You Ladies Are Amazing!

My heart is so filled with love, joy and gratitude today.  Thank you all for the amazing spiritual bouquet and the subscription.  I cannot express how honored I am that you all thought of me in this way.  I have prayed so long for true friends, friends with the same beliefs and values.  Friends I could be honest with and bare my soul to.  God has given me that in all of you.  I never thought that I would find these friends through blogs.  To be honest, I used to think blogs were silly and I would never have one.  God really does work in mysterious ways.  :)  The friendships I have found in all of you gives me another reason to be thankful for IF.  And although I would never wish the pain of IF on anyone, I am so happy that we all have used our common cross of infertility to join together in love and support.

JBTC:  The St. Imelda card is perfect!  I am honored that you thought of me to pass it on to.  It means more than I can express to you.

Thank you all again.  You all will always be in my heart and prayers.  I pray that God bestows many blessing upon each of you.

Some details...

Thank you all for all of your love.  I have enjoyed reading all of your comments on my last post.  I am still in utter shock and disbelief.  I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around everything.  It was such an awesome and wonderful weekend!  The fact that I am now finally officially Catholic and have a little life inside my womb is just absolutely mind boggling.

I actually found out about our little poppy seed on Saturday.  I just had a feeling.  AF was definitely late and I was just feeling off.  I mentioned it to dh and he thought I was joking.  I didn't actually have any tests at home so I picked some up that afternoon after Confession while we were at Target.  I was going to wait until Sunday morning to actually test (I figured I wasn't pregnant enough for it to show up unless I took it in the morning).  When I got home I just couldn't wait.  I then planned on leaving the test in the bathroom and walking away for the standard 3 minutes.  I didn't want to watch the control come up and not the positive line.  However,  I didn't even have time to do that.  The second I looked at the test to put the cap back on it had already shown up.  Not a little faint, line a really dark line...darker than the control.  I dropped it I was in so much shock.  I ran into the kitchen where dh was doing dishes and just sort of shoved the thing in front of his face.  He stared at it and then at me.  He asked what it meant.  I pointed to the really dark line and said "See that line?  That means I'm pregnant!"  He just stared at me for awhile longer.  Then he picked me up in the biggest hug ever.  There were no words...just grins from ear to ear and tears. We must have stayed in a hug for what seemed like forever.  We were however a little nervous to get too excited.  I do take hcg injections so I was hoping that it wasn't a false positive.  The box of tests I bought had 3 in it so we decided that I would take another on Sunday morning.  So I did...and it too was positive and came up super fast like the first one.  Then last night before bed I took the 3rd one just for fun and still the same thing.  I've always heard of faint lines and having to wait the 3 minutes to see any results, so I never imagined that a positive would show up that dark, that fast.  It just blows my mind.  Again, we were still trying to be cautiously optimistic.

So this morning I called Dr. G.  She said it sounds like the real thing.  She said she couldn't imagine that I still had hcg from the injections still in my system.  Especially seeing as how I have never made it past P+13 and some of the symptoms I am already having (I didn't think you could have symptoms this soon).  She sent me for blood work.  Because Dr. G is only a medical consultant for PPVI (she is a doctor that is now a sahm), I had to go to the Catholic hospital down town for my labs and they are going to send it off to PPVI.  This means I won't have my results back until tomorrow evening or possibly Wednesday.  Bummer!  I ordered my POI since I was out and will start injections as soon as it gets here.

We are still trying to be cautiously optimistic.  The key word is trying.  I know this is real.  I can feel it down to my core.  I am in just such shock that at the same time I cannot believe this is real.  I thought this would never happen.  NEVER!  God is so amazing!  I cannot believe the blessings he has bestowed upon me.

We plan on breaking the news this weekend after I get my lab results back.  I know that a lot of people say you should wait but I don't want to.  Like I believe Kaitlin said when she found out she was pregnant, this baby is a life and we are going to celebrate every second of it.  I will admit that I am nervous.  Dr. G reminded me that with the severe LP Defect and low hormones that I had prior to POI and HCG I am at a high risk of miscarriage and pre-term labor.  I can't help but be a bit nervous and fearful.  However, the Lord has entrusted me with this life, and no matter if I am given this little life for a few days or if it goes to term it is still a life and I am so unbelievably thankful for that.

