It's that time...

I have 8 weeks until my due date! MG came a week early so who knows this time around. I want to go ahead and get my prayer list going so I can start praying now. I did this last time and had your prayers memorized by the time labor came. It made it do easy to pray for y'all. If you would like me to pray for you during labor please leave me a comment with your intention or email me at ktmathewson at gmail dot com. Also, if you could say a little prayer for me tonight. K an I are meeting with a home birth midwife tonight to decide if we really do want to do this at home. Prayers for peace an clarity would be much appreciated! - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

Christmas - Picture Overload!

I'm so far behind!  I figured I can't go on without doing a little post about Christmas.  It was, after all, our first Christmas with our Peanut!

Since K and I have been married we do Christmas Eve with his parents and brother followed by Midnight Mass (his family included).  Then we have a low key Christmas Morning where I make Monkey Bread and then head to my grandparents house to spend Christmas Day with my family.  After that we usually make a pit stop at my best friends parent's home for some late night drinks (read: lots of champagne).

This year we had to switch it up a bit.  There was no way MG was going to make it to Midnight Mass!  Instead we opted to go to Mass on Christmas Morning just as a family of 3.  Although I missed the feeling you get at Midnight (there's just something about it) it was nice and not nearly as crowded.

Enough of my ramblings...Here's our first Christmas as a family of three in pictures.  Hard to believe next year there will be another little one hear with us to celebrate.

Let's start with Christmas Eve...

She was so excited to open her presents!

"Momma!  I got a pony!!!"

The paper is definitely more fun!

Her facial expressions kill me!

Mary-Grace with her Great Grandmother "GG"

Sadly, this is the best family picture we got.

Christmas Morning...My dad joined us so that he could be here for Mary-Grace's first Christmas. :)

That face!  I die!

She seriously loves this thing!  K takes her for a ride on it every night.

Christmas Mass Dress!

Christmas Day at my grandparents... We slacked on pictures there. :(

Elf on the Shelf!

My Sweet Peanut like to bully her cousin Olivia around. :0/

 

After leaving my Granddad's house we did make a quick pit stop at Sophie's parent's house. Of course I left my camera in the car. :(

It really was a wonderful, but very busy, two days.  K also ended up having the week after Christmas off from work which made for a fabulous week, despite all three of us having the plague that lasted FOREVER (like 3 weeks!).

I cannot wait to see what Christmas is like next year.  Two babies!  There will be two babies to celebrate Christmas with us next year!  I am in absolute shock!

My View

Mary-Grace saying hi to her little sister, Hannah. :)


Please excuse the pj's. :) - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

An Attack

Do you ever feel like you are being attacked by Satan?  I think he has seriously been attacking my whole family over the past 2ish years.  I think it's possible that he's gaining momentum and I'm trying my hardest to stop him.  However, I feel like I've hit a brick wall.

It has been one thing after the other for every member of my family.  Let's start with about a year and a half ago...well May 2010.  My Nana ended up hospitalized...twice.  The first time she went in she was misdiagnosed and then sent home.  I went to see her and I was certain she was dying.  My Granddad had her taken back to the hospital and they diagnosed her right.  Her kidneys were failing due to some medications her doctors put her on.  Lovely!  They sent her home on Hos.pice.  Two months later my Granddad's best friend since early childhood dies...

Things appear to be improving.  Then on New Year's Eve (2010-2011) my middle sister heads to the ER.  She is 13 weeks pregnant at the time and bleeding heavily.  Fortunately Baby is ok but she is put on bead rest.  The very next morning my Nana has a stroke which leads to the worst week of my life as I watch her die.

Some time after that my dad finds out he is losing his house.  Then my sister's baby is born but placed in the NICU.

Now on the one year anniversary of my Nana's death, my youngest sister finds out she has miscarried her first baby.  She was not expecting to become pregnant so quickly (she conceived immediately after getting married in November) but was very happy and excited.  As it turns out she was married on what would have been Nana and Granddad's 52nd Wedding Anniversary (planned) and the baby was due on August 22nd (my dad's birthday...their first son).  I think this gave her a special connection to our Nana.

Now my middle sister (the one from above who had the baby in the NICU) is having some marriage struggles that are absolutely breaking my heart.  I don't want to go into details but it is so unbelievably sad.  She and her husband have 3 beautiful children...they absolutely MUST work this out!

