HELP! I need sleep!

So I have a little problem.  Actually the problem has been an issue since I got married 4 years ago but I am just now getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. Pregnancy is definitely exacerbating the problem.

I have been having major issues sleeping.  I feel like I just don't sleep soundly, I never have.  In the last few weeks I believe that Mary-Grace has been dancing on my bladder which is making sleeping that much more of an issue.  I'm up about every 2 hours to pee.  To add to that fun it is allergy season and dh unfortunately snores when his allergies are bad.  He takes allergy medicines and uses bre.athe ri.ght strips to help. but it doesn't work to well.  I'm not faulting him for this, he can't help it.  I feel like all of this I can deal with.  There is really no one to blame.  Pregnancy causes you to pee about a million times a day and allergies cause you to snore.

Here is the issue I'm having. Every morning dh's alarm goes off.  He doesn't hear it.  I shake him to wake him up.  He hits the snooze button.  Then it starts all over again.  This goes on for at least an hour every morning.  To make matters worse he doesn't just set one alarm but two and they don't go off at the same time.  So about every 5 minutes or maybe less there is some awful noise for and ENTIRE hour...sometimes longer.

Perhaps if I was getting better sleep at night I would just get up with him.  I know that I would feel like a better wife if I got up and helped him get ready for work...maybe make him breakfast on occasion.  But with my lack of good sleep due to the above mentioned reasons I feel like I just need the sleep.  I am not someone who can function without sleep.  I have major issues with foggy brain and exhaustion as it is.  The lack of sleep is really taking a toll on me.  When I get too little sleep I get migraines.  I know I've described my migraines before and believe me, they aren't pretty.  (I realize that when Mary-Grace comes I will be sleep deprived, but I will deal with that then.)

I have talked with dh about this on numerous occasions over the last several years.  He keeps telling me he can't help it.  He says he just doesn't hear the alarm.  However, I'm not buying it.  DH is a runner and often gets up early on weekends to run or for races.  He never hits the snooze button more than twice.  I realize that it's much more exciting to get up for sport rather than work but something's got to give.

I'm losing my mind here!  It has gotten to the point where I can't go back to sleep between alarm rings because my anxiety level goes way up in anticipation of the next time it will go off.  This morning I may have screamed at dh a bit and I feel terrible for it!  After the alarm had been going off for over an hour I shook him awake and told him I couldn't take it anymore.  I said that between my peeing, his snoring and the stupid alarm I was done!  I told him that I was going to start sleeping in another room.  I told him it was ridiculous and I was sick and tired of it.  I said something about being 29 years old and that he shouldn't need someone to help wake him up.  Yeah, real nice huh?  It wasn't pretty and I am not proud of how I reacted.

I finally got up and went to lay on the couch.  When he came out he apologized.  I told him that one of my huge concerns is what will happen when Mary-Grace comes.  She will be sleeping in our room for some time
(I plan on nursing and I don't want to be deliriously trying to stumble to the other end of the house every 2 hours).  I told him that he can't have the alarm going off like that with a newborn in the room.  I don't want him waking her up every morning.  I explained that I will be sleep deprived enough and would love to sleep when I can.  He said he understood but didn't know what to do to fix it.  He seems to think that when she is here he will just be better at it.  That may be the case but I would like him to work on it now.

I want to be clear that I am definitely not bashing my husband here!  I would never do that.  I am way too fortunate to have him in my life!  I know I'm a lucky girl.  And to be honest, this is really the only major source of contention in our marriage.  I'm looking for help.  I was hoping some of you wonderful ladies would have some advice to help me help him.

I look at the clock every time I get up and I've figured out that I'm lucky if I get 4 hours of sleep each night.  I NEED more.  I'm not a napper or I would try for that during the day.  Any suggestions I could get would be so wonderful!!!

Anatomy Scan Update

We had our anatomy scan yesterday.  I was really nervous going in but had the best tech EVER!  With all of the sonos I have had at this office I had never met this woman.  She was hilarious and quickly made me forget that I was nervous.

