Great Book!

Last Friday night dh and I went on one hot date to the bookstore.  Haha!  We often head out having no clue where we are going only to end up at the bookstore.  We're dorks, I know.  But at least we are dorks together.  :)

So we went in and as usual dh headed straight for the Christian section.  I usually follow him and we both come out with some sort of great book usually by Scott Ha.hn or Peter. Kree.ft.  However, this day I was particularly stressed and decided that I needed some sort of mindless girly book to take my mind off all the the craziness going on around me lately.  I left him lost in the many many books he had picked up and was sorting though and wandered over to fiction section.  I had been there for about 10 minutes and nothing was grabbing me.  Then all of a sudden in the midst of all the silly books about nothing in particular I the book Signs of Life by Scott Ha.hn.  I started looking through it and it seemed like the perfect book for a newbie Catholic.  :)

I've read about half of it and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!  It is wonderful.  It talks about 40 Catholic customs and their biblical roots.  DH started flipping through it the other day and said that he thought all Catholics should read it.  He started talking about all the years he went through life not knowing most of these things and how books like this should be required reading.  The chapters are pretty short and everything is written in plain English.  It is not written for someone with a degree in theology, it is definitely written for the average person.

Have any of you read it?  I'd love to hear what you though. :)

The Date Is Set!

We had our usual weekly get together with Deacon A yesterday.  It went great and now the date for me to be received into the Church is set. Sunday, July 25th!  WooHoo!  It would be sooner but Deacon A is going to be out of town for the July 4th holiday and then Fr. R will be out of town after that.  There are other priests but Fr. R is in charge and he really wants to do it.  I don't mind, I really love Fr. R.  In two weeks I will have my final meeting with Deacon A.  We will go through a dry run of confession.  At first I thought that seemed silly but I'm kind of glad we are doing it.  Confession is really making me nervous so hopefully this will help to ease me a bit.  The following Saturday, the 17th I will make my first confession and then the next week is the big day.

I am ridiculously excited!

The Best Chocolate Cake EVER!

Today we are having a little shindig for dh's 29th birthday.  Nothing big or fancy (we'll save that for the big 3-0 next year!), just a little get together with a few of our closest friends.

I don't think I've  mentioned it here before, but I absolutely love to cook and bake.  I have a real passion for it.  It is by far one of my favorite things to do...especially after a really stressful day.  Unfortunately, it does absolutely nothing for my waistline. :)

For tonight I'm making dh's favorite cake...and mine too. :)  I got this recipe from a friend about 2 months ago and have made it probably 4 or 5 times since then.  I've tweaked it a little...cause that's what I do.  I thought I would share it with you guys because it is just too darn good to keep a secret.  It's called a Chocolate Stout Cake.  Stout because it has some stout beer in it.  Don't worry though, it doesn't really have a beery taste.  But the beer certainly does something for it.  It is super super moist and absolutely delish!

Here's the recipe...

Chocolate Stout Cake

1 cup of stout beer (I use Guinness b/c that is dh's favortie beer but you can use any stout.  Youngs Chocolate stout is a good one too!)
1 cup of unsalted butter
3/4 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups of flour
2 cups of sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
2 large eggs
2/3 sour cream

Ganache

11 oz semi sweet choco chips (Just use the whole 12oz bag, you won't notice the difference.)
12tbsp heavy cream
1 1/2 tsp instant coffee granules

Preheat oven to 350,  Butter and flour your Bunt pan (I use PAM for Baking, it's just easier and less messy).

Bring stout and butter to simmer in a larger heavy saucepan over med heat.  Whisk in coca powder until mixture is smooth.  Let cool slightly. 
whisk together the dry ingredients and set aside.
Beat the eggs and sour cream together in a large bowl.  Add the chocolate/stout mixture mixture to the egg mixture and beat to just combine.  Add the dry ingredients and beat briefly on slow speed.  Using a rubber spatula, fold the batter until completely combined.  Pour into prepared pan.  Bake the cake until the tester inserted into the center comes out clean, about 35 minutes.  Transfer cake to rack, cool completely in the pan before turning out.

Ganache:
Melt the chocolate chips, heavy cream and coffee in the top of a double boiler over simmering water ( I don't own a double boiler but you can put a heat-safe bowl over simmering water too).  Stir constantly until smooth and warm.  Pour over the top of the cooled cake.

Sometimes I add strawberries to the top too if I have them.

I'm telling you it is to die for!!

I took some pics while I was baking this one that I will post later.

Dear Body

Dear Body,

Why do you hate me? Why do you do things that make no sense?  I am tired of you acting all wonky!  I am tired of you being unpredictable!  I am tired of you making me think that you are starting to work only to do something crazy again.  I'm tired of the two steps forward and one step back!  Could you please figure out what you want to do and then just stick with it?  Please?

