Four years ago today...

...I married my best friend.

At times I cannot believe that it has been 4 years.  At other times I feel like it has been a life time.

There is a country song out there by Brad Paisley called "I thought I Loved You Then."  Song gets me every time.  It is basically about the different stages of a couples life (dating, engagement, marriage, etc.).  After each description of time he says "And I thought I loved you then."  I feel like this perfectly describes our relationship.

DH and I dated for 4.5 years before we were engaged.  The day he proposed is forever etched in my mind.  I remember standing there and realizing what was happening and thinking there is no way I could possibly love him more than I do at this moment.  But on our wedding day I found our I was wrong.  Standing at the back of the church looking down the isle we locked eyes and my heart grew tenfold.  I thought I loved him more at that moment than was ever possible.  Then the truth of our infertility set in.  It didn't take long after realizing this was going to be a long journey that I realized I loved him even more.  The way he comforted me day after day, month after month, year after year just amazed me.  Last May when I finally told dh that I wanted to convert his reaction made my heart swell once more.  It was something that definitely drew us closer than anything had before.  It was a way of uniting us even deeper.

Then came the day that I finally saw those 2 pink lines.  My heart nearly burst.  I ran to dh who was standing in the kitchen.  I had tears streaming down my face and I couldn't speak.  I was in utter shock and amazement.  I just held the test up to show him.  He looked at me and all he said was "I love you." He grabbed me as my knees nearly buckled underneath me and we just stood there sobbing and hugging.  At that moment my heart grew once more as I realized my love for him was growing even deeper.  That very night was the first day I received my first Communion. Our priest had dh come up with me and receive at the same time.  He told us to remember that back before wedding ceremonies couples would be united in marriage by simply coming to the priest to receive communion together.  He said that this day was a day that would join us together in a deeper way that we could have ever imagined.  He was right.

On this day last year we went to a Mass in a neighboring town that was being said for all couples dealing with infertility.  On the day that we married I never thought that that was how we would spend on of our anniversaries.  As I knelt during Mass I prayed so hard that God would give us a baby to hold.  I had no idea that that gift would be given to us so soon.  After I found out I was pregnant Dr. H and Dr. G were both surprised to hear it.  Dr. H wasn't hopeful with my hormone levels and was waiting for me to come up for surgery.

It is so hard to imagine that this time next year sweet Mary-Grace will be here in our arms.  I will forever be grateful to our Lord for the abundant gifts he has bestowed upon my husband and I.  I truly feel unworthy.

Now that I am crying I think I will leave you with a note to my dh and some pictures. :)

K, I love you more today than I did yesterday and I know that love will only continue to grow.  The journey we have been on over the last 4 years has not been as we expected but I would not trade a minute of it for the world.  Thank you for making these years the best of my life.  I cannot wait to see what the rest of our life has in store for us.  We now know that sometimes things aren't easy, but together we can make it through anything.  I love you from the bottom of my heart.  Pinky Swear!  :)

Sanibel Island where he proposed.

A reenactment of our first kiss seeing as how our photographer, who was terrible, didn't take the picture of the actual kiss.

First Dance

Our FABULOUS!  Honeymoon Cruise!

It's a...

GIRL!!!!!!!

Mary-Grace Eloise M.

Mary - To honor dh's grandmother. She passed away in March of 09 after a long sad battle with Alzheimers. Dh credits his Catholic faith to her. And also Mary because the month we conceived was the first month I asked for our Blessed Mother's intercession. Remember, I'm a newbie Catholic...dong those sorts of things is new to me. ;)

Grace - Well, it is by God's grace that we have this little one.

Eloise - To honor my Nonnie. She was my great grandmother whom I loved dearly.

I've already gotten some funny looks from people when I have told them her name. But honestly, I don't care if people like it. I LOVE it! I don't mean to sound mean but it seems rude of people to do that. I've dreamed about the day I would name my little girl.

I've already been shopping for pink things today. :)

I'll post ultrasound pics as soon as dh gets home from work. I accidentally left them at his office. :(

Aticipation

It's killing me. I'm getting ready for my 11am appointment. We're having one of those 3D Ultrasounds and we get to find out the baby's gender. I can't wait!!!! I'm bursting with excitement! I'm thinking this is going to help make this more real.

Let the shopping begin! :)

I'll post the news with pictures when I get home. After some baby shopping first of course. :)

Quick Takes

1.  I'm still having some stomach issues even though I am 16 weeks.  I really thought it would be gone by now.  However, the Phenergan seems to really be helping a lot.  As long as I take it first thing in the morning I seem to be ok for the most part.  If I miss it...oh boy it isn't pretty!

2.  My migraines are getting out of control!  I'm having them about 5 days a week.  INSANE!  I have an appointment next week so I'm going to ask my OBGYN to check my B12 and my Vitamin D.  I had these levels checked about a year and a half ago.  They were super super low.  The doctor I was seeing at the time put me on B12 injection once a week and 2000iu of Vitamin D every day.  While my migraines didn't go away they did lessen a bit.  I stopped seeing that doctor for insurance purposes so I haven't been taking anything.  Hopefully the OB will go with this.  I'm pretty sure they all thing I'm crazy though.

