Bump Pictures! FINALLY!

Note to self: It is not a good idea to wait until you are halfway through your pregnancy to start taking pictures!  It is a serious shock to your system to see what you look like.  Oh my!  Oh my!  I almost passed out yesterday when I saw the picture K took of me.  Sheesh!  I'm getting huge.  I can't believe I'm about to post these on here.  I've never been photogenic.  Weird things happen to my eyes and my smile.  Especially when I am alone in a picture.  I never look like myself and I always look heavier.  K even agreed with me yesterday that the picture he took of me looks about 10lbs heavier that I actually do in person.  Thank goodness because I almost cried when I saw it.  I've always had body image issues and unfortunately they don't go away just because you are pregnant.  Silly me, I thought they would.  But despite my insecurities, I am so happy and so blessed to have this little one swimming around in my belly. :)  If I had to gain 200lbs I would...I may cry...but I would still do it. :)

So, after almost 24 weeks I finally present you with some bump pictures. :)

I took this one at about 20 weeks.  Please excuse my messy bathroom. :)

K took this picture yesterday at 23 weeks 5 days.  Yikes!

On a completely different note.  I am so excited about prayer buddies!  I feel so unworthy to be praying for the amazing woman I am praying for.  I will do my best to pray my little heart out for her.  Prayer buddies makes me giddy!  :)

Thankful

As I sit here and type this my house is filled with the smell of Jim.my De.an Sage Sausage that I just browned for my famous dressing (stuffing).  Yes it's famous...among my family at least.  I've got 5lbs of potatoes sitting on my counter waiting to be cut and boiled for mashed potatoes.  And, there is the first stage of Pione.er Woma.n's Pumpkin Cream Pie is chilling in the fridge.  Thanksgiving Day is a mere 11 hours away and I am finding myself so thankful for all of the blessings God has bestowed on me, especially in the last year.

* It was on Thanksgiving just last year that my infertility became known to my family.  It didn't exactly come out in a way I would have chosen but it still came out.  After years of hiding it, it was a relief to feel like I didn't have this huge secret anymore.  After that I felt like so many of my family came together to support me.  Especially my sister S and my Nana.  Sure, there were still hurtful things said, but it was mostly out of ignorance.

* This brings me to something I believe I've said before.  I am thankful for my infertility journey.  It brought me closer to God than I ever could have imagined.  I believe it played a big role in helping me to come to the Catholic Church.  It brought my husband and I closer than ever and taught us so much about each other.

* I am thankful for my sweet little daughter Mary-Grace.  I cannot wait to meet her!  I am reminded everyday as I continue to take my Pro.gesterone that she is a miracle.  I've said it before, Dr. G is in shock that I actually conceived when I did.  My labs were not looking good in the month leading up to her conception.  There is absolutely no reason for this pregnancy other than one of God's many miracles.

* I am thankful for the kicks I am now feeling in my belly.  I have felt tickles since about 13 weeks but hadn't felt a real kick.  I was hoping every day to feel those little feet but didn't have much hope as several of my doctors and ultrasound techs have told me that I have an anterior placenta.  But then on Saturday I finally felt it.  I was at the retreat I mentioned last week when we were asked to go off in silence, alone, for 2 hours and just listen to what God wanted to tell us.  I found a nice shady spot under a tree by a lake.  After about an hour I decided to lie down in the grass.  Not seconds later I felt it, 3 strong kicks.  At first I wasn't sure it was for real so I put my hand on my belly and just waited.  Sure enough, she did it again.  I think she was having a little party in there because it went on for several minutes.  Every day she kicks more and more and K was finally able to feel it on Monday.  The look on his face made my heart melt.

* I'm thankful for my wonderful, amazing, priceless, handsome, strong, caring, sensitive, loving, protective, man of God husband.  Did I use enough adjectives? :)  I knew he was amazing when I met him, but over the past year our relationship has grown to a new level.  A level I never though possible with any other human.

*  I am thankful for a roof over my head.  I tend to complain about our house a lot.  It's small and not what I would choose.  We bought at the top of the boom and we could now buy 3 times the house for what we paid for this one.  Our plan was to only be here for 5 years and then buy a bigger "forever" home.  Unfortunately that is not going to happen.  This upcoming March will be 5 years since K closed and we will definitely be here for several more years.  Like so many we are upside down.  But you know what, we still have it.  With all of the people losing their house to foreclosure we are very fortunate.