She went through each measurement starting with Mary-Grace's head and explained to me what she was doing with each one and how everything looked.  When she got to her heart I could see the 4 chambers so clearly (for some reason her heart is what had me worried).  The tech kept saying she is textbook perfect and so beautiful.  :)  I'm already a proud mama!  Unfortunately thought MG wasn't as cooperative as she was last time (last time I had a little caffeine before I went in and that helped wake her up) so we had trouble getting really clear views of her...especially in the 4d.  The first thing the tech noticed was how long her toes were.  She gets that from me. :)  Then I noticed how long her little fingers were.  She get's that from her mama too. :)  We didn't get a clear view of her face this time because she kept covering it with her hands.  She may be a little camera shy like me too.  I did get to see her suck her thumb though and that was too cute!  She is measuring about 3 days ahead of schedule which shocked me with the lack of food I've consumed.  It just seems crazy that she could possibly be growing that much.  She is already 10 inches from head to little booty and weighs 1 pound.  One pound already!

It's so crazy to me that she is going to look a little like me and a little like K.  It just baffles my mind.  I guess I hadn't really thought about that until I saw that she had my hands.  Her feet are a little bit of both of us because it looks like her second toe is longer than her first which is a trait of K.  I can't wait to see her sweet little face and see whose nose and eyes and lips she has.  It feels like March is so far away but it really isn't.  Only 4 more months.  That is just insane!  I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around all of it.

I have another 4d sono on December 14th.  Hopefully we'll get a good picture of her then.  If not the tech said I can come back every week until we get her to cooperate. Did I mention how much I love her?

I also got to meet with a new doctor.  Well, she isn't new to the practice, I just hadn't met her yet.  Can I just say that I love her!!!  She was awesome!  She made me feel comfortable and answered all of my questions without acting like she was in a rush.  She was funny and actually engaged  K in our conversations,.  I was so happy to finally find a doctor at this practice that I finally liked.  I have been so discouraged up until this point.  Now I just have to pray that she is on call the day I go into labor. :)  On can hope can't she?

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I've been doing some searching around online for different baby things.  I came across two things that I can't wait to order.

First is her baptism gown found here.  I have searched high and low and this one is by far my favorite!  This price tag is nice too!

The second thing is this totally amazing baby book found here.  They are a bit pricey for baby books but I just fell in love with them.  They just seem a bit more special than the typical one that you see.  I'm big on journaling and record keeping so this is right up my ally. :)

You know...I always struggle with ending a post.  I'm just not creative or witty enough and most of my post are just streams of thought anyway.  So...I'll just end by saying, have a wonderful rest of the day and you are all always in my prayers!

An update of sorts...

I feel like I've been a super bad blogger lately.  I haven't posted much and I certainly haven't been commenting much.  I don't know what my deal is lately.  Stress I guess.  And perhaps a little bit of mush for brains.

I figure I should update a little.  This is sort of going to be in quick take form because that seems to be the easiest way to do it...and I'm pretty lazy lately. ;)

I am 20 weeks and 5 days today.  Seriously?  When the heck did that happen.  Feels like just yesterday I was contemplating whether or not that second pink line was a result of the HCG injections or if it was for real.  I just cannot believe that I am half way there already.  It still seems so surreal.  And no, I still haven't taken a bump picture.  I'm so mad at myself for not doing that at all.  All of those years of praying for a baby I would think about taking a picture every week.  So much for that idea.  As silly as this sounds I blame it on poor self image.  I've been having a really hard time and feeling a lot like an ompa lumpa.  I've always struggled with body image so I'm not totally surprised that it's still bothering me now.  It doesn't seem to matter how much dh tells me how beautiful I am I just struggle to see it myself.  I'm working on it though.  DH and I are going to go see a movie this weekend and have a nice dinner out.  Since I'll be dressed nicer than I usually am I think I'll get him to take a picture.  Maybe I'll have someone take one of the two of us so I don't feel so insecure.  I am definitely more comfortable when I am not the only one in a photo.  I promise to post it as soon as I get it.