3.  Speaking of appointments, the BIG appointment is on Wednesday!  Woohoo!  I can't wait to see little sweet pea again and to find out if it's a boy or girl in there.  I've been having such trouble actually believing that I'm pregnant.  I'm thinking that once I know what we are having and actually get to call him/her by name it may make it more real.  This also means I can do a little shopping.  :)  I can't wait to pick out something for our little one!  I'm grinning from ear to ear already. :)

4.  I didn't mention this in my post yesterday but I should mention that I am very thankful for the difficult childhood I had.  I know that seems strange, and I've only scratched the surface of some of the things that happened when I was young, but I really am.  It took me a long time to get to this point.  It took me years to forgive my mother.  But I have and I am happy.  If I had not had all of those experiences I would not be who I am today.  DH and I often discuss my childhood and my mother.  We pray for her daily.  I love her because she gave me life.  It doesn't mean that I don't have days that hurt because I do.  Buying my wedding dress was hard...all of the other girls there had their moms.  Being pregnant has been hard.  I want my mom here with motherly advice.  I want my baby to have his/her grandma. When I felt the baby move a couple of weeks ago I wondered about when my mom felt me.  And although I am thankful for her giving me life I wonder how she could have left my sister and me the way she did.  I know she is sick so all I can do is pray.  And at times thinking of this makes me thankful that she did do what she did.  I would be completely different if she had stayed.  I know that seems strange but I like me. :)

5.  Our wedding anniversary is fast approaching.  I'm so excited!  I'm like a 5 year old when it comes to anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc.  I get so excited leading up to them.  Four years!  I cannot believe it.  At times it feels like yesterday and at other times it feels like a life time ago.  We usually head over to Orlando and go to the Epcot Food and Wine Festival.  I think we've done this every year.  It is so much fun and such yummy yummy food!  Yummy wine too but I would have to forgo that this year. :)  It's a little pricey thought once you factor in tickets plus spending money so I think we are going to have to pass. :(  My current jobless state makes things like that a bit difficult.  Do any of you ladies have any ideas for fun, inexpensive things to do.  I'm not very creative and pregnancy brain is making that even worse.

6.It's finally sort of feeling like Fall down here in Florida.  Florida Fall anyway.  The nights have been nice and cool.  The afternoons are still insane though.  The humidity is finally going down which at least makes the heat bearable.  I've got Fall scented candles burning everyday to help the mood.  I love Fall!  I've got to get dh up into the attic to get my decorations down!  I'm ready to hit the pumpkin patches!

7.  I don't really have a #7.  :)  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  You all are in my prayers.

My Teenage Mother

I loved Sew's post about her mother so I thought I'd steal barrow her idea.  The information I have regarding my mother's side of this story has been told to me by relatives (mostly my grandmother on my father's side).  As you'll see later int he story, my mother hasn't been able to share things from her perspective.

My mother was 18 when she found out she was pregnant with me, my father was 19.  She told no one she was pregnant, not even my dad.  My Nana (dad's mom) suspected that she was and asked both my mom and dad on several occasion.  Both of them always told her no.  My Nana told me that my mom was gaining weight but not so much in a pregnant way.  However, she carried herself in such a way that my Nana had a feeling (my Nana is notorious for her "feelings" that are usually right).

Finally early in November my dad came to my Nana and told her that my mom was pregnant.  Nothing prepared for what my dad was about to say next.  "She's due next month." my dad said.  Nana was shocked!  She was obviously upset, but even more so when my dad told her that he didn't even know.

My mother coming from a very strong Southern Baptist family and my Nana being super "old fashioned" as she would say, basically told them they were getting married weather they liked it or not.  One week later on November 20th they were married in my great grandmother's backyard.

On December 19th I came into this world.

The marriage my parents had was never a good one.  But despite that they had two more children within the following two years.  When I was 6 years old they divorced.

Those first 6 years of my life were not easy.  My mom suffered from bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia.  She was often abusive and had some drug issues.  She and my dad fought like crazy.  The fights would get so loud I slept with a pillow over my head out of habit until high school.

About a year before they divorced she went into a psychiatric facility. My dad tried desperately to work on their marriage and getting her the help she needed.  However, she met someone else while in the hospital and they then divorced.

After the divorce she wasn't around much.  The times she wanted to see my sisters and me got fewer and fewer until she just stopped coming around at all.  There was a 12 year span where I did not see or here from her at all.

When I was 19 she showed back up very briefly only to disappear again.  I saw her once more when I was 22 when she showed up at the hospital when my sister was having her baby (we still have no clue how she found out).

The distance between us now is mostly my doing.  For my own health and sanity I cannot have her be a part of my life.  Too much has happened and too much happened once I was an adult involving her that I just feel it best to not have her in my life at this time.  She was not at my wedding and as far as I know, does not know I am pregnant.

My childhood was very difficult.  We had very little money.  I saw things no child should ever see.  I missed my mom and felt very abandoned by her.  However, at no point in my life have I ever wished I wasn't here.

