Quick Takes

1.  I have no brain cells left.  NONE!  Pregnancy brain is for real and I've got a bad case of it.  I can't remember my name most days.  I've really been slacking on the posting and the commenting lately because I just can't seem to formulate any thoughts.  I'll be back in the saddles as soon as I can figure out what day it is. :)

2. I think I may have found the magic solution to nausea and vomiting!  Woohoo!  My doctor suggested taking a Unisom at night and a B6 in the morning.  After about 3 days of doing that I am finally feeling a bit better.  Not great yet but not as bad as I was.  I kept everything down yesterday...that is a HUGE improvement!  I mean huge!

3.  I'm an emotional wreck!  It's kinda funny actually.  I cry at the silliest things...happy and sad...and things that aren't really either.  Sometimes my ridiculous tears make me laugh because I know it's so ridiculous.  I cried yesterday watching on of the players from the local football team retire.  He was a great player and everything but there is no reason why I would cry.  I'm more of a college football fan rather than pro.  Either way stuff like that has never made me cry before.  I cried this morning watching the news when they were talking about back to school.  Again, I have no clue.  Why would that make me cry?  It's weird I tell you.

4.I'm trying to be positive.  It's hard sometimes though.  One minute I'm feeling total joy and excitement about this little life inside me and the next second I'm freaking out, worried that something is going to happen.  It's funny because before my scare last weekend I really didn't think about miscarriage much.  I knew it was a possibility, and I knew I was at high risk for it according to the Napro folks but I really didn't think about it.  Deep down I just felt like everything was going to be fine.  Now I feel totally different.  It does consume my thoughts a lot of the time.  DH tries to reassure me.  He hates to see me stress about it.  He reminds me all the time that God is in control.  But I still struggle.  He tells me all the time like he just feels like God wants us to have this baby.  I pray he is right.

5.  I'm loving not going to work. It's so nice to be home.  I will admit though that I'm a little bored.  I know that will change once I'm feeling better.  It's just hard right now because I don't feel good enough to do much.  Heck, I haven't even been grocery shopping in like 4 weeks.  It's pretty ridiculous.  DH has just been stopping at the store on the way home from work.  I look around my house and see this disaster that I can't bring myself to clean.  I keep apologizing to DH because I feel bad.  He goes to work all day and then has to come home to a messy house and he is having to do the shopping.  He's doing everything around here.  He keeps saying he doesn't mind.  He says my only responsibility is to take care of Sweet Pea...he can handle the rest.  Have I mentioned how blessed I am?  Because I really am!

6.  I'm thinking about trying to teach myself how to sew.  I've always wanted to and I even have a sewing machine.  I would love to make things for our little one.  Any suggestions on books to help me learn?

7.  DH and I are going to a Rays baseball game tomorrow.  We aren't huge baseball fans (even though I played softball for 15 years) but I think we will have fun.  It will be nice to get out of the house.  We bought the tickets awhile back before I was pregnant.  We are going with our neighbors who we always go to USF Bulls football games with.  I guess it's USF night at the Trop so we got a huge discount on the tickets.  Should be fun...as long as there aren't any weird smells around to make me sick. 

Have a wonderful weekend ladies!

Sweet Pea Update

I wanted to update yesterday but I was feeling pretty crappy last night and could barely move.  I spent a lot of time trying to keep my dinner down...and I surely did not succeed. :(  It kept me up until about 3 am this morning so needless to say my exhaustion is even worse today.  I didn't know that was possible.

I had an ultrasound yesterday to check on little Sweet Pea.  S/he is doing well.  I heard a little hear beat that was music to my ears.  156 beats per minute!  My new favorite number.  It's funny because all weekend I convinced myself that everything was fine, which is actually very unusual for me.  I have a bad habit of always assuming the worst case.  I think it's my way of self preservation.  On Monday I even told dh not to worry about coming with me to the appointment...I regretted that when I got there.  I was so nervous.

The ultrasound tech told me everything looked fine and she couldn't even see a reason for the bleeding.  Then I met with the doctor.  He told me something totally different.  He said he could see bleeding around the pregnancy.  It's strange though because while he was telling me this I didn't get worried.  I explained the bleeding I had to him and looking back I really played it off like I didn't think it was a big deal.  I also mentioned that I had been having some mild cramping but played that off as well because I've had that from the beginning.

He quickly put me in my place though.  He said that he doesn't like to rest this early and I've still got another 5 weeks or so before we can sort of breathe.  Um...way to scare the pants off me doc!  He wants me to now come in every 2 weeks through out the first tri to get an ultrasound to make sure everything is ok.

I'm glad that he is wanting to be sort of proactive about it but at the same time I realize there is really nothing he can do.  If I am to miscarry there is nothing they can do to stop it this early on.  This is totally and completely in God's hands.  His will be done.  I am trying to remind myself of that everyday.

