Long night and last chance for prayer requests.

I am exhausted!  Totally and completely exhausted!  I got absolutely no sleep last night and even thought that I was in labor for a bit.  It was interesting, let me tell you!

All day yesterday I had some pretty nasty cramps and lower backache.  Very similar to the cramps I would get for a day or two before the cramps that would land me in bed for days would show up.  It was definitely a familiar feeling.They progressively got worse throughout the day but I tried not to pay too much attention to them.

Last night after we got home from Mass and youth I noticed I was having contractions.  I didn't pay much attention to them though because I've been having them for weeks now and figured they were nothing.  I tried to go to bed but the left side of my back was hurting so bad that there was no getting comfortable.  Finally after awhile I got up and decided to take a warm bath hoping it would relieve some of the pressure.  I did have a moment where I thought it might not be a good idea to soak in a hot tub because if it was early labor it may possibly slow labor down.  However, the pain won out and I decided that even if it did slow labor I needed sleep so it would be worth it.

The bath was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!  Seriously!!!  I was immediately able to relax even though I could still feel the pain.  It was nice.  About 10 minutes in, K came into the bathroom looking for me.  He woke up and noticed I wasn't in bed and got a bit worried.  I told him about my back and that I just wanted to relax so I could go asleep.  He immediately got this silly grin on his face and I knew exactly what he was thinking.  I assured him that there was no way this was labor.  He just smiled.  I told him to go back to bed because he had work in the morning but he kept insisting that he couldn't sleep anyway.  There was no way I was going to convince him that he needed sleep.  I'm actually kind of glad he stayed with me.  He rubbed my back and neck and my feet.  We talked and I continued to try to convince him that this was not labor.  It was very nice though spending that time with him.  It was actually sort of romantic and it made me happy seeing how he was reacting to the thought that I may be in labor.  It made me realize that when the time comes he will be a wonderful coach.

After some time I got pretty hot and decided that maybe I should try again to get some sleep.  I laid in bed for another hour with contractions and back pain before I finally fell asleep.  I never got great sleep but I got about 3 hours of a sort of half sleep.

When I got up this morning I didn't notice many contractions.  They definitely weren't consistent.  I took a nap after being up for a few hours.  I don't think I've ever been that tired in my life.  When I got up I decided that I needed to eat something because all I had had all day was a glass of orange juice.  That didn't go so well.  After just a few bites I started to feel really sick to my stomach.  So instead I opted for a popsicle.  I was having more and more contractions so over the last hour or so I've decided to time them.  They are averaging 6 minutes apart and about a minute long.  However, that really is just average.  In that there have been a few that only last 30 seconds and some that are 8 minutes apart.  To be honest, I still don't think it's anything to write home about.  I've got the contractions going for me but I'm certainly not showing any of the emotional signs of labor.  If Brad.ley is right I should be excited and sort of "putsy putsy" right now and that I am not.  I'm just tired and lazy.

However, this has made me realize that labor really can be any day now.  So, I thought I would give you all another opportunity to get in your prayer requests before the big day.  I really would love to pray for you all and offer up the pains of labor for your intentions.  Leave a comment or email me at ktmathewson at gmail dot com.

On a different note.  I was talking to a friend of mine last night at church.  She is a labor and delivery nurse who is also going back to school to be a midwife.  K jokingly said to her that we were going to call her when I was in labor so that she could come with us (she doesn't work at our hospital).  She jumped at the opportunity.  So, if she isn't working she is going to join us for the birth.  I think this is awesome!!!  K and I have already hired a doula that we love but I think it will be great to also have a nurse who does this every day (but happens to seriously prefer to see it done naturally) be with us.  It will be wonderful to have someone who knows the medical lingo with us.  I'm so stinking excited!

Oh and one more thing.  If you have a spare moment, could you also pray for me.  Please pray for a safe and healthy delivery for both Mary-Grace and myself.  Also pray that I will know when labor is real.  I tend to doubt myself a lot. K is pretty worried that I will keep dismissing it because I have a ridiculously high pain tolerance.  Our hospital is about an hour away without traffic and he is worried I'll deliver in the car. :)  I think that's pretty funny.