We have our anatomy scan tomorrow.  I'm excited to get to see Mary-Grace again but also nervous.  I get a bit nervous before every ultrasound but this one seems to be bothering me more.  At our 17 week scan the tech did a few measurements and said she was looking good so far so you would think I would be doing ok.  I really have no real reason to worry.  I'm just a worrier by nature.  I'm really trying to work on that.

Our neighborhood had a community garage sale this weekend.  DH and I have been cleaning out the room that is going to be Mary-Grace's room and decided to try to sell a few things.  It ended up working great!  We sold a bunch of old stuff and came out a few hundred dollars richer.  We plan on putting it towards furniture for her room.  Funny thing about the room we cleaned out is that we never actually had it set up as anything.  It was sort of a storage room.  When we first got married I knew right away it would be the nursery so I just figured why do anything with it to just have to change it.  Seemed like a waste of time and money.  Four years later and it just turned into the junk room.  Anything we didn't know what to do with just sort of landed there.  Including boxes on mine and K's that we never opened after moving in.  I've decided that all the stuff that didn't sell is going to Good.will this week.  It feels so good to get rid of all the old junk that never found a place here.  Next up.  Cleaning out the garage.  It has about 10 boxes of mine from when I moved here that never got opened.  I was considering just throwing them away without even opening them but was a little worried there might be some pictures in some of them.

I'm finally getting into the swing of this whole stay at home wife thing.  I felt like such a lazy brat at first.  I was just so sick for so long that I didn't do anything.  Not that I've ever been good at keeping a house.  I've always wanted to be but it's just not my thing.  I just always felt overwhelmed and didn't know where to start.  This usually ended up in me getting frustrated and just not doing anything.  It really was pathetic.  However in the last week I've sort of got this itch to get this house in order.  I'm going to definitely say it's nesting.  I even typed out a spreadsheet on Exce.l with the things that need to be done and on what day of the week I will be doing them.  My thinking is that if I do a little everyday it won't run away from me.  Now if I can just stick with it.

My wonderful best friend S is engaged to this wonderful man J.  I'm so insanely happy for them.  They got engaged last May after 4 years of dating and living together and buying a house together (no I do not approve of this but she still is my dearest friend).  Anyhoo.  Her fiance's parent's have a timeshare in Orlando that we got to use for 2 nights last December.  S, J, K and I went for the weekend of my birthday and had an absolute blast.  The timeshare was beautiful and S always knows how to make sure I have a good time.  We went to Mickey's Ver.y Me.rry Christ.mas on Friday night (it's where you go to Disne.y from 7pm until I believe Midnight and it's all Christmas themed and wonderful!).  The next day dh and I went to Ep.cot for my birthday.  Last year Flori.da residents got in free on their actual birthday and mine happened to land on a Saturday.  PERFECT!  We had a blast!  They gave me a birthday pin to wear on my shirt and everywhere we went all of the cast members were telling me happy birthday (yes, I'm a 5 year old and this makes me super happy).  K and I also got a lot of free stuff (food, drinks, and such) as well as bypassing long lines.  It was just a lot of fun.  Well, S called me yesterday and told me that they were getting the timeshare for 3 nights this year the weekend of my birthday and wanted to know if we wanted to go again.  SUPER!  We are definitely a lot lighter in the funds department this year with me no longer working but I think we can swing going to Mick.ey's Ver.y Mer.ry Chri.stmas.  The tickets are cheaper than a regular days admission which is now $81.  Seriously?  $81/ person is ridiculous!  I am so unbelievably excited for this little mini vacation.  And I am so happy to have such a wonderful friend who things of me for these sorts of things.  It would be so easy for her just to go with her fiance.  I'm sure they would like a nice weekend to themselves but she always thinks of me.  She is even coming up with some sort of non-alcoholic sparkly drink for me to toast my birthday with since champagne, which is our birthday tradition, is obviously out of the question this year. :)

K and I at dinner for my birthday last year.

S and J at that same birthday dinner.

Okidokie.  I think that will be it for now.  I have a post in mind that I will hopefully get to tomorrow after my appointment.  TaTa for now!

