entirely over...it seems like no one else does and we are one of the last standing).  As we are walking out K, the woman who runs Life Teen, stops us and asks if we have ever considered getting involved with the youth.  My face immediately lit up!  I have always wanted to work with a youth group.  The one I belonged to at the church I went to when I was a teen changed my life...and probably saved it too!  In my mind it would sort of be like paying it forward.  Besides, I love kids!  And although my specialty is special needs I think I can adapt.  However, I looked up at dh and he had this sort of deer in headlights look to him.  K encouraged him and told him not to be scared but I could see the fear.  She said she would like to set up a meeting with us if we wanted to and she would talk to us more this Sunday if we were interested.

As we left the vestibule Fr. R was standing outside.  DH and I went up to him because dh wanted to ask him for a blessing for me and for little sweet pea.  DH was telling him a very brief version of our IF story and mentioned that we had actually found out last weekend the weekend of my first Holy Communion.  Fr. R said that he thinks God has special plans for me and for little sweet pea.  :)  He then asked if we had ever considered getting involved in Life Teen.  Haha!  I could help but laugh.  DH asked if he and K had gotten together about this because she just asked us the same question.  He assured us he hadn't.  I could not believe it.  Too funny.

DH and I talked about it a bit more on the way home.  I can tell he is nervous about the idea.  I don't want to pressure him or anything but I sooooo want to do this.  I just think that it would be wonderful and a great way for us to get involved.  I think the high school years are so important.  It is such a difficult time in our lives, especially if we are trying to go against the grain and live out our faith.

DH isn't against it by any means.  He's just unsure.  Underneath his goofy, witty, exterior he really is shy.  I think the silliness is just his way of making himself more comfortable.  I'm just praying.  Praying that he will be clear in his decision and praying that God gives him courage.  I know he can do it...and I know kids would love him.  All of the kids in both of our families do!  He is great with them he just doesn't know it.

On another note.  Kaitlin, I promise I will get my post up about grocery shopping tomorrow. :)  It will take some work but I have saved so much money since I started all of this.  I promise. :)

A New Day

Thank you all for your support yesterday!  I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed...but I feel much better today.  I have faith that this will all work out and God will provide.  I am so fortunate and blessed to be carrying our little sweet pea.  I am not about to let anything dampen my joy and excitement.

So today I am working on being proactive rather than freaking out!

DH called his insurance company.  I am not on his health insurance because it is an HSA.  I wasn't really a fan of them and it's a bit pricey.  He explained the situation and was trying to see if he could get me added.  No such luck.  The woman explained that unless I was dropped from my insurance (which is a private insurance and won't be affected by me resigning) I cannot be added until the open enrollment period in February.  I thought this isn't good.  But then she explained that as long as I am not due until after February 1st (which I'm not) I can still be added then and they would still cover the birth.  Woohoo!  She explained that pregnancy is not considered by them to be a pre-existing condition so there is no problem there.

DH then called my doctor and explained the situation to them.  The insurance coordinator was so sweet and so helpful.  DH said he was so pleasantly surprised.  She explained that I would still have to pay the $3300 by the first of December, however, they do not bill the insurance company until the day after the baby is born.  That means the $3300 goes towards the deductible for the HSA.  Again I say Woohoo!

So even thought we have a large chunk of money to put down by December it is going to help us out for next year.  DH said the deductible for a family on his HSA is $6000.  So with the $3300 we are putting down this year that will be more than half of the deductible for next year and I'm not even on the policy yet.  Once we reach the $6000 our medical coverage is covered 100% for the rest of the year.  So that means that we will only have to pay another $2600 after February and not see another bill until after February 2012.  That is so awesome!

Unfortunately any additional things I have done between now and February will just be out of pocket and not go towards my deductible (bloodwork, my first sono, poi, etc).  But hey, this is looking much better than yesterday.  I am pleased and feel that this is definitely an answer to my prayers.

I know things aren't going to be super easy financially over the next several months.  But that's ok.  Like I told dh last night, I have had less.  DH and I are much more financially secure than I was growing up.  I know what broke looks like and although we will struggle it will be nothing like the struggles I had growing up.

The cable got shut off yesterday only about an hour after DH called.  Those guys work quickly!  I will say I already miss it.  That is really sad if you ask me.  I definitely think I was watching way way too much tv.  My gym membership is gone...but I hadn't been in awhile anyway.  There is a neighborhood pool at the front of our neighborhood and I've got a treadmill I hardly ever use.  I'm going to work on using all of that more often.  I am the coupon queen.  I got hooked on shopping smarter last summer and have since cut our grocery bills by more than half.  There's a method to the madness and I have a whole post about it in the works.