I have a lot more to say about Confession and Communion as well.  However, one thing at a time.  My brain is quit foggy and I am extremely exhausted.  If I could just sleep all day I think I would be a very happy lady. :)  As soon as I can wrap my brain around the rest of the events of the weekend I will post on that too.

Thank you again for all of your prayers!  I can feel them so much.  And prayer buddy...you are awesome!

The Best Weekend!

Hello All...I was going to wait until tomorrow to post but I just can't!  I just got home from dinner out to celebrate and I'm beaming with excitement.  So here we go...

So first was Confession.  It was amazing!  I was so nervous waiting in line, so I made dh go before me.  The priest who was doing it that day was new and I had never met him.  When dh walked out he gave me a thumbs up.  I almost started laughing.  The minute I walked in his voice was so calming.  I knelt and before he even began I started to cry.  He had to ask me 3 times what my sins were because I couldn't speak.  He then said a prayer for me that my mind would be calm, my heart open, and that I would be at peace.  It helped a little.  It took me quit awhile to get everything out and I know I left so much out.  It wasn't purposeful...I was just so overwhelmed.  I kept trying to look down at the little paper I had but I seemed to have forgotten how to read.  After saying a few things my mind went completely blank.  I told him that was all I could remember.  I think it took me about 10 minutes to make it through the Act of Contrition.  I was crying so much I could hardly speak.  But, the second I walked out all my tears dried up and I felt about 20lbs lighter.  It was amazing.

Then came Communion.  DH's entire family was there tonight.  I'm talking about 30 people.  I could not believe it.  We got there early and Fr. R came up and asked how my classes were going.  I was a little confused.  I said they were great but we were done.  DH asked him if he knew that I was coming into the church tonight.  He looked like a dear in headlights.  Apparently the wires got crossed between Deacon A and him.  He said not to worry and he would take care of it.  He came back a few minutes later and said that if I wanted we could do Confirmation while we were at it.  Yippee!  The way the whole thing played out was beautiful.  After the Homily Fr. R called Kevin and I up and I made my Profession of Faith.  He then confirmed me.  He then said that he would call us back up for communion before everyone else.  He told us that back in biblical times they didn't really have ceremonies for weddings the way we do now.  So apparently what coupled did was come up for communion together.  That would symbolize their unity in Christ.  So he said to thing about that when I came up with my husband.  He said this would be us uniting in Christ.  I thought that was just beautiful.  When he did call us up the tears began to flow.  It was such a beautiful thing that I can't even begin to describe it.  I'm having trouble attaching any words to it.  I'm hoping that in the next couple of days I will really begin to be able to describe it.  I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed right now. :)

And then there was one more thing.  There was this...

Like I said...best weekend ever!!!

I'm going for bloodwork tomorrow.  I am absolutely beside myself.  Thank you all so much for your prayers...especially this past week.  I really felt them.  I felt like I was walking around in this constant embrace.  It was amazing.  I will post more about this after I get my blood results.  I just need to wrap my mind around it all.  Our God works in mysterious ways!

**To any of my family or IRL friends who have stumbled across my blog and I was unaware.  I'm sorry you are finding out this way.  Don't worry we are going to spill the beans this week.  :)  So please don't say anything.

5 Quick Takes...because that's all I've got...

Let's get the not so fun stuff out of the way so we can move on to the good!  :)

1.  I think AF is on her way.  Oh yippee!  She should be here sometime today.  It's P+14...I always start on P+14 (sometimes 13 but never past 14).  I'm not happy about it.  I was really hoping.  I was actually even beginning to think that this may be the month.  Nope...I can feel the cramps beginning.  They aren't constant yet...but they are there.  AF...if you can here me...go away!  You are not welcome here!

2.  The job drama isn't any better.  I could really use some prayers.  I have no clue what to do and it is stressing me out beyond belief.  It is not a good situation and unfortunately it seems to be consuming me right now.  There have been many tears shed this week over this crap.  It's keeping me from focusing on what's important...like the excitement of this weekend.  I think MMH is right.  The Devil is trying to cause me trouble.  He doesn't like what will be taking place on Sunday so he is trying to get the best of me.  I have a message for you too Devil...Get out!  You are not welcome here either!

Ok...now for the good stuff.

