If you haven't read part 1 and 2 of Mary-Grace's birth story you can find them
here and
here.
We were driving back to the hospital for the third time. Fortunately it was only about 5am so the roads were pretty bare. Morning rush hour hadn't yet begun which could have easily made our 45 minute drive turn into a 2 hour drive. K was exhausted and told me later that he was really concerned about driving. He was very worried that he might fall asleep (he hadn't slept since Friday night either). This time around the contractions did not slow for the drive. I was having them every 1.5 to 2 minutes like clockwork. I was now having trouble relaxing through them. My moaning was getting louder and louder and would at times turn into a high pitched scream. At this point I had lost all control. K would try to talk be down from each contraction but I wasn't nearly as receptive. In between each contraction I would sob. To be honest, it wasn't the pain. I really could handle the pain. It was the exhaustion. Being awake for 3 days really starts to do funny things to a person.
We pulled into the hospital parking lot. K helped me out of the car and I prayed a quick prayer that God would help me know what to do if there were decisions to be made. The reality that it was very possible that this labor was not going to go as planned as far as being un-medicated became very real to me. I also prayed that I would have peace about whatever was to happen. At this point my only goal was to actually have this baby and for both of us to be healthy. Deep down inside though I really still wanted to do this on my own.
We walked back into the lobby and the security guard from the first trip was back at his desk. He remembered me and was shocked to see me. He said he figured I had already had my baby at this point. I didn't have the energy to respond. I took my post leaning on his desk and waited for the nurse to come get me.
I heard the doors open and when I turned around my angel Nancy came walking towards me. I tried hard to force a smile but instead I burst into tears. She told me not to worry that she didn't care how much I had progressed, if I wanted to be she would be sure that I was admitted. She said she's never seen anything like what was happening to me. We walked to triage together stopping and swaying for contractions. All the while tears are streaming down my face. To be honest, I'm not sure what the tears were about. I wasn't sad. I think it was shear frustration and exhaustion.
I was once again given a room where I undressed, hopped up on the bed (my enemy), was strapped to monitors and finally checked. I closed my eyes again as she checked and tried to get a Hail Mary in. When I opened my eyes she had a smile on her face. I asked her what to verdict was and she said I was a stretchy 3. I tried my hardest to be happy but all I could think was 3 days! Three days of labor and I had only progressed to 3 centimeters. Not just 3 days of labor, 3 days of hard labor.
I looked over at the monitor and saw that my contractions were still measuring off the charts. Not that I really needed that thing to tell me. I then asked the nurse between contractions how Mary-Grace was doing. "Perfect!" She said. "You're little one is handling one of the longest hardest labors I've ever seen remarkably well!" I smiled and the tears began to flow again. Then she asked me what I wanted to do. She said if I wanted she would call the doctor from my office that was on call and get him to admit me or I could go home again. I didn't even think about it. I told her to get me admitted. There was just no way we could safely make it home again.
As she left the room I thought to myself that I really should get up to deal with the contractions, but I just couldn't. I was getting dizzy and didn't feel like I had the strength. After what seemed like an eternity she came back in with a nurse from labor and delivery Stephanie, who would be my nurse. Stephanie helped me up to escort me to my new room. Sweet Nancy gave me a hug and said she would come visit me when she came back on at 7pm and prayed that I would have my baby in my arms by then.
Once in my room I was hooked up again. Stephanie (who had already read my birth plan prior to coming to get me) asked me about my pain scale. I was honest with her and told her it was an 8 (we were told in Brad.ley to never say above a 5). She said that she wouldn't bug me about it but just to let her know if I wanted something to relieve the pain. I took a deep breath, asked for wisdom and peace and told her I was done. I told her that I was ready for the epidural. She asked if I was absolutely positive and I assured her I was. She told me she would contact my doctor to get the ok and be back shortly.
I then looked over at K and started sobbing and apologizing. He came over to hug me and promised he wasn't upset. He kept telling me what a great job I had done and was still doing. He said there is no way he would have lasted as long as I did and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. He also told me that he had been praying about it and was hoping I would agree to some assistance. He was beginning to fear that due to exhaustion I would not be able to push if I did progress on my own. Our new goal became to have this baby without having a c-section.
