Quick Takes

1.  I've been trying to get a post up about what really makes home births awesome...all the stuff that happens after baby is born...but haven't been able to finish it.  Partially because I'm crazy busy with a toddler (I can't believe she's a toddler) who has just started walking and currently teething 4 molars, and a newborn who doesn't sleep and doesn't nap, and partially because my brain is absolute mush.  Hannah is now 10 weeks old so I guess I need to get on that.

2.  I mentioned it above, but we have a walker!  Mary-Grace is a little over 14 months now.  Shes been cruising on furniture since about 10ish months.  At almost 13 months she started getting much braver.  At about 13.5 months she began taking steps, lots of them, but would alternate between that and crawling.  Then all of a sudden about 2 weeks ago she just took off.  She is walking all over my house.  It is so weird to be in my room and have her just come walking in.  The only downside, she no longer wants to be in her stroller or in a grocery cart.  Having Hannah means I can't always chase after her in public so strollers and carts are a must.  Grocery shopping has become very interesting lately.

3.  My cycles have already returned.  Seriously?  I breastfeed around the clock.  Same thing happened last time.  I was really hoping to get a break because they are still super screwy and super painful.  To make it even more fun I had pp bleeding until almost 9 weeks after Hannah was born.  I got a one day break and then CD1.  At least last time I got like 2 weeks.  I don't want to be one of those women who don't have cycles for over a year, but a few months would have been nice.

4.  I'm trying to think of activities for Mary-Grace to do while I'm busy feeding Hannah.  It seems that as soon as I sit down to feed her she is into something.  She usually heads to the pantry and yanks anything that is in her reach off the shelf.  Keeping the door closed all the time isn't an option because it gets super hot in there (the builders forgot the air vent) and I can't remove everything in her reach because we need the storage.  She also uses this opportunity to go running headfirst into walls, tables, etc.  I need some easy ideas to keep her entertained for 15-20 minutes.  Do you have any?

5.  I have decided that we are in desperate need of a vacation.  We took a long weekend to Disney last fall for our anniversary but I feel the need to get to the beach.  I am dying to spend a few days laying in the sand listening to the ocean.  Our favorite beach is only about 2 1/2 to 3 hours from here but it can be pricy to stay there (it's an island).  We have got to find a way to work in a vacation savings into our budget.  We haven't taken a real vacation in over 2 years.  I know that doesn't sound like long but we love to travel and I'm getting cabin fever really bad.  Besides, that vacation was to the mountains and I'm needing the beach.  It's been 4 years since we've done that.  I find that pathetic considering the state I live in.

6.  I know this may sound strange to most people, but at 14 months old we still haven't left Mary-Grace with anyone.  It started out because I was breastfeeding and despite my crazy oversupply of milk I don't respond well to a pump.  Sure I could pump enough for a few bottles but the time and effort just wasn't worth it to me.  Then I realized that I just had no desire to leave her anywhere and neither did K.  We have been together for 11 years now.  We have had 11 years of alone time and get alone time every night when she goes to bed.  We really enjoy just taking her with us wherever we go.  I'll be honest, some of it is due to my crazy anxiety as well.  It honestly gives me a panic feeling when I think about someone else watching her.  But really it doesn't matter what my reason is for not leaving her with others.  They are my reasons, and K's reasons and that's that.  I have left her with K, but only for an hour or at most two.  He's also taken her with him for an hour or two to go wherever, but that's it.  Anyway, the point is that last weekend I was chewed out and made to feel guilty because I told a family member she couldn't come pick Mary-Grace up for the day.  What frustrated me to start with is that she didn't ask me she just told me she was going to come buy one day during the week and take her for the day.  Then when I told her no, that she was welcome to come over and spend the day with us, but that I wasn't ready to let her go for the day, she started going on and on about how I need to get over it and that Mary-Grace is never going to know her.  She said that she used to take us places when we were kids and she never harmed us, yadda, yadda, yadda.  I apologized and explained that it was a lot in part to my anxiety.  She didn't care though and stormed off.  K and I talked about it later and he agreed with me that he didn't like the idea of this person (or anyone else really) taking her somewhere.  We agreed that we would be more comfortable with our children going somewhere with others when she can communicate better.  We also talked about how the first time we leave our children we would prefer that it be in our own home with someone here to watch her.  I know I'm a bit over protective, but as for right now this is working for us.  I haven't seen a movies since before I was pregnant with Mary-Grace, I'm ok with that.  I haven't had a pedicure or gone anywhere alone in 14 months, I'm ok with that.  My husband and I haven't been on a "date" alone in 14 months, we both really are ok with that.  Up until my little non-sleeper Hannah was born 2 months ago we had a date every evening after Mary-Grace went to bed.  Dates in our house are much nicer to the wallet anyway.  Our favorite bottle of wine isn't expensive at all. :)