* I am thankful that K is getting busy at work again.  He is a Civi.l Engin.eer so his job relies greatly on the housing market.  If people are building he doesn't have work.  In the last two years we have seen his small company of about 100 people go down to about 24.  We were getting very very nervous.  But, it looks as though things are turning up and for that truly thankful.

* I am thankful for my family.  As dysfunctional as they may be they are awesome and crazy and I love them!

* I am so, so, so thankful for my faith.  If you would have asked me when I got married if I though I would convert I would have thought you were nuts.  In fact I would have told you if I had my way K would convert. And boy did I work hard to try to work that one.  Of course that never happened, it only pushed K to grow in his faith and that ultimately helped me to grow in my new found faith.  God sure does have a sense of humor. :)

* I am also so thankful for all of you ladies.  You have truly been a blessing my my life.  You all have made these last several months so much more bearable.

There is so much more that I am thankful for.  I feel so blessed to be living the life that I am.  God has been so good to me, such and undeserving person.

I hope all of you have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!

Quick Takes

1.  K and I have been working with our youth group at church since about August.  It is very challenging but also very rewarding.  It is a Life Te.en program, which I know has gotten a bad rep, but K and I haven't seen anything like the awful things we heard about them.  To be honest, we have 3 wonderful priests and they would not put up with some of the things I have heard about.  In fact, these teens attend adoration as part of the meeting for 15 to 30 minutes every Sunday and one of our priests join them.  I have heard many comment that adoration is their favorite part of the night.  Love it!

2.  Since our youth is huge (about 200 teens) we have many adults working with them.  Tonight we are all going on a retreat at the new Bethan.y Cent.er here in town.  I've heard it's gorgeous there and can't wait for a nice relaxing evening and Saturday.  K and I are so thankful to have found this wonderful group of adults.  We have been attending our Parish for about 4 years and this is the first group of real friends we have met.  In fact, there is one couple that we found out lives in our neighborhood! (it's a big neighborhood)  This couple just had a baby girl back in January.  I got to talking to the wife (the whole group knows about our infertility) and she told me that she and her husband dealt with infertility for 11 years.  I asked her about doctor H and Napro and she had never heard of it.  I felt terrible.  Maybe she and her husband wouldn't have had to suffer so long had they known.  We have got to get the word out about this!

3.  My skin has drastically begun to change since pregnancy.  I have never had good skin.  NEVER.  I actually think it has been worse as an adult.  It has always been on the oily side with tons of breakouts.  Well, all of a sudden it's getting super dry.  But of course I'm sill having the breakouts.  Any suggestions on what to use.  I'd like something more natural.  It probably should also be oil free due to the breakouts.  I'm also in need of a new kind of makeup.  I've always used a foundation for oily skin.  That's not working so well anymore.  Any suggestions?

4.  We have finally signed up for our Brad.ley Cla.ss.  I can't believe I waited this long.  Unfortunately because of my laziness the next one doesn't start until Januarly 11th and runs through March 29th.  Yup, that puts me past my due date.  I was so ticked off at myself for putting it off.  I've been emailing the woman back and forth and she said she would be happy to meet with K and I privately between classes to make sure we have everything we need before MG is born.  Wahoo!  She's such a wonderful lady.  She suggested a few books in the mean time too.  I'm going to get them tomorrow.  I have no idea if I will actually be able to handle natural labor but I'm sure as heck going to try!  My fear is getting a migraine from the stress during labor.  If that happens all bets are off and I'm sure I'll be begging someone to knock me out.  We shall see.

5.  I've got banana bread baking in the oven right now...smells delish!

6.  I'm feeling pretty darn good today.  After several days of hormone hell and migraines today seems to be a good day.  Knock on wood!  Thank you to this wonderful lady for helping me to realize that I'm not crazy.  I have never met anyone else who knows how I feel and the pain in my head.  She is truly a blessing.

