37 Weeks

Stupid blogger!  For some reason it won't show me my the blogs I'm, following.  Grr...it's always something.

Anyhoo...I had my 37 week appointment today.  37 weeks!  Holy Moly!  I know I say this every time but when the heck did that happen?  I cannot believe I have reached full term.  Wow oh Wow!  I am still completely in shock that I'm even pregnant let alone that any day now I will have a baby in my arms.  I am not worthy.

I got to meet with the midwife at my practice today.  I haven't seen her since before I got pregnant.  I love her.  She is absolutely wonderful.  I just wish she delivered babies.  She used to but not at this practice.  I'm not sure why and I didn't ask.

She asked me if any of the other doctors talked to me about what to do when I was in labor as far as calling.  I told her no and just sort of prepared myself for her to give me a bunch of info I probably wouldn't use anyway because I plan on staying home as long as possible.  In hindsight I feel bad for being this hardened.  It just hasn't been a good experience with my doctors as far as having a natural childbirth goes so I've sort of built up walls.

She started to explain how labor usually starts (not with your water breaking like most people thing etc.) and how the contractions progress etc.  I was just smiling listening but knowing that I have already learned all of this and I won't be showing up to the hospital as early as the doctors suggest.  Then she stopped and asked if I had taken any birthing classes (my office offers a 4 session one and the hospital has a 1 day thing).  I said "Yes!  We took Brad.ley!"  At first I thought she had an annoyed look on her face but then she said "Oh great!  Brad.ley is awesome!  You know everything you need to know!"  Wahoo!  Finally someone at this office who doesn't think I'm nuts!  We talked for a long time about how staying home as long as possible is key to having a natural birth in a hospital.  She said it would be ideal if I could walk in the hospital 8-9 centimeters so that it would be hard for the nurses or doctors to want to push interventions.  That was my plan anyway.  She also brought up me eating and drinking as much as I want before I get to the hospital because I will be seriously limited once I get there.  She said some of the doctors are huge sticklers about nothing by mouth once you are admitted and that some of them will allow some clear fluids.  Hopefully I'll get one of the more liberal doctors but I'm not holding my breath.  I plan on sneaking clear fluids when the nurses are not in the room.  I'll probably bring some trail mix and honey sticks to sneak in order to keep my energy up.

It was so refreshing to finally talk to someone who is supportive of natural childbirth.  It has given me a little bit of hope as far as things going well.

After we talked she measured my belly and I'm right on track.  She felt for MG's head and she was still head down and very low.  Her back is on my left side.  She really got in there and felt her back and hips.  None of the other doctors have ever felt MG that much.  She said it's not an exact science but if she had to guess she said she would say that MG is around 6.5-7lbs.  She said she feels really sturdy and is definitely long.  The long part didn't surprise me at all.  I was a really long baby.  Too bad that didn't translate into being tall as an adult. :) She said that MG may be 7-8lbs at birth.  Again, not an exact science.  I've had other doctors there guess her weight and barely touch me.  She actually felt around and showed me how she came to her conclusion.  It was interesting.

She asked if I wanted to be checked.  She said it was totally up to me and I figured "why not?"   The nurse had already had me take my clothes off before the midwife came in.  The first words out of her mouth was "You have an amazing pelvis!"  I started to laugh.  She said that I have plenty of room in my pelvis and not to let anyone try to tell me that MG is too big for me.  She said that I could easily fit a 10+ lb baby in there with no problems.  Thank you dear Lord for hips!  I've always hated being hippy but now those babies are coming in handy.  She joked with me that my body may have needed some assistance getting pregnant but she thinks it was made to birth babies.  Haha!

She also told me that I was about 30% effaced...which of course doesn't mean squat.  She said that she could feel MG's head but that when she touched it it would float up so she isn't engaged yet.  She also said my cervix was nice and short and that I was definitely starting to dilate.  She however didn't want to put a number on it.  She said that my cervix is so soft that she could stick her finger in it and that may even help to dilate me more but she didn't want to because it's always better to let these things happen naturally.  I agreed.


I asked her about the stabbing sharp pain I feel in my cervix from time to time that stops me in my tracks.  She said that that is just MG's head bouncing on my cervix and possibly a little bit of dilation.  She said that my sweet baby girl is just hitting some nerves.