This Is Why I Live In Florida

There are certain times of the year when I wish K and I would move somewhere different.  This usually happens during fall when I see all the beautiful fall pictures from people who live in the Carolinas or Virginia. I look at all the beautiful colors and wish I could see that.  Sometimes I wish we had snow.  Especially around Christmas time.  Then there is Florida summers.  Oh my they are so hot!  Especially July and August.  There's nothing like 98 degree temps with humidity that makes it feel like 120.  It really is the humidity that will get you.

Then there is the times every now and again that I just want to go somewhere new.  Somewhere where no one knows us.  Somewhere where we can start over and be whoever and whatever we want to be.  Both K and I have lived here our whole lives.  Not just in the state, but in the area.  We live about 20 minutes away from both of our childhood homes where our parents still live.  Of course this is wonderful.  Very few people live in the same area as their entire family and yet both of us do.  It will be wonderful when MG gets here.  We will never have to search for a babysitter.  It's so nice to have family around.  But, sometimes I still long for somewhere new.

But then there are days like Saturday.  Days when I am reminded why I live in Florida, and why I'll probably never leave.

Saturday K and I took a day trip to Ft. Des.oto.  It's only about an hour away.  We used to go all the time when we were dating but it seems that lately life has taken over and we haven't been in well over a year.  Saturday the weather was beautiful.  The forecast called for a cloudy day and it was when we left our house.  I was disappointed but figured at least it wouldn't be too hot.  However when we got there there was blue skies and a wonderful breeze that kept the temp from feeling too bad.  (In reality the temps are only in the low 80's which isn't too bad but this little girl in my belly also acts as a space heater)

This beach is the perfect mix of white sand and plenty of trees.  There are picnic areas that are totally wooded and tree lined but where you can still see the water.  Then you can walk along and be on white sandy beaches.  There are tons of picnic tables, grills, bench swings, playgrounds, and covered areas for parties.  There is an old fort that you can walk through, a camping area, and a dog beach.  There is a reason it has been voted best beach in the US.  It's beautiful!

We decided to have lunch right when we got there because we got a late start and it was already 1:00.  Usually we grill something but this time decided to just grab some Pub.lix Subs on the way.  YUM!

This is a view from our picnic table.  This was actually taken the last time we went.  I forgot to take one this time but we were sitting at the same table.

After lunch we went on a short walk.  Short because I'm 37 weeks pregnant and swollen. I don't move so well lately. :)

See.  SWOLLEN!  You should see my feet.  They aren't recognizable! 

Beautiful!

 
Along the trail, K noticed a little path through the trees that had obviously been created because people kept walking through it.  It wasn't supposed to be there.  I wasn't sure about going through because I didn't want to trip on all of the mangrove roots.  But K convinced me.

How could I say no to that?

I was so glad I did!  This is what was on the other side.

It was an adorable little secluded beach area.  Not much sand though.  I think if the tide was up we wouldn't have been able to get back there.

After hanging out there for awhile we decided to head back and drive down to another area of the park searching for some beach area to lay a blanket and relax.  You can't park too close to the beach so we found an area that didn't seem too busy and parked.  We gathered our things and went searching.  We found this...

Please excuse my ugly cr.ocs!  They are the only shoes I can find to fit my fat feet.

I enjoyed watching these two little guys.  They were hilarious!

This little guy was cool too!

After we left we took the long way home and stopped by Pasa Gri.ll.  This a little beach area just North of St. Pet.e Be.ach.  Again, beautiful area.  Such a cute little beach town right next to the famous Do.n Cesa.r Hotel.  I've never stayed there...but I will one day. :)

Of course I forgot to get any pictures there.  I actually started having quite a few contractions while we were walking on the beach there.  It got pretty uncomfortable at times so we decided to leave.