3.  I'm going to my first confession tomorrow.  I am no longer nervous!  Woohoo!  I'm so glad that feeling is gone.  I'm not going to say that feeling won't come back tomorrow when I'm about to walk in but for now I am ok.  I am actually so excited about it!  I can't wait to get all of this stuff off of my chest.  I'm having trouble remembering the things from when I was younger.  To be honest, I was a really good teenager.  I never got in trouble.  I'm not saying that I did not sin but there were none of the typical teenage crazy things going on so nothing is standing out in my mind.  I'm just going to do the best I can.  I checked into it and found out which priest will be doing confessions.  The one I really wanted to go to is out of town. :(  Fr. R won't be doing it because he is doing the evening Mass.  This means I'm going to the new guy.  We have a new priest.  He's very young...31 I believe.  I have seen him but never spoken to him and never been to one of his Mass'.  He's only been with us for 2 weeks I believe.  I talked to Deacon A about him.  He says he is an amazing and very spiritual man.  Deacon A said I will be very pleased and it should be a great confession.  I'm excited.

4.  COMMUNION ON SUNDAY!  There are no words to describe my feelings.  In fact...I'm just going to leave it at that.

5.  Thank you all so much for your prayers this week.  I can really feel them.  Kaitlin and JBTC, thank you for the adoration prayers this week.  I can not tell you how much this means.  I have no IRL Catholic friends...and DH's Catholic friends are fallen away.  I have been praying for good Catholic friends for awhile.  Long before I made the decision to become Catholic.  I just wanted friends who had similar beliefs and values. Who knew God would answer my prayers through blogs?  I feel that I have found friends in all of you and for that I am so greatful.

Ok...that's it.  I will try to post tomorrow night to let you know how confession went.  Pray that I have calm nerves.  :)

My Email Got Hacked!

Grrrr!  I think my gmail account may have been hacked.  I've changed my password so hopefully it won't happen again.  If you get an email from me that has "No Subject" in the subject line just delete it.  If you open it I think it has something to do with Canadian Health Care or something.  I have no clue how this happened!  My passwords are always pretty strange.  Unfortunately, I think Kaitlin and JBTC may be part of this.  I'm really really sorry ladies! I'm pretty irritated!

On another note.  The job craziness isn't getting any better.  I think it may all hit the fan tomorrow.  If anyone could spare a prayer for clarity and that this all works out I would greatly appreciate it.

And It's Only Tuesday

It's only Tuesday and it's already been one heck of a week!  I'm exhausted!

We had an engagement party for my best friend on Saturday night.  I'm so happy for her!  She and her fiance have been together for the past 4 years.  It's funny because when she told everyone about their engagement we all had the same reaction, "It's about time!"

Yesterday I had my last meeting with Deacon Augie.  It was basically just for some last minute info.  I've got to try to get proof of my baptism from the church I was baptized at.  I had to do this for our wedding so I'm kinda hoping that the church we got married at still has records of it.  I don't see why they wouldn't.  If not I'll have to go back to my old church.  I'm trying to avoid that.  When I went there to get a copy for our wedding the pastor wasn't exactly nice to me.  He was not the same pastor that was there when I left but for some reason he knew of me.  He had more than one snide comment regarding me marrying in the Catholic Church and becoming Catholic (even though at that time that was nowhere on my radar).  I can only imagine the things he will have to say now.  I feel like I shouldn't care, and I don't really, I just don't want to deal with it.  I don't like rude people.

I'm trying to spend a lot of time this week in prayer.  I want to prepare myself for Saturday and Sunday.  I'm so excited and anxious.  I'm starting to have trouble controlling my emotions.  I was driving the other day and just thinking about everything.  Then I started sobbing.  Not sad tears of course...happy ones. :)

On a completely different subject, I really need your prayers.  Prayer Buddy, if you are out there, I could really use you.  I can't get into too many specifics right now but I need prayers regarding my job.  I need prayers for clarity.  I'm in a really tough position and don't know what to do.  I feel very torn.  The decision I am leaning towards makes me nervous.  I wonder if it really is the right decision and if it is best for dh and I.  As soon as I figure out what I need to do I will let you know what it is that is going on.  But any prayers you can spare would be greatly appreciated.

