Advice

Alright ladies, I need your advice. How do I get my little peanut to sleep better at night?

The past 1 1/2 - 2 months have been miserable. MG is waking up ever 45 minutes to an hour. I'm exhausted and beginning to feel extremely crazy. She was a wonderful sleeper in the beginning. After about 6 weeks she started waking up more frequently but it wasn't too bad. She would wake to nurse then fall right back to sleep. But now, oh my, let's just say it's been a challenge.

We've developed a pretty good nighttime routine using cues from MG. He gets a bath given by daddy at 7:30. Then she snuggled with me and I nurse her. Then depending on her mood, either K or I rock her to sleep (I really don't mind rocking her because I enjoy the time and I know that she isn't going to allow me to do it forever). Then we put her in her pack n play in our room. This usually happens by about 8:30.

Then the fun begins. At least every hour she wakes up crying. I nurse her, she fights me (she even drew blood scratching my nipple the other day), she gives up and falls asleep. I put her back down and there's a 50/50 chance she stays asleep. If she does, great, but we'll be back at it in another hour. If she wakes up she screams bloody murder. This goes on all.night.long! I am EXHAUSTED! I NEED sleep.

K and I have talked. I'm thinking moving her into her crib in her room may help. I'm certain she can sense that I'm in the room with her. But other than that I'm out of ideas. I don't mind waiting a few minutes to see if she's just fussing rather than really awake. So far the fussing always turns into screams. I've tried patting her butt and putting her paci back in her mouth with no luck. I'm bit sure what else to do.

There has to be a way to teach her how to sleep. I absolutely do not mind waking up with her if she needs to nurse. In fact, I don't expect her to sleep through the night. But, I think for my sanity and her happiness ( she's quite grumpy lately and it's obvious she is over tired) something has to give.

She is finally learning to take naps during the day. I put her down at two shelled times during the day and she has finally figured out that she is going to nap regardless of if she really wants to or not. The amount of time she sleeps is still hit or miss (anywhere from 5 min - 2 hours). But I am extremely happy with our progress seeing as how just a month ago naps were totally non-existent.

So, if anyone has any advice I'm all ears. I'm desperate. I need sleep like I need water lately.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Running in Circles

Before I get to the point of this post let's start with some fun things...

First off, today is my sweet little Oscar Dog's 4th birthday. I begged and pleaded for a puppy beginning the day after K and I got married. It took me a whole year to persuade him but I finally did. We love our crazy little pup! So does MG...




Second, today is my little Peanut's half birthday. Six months already! I can't believe how fast the time is going. It feels like just yesterday I was entering my 3rd day of labor. ;) Only 6 more months and we'll be celebrating her birthday. I cannot imagine. Makes me so happy and breaks my hear at the same time. Peanut Butter, your daddy and I love you more than we could ever say. Thank you so much for making me a momma!



Ok, now onto the not so fun stuff. My neighbor recommended me to an endocrinologist that she knows. She works at USF (which has a huge medical college) and this doctor is on her floor. Her assistant told her that he was great and she's been seeing him for years. Bonus, I spoke with her yesterday and she was able to pull some strings and get me in this morning. Awesome! So I go in with my ultrasound results. They contacted my OB to get my blood results but they hadn't gotten there yet. When the nurse called me back unasked if there were forms that I needed to fill out (medical history and such) she said "Oh no, not with this doctor." Um, ok. That seemed strange to me. I finally sit down with the doctor. He looks at my thyroid films. Explains what he sees and tells me that based on just the ultrasound the doesn't anything too unusual. I have 6 nodules/cysts and my thyroid is slightly enlarged, but only slightly. The nodules all measure under 1cm so they aren't large. He recommended that I have another ultrasound in 6 months to a year. Ok fine, whatever. Then he asked me a few questions while we waited for my blood work. He asked me about leg cramps (nope), weight gain (big yes!), heart issues (nope), GI issues (yup), headaches/migraines (yes! yes! yes!), and a few other things I can't remember. I then told him about my constant debilitating exhaustion and brain fog and a few other things. He then accused me of purposely giving him textbook thyroid symptoms. Excuse me? Are you calling me a liar? I may be a lot of things, but I am not a liar and I'm not a hypochondriac. How rude! I told him I was just telling him how I have been feeling for the past several years. He then says well, the problem is that you are giving me symptoms of both and over and under active thyroid. Ok? Again, just telling him how I'm feeling. I don't know why I have symptoms to both. He's the doctor! Isn't he supposed to figure this out?