Besides, this girl was getting super hungry so we decided to finish the night off at my favorite restaurant, Bah.ama Br.eeze.  It's located right on the bay and has a wonderful patio overlooking the water.  They have a beachy band playing every weekend.  You kind of feel like you are on vacation there.  Not to mention the food is awesome!  I really wanted a Bahamarita but decided that I should probably wait until MG was actually here. :)

It was such a wonderful and much needed day.  Things have been so stressful lately and I've sort of been in a funk.  I feel much much better.  I think all of the walking did me some good too.  I think MG dropped a bit.  For a long time her little bum has been up in my ribs, this morning I noticed that she is several inches lower.  I can breathe so much better!  Now if I could find a way for all of the contractions I have to be more during the day than at night when I'm trying to sleep I would be really grateful.  The contractions aren't too uncomfortable and I'm sure I could sleep through them, and probably do through most of them, but when I move at night during one, it jolts me right out of my sleep.  It's just such a reminder that my little girl will be here any day now.  Its so crazy!  I'm ready.  I wasn't sure I was ready yet just a few days ago, but something changed.  All of a sudden, last night I realized that I just can't wait.  I don't care that I still have several things to do, I want to meet my little girl.  Everything else can wait. :)

37 Weeks

Stupid blogger!  For some reason it won't show me my the blogs I'm, following.  Grr...it's always something.

Anyhoo...I had my 37 week appointment today.  37 weeks!  Holy Moly!  I know I say this every time but when the heck did that happen?  I cannot believe I have reached full term.  Wow oh Wow!  I am still completely in shock that I'm even pregnant let alone that any day now I will have a baby in my arms.  I am not worthy.

I got to meet with the midwife at my practice today.  I haven't seen her since before I got pregnant.  I love her.  She is absolutely wonderful.  I just wish she delivered babies.  She used to but not at this practice.  I'm not sure why and I didn't ask.

She asked me if any of the other doctors talked to me about what to do when I was in labor as far as calling.  I told her no and just sort of prepared myself for her to give me a bunch of info I probably wouldn't use anyway because I plan on staying home as long as possible.  In hindsight I feel bad for being this hardened.  It just hasn't been a good experience with my doctors as far as having a natural childbirth goes so I've sort of built up walls.

She started to explain how labor usually starts (not with your water breaking like most people thing etc.) and how the contractions progress etc.  I was just smiling listening but knowing that I have already learned all of this and I won't be showing up to the hospital as early as the doctors suggest.  Then she stopped and asked if I had taken any birthing classes (my office offers a 4 session one and the hospital has a 1 day thing).  I said "Yes!  We took Brad.ley!"  At first I thought she had an annoyed look on her face but then she said "Oh great!  Brad.ley is awesome!  You know everything you need to know!"  Wahoo!  Finally someone at this office who doesn't think I'm nuts!  We talked for a long time about how staying home as long as possible is key to having a natural birth in a hospital.  She said it would be ideal if I could walk in the hospital 8-9 centimeters so that it would be hard for the nurses or doctors to want to push interventions.  That was my plan anyway.  She also brought up me eating and drinking as much as I want before I get to the hospital because I will be seriously limited once I get there.  She said some of the doctors are huge sticklers about nothing by mouth once you are admitted and that some of them will allow some clear fluids.  Hopefully I'll get one of the more liberal doctors but I'm not holding my breath.  I plan on sneaking clear fluids when the nurses are not in the room.  I'll probably bring some trail mix and honey sticks to sneak in order to keep my energy up.

It was so refreshing to finally talk to someone who is supportive of natural childbirth.  It has given me a little bit of hope as far as things going well.

After we talked she measured my belly and I'm right on track.  She felt for MG's head and she was still head down and very low.  Her back is on my left side.  She really got in there and felt her back and hips.  None of the other doctors have ever felt MG that much.  She said it's not an exact science but if she had to guess she said she would say that MG is around 6.5-7lbs.  She said she feels really sturdy and is definitely long.  The long part didn't surprise me at all.  I was a really long baby.  Too bad that didn't translate into being tall as an adult. :) She said that MG may be 7-8lbs at birth.  Again, not an exact science.  I've had other doctors there guess her weight and barely touch me.  She actually felt around and showed me how she came to her conclusion.  It was interesting.