I have contractions everyday but nothing to get excited about.  They are super super irregular.  I'm nervous but starting to feel ready.  I'm actually feeling pretty good lately.  I know I have complained a lot the last few months.  I feel guilty for that.  I think it was actually more mental than truly physical.  I'm still having a pretty hard time with losing my Nana and it has sort of taken over every part of me.  It's made me a complainer.  Sure, my back hurts, I'm tired, and my feet and hands are starting to swell, but over all, it's not all that bad.  It's doable.  I just try not to over do it and get a nap in if I can.  This week I realized that although I can't wait to meet MG, I'm really going to miss being pregnant. 


Well, I think that's it.  Hopefully soon I'll be posting about the fact that I'm in labor.  That will be fun!  Until then I'm just looking forward to my day trip with K this Saturday.  Maybe I'll have him take some bump pic on the beach. :)

Quick Takes

1. I'm sick again! What the heck?!?! I got a cold/flu thing a few weeks ago. When I got over that I lost my voice a few days later. I didn't feel bad but it wasn't fun. Then about 2 days ago I started to feel sick again. This time it's a sinus thing. Seriously? This is just crazy. I think allergies may be playing a role this time though. Things are starting to bloom already here in sunny Florida. Oh yippy! Oak trees are pretty but I think they should be banned. They make my face hurt.

2. All of you photography ladies, I need your help! I've been wanting a digital slr camera forever. Well, I've been saving my pennies and I think I'm finally ready. If any of you have a digital slr what do you have? I was looking at Tar.get today and the Ni.kon D3100 is on clearance (it's full price online for some reason though...weird). It seems to have good reviews but I'm nervous. It's a lot of money to drop on something.

3. I'm 36 weeks now. That means in 1 week I'll be full term. Um...cue anxiety. I'm so excited but freaking out at the same time. Yikes! I cannot believe that I am actually going to have a baby. It just doesn't seem possible.

4. After the incident with one of my docs a few weeks ago where she was less than comfortable with my plans for an intervention free birth, I tried to switch practices. Unfortunately I was too far along and no one would take me. So, I'm stuck. I guess I will make the best of it. There are 2 of the 9 doctors that I really like. I'm really praying they are the ones on call when I go into labor. I've also decided to start praying for the doctors and nurses that will be on call that day. I'm specifically asking God to give them open minds and that they will be cooperative and patient.

5. K and I are trying to plan a fun day just for the two of us for March 5th. I wouldn't say it's a last hoorah. I don't like that mindset. It's more of a day just for the two of us to spend together before Mary-Grace gets here. We cannot wait to meet her but life is going to take a huge turn (for the better of course). We have been together just the two of us for almost 10 years. We though maybe we would celebrate the last 10 years and the beginning of our new life that is about to start. We're thinking of going to Ft. Desoto. It's only about 1.5 hours from our house. It is a gorgeous beach!!! You should google it. It has won best beach in the country a few times. I can't wait! We've been so busy lately that it will be nice to spend a day doing nothing but relaxing together.

6. I seriously can't get enough blueberry cornbread. :)

7. Don't forget to leave me a comment or shoot me an email (ktmathewson at gmail dot com) if you have any prayer requests. I'll be offering them up during labor. :)

Have a happy Friday and a lovely weekend!!!


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Can I Pray For You?

I had a bit of a scare last night. I woke up and was feeling crampy. Not just the usual achy, mildly crampy pregnancy feeling. These reminded me of period cramps. The kind I got the day or two before they got really bad. Then I noticed there was a peak in each cramp and they were lasting about a minute. So I grabbed my phone so I could time them. I was panicking! I'm only 34 weeks so I'm definitely not ready for labor. Mary-Grace still has a little cooking to do. :) Thankfully after about an hour the went away completely and there never was a real regular pattern. I called my doc this morning and she didn't seem to worried but wanted me to call if it happened again.

Anyhoo...

It got me to thinking. And for the first time in my life I've decided not to put everything off until the last possible second. I really have a bad habit of that and I'm slowly trying to work on it. :) Besides, no one in my family makes it to their due date. So if there's a genetic component to it, I may not either.