Of course there have been about a million other things going on left and right (these are just the big things).  It's exhausting!  I've gotten to the point where I am absolutely terrified to answer my phone for fear of what's wrong now.

Oh, and that sister above who just had the miscarriage...she has (I think in the last year and a half or so) gotten into a lot of new age type beliefs...Reik.ki (spelling?) to be more specific.  It seriously terrifies me!  I have no clue how to even approach it.

I wish I could bathe my entire family in Holy Water.  I told K we need to get our priest out to bless our home since it hasn't been done yet.

I'm looking for some prayers...maybe novenas.  I'm thinking a general one I could say for my entire family...then maybe one for my sister who is having the marriage trouble...then another for my sister who is into the scary stuff.  Any suggestions?  I googled but was overwhelmed.

Right now I'm just praying for peace for my entire family.  We sure do need it.

One Year

It was this day one year ago that my family gathered around my Nana as we watched pass on to be with Jesus. Leading up to 2011 I felt so much excitement and anticipation. 2011 was the year I would finally meet my daughter. It was to be the year that all of my dreams would come true. But on the very first day of that new year my world came to a screeching stop when I received that phone call telling me that Nana had had a stroke but was refusing to go to the hospital. I wasn't surprised at her refusal. She hadn't been well in years. She was ready to go and I knew the last place she wanted to be was a hospital. I rushed to be with her. I was surprised at how she looked. I expected much worse. She was asleep but as some point had heard that I was there and asked for me. I sat next to her and held her had. I prayed like I have never prayed before. I begged God to heal her. Begged Him! The next day I returned to be by her side. I lay down in bed with her and prayed. She opened her eyes for a brief moment and asked where Mary-Grace was. I told her she was still in my tummy so she was right here with us. She reached over and placed her hand on my belly and fell back asleep. I placed my hand on top of hers and began to sob. I knew at that moment that this was it. I knew she wouldn't make it through this and that she would never meet my baby girl. layer that day I returned to sit with her. She opened her eyes for a second so I told her I loved her. She mumbled that she loved me too. That was the last I heard her speak. I spent the next few days by her side, only going home o sleep. On Thursday night, January 6th, about an hour after I got home, my aunt called to tell me that Nana was passing. K and I jumped in our car and raced to her house. my family and I all sat by her side in her final moments. We cried, we talked to her, we told her it was ok to go. We told her to go on to Heaven and have her reunion with her momma and her brothers. She always talked about having a big family reunion at the gates of Heaven. I remember praying that God would take her quickly in to Heaven. And then she took her last breath - and then I took my prayer back and told God I changed my mind, I wanted her here. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my Nana. Many days there are still tears. I still grieve for her daily. I spoke with a good friend of mine today who lost her father on this same day 2 years ago. She told me that it does eventually begin to get easier. And by easier, she said you just learn to find a new normal. That's what I'm searching for...a new normal. There are many days that I wake up and think that I should go visit Nana today - and then I remember. It's unbearably painful, but I know it will get better. Nana, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I miss your hugs, I miss our talks and I miss your advice. I miss sitting at your dining room table for hours just talking about anything and everything. You would love Mary-Grace so much! She reminds me so much of you. She has your sass and attitude. :) please watch over your family. And save me a place at that reunion! I hope you are having fun! If any of you have a few prayers you could spare for my family I know we would all appreciate it. We are all still grieving so much. Also, if you could pray for my youngest sister. She just got married back in November and got pregnant right away. Today she found out she lost her baby. She is understandably having a very hard time. We have decided that January 6th needs to be removed from the calendar. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

Prayer Buddy Reveal

This Advent I had the honor of praying for Mathching Moonheads!  I have been reading her blog for quite some time (although I don't comment nearly as much as I should) and have always loved her!  A, I prayed for you, your precious miracle, and your husband whenever you popped into my head during the day.  I also prayed for you at Mass and Adoration.  I tried to offer up lots of things for you, especially the week Mary-Grace and I both had the flu.  I hope that your felt my prayers and please know that I will continue to pray for you.  I cannot wait to "meet" that sweet baby of yours when s/he arrives! :)

I also want to thank All You Who Hope for praying for me.  You were the very first blog I found (I found you the week you adopted your sweet Clara) when I was searching for answers and support.  You gave me hope when I was feeling hopeless.  Thank you so much for your prayers, it means more than I can tell you.