DH told me last night that he has been praying the rosary for me every morning.  He gets up much earlier than I do so I had no idea.  That made me feel wonderful.  I wish I could put into words for you ladies how amazing my husband is.  I truly am so blessed.  He's such a gift.

Thank you ladies for all of your prayers this weekend!  It feels so wonderful and reassuring to know that I've got people praying with me for our little miracle! 

I will leave you with two pictures of Sweet Pea taken at my first appointment last Thursday (I got two more yesterday but I can't find my camera and we don't have a scanner).

*Update* I Really Need Some Prayers!!!

I had planned on writing a post today about how great my doctors appointment went on Thursday and showing you some pictures of sweet pea. The appointment did go well, and I do have pictures, but that all changed last night. My doctor told me when I left Thursday afternoon that my cervix was really sensitive which isn't uncommon. She said that because of the pap she did I may have some spotting and not to panic. Well I figured the spotting would come that afternoon or maybe Friday morning. Instead I started spotting last night. Then the spotting got a little heavier. I prayed like I've never prayed before. Then this morning at about 4am I passed a clot. It was small but it was definitely a clot. Then I cried. I woke dh up and he cried too. I just know something is terribly wrong. Right now I am waiting for the doctor to call me back and dh is praying the rosary. If you could spare some prayers for us and little sweet pea I would really appreciate it. I'm at a loss right now and don't know what to do.

UPDATE:
I spoke with one of the doctors at the practice I go do. I must say she was less than helpful. Anyhow, she agreed that the bleeding more than likely had nothing to do with the pap. She just told me to get some rest and stay off my feet this weekend. She said if it gets worse to call on Monday and make another appointment for an ultrasound. I guess I kinda expected more from her even though I know there is nothing she can do. This early in the game it is totally in God's hands. There is nothing they can do for me if I begin to miscarry.

Fortunately to spotting has seemed to stop and the only clot was the one at 4am. I'm praying that it does not return and that everything is ok. I usually do my poi injections at night and I'm due for one today. I had dh go ahead and give it to me this morning. I'm not sure that that will actually help anything but at least I felt like I was doing something. I forgot to call ppvi yesterday to get my progesterone results. I'm going to call on Monday and maybe ask if I need some more supplementation. Anything to keep sweet pea growing!

Thank you all so much for all of your prayers! It means so much to me and to little sweet pea. :) I will keep you updated if anything changes.

Mush, Ick, and Feeling Blah

My brain has turned to mush.  I have to admit that I thought pregnancy brain couldn't possible be that bad.  I was wrong.  I have no clue what's going on up there in my head.  I am having difficulty formulating a sentence or remembering my name let alone writing an entire post.  This post is sure to be all over the place and probably not too upbeat.  I apologize now.  If you don't like randomness I would just stop reading now.  Ok?  I warned you. :)

I'm 7 weeks today and the "ick," as I like to call it, has set in full force.  Oh my gosh I feel like poo!  I feel like I'm trapped in a vicious cycle.  I have to eat because of the unbelievable hunger that makes me want to vomit or climb walls.  But then when I eat I struggle to keep it down.  I often fail at the last task.  I found myself lying on the floor of the bathroom this morning.  I was too exhausted to keep running back and forth from my bed to the toilet so I made the floor my new home.  I know it sounds gross but it made perfect since at the time.  In the brief reprieves I have, I am thankful for the nausea because it reassures me that my body is doing it's job and there really is a baby in there. But in the moments that everything wants to come up I have to admit I am not so thankful.  It's hard to be thankful when your insides hurt from dry heaving all day.  I try hard as I might though to offer it up for my prayer buddy.

I'm exhausted.  I have never in my life been this tired.  Most days I barely make it off my couch.  I hate it!  This is the one thing I can't stand.  I feel so unbelievably lazy that it makes me sick.  I feel guilty too.  DH is at work all day everyday earning a living for me and little sweet pea and I'm at home sitting on my bum.  The house is a disaster and it's everything I have in me to pull some sort of meal together for dinner.  Often he even does the dishes at night.  I feel terrible.  I am constantly apologizing to him.  He is so amazing though.  He tells me not to worry that I am working hard growing our baby.  I love that man!  I am so blessed!

On a happier note.  I have my first prenatal appointment tomorrow.  I am so excited!!!  I have a sono at 10:15 and then I meet with one of the doctors after.  I'm so excited to get to see sweet pea and hear his/her heart beat.  I'm hoping that this will make it all more real.  I still cannot believe this is happening to me.  I am beside myself with amazement.