7.  Speaking of oversupply (I mentioned it in the jumble above)...it SUCKS!  I mean seriously!  I remember before Mary-Grace was born worrying if I would have enough milk.  Forget having enough!  I have enough to feed a darn village!  I had the same problem with Mary-Grace but it seems to be 10X's worse this time.  I leak everywhere constantly.  I have to tuck a hand towel into the flap part of my nursing tanks when I feed Hannah because milk spills everywhere while she eats.  I also have to keep a separate towel or burp cloth in my hand so that when my milk lets down I can pull her off and catch it in the towel.  If I don't she chokes to the point where she can't breathe.  She is constantly stuffy and congested because of all the milk she sucks up and no amount of suctioning her nose helps.  I have started feeding her on the same side for at least 3 feedings before switching sides.  She wasn't getting nearly enough of the good, fatty, hindmilk before.  She's definitely getting that this way, I can tell when by the third feeding she finally gets that "milk drunk" look and falls asleep, but it isn't helping with the forcefulness of my let down.  It's not a huge deal at home, however it makes nursing in public really difficult.  It's very hard to be discreet when you have a baby flailing around and choking because your milk shoots out like a dang fire hose.  Hannah also can't comfort nurse because there is no such thing as nursing without much milk coming out when it involves me.  This happened with Mary-Grace too so I ended up giving her a paci.  Hannah however, wants nothing to do with a paci.  This makes for a very ticked off baby in the evenings when shes had enough to eat but just wants to nurse to sleep.  I've read that you can take very small amounts of Benedryl to decrease you supply slightly but I'm scared to do that.  I really wish Mary-Grace would have taken up nursing again after Hannah was born.  I could have used her to nurse right before feeding Hannah to help with the let down.  Does that sound horrible?  Like I'm using my first baby?

Motherhood

I endured years of heartache, painful shots, expensive pills, procedures, and tests.

I cried, rejoiced, and shook with excitement and nervousness as I saw those two pink lines...twice.

I sobbed with fear as I thought I was losing one of them.

I carried them in my womb for 39 and 41 weeks.

I pushed them out of my body after 72 and 8 hours of labor.

I snuggled their squishy, gooey, naked bodies against my own when they first entered this world.

I stared at them and marveled at God's creation and goodness trying to savor each moment of the miracle that I was blessed to be a part of.

I watched my amazing and loving husband as he became a daddy and cut their cords.

I cried through the first few weeks of brestfeeding both of them as I felt pain and frustration.

I rejoiced as I realized that we finally got this!

I walk around smelling like sour milk with stains on my shirts.

I have purple battle scares on my belly that proves they once lived inside.

I am less tone and have wider hips from them growing in my tummy.

I haven't spent more than an hour on my own in 14 months.

I have spent and still spend many nights with little sleep as I wake to feed and comfort my babies.

I have stayed awake to stare at them, just to make sure they are breathing.

I stare at their beautiful blue eyes, and try to figure out what features they get from which one of us.

I drive all over creation to go to the best pediatrician, get the right foods, and the best supplements.

I do things that I swore I would never do when I had kids.

I smile and rejoice as my oldest learns to walk.  I laugh as she dances to any music that she hears.

I giggle at the faces they both make.  Especially my littlest, she's a sassy one.

I pray for them daily and wonder about who they will become in the coming years.

I pray for myself, that I will be the mother He wants me to be.