7.  I'm already 22 weeks!  Where is the time going.  Mary-Grace will be here before I know it.  I can't wait to see here sweet face. :)

Sleep Update

So after my little tirade the other morning I decided not to say much else that day about the whole alarm situation.  However, whenever K would ask me how I was feeling I would always reply "tire," hoping he would get the hint.  Then it dawned on my that I'm usually tired so this was nothing unusual.

The next morning the same thing happened.  I nearly reached across K and grabbed his alarm and threw it across the room.  I decided to restrain myself though.  I'm am so not a nice person when my sleep is disturbed.  It's not something I'm proud of but a person needs sleep!

After I finally got back to sleep I got a text from my sister at 7:30am.  This has been happening a lot lately and I've got a whole post about what's going on there but that's for another day.  I nearly chucked my phone across the room.  I decided not to respond to her because I was afraid I wouldn't be nice.

So I got my exhausted tush out of bed and decided that I seriously needed to get grocery shopping done.  It took a few hours but I finally got out of the house.  This is sad, but grocery shopping zapped whatever little energy I had right out of me.  I got home, put things away (well almost everything, there is still a few things on the counter) and plopped my but on the couch feeling like I was going to fall over.

DH called me on his way home so I decided I should attempt to cook dinner.  I had a specific meal in mind that is easy and only takes about 30 minutes in the oven.  I searched through my recipe stash because I couldn't remember exactly how to make it.  Of course I couldn't find it.  I hadn't made in in a really long time so I wasn't 100% positive how to make it.  That's when I lost it.

By the time K got home I was sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing.  No, it never crossed my mind that I should just make something different.  Then I just unloaded on him.  I told him everything that was swimming around in my head.  It was a lot and I want to talk about some of it with you ladies but I'll bring that up another day.  I have a feeling I'm not alone in some of my feelings.  I sobbed for a good hour and K ordered us a pizza.

I was feeling a bit better so I decided to bring up the whole sleep situation.  K can be pretty sensitive.  Sometimes when I bring thins like this up he feels like I'm attacking him.  I made sure to explain that this wasn't an attack but a desperate plea.  I explained that I really needed his help because the lack of sleep is really beginning to take a serious toll on me.  I gave him some ideas that you ladies gave me along with a few that I came up with.

We have decided that he is going to stop drinking caffeine after lunch.  Apparently he has been having a cup or two of coffee at work at around 3ish and he often has a diet coke when he gets home.  He didn't think it was affecting him, and maybe it's not, but it's worth a shot.  He is also no longer setting two alarms.  iRejoice confirmed what I had always thought.  He sets the second alarm to go off awhile after the first one.  He may not realize it but I think it's sort of a crutch.  He knows he doesn't have to get up when the first one goes off ten times because there is another one that will start going off later.  I have also asked him to keep the tone of his alarm the same and at a louder volume.  He uses his phone as his primary alarm and often changes the tone.  I just think that's a bad idea.  I also feel like he doesn't have the volume up loud enough for him to hear.  If he decides to use his actual alarm I asked that it be on a tone rather than the radio.  If all of this doesn't work he is going to put his alarm on his dresser so he actually has to get out of bed to turn it off.

I pray all of this works!  I really, really don't like screaming at him first thing in the morning.  It makes me feel terrible and it's not a good way for either of us to start our day.   I also would really prefer not to sleep in another room.  I enjoy sleeping next to my husband so much.  It makes me feel safe.  But if it comes down to it I will.  I need sleep.  It's not healthy to get so little on a regular basis.

And like Sew mentioned, not all of my sleep issues are pregnancy or husband related.  I know my body is screwy and I have never in my life slept well.  I've definitely got some adrenal and thyroid issues...and more than likely some cortisol issues too.  They are all things I desperately need to get fixed.  When you read Sew's stories about the exhaustion she feels regularly, the pain in her neck and head, the mood swings, foggy head, etc. that is me.  I feel like she is writing about me.  We are hoping that with K's Christmas bonus I will be able to fly to PA to see her saintly doctor.  I hope! I hope! I hope!

Thank you all so much for your wonderful advice.  I was so scared people would think I was bashing K.  I don't ever want people to think that.  I love that man and he puts up with a lot from me. :)

And to let you know...K got up with his alarm the first time it went off this morning.  I had to nudge him so he could hear it but he got right up.  It was glorious!

