So I have a little problem. Actually the problem has been an issue since I got married 4 years ago but I am just now getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. Pregnancy is definitely exacerbating the problem.
I have been having major issues sleeping. I feel like I just don't sleep soundly, I never have. In the last few weeks I believe that Mary-Grace has been dancing on my bladder which is making sleeping that much more of an issue. I'm up about every 2 hours to pee. To add to that fun it is allergy season and dh unfortunately snores when his allergies are bad. He takes allergy medicines and uses bre.athe ri.ght strips to help. but it doesn't work to well. I'm not faulting him for this, he can't help it. I feel like all of this I can deal with. There is really no one to blame. Pregnancy causes you to pee about a million times a day and allergies cause you to snore.
Here is the issue I'm having. Every morning dh's alarm goes off. He doesn't hear it. I shake him to wake him up. He hits the snooze button. Then it starts all over again. This goes on for at least an hour every morning. To make matters worse he doesn't just set one alarm but two and they don't go off at the same time. So about every 5 minutes or maybe less there is some awful noise for and ENTIRE hour...sometimes longer.
Perhaps if I was getting better sleep at night I would just get up with him. I know that I would feel like a better wife if I got up and helped him get ready for work...maybe make him breakfast on occasion. But with my lack of good sleep due to the above mentioned reasons I feel like I just need the sleep. I am not someone who can function without sleep. I have major issues with foggy brain and exhaustion as it is. The lack of sleep is really taking a toll on me. When I get too little sleep I get migraines. I know I've described my migraines before and believe me, they aren't pretty. (I realize that when Mary-Grace comes I will be sleep deprived, but I will deal with that then.)
I have talked with dh about this on numerous occasions over the last several years. He keeps telling me he can't help it. He says he just doesn't hear the alarm. However, I'm not buying it. DH is a runner and often gets up early on weekends to run or for races. He never hits the snooze button more than twice. I realize that it's much more exciting to get up for sport rather than work but something's got to give.
I'm losing my mind here! It has gotten to the point where I can't go back to sleep between alarm rings because my anxiety level goes way up in anticipation of the next time it will go off. This morning I may have screamed at dh a bit and I feel terrible for it! After the alarm had been going off for over an hour I shook him awake and told him I couldn't take it anymore. I said that between my peeing, his snoring and the stupid alarm I was done! I told him that I was going to start sleeping in another room. I told him it was ridiculous and I was sick and tired of it. I said something about being 29 years old and that he shouldn't need someone to help wake him up. Yeah, real nice huh? It wasn't pretty and I am not proud of how I reacted.
I finally got up and went to lay on the couch. When he came out he apologized. I told him that one of my huge concerns is what will happen when Mary-Grace comes. She will be sleeping in our room for some time
(I plan on nursing and I don't want to be deliriously trying to stumble to the other end of the house every 2 hours). I told him that he can't have the alarm going off like that with a newborn in the room. I don't want him waking her up every morning. I explained that I will be sleep deprived enough and would love to sleep when I can. He said he understood but didn't know what to do to fix it. He seems to think that when she is here he will just be better at it. That may be the case but I would like him to work on it now.
(I plan on nursing and I don't want to be deliriously trying to stumble to the other end of the house every 2 hours). I told him that he can't have the alarm going off like that with a newborn in the room. I don't want him waking her up every morning. I explained that I will be sleep deprived enough and would love to sleep when I can. He said he understood but didn't know what to do to fix it. He seems to think that when she is here he will just be better at it. That may be the case but I would like him to work on it now.
I want to be clear that I am definitely not bashing my husband here! I would never do that. I am way too fortunate to have him in my life! I know I'm a lucky girl. And to be honest, this is really the only major source of contention in our marriage. I'm looking for help. I was hoping some of you wonderful ladies would have some advice to help me help him.