3rd Trimester and a Change

Today marks the first day of my third trimester with sweet Hannah.  I cannot believe I'm 28 weeks already.  I feel like it took me forever to get this far with Mary-Grace.  It's strange, but I often forget that I'm pregnant...until I try to bend over to pick something up.  I feel like this pregnancy has been so much smoother than it was last time around.  I wasn't anywhere near as sick in the beginning.  We haven't had any scares like we did last time.  I decided to forgo PIO injections even though my levels were slightly low.  I'm more exhausted this time around, but I also don't have the luxury of napping whenever I want like I did last time.  I haven't gained much weight,  as of a month ago I had gained 9 lbs.  I'm not sure what I'm up to now.  I was supposed to have an appointment today but I rescheduled for next week.  It's just so crazy busy here with an insane amount of family drama on both sides that I decided it would just be so much easier.  K is also off all next week so he won't have to take time to go with me.  Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like I'm not paying as much attention to Hannah like I did with Mary-Grace (does that make sense?).  I'm just so busy chasing this increasingly mobile, 9 month old (tomorrow) around the house that I don't have time to think about it.  I used to talk to MG all the time, rub my belly, and pay attention to every move she made.  Now I'm sitting here wondering if I've felt her move in the past 24 hours.  I'm drinking some juice to wake her up so I can be sure she's doing ok in there.

I have moments of panic from time to time.  Before I know it Hannah will be here and we will be a family of 4.  I feel like we just became a family of 3 (probably because we did).  Ten years of just the two of us (5 of those married) and suddenly we have doubled.  It's mind blowing.  I can't wait to meet her but I'm also not ready.  I look around my house and think there is no way we are ready for another baby around here.  I haven't begun cooking and freezing meals.  I haven't cleaned the carpet, organized the closets, or gotten MG a big girl carseat so that Hannah can have her infant one.  The calendar says I only have 12 weeks to go.  But my gut says I have less.  MG was born 1 week early (well 6 days, but whatever).  My OBs said that typically the moms they see that have babies less than a year apart tend to go even earlier.  It's like their bodies are already so well prepped that it just kicks right into gear the second time around.  Hannah is due March 13th.  My plan is to have everything I need to do done by February 13th.  Then if she's early I'm ready and if not, great!  I can attempt to rest.

We still haven't made our final decision on a homebirth yet.  I've got to make a few phone calls later today and set up some appointments for next week when K is off.  Hopefully after some consultations with some midwives we'll be able to make our decision.  Surprisingly K is 100% for the homebirth, I'm the one with some reservations.  What's funny is that unlike last time around where my reservations were safety, this time I'm just worried that I won't be able to handle it.  I'm terrified of the pain this go around.  I'm thinking it's because of my experience with a 3 day labor that's making me a little uneasy.  I don't know if I can do that again.

We still haven't totally decided on Hannah's middle name.  We were wanting Therese but now I'm really wanting Elizabeth.  K is still stuck on Therese.  Any opinions to sway me one way or the other is appreciated.

Now onto the change.  I've been trying to figure out why blogging has taken such a back seat.  Obviously I'm a bit busier now but I know that's not it.  The truth is that when I sit down to write nothing comes out.  I started this blog while searching for support from other women who were experiencing the same things that I was.  The whole premise of my writing centered around IF.  Obviously I can't really consider myself IF anymore.  When I sit down to write all I can think of is writing about my experiences with motherhood, homemaking, life as a new Catholic etc. etc.  But obviously IF isn't really there anymore.  I want to keep writing.  I actually do have a lot of things I would like to talk about but I feel like I can't do it here.  It's a weird feeling I can't really explain.  So I'm thinking about doing a change.  I'm thinking about changing my name (I never really liked it anyway), changing the look, and changing the focus.  It will take some time but I think it needs it.  Like the name, I've just never been 100% happy with my little space.  Maybe a change will help.  We'll see what happens. :)

In the mean time I hope all of you have a Merry Christmas if I don't get a chance to blog before then.  You are all in my prayers (especially you prayer buddy) as always!