In the mean time my blood work finally shows up. He the looks at me rather sheepish and says " Huh! The results here really surprise me." I could tell he was eating his words. He then decided to have me go in to get a few more tests run and tells me to call him Friday morning and he'll go over the results with me. He then tells me that he is looking into possible Grave's Disease but made sure to tell me that it's a stretch and he doesn't think anything is really wrong with me. Thanks doc...

I bad already lost my faith in most doctors...this guy just reminded me why. Why is it so hard to find someone who is going to listen to me? I don't care if it's my thyroid or something else. I just want to feel better.

Oh, and the kicker, he asked if my cycles were regular. I said yes. He then said he didn't understand why I had fertility issues if I have regular cycles. I explained to him my diagnosis and he told me that fertility issues are caused by irregular cycles so it doesn't make sense. Are you kidding me? I though he has to be joking but apparently. He then said that IF is when you have PCOS. Riiiiight... Yes doc, that would be ONE of the causes of IF. Sheesh! Where do I find these people?

I don't think I'm going to get anywhere with this guy. I'm back at square one I'm guessing. I think I'm just done. I feel like I'm just stuck feeling like crap for the rest of my life. I don't have time or money to go through anymore doctors. Especially when I get nowhere. I'm just tired if doing it. I can't fight anymore.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the typos. My phone thinks it's smarter than me.

Quick Takes

1. MG will be 6 months old on Wednesday. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little sad. Six months just sound so old to me. I can't believe it's already been that long. I'm enjoying each stage with her (except this "sleep is for losers" stage) but I do miss my itty bitty little peanut.

2. I'll be 15 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Yikes! I thought my pregnancy with MG flew by. This one is going by at lightning speed. We are trying to decide if we're going to do the 4D ultrasound again this time around. We did it with MG and it was so much fun! However insurance doesn't cover it so it would be out of pocket. Money's tight but part of me would feel guilty that we did it with MG but not with Bean. I know it sounds silly but getting it means we also get a video. In the video we can see baby moving all around. I would love to see something like that of me when I was in my mothers womb. I don't know. I told K I can't decide so it's up to him.

3. If we do the 4D they do the first one at 17 weeks. So in just 2 short weeks we can find out the sex. Crazy! If I had to guess I'd say boy. I don't know why but I'm just feeling boy. We have a definite girls name but are clueless when it comes to a boy. We're pretty sure we want David for a middle name (that's K's middle name). First names we are thinking maybe Luke or Jude. My favorite boys name is Matthew. But of you know our last name you'll understand why we can't go with that one. I'm up for suggestions if y'all have some ideas.

4. I had a small amount if breast milk in the freezer that I worked super hard to pump. It would take me a whole day to get an ounce or two. I have something coming up where I'm going to have to be away from MG for awhile. The other day I came home after being gone all day to find the freezer door partially open and all of my milk partially defrosted. All of that milk I worked so hard for wasted. I just sobbed. I cannot tell you how hard it is for me to pump. There is no way I'll be able to store up enough milk to be gone from her again. It took me almost 3 months to come up with the milk I had. I'm at a loss and so frustrated at this point. I don't know what to do.

5. I still haven't found a new Endocrinologist. I'm just praying all of these nodules on my thrips are benign in the mean time.

6. I'm craving Fall! it's still in the 90s and humid here.

7. We still can't get MG to nap. However, we had her at the Bulls football game Saturday night and she passed out...for an hour! It was so loud in there.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

The State of Things

I haven't decided on a new doctor yet. I've had two people recommend two different doctors to me to I'm researching both. One is looking somewhat promising. I ended up digging a little deeper on the doctor I went to last week, apparently he used to be good but he has had a lot of bad reviews in the last few years. Lots and lots of complaints about how you see him for your first appointment and then you only see a PA after that. I have no issues with PAs, in fact with my primary doctor I prefer the PA. However, when it comes to a specialist (who I am paying a lot more money to) I want to see the doctor. People were saying that they would specifically ask to see the doctor and they were told no. I also wasn't surprised to see all of the complaints about how rude the office staff is. I experienced that one first hand.