I look at the clock every time I get up and I've figured out that I'm lucky if I get 4 hours of sleep each night. I NEED more. I'm not a napper or I would try for that during the day. Any suggestions I could get would be so wonderful!!!
just wanted to let you know I TOTALLY understand. My husband is also a chronic snoozer for 1 sometimes 2 hours. This was a HUGE problem when we were first together and I would get very, very frustrated at his seeming inability to get up in the morning and I often thought about what it would be like if we had kids or had real jobs and actually had to be somewhere in the morning. It has come to a head before and I have definitely said some mean things to him regarding his "reliability". Bottom line is that my DH is just a sleepy guy! He has been since high school! The only thing that we've really found that helps is going to bed early enough. He HAS to get 8 hours at least otherwise he will snooze it forever. Maybe you can try going to bed earlier? Another way is that when he drinks coffee in the afternoon/evening he's easier to wake in the morning, but I don't recommend that. Now that we're having to live apart again I hear that he's gone back to his old ways without me! Hopefully we'll be able to get back on track when I move back!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh Karen, you DO need sleep and have every right to fight for it! Sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique on prisoners! W/O sleep, functioning during the day can be dicey, logical thinking, driving, moods, etc. I would def. sleep in the other room 'til my hubs got a bit more discipline. Although, maybe because he snores so much - he's not getting good sleep either and really DOES have a hard time waking up. (I'm married to a grizzly bear too.) I would work on going to bed earlier as well. I also think peeing every two hours is A LOT. I get up once, maybe twice. Try not to drink a whole lot before bed maybe? Once, when we had a rat in our roof (and it was keeping me up all night), hubs didn't seem very motivated to catch it. I told him that I'd be sleeping with the kids until he did. That thing was dead the next night. Hubs don't like to sleep alone! HA! HA! HA! Blessings on you and baby!
ReplyDeleteI think your issues do not stem from pregnancy. As we have "talked" before.....
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you read my recent blog post...But I get you on so many levels....I think I can almost describe the sleep you are getting and have been getting, without you even going into further detail. I definitely understand your migraines and pain in the head...
I can tell you the money I spent to go to PA and the money I just spent for a follow up was the BEST MONEY I have ever spent in my life, even DH has not complained at all. At 32 weeks pregnant I have NEVER felt better then the past few stable days, I've had in my pregnancy since seeing Dr. Saint. ;)
I have recently been going back to sleep when the alarm goes off, usually I'm already out of bed....ERGH...I can sleep through the noise. The deep sleep that I have been getting lately is something I have NEVER known before..>This deep sleep that seems to have layers to it...It's like you go into this underworld of sleep or something...So hard to describe. I think and I'm assuming for you & I that we stay at this level two type of sleep....We never have reached level 10 or below...Like a deep ocean of heavenly bliss.
I understand your hell you live and unfortunately it will not be relieved on it's own.
The husband thing...well....not sure what to do about that....
Or then I have completely read this whole thing wrong and I'm an idiot! hahahahahaha I guess I'm just reading more into....hahahahahaha
I would stab the person who woke my sleeping baby, because he doesn't do it that much.
ReplyDelete;)
I recommend sleeping with earplugs. My husband snores and alternates between getting up earlier than me and making lots of noise getting ready or constantly re-setting his alarm clock. The earplugs really help drown all that out, plus they help me fall asleep faster because I can hear my heartbeat, which is quite rhythmic and soothing:) Of course this won't work once your baby arrives, but it might be a short-term solution?
ReplyDeleteDoes your DH drink a lot of soda or coffee? If he does, cutting back could help him get some better sleep himself and feel more well-rested when morning rolls around.
I used to set two alarms because I was worried about oversleeping, but because I knew there was a backup there wasn't a whole lot of motivation to get out of bed when the first one went off. All it added up to was a half hour of disturbed sleep. So when I went down to one alarm, it put a lot of personal responsibility on me. I trained myself to hear the first and only alarm, because if I didn't, then I would oversleep and be late for work and get fired, etc etc. Thinking about the consequences before I go to sleep really helps me get in the mindset to get up on time the next morning!
My other suggestion: my family has a tradition of adding something positive to the daily routine during Advent, sort of the opposite of Lent. Calling grandparents, doing charity knitting, that kind of thing. Anyway, maybe you two could do something like that together and he could work on getting up the first time his alarm rings in the morning.
Anyway, that's my bit. Hope you get some sleep!
While I don't think you should have to deal with this-I will vouch for your husband and say that he probably really can't help it. I was that way for years-I set three alarms and one was in the other room! I would sleep walk and turn it off and get back to bed with NO memory of it. It's definitely possible.
ReplyDeleteBut I do think that sleeping in another room might be a good option for now. Maybe you can cuddle with him when going to bed and fall asleep together-but then move to a different room after the first potty break? He'll just have to do his alarm system on his own without your help.
And do you have a body pillow?? It's a must.