I cannot imagine how scared my mother must have been while pregnant with me.  To keep it a secret for 8 months just boggles my mind.  How easy it would have been for her to abort me and no one be the wiser.  It was definitely legal at the time.

At no point did I think my dad wished I was not here.  I cannot even fathom how hard it was for him to raise 3 little girls on his own from the time that they were 6,5 and 4 years old.

I remember when I first found out was abortion was.  I think I was in 5th grade or so.  I immediately thought of my mother.  I realized how easy it would have been for her to have an abortion.  I realized that had she done this I would not be here.

My mother in all of her faults still chose life and for that I will forever be thankful.

Doctors Appointment

My doctors appointment was less than enjoyable yesterday. I don't know what the deal is wit doctors thinking I'm nuts but it seems to be a trend. Maybe I am nuts.

I told him about the constant vomitting. He was like well you are obviously keeping something down because you gained a pound. Oh wow! I've gained a whole pound in 13 weeks! Seriously doc...that means I'm making it up? He said if I'm really that sick the next step is hospitalization. Oh boy that sounds like fun. He gave me another script for more Phenergn. That didn't work the first time.

I also talked to him about the migraines. He gave me a script for Fiorucet. I've taken that before except it was the kind that had codeine in it. It doesn't help much but I'm limited on what I can take so I guess I will deal. He said if they continue to get worse he wants me to see a neurologist. I'm not sure what that's going to do though. I though MRIs and CT scans were out of the question while pregnant.

He then brought up my progesterone supplementation. He asked if I was still on it. I told him I just got switched to orals. He said he wanted me to stop them. Um what? I told him my last level was only 23.8! He said that there is no evidence that progesterone after the first tri does anything. Uh...yeah there is! He tried to tell me it could harm the baby. Riiiiight! I told him I want comfortable with that. He said he wants to talk to this Dr. Bolsters guy. Wow doc! That's mighty pompous of you. He wanted me to sign some form so he can get all of my reccords from PPVI. I forgot to sign it. Oops!

He also basically told me he didn't think there was a such rung as a leuteal phase defect. He's the second doctor at this practice to tell me that. What is with these people?

I did make my next appointment though. It's October 13th. I'll be 17 weeks. We are having our 3d gender check ultrasound. Woohoo! One of the ultrasound techs was walking by so I asked if they really can see the gender that early. She said with the 3d they rarely don't. She said to eat a small amount of sugar before I come it. It wakes the little ones up and they move a bit more. I can't wait! Only 3 weeks! I think once we find out I'll make the big Face.book announcement. Because you know, nothing's official until it's on Face.book. :)

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good...

So yesterday I was kneeling at Mass. I had my hands on my belly and I was praying for Gods protection for this little gift inside me. I was asking him to help Dh and I to be good, loving and faithful parents. I was asking for His blessings to be on our little family. And then I felt it! I felt a lite tickle right under my bellybutton. I thought, there is no way that could have been sweet pea. No way! So I just knelt there very still and asked God to help me feel it again if it really was him. Sure enough, there it was. It was like tiny little bubbles or little flutters. It was the coolest feeling ever! I still can not believe God has blessed me with this little life. It is so amazing and I feel so unworthy.

The Bad...
I'm apparently allergic to something in the PIO. I've always had tons of allergies, and I've been known to develop new ones from time to time. Well I guess this was no exception. A out a month ago I noticed the welts from the shots were getting bigger and lasting longer. Hen they started to get really itchy. Each time we did them it got worse and worse. Last time the welt was about double the size of a quarter. You can still see it a d it still itches more than a week later. Last week I finally talked to a nurse at PPVI and she spoke with Dr. H. He said to stop them immediately! He was getting worried that I may go into shock ( I was also developing a rash down my legs). Unfortunately my progesterone from 11 weeks was only at 23.8 so I need to still have some sort of supplementation. I haven't gotten my 13 week results back yet but I can't imagine that it's gone up much. The nurse gave me the option of the vaginal suppositories or the oral ones. Um...is that even really a choice? I'll take the oral ones thankhouverymuch! She said I still need the compounded ones because they seem to work better and my levels are pretty low. $90 for a months supply from Kubats! Sheesh! Hopefully they work!

The Ugly...
I'll be 14 weeks on Wednesday, Friday if you ask my doctor. I thought this puking business was supposed to be getting better, nit worse! A few weeks ago I thought I was getting better. I guess I spoke too soon. Lately I have felt worse than I have felt this whole pregnancy. I haven't kept a thing down in over a week. I'm even waking up in the middle of the night having to throw up. Seriously? It waking me from my sleep? That's insane! I've tried everything Unser the sun and even the prescription my doctor gave me isn't working. It's exhausting! Dh and I tried to go out for the day on Saturday but ended up turning around because he was having to pull over every few minutes. I'm praying I get some relief from this soon! I feel guilty because I feel like without keeping food down I'm not giving baby the nutrition s/he needs. I have an appointment today. I'm going to talk to the doctor about it. Hopefully this doctor has an idea none of the others have thought about.