I thank God for the gifts they are because I know I do not deserve them.

Hannah's Birth Story - Finally!

This is the story of how we welcomed our sweet baby, Hannah Clare, into this world.  It's a bit long and detailed, but I want to remember everything.

On Thursday, March 22nd, I had my 41 week appointment.  I was now 9 days "overdue" and completely exhausted.  About an hour before I was to leave for my appointment I began having some cramping much like period cramps and light spotting.  I tried not to get my hopes up that this was the start of things because I had been having contractions on and off for weeks.  At my appointment I asked my midwife, Kim, to check my progress.  I was 1.5-2 cm dilated and 85% effaced - the same as the week prior.  She offered to help "stir things up," meaning strip my membranes.  I was all too happy to have her do this.  I had less than a week for Hannah to arrive before I would be forced to transfer to a hospital to be induced. We left my appointment with a slip to have an ultrasound on the following Monday to check fluid levels and instructions to do a lot of pelvic rocks (Hannah seemed to have her head in a funny position so we were trying to encourage her to tuck her head), walk, have sex (Seriously, how many 41 week pregnant women want to do this?) and get some rest.  The 3 of us went to lunch at 5 G.uys before K headed back to work.  I decided that maybe Mary-Grace and I should make a quick stop at Target.  I figured while I tried not to spend too much money I could at least get some walking in.  :)

That evening I struggled to eat much at dinner.  My stomach was queezy and I was exhausted and anxious.  I was still having mild cramping and spotting but nothing more than earlier in the day.  We put Mary-Grace to bed and I went on a cleaning spree trying to get the house spotless.  Although I was trying not to get my hopes up, I had a strong feeling that Hannah would be arriving the next day.  At about 9:30 we heard MG screaming from her crib.  She had been teething so it wasn't unusual for her to wake up fussy and go right back to sleep.  These screams seemed different to me though so I asked K to go check on her.  Within a minute or two I heard him calling me to her room.  My poor Peanut had thrown up all over herself and her crib. K took her to give her a bath while I cleaned up her crib and put new sheets on.  After her bath he took her to our room to get her dressed.  The poor thing then threw up all over our bed.  I brought her into the living room with me to snuggle with her where she threw up on me another 5 times.  Finally, after a few hours, she went back to sleep.  I looked at the clock and realized it was after 11:30pm.  I started flipping out.  I got snappy with K (like it was his fault) and started complaining about how I needed sleep.  I kept telling K that staying up this late was a really, really bad idea.

Finally, a little after midnight, I climbed into bed.  Almost immediately after laying down, I noticed a few contractions.  I tried not to pay too much attention to them and go to sleep.  I'm not sure exactly what time, but at some point I noticed that I was waking up for contractions and falling asleep between them.  At 3:00am, I woke up for a contraction that seemed much stronger and could not go back to sleep.  I did this for about an hour and finally decided to wake K up at 4:00am.  I told him what had been going on and asked if he would time them for me.  I mentioned that I thought they might be 10 or so minutes apart and sure enough they were.  After only timing about 3 contractions they went from 10 minutes apart to 8 minutes to 6 minutes to 5 minutes.  By 5:30am K suggested I call my midwife.  She lives over an hour away and needed plenty of time to get to us.  I hesitated to call her for a minute, still worried that maybe this wasn't really it, but then decided that I really didn't want to have K deliver this baby without her.  After a few questions from her she said she was on her way.  I then called my doula, Dee, who said she was on her way as well.  Then K decided that he should call my sister S.  Mary-Grace would be waking up any minute and we needed her to help take care of her while I labored.  I couldn't hear my sister's side of the conversation, but I could tell by K's reaction that she was very, very excited.