The truth is, it doesn't matter if he is great or not. I have nowhere to leave MG during the day. Things where K works are not going well so I don't want him taking off every time I have an appointment. We can't afford for him to lose his job. MG is also still breastfed and pumping isn't really an option for us. I've tried pumping. I tried daily, multiple times a day, for weeks. My body hates that pump an I can't get any milk. I know there's milk in there but it won't come out. I've talked to lactation consultants and tried everything we can think of (different size attachments, hand pumps, electric pumps, manual expression) and I get nothing. It's crazy. I can't leave her and risk not being back before she's hungry again. Especially when she eats every two hours and the drive alone to the doctor is 45 minutes one way.

I picked up my ultrasound report and images yesterday. I figured I should have them for whenever I find a doctor. Probably not the best thing to do. Of course I'm flipping out and trying to analyze what I read. Dr. Google isn't helping. I'm pretty sure that when I find a doctor a biopsy is going to be in order. I have 6 large hypoechoic nodules (my thrips itself also seems to be rather large). I have no desire for a biopsy. I hate needles! And I hate that biopsy means they are checking for cancer. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. What the heck can they do for me if I have cancer. I'm terrified!

Sleep...
Sleep is nonexistent in this house. For me anyway. MG is up at least 5 times a night and I can't get her to nap to save my life. It really didn't bother me until the past several weeks. Pregnancy exhaustion is making me crave sleep. I used to love our cuddle time at night. Now I'm just so tired and foggy that I pray she falls back to sleep quickly. Sweet MG has decided to use my nipple for teething. Ouch is all I can say. I'm already quite sore without her chomping down on me. I've been having flash backs to that first week of breastfeeding. I've had to dig out my cream again. I'm going to be honest here, I loved breastfeeding, loved it, until recently. It's becoming so painful again and MG fights me so much now that it's becoming a chore. I hate admitting to that. I find myself praying through it and begging for mercy. It hurts that bad.

On a positive note. Although MG isn't quite 6 months old we have started solids. She was so ready and she lives it! We have only tried pears, sweet potatoes, and bananas so far. We're going to try avocado today. The first bite or two we get funny looks but then she gets excited and tries to shove the spoon in her mouth. K and I can't seem to feed her fast enough. If she wants more before we give it to her she opens her mouth and tries to lunge at us grabbing for the bowl. It's hilarious! It's been so much fun!















I didn't actually let her eat a banana like that. I was eating one and she kept grabbing for it. I figures since she had already tasted banana I'd let her gum it for a second. She LOVED it!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

**UPDATED** I have never in my life been so angry!

Today I was supposed to have an appointment with an endocrinologist to deal with my thyroid issues. I had all of my bloodwork done and an ultrasound. I was actually really excited about my appointment because I've heard good things about this doctor. I'm so sick of feeling like crap and had high hopes that this doctor could help me.

So I show up early. Feed MG in the car just in case it's a long appointment. I didn't want her to get fussy. Put her in her stroller and head up. When I walk up to the desk to sign in I notice a huge sign that says,

"Absolutely no children in the exam room. If you must bring your child with you please bring someone with you who can sit in the waiting room with your child."

Wait, what? I knocked on the glass obviously irritating the woman at the desk. When she opened it I asked about the sign. I told her I wasn't aware of their policy and that I had my 5 1/2 month old with me. She then told me rather rudely that I would have to reschedule. I explained that I don't have anyone who can watch my daughter during the day. She them told me that that was not her problem. I said "Ma'am, she's a baby, she's in a stroller, I'm sure she won't be any trouble." She said no, she can't go back and said she would reschedule me. Um, did she not just listen to what I said? I don't have anyone to watch her! I told her no thank you I will just have to find a new doctor. And do you know what she said? "Fine." Fine? That's it?

By this point I'm boiling and I can feel tears welling up in my eyes so I turn around to get out of there asap before I start crying. There was a nice middle aged woman in the waiting room who held the door for me and kept saying very loudly how ridiculous this was. I hope she thought it was ridiculous enough to say something to the doctor.

