Update

I'm 12 weeks.  I can't believe it!  It is all surreal to me.  I'm almost out of the first trimester.  It honestly baffles my mind.  I still don't believe I'm pregnant.  I'm not sure I will until I'm in labor.

The biggest plus so far as I near the end of first tri is that I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as my all day sickness.  I'm not 100% but I don't expect to be.  The nausea is slowly going away.  I have it from time to time but it doesn't last as long.  The vomiting is here and there.  Definitely not everyday which is very very nice!  I'm even beginning to feel like I've got a little more energy.  However, if I do too much I crash very very quickly.  Whatever!  I'll take it!

I have developed a few new symptoms however.  I have been super super dizzy!  Especially if I stand up too fast.  I got so dizzy at Mass on Sunday that I was sure I was going to faint.  Fortunately I didn't.  I called my ob and she wasn't concerned.  She seems to think it's from all the extra blood I'm pumping.  I've just got to work on moving slower.

I've also just now started having food aversions.  It's funny because even during the crazy icky feelings I had early on I never really had any aversions to one thing or another.  But now?  Oh boy!  It seems to be the only thing that makes me feel really icky.  Right now I can't pinpoint one thing in particular that makes me sick.  Maybe that's a good thing.  I have a feeling if I thought about it too much I'd feel ill.

I've started craving a few things.  It's really funny how I feel when I get one of these things in my head.  I can't rest until I eat it.  The strangest thing is peaches.  I never liked peaches before I got pregnant.  Now, I can't get enough of them!  I also have a thing for vegi soup and cheese (not together).  Mmmm!

Yesterday this hunger like I've never felt in my life took over me and it's back again today.  I think it may be here to stay for awhile.  I woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning starving.  I got up and ate a banana hoping it would help so I could go back to sleep.  Wrong!  After I was finished I was still starving.  So I ate another one with peanut butter on it thinking that would stick.  Nope!  So I drank some milk and tried to go back to sleep.  An hour later I was up starving again.  I ate some tomato soup (strange so early in the morning but it sounded really good to me at the time).  By 11 am I needed something else.  I ate two grilled cheeses with tomatoes (maybe I should add tomatoes to my cravings list?).  This went on all day.  It didn't seem to matter how much I ate I was still hungry.  Not just "not full," I was starving.  My stomach was growling loud enough dh could hear it.  I'm trying to keep lots of healthy food around.  At least if I'm going to be stuffing my face all day I could eat good things.  If they are hear I will eat them, other wise my willpower goes right out the window. :)

My next appointment is September 20th.  I don't get to have an ultrasound at that appointment but I'm super happy to hear the babies heartbeat again!  I could listen to that all day!

My next ultrasound will be at 16 weeks and they will do a gender check at that one!  Woohoo!  And it's in 4d too!  I can't wail!  Only 4 weeks away!  My doctor's office gives you a digital copy of all the pictures from the 4d as well as a video!  I'll be sure to post when I get it.  I have a feeling, and have since the beginning, that it's a girl.  I've read that mothers are right 70% of the time so we'll see.

I'm going to exit with a question...

I'm still on 200mg of PIO.  My progesterone is rising but very slowly.  The injections have always hurt but now I'm starting to have huge welts (bigger than a quarter) and a lot of itching at the injection sites.  It looks very similar to an allergic reaction.  I'm going to try to call PPVI but I was wondering if any of you had the same issue.  I've been known to develop allergies so I'm thinking I might have an allergy to the sesame oil or something.

Grateful

First of all...sorry for my lack of commenting lately.  My brain feels a bit fried.  I'm having trouble coming up with meaningful things to say.  Just know that you all are always in my prayers...ALWAYS! :)

I've been trying to work on my attitude.  I feel like I'm not handling things well.  I talked to dh about it and he was very supportive and kept telling me I'm not giving myself enough credit.  I know lately it doesn't seem like it but I'm not usually a complainer when it comes to not feeling well.  I can handle quite a bit of pain and ick.  Dh pointed out that if I'm complaining it's bad.  I usually suck it up but I just haven't been able to lately.  I'm working on it though.  I've decided to work on just being grateful for the blessings in my life rather than dwelling on the stress and the crummy feelings.  I've decided to document some of the things I find myself especially grateful for lately.  If anything I think typing it out will help remind me when I'm not feeling particularly grateful.