Mary-Grace Pictures and Nursery Idea

I'm FINALLY getting around to posting the 3D/4D ultrasound pictures of Mary-Grace that we had done on October 13th.  The tech printed us about 30 pictures!  But don't worry I won't post them all.  She did both 3D/4D as well as the regular ones and some of the 4D ones were printed in black and white.  She said that at 16 weeks babies don't have a lot of fat on them.  Especially considering how little food I have kept down this pregnancy.  So little Mary-Grace looks pretty skinny. :)  She's cute though.  I actually like some of the regular pictures better.  Probably because they are easier to see with her slim figure. :)  She said that when I go back for the anatomy scan on November 9th she'll also do the 4D again so we can see the difference.  Wahoo!  Any chance I get to see that sweet little face is a good day in my book!

She had her little hands up by her face the whole time.

B&W 4D _ Look at those skinny little legs!  This will not stay!  Skinny legs is not a trait of either myself or her daddy!

Look at that sweet little hand!  She wasn't waving hi to us though.  I think she was waving us off so we would leave her alone.  She's definitely related to her mama and doesn't like her sleep disturbed.

Her profile looks like my sister here.  My sister is a beauty!

She was so funny in the ultrasound!  The tech was able to see that she was in fact a she in about 2.5 seconds.  It was very obvious!  MG is not shy!  I'll spare her future embarrassment and won't be posting her girly bits.  The entire time we were doing the ultrasound she kept trying to hider her face in her hands.  She was moving all over the place and the tech had a hard time keeping up with her.  After about 15 minutes she was just done.  We had disturbed her sleep and she had had enough.  She sunk down really low and curled up into a little ball.  The tech shook my belly to wake her up and she put her foot up like she was trying to kick the probe thing.  I laughed so hard that I could see her shaking from my laughter on the screen.  She is just like her mama!  Stubborn and does not like being messed with when we are sleeping!  I can't wait for the next ultrasound so we can see the difference.  I have a feeling she will look like dh but with my darker hair and eyes.  We shall see.

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I have been agonizing over bedding for this little girl.  I don't know why but it has been causing major stress.  I actually started before we knew she was a girl looking for girl bedding.  I was so certain she was.  I wanted something that was appropriate for a nursery but wasn't too babyish.  I had an idea in my head but couldn't seem to find anything like what I had dreamed up.  I tend to do that a lot!  Then today I was searching once again and I finally found it!  It is not what I was originally thinking but it works and it definitely isn't too babyish.

It's from La.nd Of N.od.  I love love love it!!!

I'm still in utter shock of this whole thing.  I don't know that I will ever believe that this is actually happening.  I'll be 19 weeks tomorrow.  19 weeks!  Almost half way there.  I just cannot believe it.  I feel so unworthy.  I'm finally able to keep food down.  I haven't thrown up in a week!  Woohoo!  I'm still nauseous most of the day but at least the food is staying down.  After spending 18 weeks throwing up 10+ times a day any improvement is huge!  I'm still on my progesterone pills although my doctor thinks I'm not.  I hated lying to them but they wouldn't hear my side of it.  I know I need the progesterone and PPVI is monitoring it.  I just don't feel comfortable stopping it until Dr. H says I can.  I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to her because I stopped taking it.  Besides, I figure out pretty quickly that although my doctors are considered to be the best in town they are morons.  I know that sounds harsh, but they are.  I have decided to look at them as baby catchers.  That's pretty much all they will do on the day of delivery.  It's not like the doctor is the one with you during labor.

I'm definitely starting to look really pregnant.  I have been showing for awhile but I think I've sort of popped in the last week or so.  Sadly I haven't taken any pictures yet.  I'm kind of angry with myself for that.  I'm going to get dh to take a pic of me this week and will post then.

Four years ago today...

...I married my best friend.

At times I cannot believe that it has been 4 years.  At other times I feel like it has been a life time.

There is a country song out there by Brad Paisley called "I thought I Loved You Then."  Song gets me every time.  It is basically about the different stages of a couples life (dating, engagement, marriage, etc.).  After each description of time he says "And I thought I loved you then."  I feel like this perfectly describes our relationship.