She asked if I wanted to be checked.  She said it was totally up to me and I figured "why not?"   The nurse had already had me take my clothes off before the midwife came in.  The first words out of her mouth was "You have an amazing pelvis!"  I started to laugh.  She said that I have plenty of room in my pelvis and not to let anyone try to tell me that MG is too big for me.  She said that I could easily fit a 10+ lb baby in there with no problems.  Thank you dear Lord for hips!  I've always hated being hippy but now those babies are coming in handy.  She joked with me that my body may have needed some assistance getting pregnant but she thinks it was made to birth babies.  Haha!

She also told me that I was about 30% effaced...which of course doesn't mean squat.  She said that she could feel MG's head but that when she touched it it would float up so she isn't engaged yet.  She also said my cervix was nice and short and that I was definitely starting to dilate.  She however didn't want to put a number on it.  She said that my cervix is so soft that she could stick her finger in it and that may even help to dilate me more but she didn't want to because it's always better to let these things happen naturally.  I agreed.


I asked her about the stabbing sharp pain I feel in my cervix from time to time that stops me in my tracks.  She said that that is just MG's head bouncing on my cervix and possibly a little bit of dilation.  She said that my sweet baby girl is just hitting some nerves.


I have contractions everyday but nothing to get excited about.  They are super super irregular.  I'm nervous but starting to feel ready.  I'm actually feeling pretty good lately.  I know I have complained a lot the last few months.  I feel guilty for that.  I think it was actually more mental than truly physical.  I'm still having a pretty hard time with losing my Nana and it has sort of taken over every part of me.  It's made me a complainer.  Sure, my back hurts, I'm tired, and my feet and hands are starting to swell, but over all, it's not all that bad.  It's doable.  I just try not to over do it and get a nap in if I can.  This week I realized that although I can't wait to meet MG, I'm really going to miss being pregnant. 


Well, I think that's it.  Hopefully soon I'll be posting about the fact that I'm in labor.  That will be fun!  Until then I'm just looking forward to my day trip with K this Saturday.  Maybe I'll have him take some bump pic on the beach. :)

Quick Takes

1. I'm sick again! What the heck?!?! I got a cold/flu thing a few weeks ago. When I got over that I lost my voice a few days later. I didn't feel bad but it wasn't fun. Then about 2 days ago I started to feel sick again. This time it's a sinus thing. Seriously? This is just crazy. I think allergies may be playing a role this time though. Things are starting to bloom already here in sunny Florida. Oh yippy! Oak trees are pretty but I think they should be banned. They make my face hurt.

2. All of you photography ladies, I need your help! I've been wanting a digital slr camera forever. Well, I've been saving my pennies and I think I'm finally ready. If any of you have a digital slr what do you have? I was looking at Tar.get today and the Ni.kon D3100 is on clearance (it's full price online for some reason though...weird). It seems to have good reviews but I'm nervous. It's a lot of money to drop on something.

3. I'm 36 weeks now. That means in 1 week I'll be full term. Um...cue anxiety. I'm so excited but freaking out at the same time. Yikes! I cannot believe that I am actually going to have a baby. It just doesn't seem possible.

4. After the incident with one of my docs a few weeks ago where she was less than comfortable with my plans for an intervention free birth, I tried to switch practices. Unfortunately I was too far along and no one would take me. So, I'm stuck. I guess I will make the best of it. There are 2 of the 9 doctors that I really like. I'm really praying they are the ones on call when I go into labor. I've also decided to start praying for the doctors and nurses that will be on call that day. I'm specifically asking God to give them open minds and that they will be cooperative and patient.

5. K and I are trying to plan a fun day just for the two of us for March 5th. I wouldn't say it's a last hoorah. I don't like that mindset. It's more of a day just for the two of us to spend together before Mary-Grace gets here. We cannot wait to meet her but life is going to take a huge turn (for the better of course). We have been together just the two of us for almost 10 years. We though maybe we would celebrate the last 10 years and the beginning of our new life that is about to start. We're thinking of going to Ft. Desoto. It's only about 1.5 hours from our house. It is a gorgeous beach!!! You should google it. It has won best beach in the country a few times. I can't wait! We've been so busy lately that it will be nice to spend a day doing nothing but relaxing together.