In hindsight I should have asked for my blood and ultrasound results. I was just so upset that I had to get out of there. I understand that they are a private business and they can implement whatever policy they choose no matter how absurd it is. However, it would be nice if they told people this on the phone when they made their appointments. Had I known this I wouldn't have made the appointment and waisted an hour long drive.

So I guess I'm back at square one. I have to begin my search all over again and I'm not sure where to start. What frustrates me more than anything is that my results are in and yet I don't know what they say. I just want to know what's wrong with me.

Since when did children become the enemy? I just don't get it? What really boggles my mind is that I was there yet they couldn't just see me. My daughter is not even 6 months old. She was in a stroller. It's not like she could get into anything. Not that that matters. I don't really care to do business with anyone who feels this way about children. I just wanted my flippin' test results.

Am I crazy for being so angry? Do y'all take you babies with you to the doctor?

**UPDATE**

When I left the office I called K immediately. I was crying and fuming mad. My normally very calm husband was pretty ticked off and told me he wad going to call. He left a message for the office manager asking her to please call him back. He explained what happened and also told her that we needed my records sent to me ASAP because we needed to find me a new doctor. I figured she would t call back but she did. K said she was fairly polite but wasn't budging on their policy. He asked why we weren't informed and she said that it is in the new patient forms. Um, hello! New patient here! How an I supposed to know about your stupid policy before my appointment when you haven't given me the forms yet. He said he understood that sometimes toddlers can be unruly and make things difficult but our daughter is 6 months old and was sleeping in her stroller. She said it didn't matter. He also told her how rude the receptionist was and he said she somewhat apologized. But honestly, he got nowhere with her.

I was thinking about calling the actual doctor tomorrow but I'm not sure. Even if he did agree to allow me to bring MG I'm not sure I want to go to a doctor who obviously doesn't like children. I'm not sure I can trust him to treat me properly while I'm pregnant. I already have serious trust issues with doctors. I may write a strongly worded letter to him just letting him know how ridiculous this is but I'm not sure what that would accomplish. There are several doctor review sites out there though and I have every intention of reviewing him and letting people know about his absurd policy. I dot want another parent having the same experience I did.

So I guess the search continues...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

Pictures - Because Kaitlin Asked :)

In my last post Kaitlin kindly asked for pictures. How could I say now? Unfortunately I think my computer finally bit the dust so y'all are going to have to settle for iPhone pictures.

So here it is. A quick picture post...Instagram style.




I couldn't resist these sunglasses. Too cute!




Mary-Grace loves her bath time every night with her daddy. As you can tell, K is a bit of a goof ball.




This is my child's hair in the morning. Notice the bald spot? It is actually a huge one that wraps from ear to ear. She's a mover in her sleep and her head shows it. The funny part is that the hair on top of her head is getting really long and wild (notice it standing straight up). K calls it the reverse mullet.




My sister came over the other day with her 2 youngest (her oldest was at school). Eli loved holding his sister Olivia and cousin Mary-Grace. Notice how chunky my niece is? This is the one that was in the nicu just 2 months ago. She is 3 months younger than Mary-Grace and has already passes her in weight. She's such a rollie pollie!




This one just makes me laugh. :)




She's learning to sit up!




We finally got one of those shopping buggy cover things. She LOVED it! Bonus, this one had harness things to hold her in. She tends to flop.




Ready to watch her first ever Bulls game. K and I are so happy college football is back and that we et to share it with our Peanut this year. Yesterday was the longest game ever!!! At halftime they had a rain delay that lasted over 2 hours and then with only 5 minutes left they had another delay that lasted about an hour. The game started at 3:30 and didn't end until after 9:30. Sheesh! But in the end the Bulls pulled it out and beat Notre Dame. Wahoo!

I hope y'all have a fabulous Labor Day! I've got my second OB appointment on Tuesday morning and then a thyroid ultrasound that afternoon. I'll be sure to update.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone so please excuse the autocorrect craziness! My phone is out to get me!

An Update and a Question

Wow!  I've been MIA for a long time!  I'm not sure what my excuse is...other than pure exhaustion.  Between insomnia and MG still waking up a few times at night I feel like I'm going to fall over.