We will be fine.  I just know it. :)

As far as baby news.  I will be weeks tomorrow.  I'm feeling ok...I guess.  I am super exhausted.  Before I was pregnant I was super exhausted all the time and we were getting ready to do some testing to figure out what the problem was.  That has all sort of gone out the window now.  This exhaustion I am feeling is on a level I didn't know was possible.  I am so tired it hurts.  It makes it difficult to breath and it makes me angry.  My poor dh is taking the brunt of it but oh so sweetly. :)  It takes every ounce of energy I have to get out of bed only to make it as far as the couch.  I'm hoping it lets up a little soon.  I have had some waves of icky-ness but nothing too terribly bad.  Praying it stays like that too.

It's funny though...even in the middle of the pain from exhaustion and the ick I find myself so thankful.  So thankful that God has entrusted me with this little life.  I am truly blessed.

Where is my money tree?

I am in desperate need of one!  Does anyone know where I can get one?  The medical bills are already overwhelming me.  Let me break it down for you...

I just resigned from my job.  I know this is going to sound like I'm crazy as I get further into this post but I had good reason.  My job is dangerous.  In the past three years that I have worked with special needs children I have been injured on many many occasions.  I work with a lot of seriously autistic children and many children with serious EMH.  With these things come lots of behavior issues that can come up quickly and without warning.  I have had chairs, desks, and other objects thrown at me.  I have been kicked in the stomach on numerous occasions and had the wind knocked out of me.  Not to mention all the punches, slapps, and bites.  The school that I worked at was extremely small so there was no other position I could take that would keep me away from these situations.  DH and I talked and talked and prayed and prayed and decided that it wasn't worth the risk.  I am relieved to be home but not working brings on a whole lot more stresses.

I have medical insurance but it does not cover maternity.  Oh yippee!  I spoke with my OB the other day when making my appointment and explained that I would be self pay.  She said that I had to pay $3300 by the 1st of December.  This would cover my doctor's visits, one sono (at 20 weeks), delivery of the baby (basically just the doctor catching him/her), and postpartum.  It does not include bloodwork, additional sonograms, urine cultures, or any other tests that I need.  That will all be determined at he time of whatever procedure is done and payment is due at the time of service.  This also does not include anything that involves the hospital.  I'm guessing the hospital will just bill after the fact.  I guess the only good news in all of this is that if heaven forbid some complication arises and I end up in the hospital for some sort of complication or a c-section my medical insurance will pick that up.  Weird though if you ask me.


Then there is PPVI.  My POI is about $54/vial with shipping and needles.  I'm not 100% sure yet but I think 1 vial should get me through 2 weeks.  My blood work for PPVI is $66/test. I get 2 tests done (one for progesterone level and one that tests the health of the placenta) every other week. So we're talking $372/month for all of this fun stuff.

My head is swimming.  I'm so overwhelmed with dollar signs.  I'm trying to have a little faith and trust.  It's funny because most of the time I am totally at peace with it all but if I start thinking too much I get really anxious.  It's not a pleasant feeling.

I was discussing some of this with a friend the other day and she promptly replied "So why did you go and get yourself pregnant if you couldn't afford it." That hurt.  I know this isn't going to be easy.  I know we are going to struggle a bit.  But I'm trying to have faith that this will all work out.  We are obviously doing what we can to cut costs.  We canceled our cable today.  We canceled our gym memberships too.  I'm a super frugal shopper so I will just have to be more strict with that.  I'm going to try meal planning in order to save even more money.  And we are definitely cutting out extras like movies and dinners.  I know it will all be worth it in the end.  It's just stressful to think about right now.

So, does anyone know if there is a cheaper way to get POI?  I get mine from Kub.bats.

DH is being amazing!  He keeps telling me not to worry about anything.  He says my only job is to take care of our sweet pea.  I love that man!  I really do.  He truly is a blessing.

UPDATE...The Wait is Killing Me!

***UPDATE***
Dr. G called!  My HCG was over 1000...so this is really happening!  I AM PREGNANT!  Holy Moly!  I cannot believe it.  She said my progesterone was a bit on the low side...14.2.  I have no clue what that means.  Does anyone know what normal is?  In the excitement of the call I completely forgot to ask her. Seriously, I am freaking out right now!  Praise God!




First...did you see my ticker?  It's over to the left.  I'm 5 weeks today!  I know that isn't very far at all but I think it's exciting.  Look at all of the cool things my baby already has.  My little poppy has a heartbeat, and eye, ear, and limb buds.  That is so cool!