6. I seriously can't get enough blueberry cornbread. :)

7. Don't forget to leave me a comment or shoot me an email (ktmathewson at gmail dot com) if you have any prayer requests. I'll be offering them up during labor. :)

Have a happy Friday and a lovely weekend!!!


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Can I Pray For You?

I had a bit of a scare last night. I woke up and was feeling crampy. Not just the usual achy, mildly crampy pregnancy feeling. These reminded me of period cramps. The kind I got the day or two before they got really bad. Then I noticed there was a peak in each cramp and they were lasting about a minute. So I grabbed my phone so I could time them. I was panicking! I'm only 34 weeks so I'm definitely not ready for labor. Mary-Grace still has a little cooking to do. :) Thankfully after about an hour the went away completely and there never was a real regular pattern. I called my doc this morning and she didn't seem to worried but wanted me to call if it happened again.

Anyhoo...

It got me to thinking. And for the first time in my life I've decided not to put everything off until the last possible second. I really have a bad habit of that and I'm slowly trying to work on it. :) Besides, no one in my family makes it to their due date. So if there's a genetic component to it, I may not either.

As I've mentioned before, K and I are taking Brad.ley classes and I have absolutely every intention of doing this drug free! I will be using Kaitlin as my inspiration. :) I figure I will have lots to offer up for you ladies. :) I'm going to make a list and have K read the requests to me. I will do my best to pray for each one. K has also said he will pray for all of the requests too.

So, if any of you have a prayer request (or two, or three) you want me to pray for please leave me a little note in the comment box. If you want your request to be private you can email me at ktmathewson at gmail dot com. Lurkers (if any of you are out there) I want to pray for you too! Don't be shy. :)

I also realize that I've got about 6 weeks left and things in your lives may change before then. If they do, don't hesitate to email me a new request. I'll try to remember to post about this again in a few weeks. :)

Have a great Thursday ladies! K bought me this last night...



I may be eating it for lunch! :)

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Updated - Nesting is AWESOME!

Ok, I had to get thy last post off the top of my blog. I was having a really bad day yesterday for multiple reasons and I acted like a brat. I was going to delete it but then decided not to. Although I was being selfish they were the feelings I was having. So I decided to practice a little humility. There's a first time for everything. :)

Before this point I've had a few bursts of a sort of nesting feeling but nothing that lasts long...and nothing that really gets much done. I was starting to get worried that my house was going to remain in this disgusting state forever and Mary-Grace wasn't going to have a completed nursery. It was seriously stressing me out but I couldn't seem to find the motivation to actually get anything done.

Well, apparently this week the instinct finally kicked in! Oh my am I going nuts getting things done in this house! My office is finally going to also be a craft room! I can't wait to get this done! K keeps getting on me for moving furniture around. But I promise, I'm not really lofting anything, just sliding it along the floor.

Maybe I'll post pictures when I'm done. This is so much fun! An anyone who knows me knows, cleaning isn't my thing and I only wish I knew how to organize.

I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow! Hopefully I'll get it all done before she gets here! :)

Update...
Guess what came in the mail today?








Yes, I ordered her book! Actually I preordered back in November. :) This may reduce my nesting productivity. :)


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Advice

First of all, CONGRATS TO KAITLIN on her baby girl, Hannah Rose, born this morning.  It's also my middle sister's birthday so it's a good day! :)

So I am in sort of a weird situation and I need a bit of advice.  I'm going to do my best to not make this too confusing or choppy but I can't make any promises.  It's pretty complicated.

I've mentioned here before a few times about my relationship with my mother and the fact that it's non-existent. Just to recap, here is why.