Body, I thought we were done with this tebb crud!  I know that your hormones were all out of whack before.  That is why I endure the painful shots every month.  I do that for you.  So why all of a sudden after several months of no tebb did you decide to do it again?  I just don't understand.  I gave you the same shots you got all those other months.  Are they not good enough for you anymore?  I would really appreciate it if you would just stop!  How about next cycle we don't do that?  How does that sound?  Actually, if all bleeding could just stay away next cycle that would be great!

And another thing.  What's with the migraines?  I can't take them anymore!  I delt with these nasty migraines for years and years.  Those migraines you used to give me almost landed me on disability.  I thought we were done with those too.  Could you do me a favor and stop with those.  My poor head can't take it anymore.

Ok body...do you think you can work on these two things?  I'm really not asking for too much.  Oh yeah, and one more thing...when you see sperm and an egg in the same place at the same time, that's a good thing.  That's a very very good thing.  If you could work on joining those two things together that would be great!

Love,

Impatient Me

Quick Takes

 

1.  Two weekends ago dh and I had my wonderful nephews over for the night.  We spent a lot of time at our neighborhood pool.  They had a BLAST!  And we really enjoyed having them.  I love these two cuties more than anything.  And if you ask me they are two of the cutest kids ever!

 

I love this one!  This is when the fountains at the kiddie splash area first turned on.  He was so surprised and so excited!

Eli was having so much fun.

 

 Jacob was my first little love.  I love him dearly.  He is such a great big brother!

2.  I'm off this week and won't be working too much this summer.  I am LOVING it!  Seriously loving it!  I am so meant to be a stay at home wife (and mom :) )!  I just know it.  I have gotten so much accomplished this week and have so much more I need to do.  My house is going to look awesome after this summer.

3.  I need to stop watching a baby story!  I was watching it yesterday...actually I think I was watching Bringing Home Baby and I wanted to crawl through the tv at this woman.  She brought her baby home and then said something to the effect that she thought having a baby was going to be like bringing home a puppy but it isn't it's harder.  Um....yes, a human life is a bit different from a puppy.  Don't get me wrong, I love my little Oscar, but it's not the same as an infant.

4.  I've been especially thankful for all of you this week.  Your comments on my post about CD1 and surgery really helped.  I am an extremely anxious person and sometimes when I get something in my head I just run with it and I can get really stressed really quick.  I am so happy to know that I do have options.  I have an appointment with Dr. G on the 17th and we are going to discuss what we need to do.  I need to make her understand that I don't want to take a "wait and see" approach to all of this.  I want to get going asap on whatever I need to do to fix my broken lady parts.

5. This cycle has started off terrible!  The last two cycles my cramps haven't been too terribly bad.  Oh My Gosh that is so not the case this time!  I cannot believe they haven't come up with some sort of pain reliever that can alleviate this crap.  Sometimes I feel like they are really behind the curve when it comes to women's health.  Seriously!

6.  I am very confused by family and friends.  Actually, I am very confused by some of our Catholic family and friends.  I get that when our non-catholic people learn about our infertility they automatically think about ART.  They are just so misinformed.  But the response we have gotten from our Catholic people has just shocked me!  I mean really!  And even when dh tries to explain to them why ART is not an option for us and why the Church is against it they just look at us like we're nuts.  I swear if one more person says "Well, if you wanted a baby bad enough you would try anything."  I may just go completely nuts.  I just don't get it.

7.  I've always been sort of a crafty person.  And I've always got tons and tons of ideas swirling around in my head.  A few weeks ago I got the idea to make a rosary.  So I did.  It only took me about an hour or so and it is beautiful if I do say so myself.  DH wants me to make one for him next.  He thinks I should open an etsy shop.  I'm not so sure about that...but I am definitely going to start making some as gifts.  I really enjoyed it!

I don't think these pictures do it justice but you get the idea.  I took them on our wedding invitation that I have framed for some reason.

CD1 and Surgery Stress

I think today is CD1.  I woke up to spotting this morning.  I knew it was coming.  I think my new lp is 13 days rather than 12.  Seems to be the new trend.  I don't think I'm going to say much more about it.  I'm pretty upset and talking about it just makes things worse.  So that's it.  Better luck next time.

Today is dh's 29th birthday.  Woohoo!  I've still got to get his present and I have no clue what to get him.  Nothing like last minute right?  DH also said he didn't want to go out to dinner he'd rather have dinner here.  So I'm off to get some tuna and mahi from Fresh Market today.  As soon as I can get my lazy butt off this couch.  These cramps and this headache are making things difficult.