7 Quick Takes

1.  I have an appointment with Dr. G (my Napro Consultant) on Wednesday, July 28th!  Woohoo!  I haven't actually seen her since last October.  All of our "appointments" have been over the phone.  I am making a list of the things I want to discuss with her

• We need to get dh an SA.  I'm not sure why we haven't already done this.  I'm actually very nervous about this.  DH took Acu.tane when he was a teenager and I've heard that it can lower sperm counts.
• The 4mg of Nal.trexone I'm taking (up from 2mg) every night isn't doing squat!  I'm still exhausted and I still have some major anxiety.  I'm beginning to think that my anxiety is a bigger problem than I've let on and I may need something stronger.  I have had this problem forever.  It's time to take care of it.  It's not a happy way to live.
• I was receiving B-12 shots from my primary (my B-12 is super super low!).  Well, I am not seeing my primary anymore (long story).  So I'm really hoping that Dr. G can give me a script for some B-12 shots.  Does anyone know if Napro will give you this.  I would love to be able to order the shots from Ku.bats and just have dh give them to me.  They really make a huge difference in the way I feel.
• Surgery!  We need to discuss surgery.  I know I need it.  It's time to stop playing around.
• Anything else?

2.  I need some book suggestions.  I'm done with the two I told you about (Signs of Life and Surprised By Truth).  DH has just about every Scott Hahn book ever written so I have plenty to choose from.  I just can't decide.  I'd also like to read some books about some saints.  I'm really interested in the lives of saints.  Any suggestions?  JBTC, I know saints are your expertise.  What do you think? :)

3.My rosaries are coming along great!  I have a few made and several that are mostly finished.  I'm just waiting on a shipment to come in to finish them.  I'll post some pictures when I get them completely done.  I have about 8 orders from family members.  This is so crazy!  I'm also working on one for the deacon who I've been meeting with weekly.  Our last meeting is on Monday.  I'm really hoping my order is in before then!  DH had this idea that I would buy a spot in our church bulletin and advertise that I make custom rosaries.  I'm not sure, I'll think about it.  I really do enjoy doing it though.  And coincidentally, the name of our parish is Our Lady of the Rosary.  :)  (JBTC, to answer your question, I make the beaded Rosaries.  What is a knotted twine rosary?  That sounds so cool!)

4.  We had a tragedy in our city 2 weeks ago.  Two police officers were shot at close range and killed after pulling a man over.  The man then took off (of course) and it took the city a few days to find him.  He actually turned himself in the night of both officers viewing.  Both officers were family men.  One was a father of 4 little boys all under the age of 9.  The other was awaiting the birth of his first child who was do last week (one week after the shooting).  It has been such a sad sad story.  A good friend of mine's husband works for the same department and was one of the first officers on the scene.  He is having a really hard time, as are all of the officers.  I can't imagine how they all must feel.  If any of you could spare a few prayers for the families of these two officers as well as the police department itself I know they would all appreciate it.

5.  I am fearing that my migraines are coming back.  I have always had migraines, for as long as I can remember.  I will have good years and bad years.  Some years they are so bad and so frequent that I have come close to losing jobs and have had doctors want me to go on disability.  Then I will have years where I get only about 3 migraines a month so it is manageable.  Well, things aren't going so well.  I've been getting migraines about every other day for the last 2 months. Not good!  I'm scared.  I don't know what to do.  I've tried so many different medications in the past and none of them work.  I'm also allergic to triptan drugs which means I can't take Imetre.x or the like.  Those are the most common for stopping a migraine in it's tracks.  I have also tried several preventative but they aren't healthy and have numerous unsafe side effects.  If I remember correctly, they aren't safe to take while ttc so they are definitely out of the question.  I'm at a loss.

6.  One more week until the big weekend.  I'm am getting so excited.  I can't even begin to accurately describe my emotions.  I was driving yesterday and just started thinking about it and trying to imagine it and I started crying these amazing tears of joy.  I have never in my life felt like this.  DH and I were talking the other day.  I was telling him about the feelings I get when I walk into church.  I was talking about how when I was Presbyterian I never got that same feeling walking into church.  Every Sunday I feel like I am home.  I feel at peace, I actually feel something.  It's not just a building.  So amazing!  Too much for words.

7.  I don't really have a #7...so...Have a great weekend!