As I've mentioned before, K and I are taking Brad.ley classes and I have absolutely every intention of doing this drug free! I will be using Kaitlin as my inspiration. :) I figure I will have lots to offer up for you ladies. :) I'm going to make a list and have K read the requests to me. I will do my best to pray for each one. K has also said he will pray for all of the requests too.

So, if any of you have a prayer request (or two, or three) you want me to pray for please leave me a little note in the comment box. If you want your request to be private you can email me at ktmathewson at gmail dot com. Lurkers (if any of you are out there) I want to pray for you too! Don't be shy. :)

I also realize that I've got about 6 weeks left and things in your lives may change before then. If they do, don't hesitate to email me a new request. I'll try to remember to post about this again in a few weeks. :)

Have a great Thursday ladies! K bought me this last night...



I may be eating it for lunch! :)

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Updated - Nesting is AWESOME!

Ok, I had to get thy last post off the top of my blog. I was having a really bad day yesterday for multiple reasons and I acted like a brat. I was going to delete it but then decided not to. Although I was being selfish they were the feelings I was having. So I decided to practice a little humility. There's a first time for everything. :)

Before this point I've had a few bursts of a sort of nesting feeling but nothing that lasts long...and nothing that really gets much done. I was starting to get worried that my house was going to remain in this disgusting state forever and Mary-Grace wasn't going to have a completed nursery. It was seriously stressing me out but I couldn't seem to find the motivation to actually get anything done.

Well, apparently this week the instinct finally kicked in! Oh my am I going nuts getting things done in this house! My office is finally going to also be a craft room! I can't wait to get this done! K keeps getting on me for moving furniture around. But I promise, I'm not really lofting anything, just sliding it along the floor.

Maybe I'll post pictures when I'm done. This is so much fun! An anyone who knows me knows, cleaning isn't my thing and I only wish I knew how to organize.

I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow! Hopefully I'll get it all done before she gets here! :)

Update...
Guess what came in the mail today?








Yes, I ordered her book! Actually I preordered back in November. :) This may reduce my nesting productivity. :)


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Advice

First of all, CONGRATS TO KAITLIN on her baby girl, Hannah Rose, born this morning.  It's also my middle sister's birthday so it's a good day! :)

So I am in sort of a weird situation and I need a bit of advice.  I'm going to do my best to not make this too confusing or choppy but I can't make any promises.  It's pretty complicated.

I've mentioned here before a few times about my relationship with my mother and the fact that it's non-existent. Just to recap, here is why.

My parents were divorced when I was 6 years old.  Before they were divorced they did not have a good relationship (they probably should have never gotten married but they were forced too when my mom got pregnant with me).  My mom was physically abusive to my sisters and me (I repressed this for many years) and had some drug problems.  She also has a few psychological issues.  For sometime before she and my father divorced she spend some time in a hospital for mentally ill patients.  So needless to say things were never good with her.  When they got divorced, my dad was granted custody.  Not because of my mom's history but because she told the judge she didn't want us.  My dad tried to work with her as far as her seeing us as much as she wanted.  That lasted for maybe a month or two and then she just vanished.  She stopped coming by or calling.  She just left.

From that point on we didn't see her for many many years.  When I was in high school, I believe I was a Junior, my sister S (the middle one) found my grandma's address and decided to write her a letter asking her if she knew where my mom was. A few weeks later we got a letter back.  We decided to see her.  We spent about a year and a half seeing her and then she snapped and things went way wrong.  It was terrible. I wanted to believe that things were going to be different but they weren't.  She disappeared once again.

I have seen her one other time since then.  It was when I was 22 and S was having her first baby.  She had been in contact with my mom and invited her to the hospital when her son was born.  I had no clue she would be there (S didn't tell me because she was afraid I wouldn't come if she was there).  I put on my big girl undies and sucked it up.  It was hard.  It hurt.  I had so many questions for her but I had no desire to talk to her.  I didn't want to hear her lies or excuses so I just smiled and tried to be friendly.  I decided to give her a call a few days later in hopes of maybe salvaging some sort of relationship with her.  We talked for a few hours and then I never heard from her again.  I wasn't going to chase her down.