And Danya, you're right, peeing every two hours isn't normal.  I've actually always been like this.  Before I was pregnant I would get up twice during the night.  I've talked to doctors about it because it seemed a little excessive to me.  They never did find anything wrong.  I'm thinking that the reason is that I don't sleep soundly.  I spend most of the night in this light sleep so I think I just feel it more.  I think when you are in deep sleep you don't feel the urge so much.  It sucks!  I'm hoping that when I get to meet Sew's doc and he helps fix me this will lessen considerably.  :)

HELP! I need sleep!

So I have a little problem.  Actually the problem has been an issue since I got married 4 years ago but I am just now getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. Pregnancy is definitely exacerbating the problem.

I have been having major issues sleeping.  I feel like I just don't sleep soundly, I never have.  In the last few weeks I believe that Mary-Grace has been dancing on my bladder which is making sleeping that much more of an issue.  I'm up about every 2 hours to pee.  To add to that fun it is allergy season and dh unfortunately snores when his allergies are bad.  He takes allergy medicines and uses bre.athe ri.ght strips to help. but it doesn't work to well.  I'm not faulting him for this, he can't help it.  I feel like all of this I can deal with.  There is really no one to blame.  Pregnancy causes you to pee about a million times a day and allergies cause you to snore.

Here is the issue I'm having. Every morning dh's alarm goes off.  He doesn't hear it.  I shake him to wake him up.  He hits the snooze button.  Then it starts all over again.  This goes on for at least an hour every morning.  To make matters worse he doesn't just set one alarm but two and they don't go off at the same time.  So about every 5 minutes or maybe less there is some awful noise for and ENTIRE hour...sometimes longer.

Perhaps if I was getting better sleep at night I would just get up with him.  I know that I would feel like a better wife if I got up and helped him get ready for work...maybe make him breakfast on occasion.  But with my lack of good sleep due to the above mentioned reasons I feel like I just need the sleep.  I am not someone who can function without sleep.  I have major issues with foggy brain and exhaustion as it is.  The lack of sleep is really taking a toll on me.  When I get too little sleep I get migraines.  I know I've described my migraines before and believe me, they aren't pretty.  (I realize that when Mary-Grace comes I will be sleep deprived, but I will deal with that then.)

I have talked with dh about this on numerous occasions over the last several years.  He keeps telling me he can't help it.  He says he just doesn't hear the alarm.  However, I'm not buying it.  DH is a runner and often gets up early on weekends to run or for races.  He never hits the snooze button more than twice.  I realize that it's much more exciting to get up for sport rather than work but something's got to give.

I'm losing my mind here!  It has gotten to the point where I can't go back to sleep between alarm rings because my anxiety level goes way up in anticipation of the next time it will go off.  This morning I may have screamed at dh a bit and I feel terrible for it!  After the alarm had been going off for over an hour I shook him awake and told him I couldn't take it anymore.  I said that between my peeing, his snoring and the stupid alarm I was done!  I told him that I was going to start sleeping in another room.  I told him it was ridiculous and I was sick and tired of it.  I said something about being 29 years old and that he shouldn't need someone to help wake him up.  Yeah, real nice huh?  It wasn't pretty and I am not proud of how I reacted.

I finally got up and went to lay on the couch.  When he came out he apologized.  I told him that one of my huge concerns is what will happen when Mary-Grace comes.  She will be sleeping in our room for some time
(I plan on nursing and I don't want to be deliriously trying to stumble to the other end of the house every 2 hours).  I told him that he can't have the alarm going off like that with a newborn in the room.  I don't want him waking her up every morning.  I explained that I will be sleep deprived enough and would love to sleep when I can.  He said he understood but didn't know what to do to fix it.  He seems to think that when she is here he will just be better at it.  That may be the case but I would like him to work on it now.

I want to be clear that I am definitely not bashing my husband here!  I would never do that.  I am way too fortunate to have him in my life!  I know I'm a lucky girl.  And to be honest, this is really the only major source of contention in our marriage.  I'm looking for help.  I was hoping some of you wonderful ladies would have some advice to help me help him.

I look at the clock every time I get up and I've figured out that I'm lucky if I get 4 hours of sleep each night.  I NEED more.  I'm not a napper or I would try for that during the day.  Any suggestions I could get would be so wonderful!!!