I still haven't heard back from Dr. G on my blood results.  This is killing me!  Who makes an IF girl who never thought she would ever be pregnant wait this long for test results?  Seriously?  This is just crazy.  I'm losing my mind over here.  I want to scream it from the rooftops but dh has convinced me to wait until we get the results back.  It's not that we think it's not real...I know it is.  DH is just a very analytical (he's an engineer) and needs to see it on paper.  I got a bit frustrated with dh last night because I feel like he isn't as excited as I am...or at least he isn't showing it.  He said he's just in shock.  Like me he thought this would never happen.  It took us two years which we both realize is nothing in the IF world.  I'm hoping when he sees it on paper he will perk up a bit.  I'm thinking about going out and getting a USF onsie for him.  Maybe that will help.  We are huge Bulls fans and have season tickets to the football games.  Maybe it will seem more real to him when he realizes that we will have a little one with us for the 2011 season.

So, I'm trying to figure out how to tell our family.  I want to do something fun.  I meant to have someone take a picture of us last Sunday after church.  DH's whole family was there (we're talking 30 people).  My idea was to play off the Mastercard Commercials.  I was going to get one of the double frames with hinges.  I would put the picture of us on one side and a card on the other that said something like this:

Picture Frame - $10

Picture - $0.30

Realizing there are 3 people in this picture - PRICELESS

I just thought it would be cute.  And I think it would be really cool since we knew we were pregnant on that day but no one else did.  But...I never got the picture taken so I'm on to coming up with other ideas.  DH doesn't think his mom would like something cutesy.  She is however really into decorating (her house is AMAZING).  She's been wanting to come over to see the new couch we bought awhile back.  So dh and I were thinking about having them over for dinner and saying something like..."We were hoping you would help us pick out a paint color for the extra room." and then handing her some pink and blue paint chips and then saying "We're going to need help picking out a crib too."  What do you think?  Then for my family I was just going to get some baby picture frames and put something in it that says "Insert Picture of Baby M in March 2011."  I don't know...I'm just not all that creative.

I just hope Dr. G calls me soon.  Patience is something I don't have much of.  I've got to work on that. :)

You Ladies Are Amazing!

My heart is so filled with love, joy and gratitude today.  Thank you all for the amazing spiritual bouquet and the subscription.  I cannot express how honored I am that you all thought of me in this way.  I have prayed so long for true friends, friends with the same beliefs and values.  Friends I could be honest with and bare my soul to.  God has given me that in all of you.  I never thought that I would find these friends through blogs.  To be honest, I used to think blogs were silly and I would never have one.  God really does work in mysterious ways.  :)  The friendships I have found in all of you gives me another reason to be thankful for IF.  And although I would never wish the pain of IF on anyone, I am so happy that we all have used our common cross of infertility to join together in love and support.

JBTC:  The St. Imelda card is perfect!  I am honored that you thought of me to pass it on to.  It means more than I can express to you.

Thank you all again.  You all will always be in my heart and prayers.  I pray that God bestows many blessing upon each of you.

Some details...

Thank you all for all of your love.  I have enjoyed reading all of your comments on my last post.  I am still in utter shock and disbelief.  I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around everything.  It was such an awesome and wonderful weekend!  The fact that I am now finally officially Catholic and have a little life inside my womb is just absolutely mind boggling.

I actually found out about our little poppy seed on Saturday.  I just had a feeling.  AF was definitely late and I was just feeling off.  I mentioned it to dh and he thought I was joking.  I didn't actually have any tests at home so I picked some up that afternoon after Confession while we were at Target.  I was going to wait until Sunday morning to actually test (I figured I wasn't pregnant enough for it to show up unless I took it in the morning).  When I got home I just couldn't wait.  I then planned on leaving the test in the bathroom and walking away for the standard 3 minutes.  I didn't want to watch the control come up and not the positive line.  However,  I didn't even have time to do that.  The second I looked at the test to put the cap back on it had already shown up.  Not a little faint, line a really dark line...darker than the control.  I dropped it I was in so much shock.  I ran into the kitchen where dh was doing dishes and just sort of shoved the thing in front of his face.  He stared at it and then at me.  He asked what it meant.  I pointed to the really dark line and said "See that line?  That means I'm pregnant!"  He just stared at me for awhile longer.  Then he picked me up in the biggest hug ever.  There were no words...just grins from ear to ear and tears. We must have stayed in a hug for what seemed like forever.  We were however a little nervous to get too excited.  I do take hcg injections so I was hoping that it wasn't a false positive.  The box of tests I bought had 3 in it so we decided that I would take another on Sunday morning.  So I did...and it too was positive and came up super fast like the first one.  Then last night before bed I took the 3rd one just for fun and still the same thing.  I've always heard of faint lines and having to wait the 3 minutes to see any results, so I never imagined that a positive would show up that dark, that fast.  It just blows my mind.  Again, we were still trying to be cautiously optimistic.