Getting Involved

DH and I have been talking about getting involved more with our parish for awhile now (yes we discussed this before I had actually converted).  He had always mentioned possibly getting into working with engaged couples.  We have a great program at our parish and Fr. R takes this very very seriously.  I thought this would be fun but felt like maybe we haven't been married long enough (almost 4 years).  DH said it didn't matter.  He said that we have a wonderful marriage (and we do!) and he thinks that we may have a lot to offer.  We have been through a lot in our first 4 years of marriage (not just IF related) and rather than allow the stress of all of the craziness pull us apart we have grown so much closer together.  I actually often think back to our wedding day and think about what a silly little girl I was.  Sure, I loved dh, sure I wanted to marry him, sure I was sure.  But I had no clue!  No clue how much more I would love him (and need him) in the coming years.  And I know our love will only continue to grow.  So anyway, I began to pray about it...a lot.  And I felt like I wasn't really getting anywhere.  I felt like something just wasn't right.  I really didn't think that marriage prep was the way to go but I knew we should do something.

Fast forward to last Sunday night after Mass.  DH and I usually one of the lasts to leave the sanctuary (we actually stay for the last song to be entirely over...it seems like no one else does and we are one of the last standing).  As we are walking out K, the woman who runs Life Teen, stops us and asks if we have ever considered getting involved with the youth.  My face immediately lit up!  I have always wanted to work with a youth group.  The one I belonged to at the church I went to when I was a teen changed my life...and probably saved it too!  In my mind it would sort of be like paying it forward.  Besides, I love kids!  And although my specialty is special needs I think I can adapt.  However, I looked up at dh and he had this sort of deer in headlights look to him.  K encouraged him and told him not to be scared but I could see the fear.  She said she would like to set up a meeting with us if we wanted to and she would talk to us more this Sunday if we were interested.

As we left the vestibule Fr. R was standing outside.  DH and I went up to him because dh wanted to ask him for a blessing for me and for little sweet pea.  DH was telling him a very brief version of our IF story and mentioned that we had actually found out last weekend the weekend of my first Holy Communion.  Fr. R said that he thinks God has special plans for me and for little sweet pea.  :)  He then asked if we had ever considered getting involved in Life Teen.  Haha!  I could help but laugh.  DH asked if he and K had gotten together about this because she just asked us the same question.  He assured us he hadn't.  I could not believe it.  Too funny.

DH and I talked about it a bit more on the way home.  I can tell he is nervous about the idea.  I don't want to pressure him or anything but I sooooo want to do this.  I just think that it would be wonderful and a great way for us to get involved.  I think the high school years are so important.  It is such a difficult time in our lives, especially if we are trying to go against the grain and live out our faith.

DH isn't against it by any means.  He's just unsure.  Underneath his goofy, witty, exterior he really is shy.  I think the silliness is just his way of making himself more comfortable.  I'm just praying.  Praying that he will be clear in his decision and praying that God gives him courage.  I know he can do it...and I know kids would love him.  All of the kids in both of our families do!  He is great with them he just doesn't know it.

On another note.  Kaitlin, I promise I will get my post up about grocery shopping tomorrow. :)  It will take some work but I have saved so much money since I started all of this.  I promise. :)

A New Day

Thank you all for your support yesterday!  I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed...but I feel much better today.  I have faith that this will all work out and God will provide.  I am so fortunate and blessed to be carrying our little sweet pea.  I am not about to let anything dampen my joy and excitement.

So today I am working on being proactive rather than freaking out!

DH called his insurance company.  I am not on his health insurance because it is an HSA.  I wasn't really a fan of them and it's a bit pricey.  He explained the situation and was trying to see if he could get me added.  No such luck.  The woman explained that unless I was dropped from my insurance (which is a private insurance and won't be affected by me resigning) I cannot be added until the open enrollment period in February.  I thought this isn't good.  But then she explained that as long as I am not due until after February 1st (which I'm not) I can still be added then and they would still cover the birth.  Woohoo!  She explained that pregnancy is not considered by them to be a pre-existing condition so there is no problem there.

DH then called my doctor and explained the situation to them.  The insurance coordinator was so sweet and so helpful.  DH said he was so pleasantly surprised.  She explained that I would still have to pay the $3300 by the first of December, however, they do not bill the insurance company until the day after the baby is born.  That means the $3300 goes towards the deductible for the HSA.  Again I say Woohoo!

So even thought we have a large chunk of money to put down by December it is going to help us out for next year.  DH said the deductible for a family on his HSA is $6000.  So with the $3300 we are putting down this year that will be more than half of the deductible for next year and I'm not even on the policy yet.  Once we reach the $6000 our medical coverage is covered 100% for the rest of the year.  So that means that we will only have to pay another $2600 after February and not see another bill until after February 2012.  That is so awesome!