After I knew Kim, Dee and S were on their way it suddenly started to become very real to me.  All of a sudden I had a huge urge to do my hair.  Why?  I have no clue!  I knew that once labor really got going my hair would be a wreck and I wouldn't care anyway, but none the less, I JUST HAD TO DO IT.  While I went to pretty myself up K headed out to the kitchen to make sure all of the dishes were done and things were at least picked up.  While straightening my hair I continued to time contractions and noticed that they were now 3-4 minutes apart.  After I finished, I thought I should put a little makeup on.  However, not two seconds after this thought crossed my mind I had a HUGE contractions and decided to just forget it.  I grabbed my birthing ball and decided to sit down and rock on it for awhile.  K then came back in the room and said it would probably be a good idea to give Kaitlin a call.  It was 6:00am at this point and I figured he was right.  She did have a 4 hour drive after all.  I was so worried that I would have her come and I wouldn't really be in labor.  For some reason this phone call was very memorable to me.  When she answered the phone it was in the sweetest little whisper.  I could tell that she knew that if I was calling her this early in the morning it was for one reason only.  Our conversation was short and sweet and she was on her way.  When I hung up the phone I knew for sure that this was it.  Hannah was coming today!

I rolled my ball over to the side of my bed and continued to rock on it using the side of my bed to steady myself between contractions.   K came back in and put my labor playlist on for me...then the doorbell rang. Kim, my midwife, was already hear.  She made it in less than 45 minutes!  She came in our room, spoke very softly, got quiet while I had a contraction, and asked me questions.  When she was done she took my temperature and blood pressure, all while I sat on my ball.  She then asked if I wanted her to check me to see where we were.  Of course I said yes, but I was so nervous!  I was terrified she was going to tell me I was only 1-2 cm.  I climbed up on my bed, closed my eyes, and prayed I was making progress.  Then she said something that was music to me ears.  I was 4cm!  "Wahoo!" I thought.  Then she told me to hold on a second, she did something with her hand, and then said "Great!  Now your 6cm."  "Wait...what?"  I asked her.  She repeated herself and I began to laugh right through a contraction.  It took me 3 whole days to make it to 3 cm with Mary-Grace and here I was, only a few hours into labor, and I was already 6.

At some point after this, Dee, my doula, and S, my sister arrived.  I knew Mary-Grace was awake so I decided to head into the living room with everyone to spend a few minutes with my Peanut before she became a big sister.  When I walked into the room my baby girl was relaxing in her chair drinking her milk. My sister had her daughter Olivia in her the high chair feeding her breakfast.  I kissed my Peanut and sat down on the couch to talk to everyone.  Surprisingly, it didn't seem to bother me that people were talking while I had contractions.  I liked the feel of how relaxed everything was - It was very comforting.  I said something to K and my sister about Mary-Grace needing breakfast.  I started to tell them how to make her oatmeal but then decided I wanted to do it myself.  I walked the few steps to the kitchen and had 3 hard contractions back to back.  I heard my midwife comment to my doula that they seemed to be picking up.  She then suggested to me that I get into the tub and try to relax.  I agreed and quickly gave S instructions between a few contractions.

By the time I got to our bathroom, the tub was already filled.  I climbed in and OH MY GOSH, it felt amazing.  It definitely doesn't take away pain from contractions, but it sure does make it easier to relax through.  I spent a few hours in the tub (about 3 1/2).  K and Dee sat next to me.  They encouraged me to drink water and Gatorade and offered me food (which I declined).  After awhile I mentioned that I was getting hot so Dee got cold wash cloths for my head, chest and back.  K went and got the small fan we bought to help cool me down.  The 3 of us chatted between contractions and they got quiet while I worked through them.  Every now and again my Kim or her assistant Arlene (I'm not sure when she got there), would come in a check my temperature and listen to Hannah's heartbeat.  Not once did I have to get out of the tub.  When the water started to feel cool, Kim came in and ran new water for me.  As I labored through contractions K started to notice that I was tensing my face.  He gently touched the part of my face that was tense and I relaxed it.  Dee then stared pushing right in the center of my forehead during contractions to help me relax it.  It seems strange, but this helped so much!

At some point I started really noticing K.  I don't know how to explain it.  I kept looking up at him and was just wishing that our tub was big enough for him to get in and snuggle with me.  I think Dee sensed this and left us alone for a little while.  This was my favorite part of labor.  I don't think it lasted long but it was so sweet.  I felt so close and in love with my amazing husband.