So this morning I called Dr. G.  She said it sounds like the real thing.  She said she couldn't imagine that I still had hcg from the injections still in my system.  Especially seeing as how I have never made it past P+13 and some of the symptoms I am already having (I didn't think you could have symptoms this soon).  She sent me for blood work.  Because Dr. G is only a medical consultant for PPVI (she is a doctor that is now a sahm), I had to go to the Catholic hospital down town for my labs and they are going to send it off to PPVI.  This means I won't have my results back until tomorrow evening or possibly Wednesday.  Bummer!  I ordered my POI since I was out and will start injections as soon as it gets here.

We are still trying to be cautiously optimistic.  The key word is trying.  I know this is real.  I can feel it down to my core.  I am in just such shock that at the same time I cannot believe this is real.  I thought this would never happen.  NEVER!  God is so amazing!  I cannot believe the blessings he has bestowed upon me.

We plan on breaking the news this weekend after I get my lab results back.  I know that a lot of people say you should wait but I don't want to.  Like I believe Kaitlin said when she found out she was pregnant, this baby is a life and we are going to celebrate every second of it.  I will admit that I am nervous.  Dr. G reminded me that with the severe LP Defect and low hormones that I had prior to POI and HCG I am at a high risk of miscarriage and pre-term labor.  I can't help but be a bit nervous and fearful.  However, the Lord has entrusted me with this life, and no matter if I am given this little life for a few days or if it goes to term it is still a life and I am so unbelievably thankful for that.

I have a lot more to say about Confession and Communion as well.  However, one thing at a time.  My brain is quit foggy and I am extremely exhausted.  If I could just sleep all day I think I would be a very happy lady. :)  As soon as I can wrap my brain around the rest of the events of the weekend I will post on that too.

Thank you again for all of your prayers!  I can feel them so much.  And prayer buddy...you are awesome!

The Best Weekend!

Hello All...I was going to wait until tomorrow to post but I just can't!  I just got home from dinner out to celebrate and I'm beaming with excitement.  So here we go...

So first was Confession.  It was amazing!  I was so nervous waiting in line, so I made dh go before me.  The priest who was doing it that day was new and I had never met him.  When dh walked out he gave me a thumbs up.  I almost started laughing.  The minute I walked in his voice was so calming.  I knelt and before he even began I started to cry.  He had to ask me 3 times what my sins were because I couldn't speak.  He then said a prayer for me that my mind would be calm, my heart open, and that I would be at peace.  It helped a little.  It took me quit awhile to get everything out and I know I left so much out.  It wasn't purposeful...I was just so overwhelmed.  I kept trying to look down at the little paper I had but I seemed to have forgotten how to read.  After saying a few things my mind went completely blank.  I told him that was all I could remember.  I think it took me about 10 minutes to make it through the Act of Contrition.  I was crying so much I could hardly speak.  But, the second I walked out all my tears dried up and I felt about 20lbs lighter.  It was amazing.

Then came Communion.  DH's entire family was there tonight.  I'm talking about 30 people.  I could not believe it.  We got there early and Fr. R came up and asked how my classes were going.  I was a little confused.  I said they were great but we were done.  DH asked him if he knew that I was coming into the church tonight.  He looked like a dear in headlights.  Apparently the wires got crossed between Deacon A and him.  He said not to worry and he would take care of it.  He came back a few minutes later and said that if I wanted we could do Confirmation while we were at it.  Yippee!  The way the whole thing played out was beautiful.  After the Homily Fr. R called Kevin and I up and I made my Profession of Faith.  He then confirmed me.  He then said that he would call us back up for communion before everyone else.  He told us that back in biblical times they didn't really have ceremonies for weddings the way we do now.  So apparently what coupled did was come up for communion together.  That would symbolize their unity in Christ.  So he said to thing about that when I came up with my husband.  He said this would be us uniting in Christ.  I thought that was just beautiful.  When he did call us up the tears began to flow.  It was such a beautiful thing that I can't even begin to describe it.  I'm having trouble attaching any words to it.  I'm hoping that in the next couple of days I will really begin to be able to describe it.  I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed right now. :)

And then there was one more thing.  There was this...

Like I said...best weekend ever!!!

I'm going for bloodwork tomorrow.  I am absolutely beside myself.  Thank you all so much for your prayers...especially this past week.  I really felt them.  I felt like I was walking around in this constant embrace.  It was amazing.  I will post more about this after I get my blood results.  I just need to wrap my mind around it all.  Our God works in mysterious ways!

**To any of my family or IRL friends who have stumbled across my blog and I was unaware.  I'm sorry you are finding out this way.  Don't worry we are going to spill the beans this week.  :)  So please don't say anything.