Anatomy Scan Update

We had our anatomy scan yesterday.  I was really nervous going in but had the best tech EVER!  With all of the sonos I have had at this office I had never met this woman.  She was hilarious and quickly made me forget that I was nervous.

She went through each measurement starting with Mary-Grace's head and explained to me what she was doing with each one and how everything looked.  When she got to her heart I could see the 4 chambers so clearly (for some reason her heart is what had me worried).  The tech kept saying she is textbook perfect and so beautiful.  :)  I'm already a proud mama!  Unfortunately thought MG wasn't as cooperative as she was last time (last time I had a little caffeine before I went in and that helped wake her up) so we had trouble getting really clear views of her...especially in the 4d.  The first thing the tech noticed was how long her toes were.  She gets that from me. :)  Then I noticed how long her little fingers were.  She get's that from her mama too. :)  We didn't get a clear view of her face this time because she kept covering it with her hands.  She may be a little camera shy like me too.  I did get to see her suck her thumb though and that was too cute!  She is measuring about 3 days ahead of schedule which shocked me with the lack of food I've consumed.  It just seems crazy that she could possibly be growing that much.  She is already 10 inches from head to little booty and weighs 1 pound.  One pound already!

It's so crazy to me that she is going to look a little like me and a little like K.  It just baffles my mind.  I guess I hadn't really thought about that until I saw that she had my hands.  Her feet are a little bit of both of us because it looks like her second toe is longer than her first which is a trait of K.  I can't wait to see her sweet little face and see whose nose and eyes and lips she has.  It feels like March is so far away but it really isn't.  Only 4 more months.  That is just insane!  I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around all of it.

I have another 4d sono on December 14th.  Hopefully we'll get a good picture of her then.  If not the tech said I can come back every week until we get her to cooperate. Did I mention how much I love her?

I also got to meet with a new doctor.  Well, she isn't new to the practice, I just hadn't met her yet.  Can I just say that I love her!!!  She was awesome!  She made me feel comfortable and answered all of my questions without acting like she was in a rush.  She was funny and actually engaged  K in our conversations,.  I was so happy to finally find a doctor at this practice that I finally liked.  I have been so discouraged up until this point.  Now I just have to pray that she is on call the day I go into labor. :)  On can hope can't she?

***********************************************************************************

I've been doing some searching around online for different baby things.  I came across two things that I can't wait to order.

First is her baptism gown found here.  I have searched high and low and this one is by far my favorite!  This price tag is nice too!

The second thing is this totally amazing baby book found here.  They are a bit pricey for baby books but I just fell in love with them.  They just seem a bit more special than the typical one that you see.  I'm big on journaling and record keeping so this is right up my ally. :)

You know...I always struggle with ending a post.  I'm just not creative or witty enough and most of my post are just streams of thought anyway.  So...I'll just end by saying, have a wonderful rest of the day and you are all always in my prayers!

An update of sorts...

I feel like I've been a super bad blogger lately.  I haven't posted much and I certainly haven't been commenting much.  I don't know what my deal is lately.  Stress I guess.  And perhaps a little bit of mush for brains.

I figure I should update a little.  This is sort of going to be in quick take form because that seems to be the easiest way to do it...and I'm pretty lazy lately. ;)

I am 20 weeks and 5 days today.  Seriously?  When the heck did that happen.  Feels like just yesterday I was contemplating whether or not that second pink line was a result of the HCG injections or if it was for real.  I just cannot believe that I am half way there already.  It still seems so surreal.  And no, I still haven't taken a bump picture.  I'm so mad at myself for not doing that at all.  All of those years of praying for a baby I would think about taking a picture every week.  So much for that idea.  As silly as this sounds I blame it on poor self image.  I've been having a really hard time and feeling a lot like an ompa lumpa.  I've always struggled with body image so I'm not totally surprised that it's still bothering me now.  It doesn't seem to matter how much dh tells me how beautiful I am I just struggle to see it myself.  I'm working on it though.  DH and I are going to go see a movie this weekend and have a nice dinner out.  Since I'll be dressed nicer than I usually am I think I'll get him to take a picture.  Maybe I'll have someone take one of the two of us so I don't feel so insecure.  I am definitely more comfortable when I am not the only one in a photo.  I promise to post it as soon as I get it.