Within about 10 minutes the nurse came back to tell me that anesthesia would be in shortly. Not 5 minutes later the anesthesia nurse came in. She took my vitals and asked me about 100 questions. I then took the opportunity to ask her some while we waited for the anesthesiologist. She knew that I really really did not want an epidural. Even if she hadn't been informed about my birth plan the fact that I felt like I was defeated and giving up was written all over my face. I don't hide emotions well. After asking her all the risks, what to expect, play by play of the procedure, I told her that I didn't want to be totally numb. She kind of looked at me strange and then I told her that the only reason I was getting this thing was to enable me to get some rest. I told her that I actually wanted to experience labor and that I didn't mind the pain. She said that she rarely hears that, even from women who had intended on going naturally. She said she was especially surprised to hear this from a woman who was now on her third day of labor. She then said ok but told me to let them know if I needed more.
About that time the anesthesiologist walked in. He asked me a few more questions and then had me lay on my side. He had Kevin get in front of me and sit down (They don't make husbands leave the room but they also don't let them watch. One to many dads have passed out). Kevin took his position and help my hand as they prepped me. Again I began to sob and apologize. Once again, he assured me that he was not upset and there was nothing to apologize for. By that time they were ready and waited for my contraction to stop. He walked me through everything he was doing and it honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The first shot stung and then everything from that point on was just pressure. It was over before I knew it. A few minutes later I noticed that although I could still feel my contractions they were more manageable.
I tried to get some rest but at this point I was so anxious and for the first time getting really excited. I knew that one way or the other this was going to be Mary-Grace's birthday. K and I talked for awhile when my doula showed up. I was happy she was there but felt terrible that we had been bothering her for 3 days and now she was there and I had an epidural. She kept telling me she didn't care and that this was my birth and it didn't matter. She also said had it been her she would have done the same thing. Seeing as how she was 20 weeks pregnant with her 5th, 3 of which were done un-medicated (the 4th passed away at 21 weeks) that meant a lot.
She and I convinced K to sleep and I tried to rest. After awhile I noticed I wasn't feeling the contractions at all anymore. At first I thought maybe I was getting too much of the epidural and thought about calling the nurse in to have it turned down. But then I looked over at the monitor and noticed that my contractions had stopped. Not slowed down, completely stopped. I felt my heart sink into my stomach. Exactly what I had feared, and what is one of the risks of an epidural was happening. I had hopped and prayed this wouldn't happen. I knew now that there would more than likely be a snowball of interventions that I had wanted to avoid. Again I prayed for peace.
At about 9am the doctor from my practice who was on call came in. He checked me and of course I hadn't progressed at all since I came in. He said he wanted to start Pitocin and break my water. I tried to remain calm, I knew this conversation would be coming. I asked if he could give me a few minutes to discuss things with my husband and he agreed although it was obvious he thought I was nuts. He stepped out of the room and told us to call for the nurse when we made our decisions. K, our doula and I discussed the risks and benefits to both options. In the end we decided that we would not agree to have my water broken just yet as that would put me on a time clock. We decided to agree to the pitocin but only at the lowest drip and with the agreement from the doctor that once my contractions picked up we would attempt to turn it off and see if my body would take over on its own. But first we wanted to try nipple stimulation to see if we could possibly start contractions naturally. Our doula left to give us some privacy. I'm not sure how long we tried but it did nothing. We got a few small contractions on the screen but nothing that would be considered productive. We called for the doctor, told him our plan and he agreed. Reluctantly, but he agreed.
The nurse hooked up the Pitocin and I tried not to cry. At this point there was not a lot I could do. Mary-Grace was doing so well I just prayed things would continue that way. We watched the monitor and prayed my contractions would pick up. After what seemed like an eternity and the nurse turning up the Pitocin once the contractions finally began again. Unfortunately they weren't strong, nowhere near as strong as the contractions I was producing on my own for 3 days. As strange as it sounds I was thankful. I wanted the contractions but I didn't want the "pitocin" contractions I had heard about that are long and really strong. I feared that after 3 days of this craziness it would cause Mary-Grace distress.