I'm grateful for this life inside me.  With pregnancy comes pains.  It's part of the territory.  But I am oh so blessed to have this little one.  DH and I honestly never believed this would happen.  We were not done working on some of my issues.  I shocked the heck out of my Napro Consultant when we found out.  She was (and still is) certain that I have endo.  We both realize that you need surgery to confirm but she said that if I don't have endo she would be shocked beyond belief.  I was working on planning my trip to Omaha to have surgery with Dr. H when out of nowhere we got those two beautiful pink lines.  The sickness blows...it really does...but it reminds me everyday that dh and I created life.

I am grateful for my husband.  He really is the best husband in the world. :)  I often feel like I hit the lottery when I look at him.  I'm still sleeping in the morning when he leaves for work.  He comes in every morning before he leaves and gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me.  I know he does this but I often don't really wake up.  The other morning I was a little more awake than usual and I noticed something.  After he gave me a kiss and told me he loved me he lifted up my shirt just a little, kissed my tummy and said "I love you too Sweet Pea."  I melted right there in bed.  I asked him when he started doing that and he said since day one.  I had no idea.  He's amazing!  I'm one heck of a blessed girl!

I am grateful for my new found Catholic faith!  I know I haven't talked about it much.  It seems like the news of Sweet Pea has taken over but I really am.  It's hard to explain the feelings I have.  Maybe that's why I haven't talked about it much.  The feelings and emotions I have are so hard to put into words.  Every time I go to Mass I feel like I'm home again.  It's so hard for me not to just cry through out the whole thing.  Happy tears of course.  God had been calling me home for so long.  I was just too stubborn to listen.  I'm so thankful that he found away to work in my heart.  I feel so blessed that we are given all that we are through our faith.  It is so unbelievably amazing.

I am grateful that God always provides.  I had a major freak out when I quit my job.  MAJOR!  I was so worried about finances.  DH kept telling me not to worry, that things always have a way of working things out.  As usual, he was right.  Everything we need has just been falling into place.  We are not hurting nearly as bad as I expected.  Sure, things are tight, but we are managing.  Things just seem to work out.  I'm also looking into subbing in our county for the public schools.  It's definitely part time but that's ok.  That's kinda what I want.  And it's super flexible!  It wouldn't bring in much but it would give me something to do and every little bit matters.  And a special thank you to a wonderful blogger (she knows who she is:)).  A few weeks ago I got a nice little package in the mail with some progesterone in it.  It has certainly helped to offset some of the unreal medical costs we have encountered lately.  Thank you thank you!

Speaking of bloggers.  I'm also grateful for each of you.  And I think dh is too. :)  It has been so wonderful getting to know you all.  It is nice to be able to spill my guts to all of you...women who really understand what I am going through.  It's amazing and I thank God for each of you every single day.  Thank you!

Also, thank you to my prayer buddy for the awesome rosary I got this week.  If I could find my camera I would take a picture of it for you all to see.  It's nice and small.  Perfect for my car ( I have always prayed a lot while driving).  There was also a book about praying the rosary and a little card that has all of the mysteries on the back.  Perfect for a newbie like me!

Randomness

I'm feeling pretty good today.  I'm hoping to take advantage of it today but not overdo it.  I'm definitely nauseous but everything is staying down.  Woohoo for progress!

I made Pionee.r Wom.an's Pot Roast last night for the second time.  It's funny, with the amount of time I've spent hugging the commode I certainly haven't lost my appetite.  It was delish!

I had the most ridiculous thing said to me yesterday.  I was talking with a neighbor who I see quite a bit.  She found out I was pregnant.  Her reaction..."I guess K didn't wrap it up."  Um are you serious?  What is with people?  You would not believe the things that people have said to us.  I realize that not everyone knows of our infertility journey.  I realize that not everyone is open to life the way we are.  However, I cannot understand the amount of people who are not only not as open to life as we are but are not open to life at all for anyone.  You know, maybe if we had just gotten married or something I would not be as irritated.  I realize that a lot of folks believe that you should be married for a while before starting your family.  Heck, I used to be one of those people.  But dh and I have been married for almost 4 years.  Four years people!  I know in the grand scheme of life that isn't long but to be having our first child...what's wrong with that?  I have even had some family members (who shall remain nameless) act like this is a tragedy.  It just baffles my mind the criteria that people have that make it ok to have children.  The same family members (who are Catholic by the way) think that it is irresponsible to have children if you don't have thousands upon thousands of dollars in savings.  They think it is irresponsible to have children if you don't already have enough money saved for each child's college tuition before they are even born.  They think it is irresponsible for us to have children because of my lack of maternity insurance.  The list could go on and on.  Let me tell you something people.  You don't have to have ridiculous amounts of money to have children.  I grew up dirt poor.  Though dh and I do struggle we are way ahead of where I ever was growing up.  And you know what?  I had no clue I was dirt poor until I was in high school.  I don't believe in handing kids everything.  Just because they want it doesn't mean they should have it.  If I wanted something I had to work for it.  And you know what?  I respected my things way more than my friends who were handed everything.  I think children and teens feel way to entitled to things these days.  They feel that they are entitled to a cell phone, the latest video game system, the best clothes and shoes, a car, etc. etc.  It's sad if you ask me.