I'm 12 weeks along today.  I find that hard to believe.  I still haven't totally grasped the fact that I'm pregnant again.  This pregnancy is definitely a lot different.  For one thing I don't feel like I dwell on it as much as I did with MG.  I think that is mostly because I don't have time to think about it.  My days are filled with entertaining a demanding 5 month old who doesn't nap and doesn't like to be put down.  I'm also not nearly as sick as I was with Peanut.  With her I could barely stand up without having to run to the bathroom.  I got dehydrated and had to be put on zo.fr.an to help me keep food down.  This time around I have spurts of nausea but that's really it.  I think I've only thrown up twice and that was several weeks ago.  I am thanking God everyday for not being as sick as I was before.  That was a huge fear of mine when I found out I was pregnant.  How in the world was I going to take care of an infant being that sick.  Fortunately that has not been the case.

I had my first appointment back at the beginning of August (my next one is next Tuesday).  It went really really well.  I was nervous going in.  I was expecting some rude comments about this being too soon and that it's not healthy or something like that.  I got none of it.  I was fortunate to be able to see my favorite doctor Dr. F.  I love him.  He did chuckle seeing me.  He is the doctor I saw for my 6 week follow up.  He was super nice and very happy for K and I.  He loves MG and spent some extra time with our appointment playing with her.  We got to haven an ultrasound and saw our little bean on the screen.  Super cute if you ask me.  I was happy to have K and MG there with me.  We met with the Patient Care Coordinator.  She has two children who are a week over a year apart.  She said that she loves it.  She said the first 6 weeks were really hard but after that it got easier.  It was nice talking to someone with a similar experience.  I'm going to be honest here.  While I am so happy to have this opportunity again I am terrified.  The thought of having a baby who isn't quite 1 and an infant is very daunting.  I have moments of panic and moments of guilt.  Sometimes I feel like it's not fair to MG ( I realize that is a ridiculous feeling).  I think I'm just worried about how I'm going to handle it all.  I didn't mention this on here but after MG was born I began having trouble with PPD. I was just finally beginning to seek treatment when I found out I was pregnant again.  I'm scared of it being worse next time around.  I'm scared because I really don't have any help once K goes back to work.

So while this pregnancy is better in the sense that I'm not so sick it definitely hasn't been smooth sailing.  They checked my thyroid at my first appointment.  I appear to be hyper again.  This happened to me with MG.  I went to the specialist and since I was nearing the end he decided not to treat until after she was born.  Well I never went back and now I'm having issues again.  I'm working on getting back in to see him.  Its hard though toting a 5 month with you for long doctor appointments.  I need it fixed though.  I've been cloudier than ever and can't seem to think at all.  I also haven't gained any weight...actually I've lost.  I would expect that if I was sick but since I'm not I find that strange.  The same thing happened at the end of my pregnancy with MG.

I'm also starting to have milk supply issues.  While I still have enough to feed MG everyday it seems to be just enough.  She used to be satisfied after only eating on one side.  Now I definitely have to feed her on both.  I've been trying to pump but I don't get much with that.  It's not so much that there isn't any milk to pump but more because my body hates the pump.  This is definitely where my guilt comes in. I really wanted to feed MG breastmilk until she was at least a year.  I'm not sure I will be able to for another 6 1/2 months.  If it's already decreasing I can't imagine that it will last until her first birthday.  It makes me very sad.  I love nursing her.  I have never been one to think that formula is "evil."  It absolutely serves a purpose.  However, I would much rather not have to give MG any.  I don't like some of the ingredients, I hate the smell, and I can't stand how expensive it is.  Our budget is already tight enough without that added expense.  I've looked into a milk bank but that is way out of my price range.  I feel horrible putting a cost on things like this but we just can't afford it.  I'm not really sure what do do.  Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

So now for my question...

In a few weeks we'll be starting MG on solids.  We'll start her on things like sweet potatoes, avacado, bananas, etc.  We will do one food every 4 days to make sure there are no allergies.  I've been reading many many websites on the topic but I'm overwhelmed.  How often do I feed her solids and for how long?  When do I increase?  I see that a lot of people feed their little ones yogurt.  Is that ok?  I thought you weren't supposed to do dairy until a year.  Any information or direction any of you can provide would be wonderful.  I'm so lost! :)

If you made it through all of this mess you deserve a cookie.  :)  Have a wonderfully blessed day!