A few hours later Dr. H went off and Dr. R came on. At about 2:45 she came in to check me. I prayed and prayed that I had progressed. After she checked she looked at me very concerned and told me that I was still 3 centimeters. "You have got to be kidding me I said! Please tell me that was a joke!" Unfortunately it wasn't. She then brought up breaking my water. I asked her if she minded giving K and I a minute to discuss. She stood up from my bed with an obviously irritated look on her face and said "Fine. But you need to understand that you have been in labor for a really long time, longer than we would usually allow people to be in labor. None of us are trying to do things we don't think we need to do. We are trying everything we can to avoid a c-section. I really don't want to have to do that." I started sobbing harder than I had yet. I told her I was sorry, that I wasn't trying to be difficult. I said that it had been a long 3 days and that I was exhausted and that nothing was going as planned. She said she was sorry (I could tell it was sincere) and just to call her when we were ready. She left and I looked at K with this "please help me" look. We prayed and then talked about what we needed to do. Abut that time I looked at the clock. Ten hours. It had been ten hours since I came in. Ten hours with no progression at all.
We decided to call Dr. R back in to ask some questions about breaking my water knowing that this was probably the route we would end up taking. She assured me that there was no specific "time clock." She said that as long as both baby and mom are doing well and there were no signs of infection there was no clock. She also assured me that Mary-Grace's head was at a +2 station so the risk of cord prolapse was almost nill. We agreed and before I knew it there was a huge gush. Within 5 minutes my contractions started up again. Alleluia!!! Within 10 minutes they were crazy strong again and I was in a ton of pain. I never in my life thought I would be so happy to feel pain but it was glorious! I was very thankful for actually being able to feel the pain and also having a weak enough epidural to move around in the bed so that I could get comfortable during each contraction.
When the nurse came back in at about 3.45pm (45 minutes after my water was broken) she decided to go ahead and check me again. She said my contractions were so strong and so frequent, and I was so uncomfortable she thought something had to be happening. Praise God she was right! In 45 minutes I went from 3 centimeters to a stretchy 6. After 3 days of very little progression I was finally moving along. She stepped out and told me to let her know if I felt intense pressure. She said she thought things might move quickly now.
Almost immediately I began feeling pressure. I told K and my doula but also said that I wanted to wait to say anything. My doula agreed. She said that if I could stand the pressure I should wait as long as possible that way Mary-Grace could move down on her own and that would mean less pushing for me. At this point I still hadn't slept and we really didn't want me to have to push too long and get so exhausted that I needed assistance getting her out (forceps etc.). I held tight and then the insanity began. I started having one contraction on top of another. There was no break at all. I held on for about 10 minutes when the nurse happened to walk in because one of my monitors moved and they didn't have Mary-Grace's heartbeat. She took one look at me and said "Um, you're in transition!" She waited with me until I got a break in contractions and then checked me. She got this huge smile on her face and said you are 9 1/2! There's only a tiny lip left. She had me lay on my right side to get the lip to go away. She also said that if I could handle it I should wait to start pushing. She had the same thoughts my doula did. :)
At this point it was about 4:15pm. In just over an hour I went from 3 to 10 centimeters and was just waiting until I couldn't take the pressure any longer. I was elated! K, our doula and I chatted between contractions, rest was not an option at this point, I was too excited. At about 5:15 the nurse came back and said that she was going to set up for delivery and that I could try some practice pushes if I wanted. After all was ready she had me try to push and immediately called the doctor in.
At 5:45 I began pushing for real. Between contractions we all joked around and talked. We had my music playing and even my doctor commented on how this was one of the most relaxing, fun deliveries she had ever done. After a few pushes my doctor had me reach down to feel Mary-Grace's head. I don't know what I thought it would feel like but it was way different! Very mushy and gooey...but I loved it. A few minutes later her little head was out. K looked at her and then looked at me and said "She's beautiful! Her eyes are already open!" I smiled and the next thing I knew the doctor got a shocked look on her face as Mary-Grace came flying out!" At 6:15pm, Mary-Grace Eloise entered this world and I will forever be grateful!
Reflections on birth coming next. :) Because I have a lot of thoughts! ;)