Ok...I'll step off the soapbox now. :)

I think I'm going to head out to Ross today.  Do y'all have Ross where you live?  It's like a TJ Max.  My sister saw some great deals on some really cute maternity clothes yesterday.  I know 10 weeks is a bit early but my clothes are getting tight.  I hate getting dressed right now.  I've always struggled with self-esteem and right now it's getting really tough.  It's just that inbetween phase.  When I actually look pregnant I think I will be ok but right now I just look like I need to lay off the doughnuts.  :)  Besides, I can't pass up a good deal.  I'll fit into them eventually. :)

Thank you all so much for all of your advice, sweet words, and prayers lately.  It means so much and is really helping to lift my spirits. :)

Anyone know what this means?

I just got off the phone with Kathy at PPVI (I love her by the way).  She was calling with my progesterone results.  Here is what they have been since my first test...

P+17 - 14. something (I forgot)
Two weeks Later - 15.2
Last Wednesday - 18.9

They aren't great numbers but she said they are about mid-zone 2.  I'm not going to complain too much.

Here's the thing I can't figure out.  At that second blood draw they also tested my CRP levels (c-reactive protein).  I didn't know they would check this but apparently they do because later in pregnancy elevated levels of this can cause preterm labor.  She told me normal levels are from 0.00-2.5.  Well my first level was at 19.5 and last week it was at 24.5.  Way way too high!  She asked me several questions regarding cramping, discharge and such.  She also asked if I have been sick with a cold or something similar.  All to which I answered no.  She said she is going to get with Dr. Hildgers today and see what he thinks.  Hopefully she will be able to call me back today.

Just when I was starting to relax and not worry so much.  I have no clue what to think all of this is.  I'm trying not to read too much into it but Dr. Google is making me crazy.  Has anyone had any experience with this?

Mover and Shaker

We have an active little one!  The second little Sweet Pea popped onto the screen s/he was movin all around.  It was by far the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life!!!  It made it so real.  There is this little life moving around inside me.  AWESOME!!!  I could see his tiny little arms and legs twitching and moving.  It kinda looked like he was dancing.  I loved it!

To make it even better dh got to be there with me.  At first he wasn't going to come.  The only reason I had the appointment was because of the bleeding I had 2 weeks ago.  Nothing has happened since then so I figure it would be a very uneventful appointment.  I didn't want him to have to miss work for that.  It turned out that my ultrasound was at 11:30 and then my actually appointment wasn't until 1:10 because the office closes  from 12:00-1:00 for lunch.  DH was going to meet me for lunch anyway so he figured he might as well show up for the ultrasound.  He was excited to get to see his little one. :)

Sorry that it's so grainy.  We don't have a scanner and it's a bit difficult to take a picture of a picture. :)

I talked with the doctor about the Phenergan she prescribed.  It's working ok I guess.  I'm still having issues but they are definitely less than before and more manageable.  The biggest issue it how dizzy it is making me.  She went ahead and gave me a script for Zofran (the one that I told you was $300).  I got excited when she told me that there is now a generic for it.  That excitement quickly disappeared when I got to the pharmacy and found out that the generic was $150 for 30 pills (and you are supposed to take 2 per day so that's not even a months supply).  I decided to go without and just stick with the Phenergan.  I'm 9 weeks and 6 days today.  Hopefully there will only be another 2 to 3 weeks of this stuff.  I think I can stick it out.

Updates and Such

I'm now 9 weeks!  Wow! Well, 9 weeks and 2 days if you ask me...8 weeks and 6 days if you ask my doctor...but whatever.  I'm not going to get all bent out of shape over a few days.  Although when the doctor first said this to me I tried to explain how far along I really was to which she replied, "Well, you know, there is no way to know when you ovulated so maybe you didn't ovulate when you think you did."  DH just winked at me and I smiled.  The doctors at my practice think charting is silly and doesn't work.  Funny, because I have many many charts and lots of coordinating blood work to prove them wrong.  Haha!  I love it! 