So speaking of cramps.  I need surgery and I just don't want to think about it.  But I need to think about it.  But I really don't want to.  From the day that I started seeing Dr. G she has said she wanted me to go have surgery with Dr. Hildgers.  She finally said the word that I had been asking doctors about since I was about 16.  Endometriosis. (I guess I should work on finishing my history that I started like forever ago)  She said that I seemed like such a classic case and that if I don't have endo she would be absolutely shocked.

I know that I have it.  I can't explain how I know, I just do.  I've known since I was a teenager I just couldn't get a doctor to listen to me.

I was talking to dh last night and said that one way or the other we have to figure out how to do this surgery.  If I have endo completely taking over my lady parts then all of this stuff we're doing could be completely pointless.  We could be spinning our wheels with like a 0% chance of actually conceiving.

Here's the issue.  We live in Florida.  Plane tickets for the two of us would be about $1500.  Plus a hotel stay for 9 days (Dr. G said that's how long we'll have to stay before they will let me back on a plane). I have really, really crappy insurance that isn't going to cover much if any of this.  How much do you think the surgery would cost out of pocket?  I don't even want to think about that.  And then, there is always the chance that Dr. H will go in and see too much and make me come back for another more invasive surgery.  Which will me lots more money.

I just don't know how we can do it.  It stresses me out to think about it.  I feel like I am sort of between a rock and a hard place.  I've been praying about it but I still don't feel like I have any answers.

Well...I'm off to take care of some birthday things.  Hopefully the rain will stay away for a little while.  Although I have lived here my whole life I just can't get used to the soupy feeling in the summer. YUCK!

Updates All Around

So today is P+12...AF should be here tomorrow.  I feel it coming.  I know it's coming.  I'm sad but I was expecting it.  With such a crummy mucus cycle I knew it would be inevitable.  I did once again let myself get my hopes up though.  I actually counted wrong and was thinking that today was P+13.  I was figuring that if AF wasn't here tomorrow I would test on Wednesday morning...that's DH's birthday.   Wouldn't that be an amazing birthday...and Father's Day present!?!?  I know that would be silly considering that I take HCG but I just wouldn't be able to help myself.  I'm silly like that. :)  The end of this cycle has been a bit different.  This may seem like tmi but I figure I tell all of my secrets on here so why not just tell them all.  Right?  Haha!  My boobs have been super sore!  They are always really sore and huge post peak but this time around it just feels a little different.  They are achy which is also normal...but I keep getting these sharp pains, and they are kinda itchy.  Make sense?  My cramps have also been almost totally absent.  Usually around P+10 I start getting a crampy feeling that just intensifies as time goes on.  Not this time.  I had a really sharp feeling somewhere around my left ovary Saturday.  It actually felt more like a sharp pop feeling.  If I hadn't had an ultrasound that said they were all good I may have thought it was a cyst or something.  Not that I know what a cyst feels like.  Then up until tonight I haven't had any cramps at all.  I've had a few brief moments tonight of an achy feeling but nothing too bad.  I'm guessing they just started late and I'll feel worse tomorrow.  My typical headaches also started tonight so I'm sure AF is on her way.  Yippee.

Maybe I'm a little sarcastic. No?

Today was my 3rd meeting with the deacon at church.  He always seems so surprised at what I already know and yet I feel like I know very little.  I guess most people go in looking for information to then decide if they want to join the Church.  I'm just not that kind of person.  I researched and researched, and bombarded Kevin with question after question to decide if that's what I wanted.  Then I went to the deacon.  That's just how I tend to do things.  I'm so scared of looking stupid that I want to be super informed about everything.  Make sense?  I know it sounds crazy.  I can't help it.  After our meeting he said that he told me everything that I needed to know (obviously I don't know everything and never will, he was just saying that he went over all of the basics that I need to know).  Next week we will be going over confession.  Then from what I understand he will go to Fr. Ron and let him know that I am ready.  Woohoo!  Then I guess Fr. Ron will ask for permission from the Bishop.  Then it's just a matter of me going to confession, getting confirmed, and then communion.  There's one catch though.  There's always a catch isn't there?  Fr. Ron is leaving at the end of June to go to Israel and won't be back until some time in July.  Soooo...that means I have to wait until July.  No biggie I guess.  I'm trying not to let my impatient self creep in. :)

Speaking of confession.  Have I mentioned how much this terrifies me?  Don't get me wrong, I want to go to confession, and I know that it has to feel so good to get all of that off of your chest.  But I am just terrified!!!  The thought of sitting down with someone and telling them all of my sins just makes me feel a little sick.  I've got a lot of years to confess...this could take a really long time.