My parents were divorced when I was 6 years old.  Before they were divorced they did not have a good relationship (they probably should have never gotten married but they were forced too when my mom got pregnant with me).  My mom was physically abusive to my sisters and me (I repressed this for many years) and had some drug problems.  She also has a few psychological issues.  For sometime before she and my father divorced she spend some time in a hospital for mentally ill patients.  So needless to say things were never good with her.  When they got divorced, my dad was granted custody.  Not because of my mom's history but because she told the judge she didn't want us.  My dad tried to work with her as far as her seeing us as much as she wanted.  That lasted for maybe a month or two and then she just vanished.  She stopped coming by or calling.  She just left.

From that point on we didn't see her for many many years.  When I was in high school, I believe I was a Junior, my sister S (the middle one) found my grandma's address and decided to write her a letter asking her if she knew where my mom was. A few weeks later we got a letter back.  We decided to see her.  We spent about a year and a half seeing her and then she snapped and things went way wrong.  It was terrible. I wanted to believe that things were going to be different but they weren't.  She disappeared once again.

I have seen her one other time since then.  It was when I was 22 and S was having her first baby.  She had been in contact with my mom and invited her to the hospital when her son was born.  I had no clue she would be there (S didn't tell me because she was afraid I wouldn't come if she was there).  I put on my big girl undies and sucked it up.  It was hard.  It hurt.  I had so many questions for her but I had no desire to talk to her.  I didn't want to hear her lies or excuses so I just smiled and tried to be friendly.  I decided to give her a call a few days later in hopes of maybe salvaging some sort of relationship with her.  We talked for a few hours and then I never heard from her again.  I wasn't going to chase her down.

A few years later right before S had her second baby my mom got into contact with her again via My.spa.ce.  I told S that I in no way wanted to be involved.  I also told her that I didn't think she should either.  It always ends in heartbreak and now she had two children to think about.  I didn't want my nephews to be hurt by her the way were were.  She was pretty much in agreement after she gave my mom her phone number.  She began getting strange messages from her where it was obvious she was using drugs again.  She ignored the calls and a few months later they finally stopped.  I was happy.  In the short time they did communicate S shared info about me and my life as well as pictures and I didn't think that was right.

Fast forward to last Fall.  S called me all upset because my mom found her on FB.  She didn't know what to do.  I told her I thought she should ignore it.  I reminded her of all the chances she gave my mom and how they all ended.  I also told her very clearly that if she did chose to be involved I did not want her sharing any info about me or my life including pictures.  I especially didn't want Mary-Grace involved.  She agreed and said she had decided it was best to keep her distance.

Well, this morning I went to leave my sister a FB message to wish her a happy birthday and I saw that she is now friends with my mom.  I know she has every right to do what she wants to do with the situation but the problem is that although my profile is private, my mom will still be privy to some of my info just because of my sister.  If S decides to post pics of MG when she gets here my mom will see them.  And judging by what happened last time S will just give her info anyway.  And although S has the right to have this relationship if she wants, I also have the right not to and to keep my life private.  And truth be told, if I show up at the hospital in July when S has her baby and my mom is there I will leave.  I've been the bigger person in the past and this time I'm going to do what I think is the right thing.  I do not want to be dragged into that drama again.

And let's be honest.  It hurts seeing her.  It hurts to look at your mom and realize that you don't know her, and she doesn't know you all because she chose for it to be that way.  It's very hard to go through life without her.  It has been especially hard these last few month being pregnant.  I would love to have my mother here for this.  I would love to have a mother's support.  I would love for my daughter to know my mother.  But it just can't be that way.  Since Nana passed away it's even been harder.  Now I don't have the only woman who could possibly fill the roll of a mother.  It's hard and it hurts.  But I know that distancing myself and standing my ground is best.  As much as it hurts it's the right thing to do.

K thinks I should talk to S about it and explain how I feel.  My issue is what to say.  She is pretty sneaky and does a lot behind my back.  She has before.  She has said in the past that she would respect my wishes and then hasn't.  I don't want to seem like a cold heartless person.  I'm not doing these things out of spite for my mother.  I'm doing it for my own sanity.  It hurts too much every time she walks away.

So, my question to you all is...Do you have any advice on how to handle this.  It's ok to tell me I'm being ridiculous.  I can take it. :)