I'm still feeling pretty crummy but I think I'm handling it a bit better.  I guess I'm getting used to it.  I did talk to my doctor on Monday regarding how bad I was feeling.  I told her that I was very worried that I was getting dehydrated due to the amount of upchucking I was doing.  I wasn't able to keep anything down, not even water.  I told her that I was throwing up at least 10 times a day (sorry tmi).  She got a little miffed that I hadn't called sooner.  How was I supposed to know?  She prescribed me some Phenergan to see if that would help.  She said there is a better one (Zofran) but for someone who is self pay it's super expensive (like $300 for 30 pills).  The Phenergan is working ok.  I'm keeping food down a bit more now so I guess that is progress.  I still feel crappy but at least I'm not dehydrated.  It could be much worse!  My younger sister had a heck of a time with her first one.  She was sick the entire 9 months and had to be hospitalized several times for dehydration.  So I'm trying to look on the bright side.  Hopefully in a few weeks when I hit the second trimester I will pep up.

Speaking of the second tri...when does that start?  I've heard anything from 12-14 weeks.

I have another appointment on Monday that includes an ultrasound.  I'm a bit nervous about it but really excited.  The only reason I have this appointment is because of that scare I had two weeks ago.  The doctor told me he wanted to see me every two weeks but that if I didn't have anymore bleeding I could cancel if I wanted.  Well, I haven't had anymore bleeding but I don't want to cancel.  I think it will be reassuring to me to see little Sweet Pea again.  I already have regular appointment set up for September 9th...I'm going to add an ultrasound to that appointment as well.  If everything is fine with both of those I think I will stop the every two week thing.  Hopefully by then I will feel a bit more comfortable.

On Monday I am going to talk to my doctor (which ever of the 9 there I see) about our plan for the birth.  I know it seems early for that but I have a feeling they aren't going to like my ideas.  I want an intervention free/med free birth.  DH and I plan on taking Bradly Classes this Winter.  Unfortunately, I don't think my doctor's are going to like the idea.  There is one midwife at my practice but there is not guarantee I can have her for birth...I already asked.  I also researched the hospital the practice delivers at...they aren't natural friendly either.  And to top it off their c-section rate is almost 50%!  Seriously?  That is a lot!  There are three hospitals in Tampa and 1 of them seems to be the most natural friendly...although it isn't great.  I also found a practice that delivers there.  It's made up of 15 midwifes and two doctors.  DH and I have talked about switching to them.  The downside, that particular hospital is a little over an hour away.  We don't exactly live in Tampa (although I grew up there).  We live about 20 minutes north and this hospital is at the very south end.  I guess we'll decide after I talk to my doctors.

There is a pretty nasty upper respiratory thing going around here.  Unfortunately I think I've caught it.  My nose is nice and stuffy and my chest is tight.  I've been coughing like crazy and when I lay down I'm having difficulty breathing.  Kinda shallow.  I'm just taking it easy and trying to get a lot of fluids in for now.  My question though is who do I call if I need a doctor?  I know that seems silly but I'm really not sure.  Do I call my ob or do I call my regular doctor?  Hopefully I won't get to that point.  I'll mention it to by ob on Monday anyway when I go in but I was just curious.

Anyhoo.  I hope you all have a great weekend!  God Bless!

Prayer Buddy

Unfortunately this is going to be short because I'm having some major nausea and vomiting issues again today.  But I didn't want to forget to post about my prayer buddy. :)

I had the pleasure of praying for a lovely woman that I did not know prior to being matched to her.  Her blog is private so JBTC had to do some work to get me invited (Thanks JBTC!).  Once in I could tell by the adorable picture of her, her husband and two adopted little ones that she was a doll.  I was right.  I was praying for lowly.

I started at the beginning of her blog trying to learn as much as I could about her.  Unfortunately there wasn't  a whole lot of information.  It seems that she has had I think two blogs prior to the one she has now.  At first I felt discouraged.  How could I pray for her intentions if I didn't know what they were.  Then I got over it.  I figured God knew her intentions...He knew her heart.  So I asked God for help and began praying.  I prayed for her at Mass and at adoration.  I started offering up every bit of this all day sickness for her intentions.  I prayed for her during my evening prayers and any other time she popped into my mind.

Through my prayers and offerings I felt very connected to her and felt like I was getting to know her.  It was an honor to pray for such a lovely woman and lovely family.  I will continue to keep her and her family in my prayers.