Around 10:30 K let me know that Kaitlin had arrived.  I remember thinking to myself that when we got closer to Hannah actually being born I should send for her to come be apart of it.  Unfortunately by the time we got to that point I completely forgot.

At about the same time, Kim came in and asked if I wanted her to check me.  I agreed and she told me I was about 8-9 cm.  She then suggested that I get out and sit on the toilet for a few minutes to see if that helped bring Hannah down more.  My water still had not broken and she was still a little high up.  She thought that my water may even break over the toilet.  I made some sort of comment about how that would be nice and there wouldn't need to be a clean up.

Let me just tell you now, sitting on the toilet during contractions is not pleasant at all!  Not at all.  I sat there for about 15 minutes and then I was done.  K suggested I get in the shower.  At first I said no but then decided what the heck, it's worth a try.  K got in the shower with me to help support me if needed.  My midwife and doula were in the bathroom with us but I was able to talk to K without them hearing us much.  This was the time that I began to say that I could do it.  I felt this way while sitting on the toilet but I didn't want anyone to hear me say it.  K kept reminding me that I could and I was.  Then it hit me.  I was in transition and I knew it.  I knew that the only reason I felt like I could do it was because it was almost over, this was the hardest part.  Then I remembered that that meant that this was also the shortest part.

The shower didn't last long.  When I got out, Kim brought me my ball to sit on.  I really, really did not want to sit on my ball.  I could tell that Hannah had moved a lot lower and I knew sitting on that ball was going to hurt.  Dee told me to sit on it through 3 contractions.  While sitting there things seemed to get even stronger.  K stood in front of me for me to lean in.  I started complaining of pain in my hips so Dee got behind me and squeezed my hips through each contraction.  My moans got louder and I felt myself looking up and locking eyes with K through them.  I began shaking and noticed tears streaming down my face.  This was getting hard, very hard.

After several contractions on the ball (I stayed on for more than just the 3 my doula asked me to), my midwife suggested that I get on my hands and knees.  The assistant laid out a huge waterproof pad on the floor.  K helped me walk over too it and Dee placed my ball in front of me.  I got on my knees and leaned over the ball rocking back and forth.  I mentioned to someone that I didn't like how the ball felt sticky to me and the next thing I knew someone appeared with a towel to drape over it.  I would rock in between contractions and then fall backwards closer to the floor during one.  I kept moaning and telling them that there was so much pressure.  Every down and then I noticed that Dee and my Midwife would look under the towel that was draped over my bottom (I requested the towel, they say you lose all modesty in transition, i did not). I felt my body sort of baring down during the contractions.  After just 5 or so contractions like this I felt a big pop (I thought I heard it too).  I then heard my midwife say something to her assistant about my water breaking.  I rocked back to my knees sitting up and the assistant took the smaller chuck pad that was under me away.  I heard the assistant note that the fluid was clear and then someone (I can't remember who) helped me up and walk me back to the tub.  I don't know when they did it but there was fresh warm water in the tub for me to get into.

Once back in the tub things got very very intense.  Kim checked me again and said that I was fully effaced and 9 1/2 - 10 cm.  She said that there was only a small lip and that she could hold it back if I felt the need to push.  While she was doing this my body seemed to take over and I began pushing without even trying.  I had imagined that I would be more quit during pushing...wrong.  I felt like I was screaming but K told me it was more like really, really loud growling and grunting.  I don't remember feeling contractions at all at this point so there was no pushing during contractions and resting between.  In hindsight it was like having one giant contraction.  Without much effort from me I just pushed and pushed and pushed.  I only stopped to breath.  I stared saying Ow! Ow! Ow! My doula kept saying Out! Out! Out! So I started saying Out! instead of Ow!  I remember begging Hannah to please come out.  I kept saying "Please Hannah, it's time to come out. Momma is tired.  All of a sudden I felt a strong burning sensation like nothing I've ever felt before.  I thought it would feel like someone was lighting my bottom on fire but it was definitely a burning, stretching feeling.  This whole time I'm still in the middle of this giant push that I can't stop.  I heard my midwife telling her assistant +1, +2, +3, +4, +5.  Then I told her "I can't do this anymore! It hurts too bad!"  She told me that I could do it and that I was.  She said that all of those numbers she was calling out was 1 cm closer to meeting my baby.  As Hannah's head began to come out, I felt pressure like I cannot begin to describe.  I remember locking eyes with K and silently begging him to make the pain stop.  I noticed tears in his eyes as he kept telling me that he loved me and that I could do this.  I looked back at my midwife as I pushed harder than I ever have (this time it was me pushing, not my body taking over) and I felt her head come out.  The midwife had me stop pushing while she checked to make sure the cord was not around her neck.  She then had me wait so that Hannah could rotate herself around.  She then had me give one more big push and out came her shoulders.  At 11:21am, our sweet Hannah Clare was born into the water in my bathroom.