A few years later right before S had her second baby my mom got into contact with her again via My.spa.ce.  I told S that I in no way wanted to be involved.  I also told her that I didn't think she should either.  It always ends in heartbreak and now she had two children to think about.  I didn't want my nephews to be hurt by her the way were were.  She was pretty much in agreement after she gave my mom her phone number.  She began getting strange messages from her where it was obvious she was using drugs again.  She ignored the calls and a few months later they finally stopped.  I was happy.  In the short time they did communicate S shared info about me and my life as well as pictures and I didn't think that was right.

Fast forward to last Fall.  S called me all upset because my mom found her on FB.  She didn't know what to do.  I told her I thought she should ignore it.  I reminded her of all the chances she gave my mom and how they all ended.  I also told her very clearly that if she did chose to be involved I did not want her sharing any info about me or my life including pictures.  I especially didn't want Mary-Grace involved.  She agreed and said she had decided it was best to keep her distance.

Well, this morning I went to leave my sister a FB message to wish her a happy birthday and I saw that she is now friends with my mom.  I know she has every right to do what she wants to do with the situation but the problem is that although my profile is private, my mom will still be privy to some of my info just because of my sister.  If S decides to post pics of MG when she gets here my mom will see them.  And judging by what happened last time S will just give her info anyway.  And although S has the right to have this relationship if she wants, I also have the right not to and to keep my life private.  And truth be told, if I show up at the hospital in July when S has her baby and my mom is there I will leave.  I've been the bigger person in the past and this time I'm going to do what I think is the right thing.  I do not want to be dragged into that drama again.

And let's be honest.  It hurts seeing her.  It hurts to look at your mom and realize that you don't know her, and she doesn't know you all because she chose for it to be that way.  It's very hard to go through life without her.  It has been especially hard these last few month being pregnant.  I would love to have my mother here for this.  I would love to have a mother's support.  I would love for my daughter to know my mother.  But it just can't be that way.  Since Nana passed away it's even been harder.  Now I don't have the only woman who could possibly fill the roll of a mother.  It's hard and it hurts.  But I know that distancing myself and standing my ground is best.  As much as it hurts it's the right thing to do.

K thinks I should talk to S about it and explain how I feel.  My issue is what to say.  She is pretty sneaky and does a lot behind my back.  She has before.  She has said in the past that she would respect my wishes and then hasn't.  I don't want to seem like a cold heartless person.  I'm not doing these things out of spite for my mother.  I'm doing it for my own sanity.  It hurts too much every time she walks away.

So, my question to you all is...Do you have any advice on how to handle this.  It's ok to tell me I'm being ridiculous.  I can take it. :)

Quick Takes

1. I had a doctors appointment today. K and I discussed our birth plan with the doctor that I saw (there are 9 at my office). It didn't exactly go as planned. I'm conflicted. I knew the nurses at the hospital would be difficult but I'm now thinking my own doctors ate going to be my biggest hurdle. I'm not asking for anything crazy! I just want to have a natural/unmedicated birth. They have no problem with me not getting an epidural. Their issues are with my not wanting to be tethered to an IV and constant fetal monitoring. Its very frustrating! I'm wondering if I should switch doctors. It just seems so late in the game for that. At the same time, this is my birth and my child! I'm doing what I feel is best for us. The doctor kept asking me to have an open mind. I wanted to scream at her, "No! You have an open mind!" Grrrr!

2. I've managed to catch the flu or some nasty cold or something. I feel like poo!

3. Today is my youngest sisters birthday. He got engaged today. I should be excited. I should be happy. But unfortunately I'm not feeling that way. I'm worried for her. She and her fiancé live together. Thy have since about 6 months into their relationship (I think they've been together for 5 years now). Since they have been together my sister has stopped going to church, her value system and morals have completely changed. She is not the same person at all! Their relationship has been rocky since the beginning. Not even a year ago she came up and stayed with K and I because her bf needed the weekend to decide if he wanted to be with her. When she got back he still wasn't sure. And now they are getting married. I want her to be happy. However, I'm scared for her. I fear it won't last. I know that sounds terrible. I'm praying I'm wrong.