Unfortunately any additional things I have done between now and February will just be out of pocket and not go towards my deductible (bloodwork, my first sono, poi, etc).  But hey, this is looking much better than yesterday.  I am pleased and feel that this is definitely an answer to my prayers.

I know things aren't going to be super easy financially over the next several months.  But that's ok.  Like I told dh last night, I have had less.  DH and I are much more financially secure than I was growing up.  I know what broke looks like and although we will struggle it will be nothing like the struggles I had growing up.

The cable got shut off yesterday only about an hour after DH called.  Those guys work quickly!  I will say I already miss it.  That is really sad if you ask me.  I definitely think I was watching way way too much tv.  My gym membership is gone...but I hadn't been in awhile anyway.  There is a neighborhood pool at the front of our neighborhood and I've got a treadmill I hardly ever use.  I'm going to work on using all of that more often.  I am the coupon queen.  I got hooked on shopping smarter last summer and have since cut our grocery bills by more than half.  There's a method to the madness and I have a whole post about it in the works.

We will be fine.  I just know it. :)

As far as baby news.  I will be weeks tomorrow.  I'm feeling ok...I guess.  I am super exhausted.  Before I was pregnant I was super exhausted all the time and we were getting ready to do some testing to figure out what the problem was.  That has all sort of gone out the window now.  This exhaustion I am feeling is on a level I didn't know was possible.  I am so tired it hurts.  It makes it difficult to breath and it makes me angry.  My poor dh is taking the brunt of it but oh so sweetly. :)  It takes every ounce of energy I have to get out of bed only to make it as far as the couch.  I'm hoping it lets up a little soon.  I have had some waves of icky-ness but nothing too terribly bad.  Praying it stays like that too.

It's funny though...even in the middle of the pain from exhaustion and the ick I find myself so thankful.  So thankful that God has entrusted me with this little life.  I am truly blessed.

Where is my money tree?

I am in desperate need of one!  Does anyone know where I can get one?  The medical bills are already overwhelming me.  Let me break it down for you...

I just resigned from my job.  I know this is going to sound like I'm crazy as I get further into this post but I had good reason.  My job is dangerous.  In the past three years that I have worked with special needs children I have been injured on many many occasions.  I work with a lot of seriously autistic children and many children with serious EMH.  With these things come lots of behavior issues that can come up quickly and without warning.  I have had chairs, desks, and other objects thrown at me.  I have been kicked in the stomach on numerous occasions and had the wind knocked out of me.  Not to mention all the punches, slapps, and bites.  The school that I worked at was extremely small so there was no other position I could take that would keep me away from these situations.  DH and I talked and talked and prayed and prayed and decided that it wasn't worth the risk.  I am relieved to be home but not working brings on a whole lot more stresses.

I have medical insurance but it does not cover maternity.  Oh yippee!  I spoke with my OB the other day when making my appointment and explained that I would be self pay.  She said that I had to pay $3300 by the 1st of December.  This would cover my doctor's visits, one sono (at 20 weeks), delivery of the baby (basically just the doctor catching him/her), and postpartum.  It does not include bloodwork, additional sonograms, urine cultures, or any other tests that I need.  That will all be determined at he time of whatever procedure is done and payment is due at the time of service.  This also does not include anything that involves the hospital.  I'm guessing the hospital will just bill after the fact.  I guess the only good news in all of this is that if heaven forbid some complication arises and I end up in the hospital for some sort of complication or a c-section my medical insurance will pick that up.  Weird though if you ask me.


Then there is PPVI.  My POI is about $54/vial with shipping and needles.  I'm not 100% sure yet but I think 1 vial should get me through 2 weeks.  My blood work for PPVI is $66/test. I get 2 tests done (one for progesterone level and one that tests the health of the placenta) every other week. So we're talking $372/month for all of this fun stuff.

My head is swimming.  I'm so overwhelmed with dollar signs.  I'm trying to have a little faith and trust.  It's funny because most of the time I am totally at peace with it all but if I start thinking too much I get really anxious.  It's not a pleasant feeling.

I was discussing some of this with a friend the other day and she promptly replied "So why did you go and get yourself pregnant if you couldn't afford it." That hurt.  I know this isn't going to be easy.  I know we are going to struggle a bit.  But I'm trying to have faith that this will all work out.  We are obviously doing what we can to cut costs.  We canceled our cable today.  We canceled our gym memberships too.  I'm a super frugal shopper so I will just have to be more strict with that.  I'm going to try meal planning in order to save even more money.  And we are definitely cutting out extras like movies and dinners.  I know it will all be worth it in the end.  It's just stressful to think about right now.

So, does anyone know if there is a cheaper way to get POI?  I get mine from Kub.bats.

DH is being amazing!  He keeps telling me not to worry about anything.  He says my only job is to take care of our sweet pea.  I love that man!  I really do.  He truly is a blessing.