 

More to come on what it's like to have a homebirth and my thoughts on a few things.

Update

Thank you all so much for all of your prayer!!! They really helped to calm my fears today.

I met with my midwife this afternoon and all is well - no organs are falling out of me. Wahoo! This is definitely TMI...but I'm going to tell you anyway. Apparently delivering 9lb baby in 7 minutes wreaked the muscles. So instead of being nice and tight on the inside they are loose and a little low making me feel (and look) like something is coming out. She said the large baby coupled with carrying my 18lb toddler around all day and getting pretty much no rest since the first week Hannah was born. She showed me several pictures in a few medical books to reassure me that everything was normal. She sent me home with a prescription to do 20 kegals we every time I begin to nurse Hannah and 20 when I'm done, as well as 20 any time I have to pee, when I open the refrigerator, when I wake up, and when I go to bed. That's a whole lot of kegals! She said that should help tighten things up. Hopefully at my 6 week check up next Thursday things will already look better.


So now that that's out of the way...Hannah Clare's birth story to come next!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

Prayers Needed!

I had planned on finally posting Hannah's birth story today since she's already 1 month old. However, instead I'm begging for your prayers.

I have an appointment at 3:30 tomorrow. I won't go I to the gory details but there is a chance I either have a collapsed vaginal wall or uterine prolapse. To say I am terrified is an understatement. I've been instructed to be on bed rest as well as not lift anything...nearly impossible with two little ones. Any prayers y'all have would be so helpful. I'm trying not to panic...unfortunately I'm failing miserably.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse they typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

I'm working on it!

I swear Hannah's birth story is coming! It's pretty much done...just needs a little work. However in the past two weeks we have dealt with some insanity.


Two days of a screaming one year old with a 102.5 fever send us to After Hours Pedi. Diagnosis - Nasty ear infection. I felt like mother of the year making her wait so long.


Begin antibiotics.
Very next day she breaks out in a rash.


Stop antibiotics to determine if it's an allergy or Roseola.


Rash goes away and fever doesn't return so we assume Roseola.


Same one year old then cuts 3 teeth in 2 days! THREE!!!


Easter Sunday mystery rash reappears.


Monday the rash is so bad I take her into the pediatrician thinking she has measles or some horrible disease.


Diagnosis - Amoxicillin allergy with a hypochondriac mother.


Oh, and during all of this my husband had a nasty cold. Annnd I've developed a wicked UTI (yes I just shared that on the Internet).


Did I mention I just had a baby 2 weeks ago?


So in the meantime, here's some iPhone pics to hold you over. :)
Someone turned 1 just 2 days before her little sister's birth.




Suddenly in an instant she turned into a toddler.




Welcome Hannah Clare!




First time eating at Chick-Fil-A!




Someone loves being in her K'tan!




I have two babies! Please ignore the weird underarm flab. Oh, and that's pumped milk in that bottle! I couldn't believe she drank it again!




Milk drunk!




Birthing balls are for more than just birthing!




Sick baby. :(




Sister love!




Silly girl!




Destruction!









Matching cloth diaper booties. :)

She's Here!

Hannah Clare

9 pounds 1 ounce

21 1/4 inches

Born at home in the water and caught by her daddy, Friday, March 23rd, at 11:21am.

More pictures and a birth story to come.