4. I've lost another pound. Who the heck loses weight at this point in pregnancy? I certainly don't look like I've lost. I'm definitely bigger. But MG is measuring perfectly. She's also head down and very low already! Woop! When the doc felt for her head I couldn't believe how low she was. That sure explains some of the pains I've been having in my cervix.

5. Scott Hahn last Saturday was awesome!!! He spoke one The Lamb's Supper, Letter and Spirit, and Why Scripture Matters. I've heard all three of these before on CD as well as read The Lamb's Supper. But of course I walked out of there with something new. As soon as I regain some braincells when this funk I have goes away, I'll highlight some of it for you.

6. K and I are leading our first youth life next Sunday the 13th. I'm so stinking nervous!!!! To make it even more nerve-racking we drew the card for the abortion talk. Of course we could have turned it down. We certainly aren't forced into anything. K and I decided that it's something we are both very passionate about so we figured we would tackle it. Now I'm freaking out. Once we get the bulk of it together I may post it so I can get feed back from you lovely ladies. :)

7. I've been trying to think of a 7 for awhile now. I quit! :) have a lovely weekend! Oh, and Kaitlin. Tell that baby to get moving! His/her blogger aunties are waiting. ;)


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Udate

So I had planned on a post about what I'm learning from Fr. Carlos about prayer.  However, I'm having trouble writing it so I'm waiting on K to help me.  He's better at these things than I. :)

So instead I thought maybe I'd do a lighthearted pregnancy update.  I've got a few questions out there too for anyone who has info or is experienced in this department. :)

Mary-Grace's movements have managed to get even crazier.  Sometimes they hurt a bit but it's still so cool to feel.  Maybe with the exception of when she sticks her little feet into my lungs.  I sit around the house most of the day with my shirt pulled up so I can watch her.  It's so strange to see something moving inside of you.  K jokes that it's a turf war.  I'm running out of room for her and she just wants to stretch so she does anyway despite the lack of room.  I think she thinks if she pushes hard enough for long enough more room will suddenly appear.  Sorry sweetheart, I don't think it's going to work that way.

Breathing has become very very difficult!  Darn short torso!  I'm combating that with becoming increasingly lazy. :(  But then at times sitting makes the breathing difficult so I've got to move.  It's kind of a catch 22.

I've been getting this really sharp pain ummm, well, down there.  I don't know how to explain it without it being tmi.  If I had to guess I would say the pain is in my cervix but who knows.  It's not constant but when it does happen it stops me in my tracks.  It doesn't last for long either, maybe 10 seconds.  I've had a little pressure too.  I'm hoping this is all normal.  K thinks I should call the doctor but I don't want to be "that girl."  I don't want to call them for every silly thing out there.  I've googled an it seems pretty normal.  I've got an appointment on Friday so I'm thinking it can wait unti then.  Any thoughts or experience with this?

K and I have talked about writing a birth plan since we are planning a natural birth.  However, I'm not sure one is totally necessary or even worth the time.  I've heard that they often aren't even read.  I also don't want to tick off the nurses the moment we walk into the hospital you know?  What do y'all thing?  Have any of you used one?

Mary-Grace's nursery is finally coming along.  I'm hoping it's done really soon.  I will post pics when it is.  I think it's going to be super cute!

I still don't have shower pics.  My sister took them and has yet to give them to me.  I'm hoping I get them sometime soon.

I'll be 33 weeks on Wednesday.  I cannot believe it!  Time is really flying by although these last few weeks seem to be dragging.  I'm trying not to focus too much on my actual due date.  I know it's not really all that important.  I've been wondering though, does labor have any genetic sort of components to it?  I'm thinking no but it would be really nice if it did.  :)  None of the women in my family have gone past their due dates including my mother and sister.  And...with both of my sister's babies she was only in labor for 7 hours.  She pushed for 15 minutes with the first one and it only took 2 pushes for the second.  Wouldn't that be nice?!?!  Especially since I plan on doing this naturally!

I think I'm starting to get a little nervous about labor itself.  Up until this point I've had full confidence that I can do this.  Now doubt is creeping in.  I'm trying to ignore it and tell myself that yes, I can do this.  For the first time I'm starting to worry about pain.  I keep repeating, it is temporary!  No one is in labor forever!  And when it's done you will get to meet your daughter.  Hopefully saying that enough will work. :)