DH and I dated for 4.5 years before we were engaged.  The day he proposed is forever etched in my mind.  I remember standing there and realizing what was happening and thinking there is no way I could possibly love him more than I do at this moment.  But on our wedding day I found our I was wrong.  Standing at the back of the church looking down the isle we locked eyes and my heart grew tenfold.  I thought I loved him more at that moment than was ever possible.  Then the truth of our infertility set in.  It didn't take long after realizing this was going to be a long journey that I realized I loved him even more.  The way he comforted me day after day, month after month, year after year just amazed me.  Last May when I finally told dh that I wanted to convert his reaction made my heart swell once more.  It was something that definitely drew us closer than anything had before.  It was a way of uniting us even deeper.

Then came the day that I finally saw those 2 pink lines.  My heart nearly burst.  I ran to dh who was standing in the kitchen.  I had tears streaming down my face and I couldn't speak.  I was in utter shock and amazement.  I just held the test up to show him.  He looked at me and all he said was "I love you." He grabbed me as my knees nearly buckled underneath me and we just stood there sobbing and hugging.  At that moment my heart grew once more as I realized my love for him was growing even deeper.  That very night was the first day I received my first Communion. Our priest had dh come up with me and receive at the same time.  He told us to remember that back before wedding ceremonies couples would be united in marriage by simply coming to the priest to receive communion together.  He said that this day was a day that would join us together in a deeper way that we could have ever imagined.  He was right.

On this day last year we went to a Mass in a neighboring town that was being said for all couples dealing with infertility.  On the day that we married I never thought that that was how we would spend on of our anniversaries.  As I knelt during Mass I prayed so hard that God would give us a baby to hold.  I had no idea that that gift would be given to us so soon.  After I found out I was pregnant Dr. H and Dr. G were both surprised to hear it.  Dr. H wasn't hopeful with my hormone levels and was waiting for me to come up for surgery.

It is so hard to imagine that this time next year sweet Mary-Grace will be here in our arms.  I will forever be grateful to our Lord for the abundant gifts he has bestowed upon my husband and I.  I truly feel unworthy.

Now that I am crying I think I will leave you with a note to my dh and some pictures. :)

K, I love you more today than I did yesterday and I know that love will only continue to grow.  The journey we have been on over the last 4 years has not been as we expected but I would not trade a minute of it for the world.  Thank you for making these years the best of my life.  I cannot wait to see what the rest of our life has in store for us.  We now know that sometimes things aren't easy, but together we can make it through anything.  I love you from the bottom of my heart.  Pinky Swear!  :)

Sanibel Island where he proposed.

A reenactment of our first kiss seeing as how our photographer, who was terrible, didn't take the picture of the actual kiss.

First Dance

Our FABULOUS!  Honeymoon Cruise!

It's a...

GIRL!!!!!!!

Mary-Grace Eloise M.

Mary - To honor dh's grandmother. She passed away in March of 09 after a long sad battle with Alzheimers. Dh credits his Catholic faith to her. And also Mary because the month we conceived was the first month I asked for our Blessed Mother's intercession. Remember, I'm a newbie Catholic...dong those sorts of things is new to me. ;)

Grace - Well, it is by God's grace that we have this little one.

Eloise - To honor my Nonnie. She was my great grandmother whom I loved dearly.

I've already gotten some funny looks from people when I have told them her name. But honestly, I don't care if people like it. I LOVE it! I don't mean to sound mean but it seems rude of people to do that. I've dreamed about the day I would name my little girl.

I've already been shopping for pink things today. :)

I'll post ultrasound pics as soon as dh gets home from work. I accidentally left them at his office. :(

Aticipation

It's killing me. I'm getting ready for my 11am appointment. We're having one of those 3D Ultrasounds and we get to find out the baby's gender. I can't wait!!!! I'm bursting with excitement! I'm thinking this is going to help make this more real.

Let the shopping begin! :)

I'll post the news with pictures when I get home. After some baby shopping first of course. :)