We have our anatomy scan tomorrow.  I'm excited to get to see Mary-Grace again but also nervous.  I get a bit nervous before every ultrasound but this one seems to be bothering me more.  At our 17 week scan the tech did a few measurements and said she was looking good so far so you would think I would be doing ok.  I really have no real reason to worry.  I'm just a worrier by nature.  I'm really trying to work on that.

Our neighborhood had a community garage sale this weekend.  DH and I have been cleaning out the room that is going to be Mary-Grace's room and decided to try to sell a few things.  It ended up working great!  We sold a bunch of old stuff and came out a few hundred dollars richer.  We plan on putting it towards furniture for her room.  Funny thing about the room we cleaned out is that we never actually had it set up as anything.  It was sort of a storage room.  When we first got married I knew right away it would be the nursery so I just figured why do anything with it to just have to change it.  Seemed like a waste of time and money.  Four years later and it just turned into the junk room.  Anything we didn't know what to do with just sort of landed there.  Including boxes on mine and K's that we never opened after moving in.  I've decided that all the stuff that didn't sell is going to Good.will this week.  It feels so good to get rid of all the old junk that never found a place here.  Next up.  Cleaning out the garage.  It has about 10 boxes of mine from when I moved here that never got opened.  I was considering just throwing them away without even opening them but was a little worried there might be some pictures in some of them.

I'm finally getting into the swing of this whole stay at home wife thing.  I felt like such a lazy brat at first.  I was just so sick for so long that I didn't do anything.  Not that I've ever been good at keeping a house.  I've always wanted to be but it's just not my thing.  I just always felt overwhelmed and didn't know where to start.  This usually ended up in me getting frustrated and just not doing anything.  It really was pathetic.  However in the last week I've sort of got this itch to get this house in order.  I'm going to definitely say it's nesting.  I even typed out a spreadsheet on Exce.l with the things that need to be done and on what day of the week I will be doing them.  My thinking is that if I do a little everyday it won't run away from me.  Now if I can just stick with it.

My wonderful best friend S is engaged to this wonderful man J.  I'm so insanely happy for them.  They got engaged last May after 4 years of dating and living together and buying a house together (no I do not approve of this but she still is my dearest friend).  Anyhoo.  Her fiance's parent's have a timeshare in Orlando that we got to use for 2 nights last December.  S, J, K and I went for the weekend of my birthday and had an absolute blast.  The timeshare was beautiful and S always knows how to make sure I have a good time.  We went to Mickey's Ver.y Me.rry Christ.mas on Friday night (it's where you go to Disne.y from 7pm until I believe Midnight and it's all Christmas themed and wonderful!).  The next day dh and I went to Ep.cot for my birthday.  Last year Flori.da residents got in free on their actual birthday and mine happened to land on a Saturday.  PERFECT!  We had a blast!  They gave me a birthday pin to wear on my shirt and everywhere we went all of the cast members were telling me happy birthday (yes, I'm a 5 year old and this makes me super happy).  K and I also got a lot of free stuff (food, drinks, and such) as well as bypassing long lines.  It was just a lot of fun.  Well, S called me yesterday and told me that they were getting the timeshare for 3 nights this year the weekend of my birthday and wanted to know if we wanted to go again.  SUPER!  We are definitely a lot lighter in the funds department this year with me no longer working but I think we can swing going to Mick.ey's Ver.y Mer.ry Chri.stmas.  The tickets are cheaper than a regular days admission which is now $81.  Seriously?  $81/ person is ridiculous!  I am so unbelievably excited for this little mini vacation.  And I am so happy to have such a wonderful friend who things of me for these sorts of things.  It would be so easy for her just to go with her fiance.  I'm sure they would like a nice weekend to themselves but she always thinks of me.  She is even coming up with some sort of non-alcoholic sparkly drink for me to toast my birthday with since champagne, which is our birthday tradition, is obviously out of the question this year. :)

K and I at dinner for my birthday last year.

S and J at that same birthday dinner.

Okidokie.  I think that will be it for now.  I have a post in mind that I will hopefully get to tomorrow after my appointment.  TaTa for now!